It often puzzles me whether I should regard my boyfriend as someone whom I have full commitment to (preparing for future marriage) or just as a temporary choice. I like the thought of marrying my boyfriend in future and I am confident of forming a happy family with him. But I haven't been 'clean' with my ex, meaning that I have still been in contact with my ex, and he still affects me emotionally even after 4, 5 years. There are times when i just feel like having an 'affair'with him.. <p>I read the column on "coping with infidelity" and found that there were many things that were quite relevant to me, although I'm not married with my boyfriend. I do wish to be able to commit fully into creating a meaningful and happy relationship with my boyfriend. But I find that I really am unable to make myself separate completely from my ex, it is too painful for me, and he is the only person who can communicate with me at a satisfying intellectual level. I know that me and my boyfriend will be able to work things out if we aren't meeting each other's emotional needs, but I am sure he will not be able to meet my intellectual needs like my ex does. I do not know whether I should separate from my ex even as a friend, and put in effort to nurture my relationship (even though it is not yet a marriage), or should I leave my boyfriend to allow myself the opportunity to make a choice again, or is it even possible to continue on with my relationship and also continue on with friendship with my ex? It feels to me that it is too early for me to make a decision now to commit fully into a relationship and cut off friendship with another important person. Yet if I do not do something about it, I fear my relationship (which me and my boyfriend had put in so much efforts to develop) will eventually come to an end. <p>I had been honest to my boyfriend about my 'close-to-affair' episodes and he had forgiven me time and again. I had been taking a few 'temporary breaks' with my boyfriend to reconsider my decision, but I have never been able to really resolve this issue. <p>Would anybody be able to offer me some advices? Thank you.