I am married for the past 6 years. A year before my marriage my younger sister died of severe burns due to an unfortunate accident. During our courtship period I was very quite (unlike his girlfriend) and once my H even decided to dump me which he told me later. I was a virgin when I married and my husband never mentioned about his previous affairs after our engagement and I presumed that he was also a virgin. He showed affection but we never discussed sex. <P>During our honeymoon he mentioned about his affairs and as I was still recovering from the drastic images of my sister's death - I did not give a lot of thought to this topic. Now I find myself thinking about it most of the time. It is affecting my sex life and I even think about having an extra martial affair . At times I wonder how many times were they performing in one day and whether there was oral sex. I had tried to find out the details from my H but he says it does not matter and I should go on with my life. He says that he was seriously involved with her and wanted to marry her and their sex life was like a honeymoon prior to marriage until she dumped her for a good job offer. He does not feel guilty about it and is happy with every aspect of our relationship. He did mention once that the girlfriend's boob size was larger than mine !!!! a small detail which disturbs me a lot. And I discovered the gifts and her last letter to him .<P>We do not have children and I am working part time. My work and my married life are both getting affected. Please advice.

Mermaid, You can't change the past. Your H is right you have to work through it, and it will be hard if this hurts you. Does he still have contact with her? Would it help you if you knew the answers about their sex life? Maybe your H doesn't want to tell you because he knows it will hurt you. This article helped me. <A HREF="http://www.suite101.com/mypage.cfm/contactliz/10632" TARGET=_blank>http://www.suite101.com/mypage.cfm/contactliz/10632</A> <BR>The part about the truth session I found interesting.

Thanx erebus. Going through the various topics on this site about infidelity has helped me and I have tried to rationalize things but I am afraid the devil will reappear as I am not totally convinced. <P>I have tried hard to get answers from him but he says he does'nt remember a lot of what happened and I do not believe him. Surely he must be vividly remembering his first sexual experience. <P>[This message has been edited by Mermaid (edited May 27, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Mermaid (edited May 27, 2001).]