To the top for FA.

To the top for FA<P>--------TIME

Add another one to the list...<P>My wife had an affair in Mar. of '99 and I filed for divorce immediately but was also unknowingly implementing Plan A.<P>She came back and I found this site(THANK GOD) and we had counseling from Steve Harley.<P>It was a slow process but she gradually came through withdrawal and we began rebuilding.<P>I have to say that she says that she has never been so happy and I feel the same way. In some ways, things are much better now than when we were dating. Yes, resentment and anger crops it ugly head for me every now and then but not much anymore. The key to that is both of our needs are being met. How can I be angry when she is telling me how much she loves and admires me? Sometimes she can sense the sorrow and can nip it in the bud with just a quick comment or kiss.<P>I working hard to meet all of her needs and she now thanks me for sticking with her through her "fog". She calls it her "YEAR OF MISTAKES".<P>So yes, there are still bumps in the road, but because of the Harly principles, we know how to confront them and hopefully learn from them.<P>IT CAN BE DONE, AND DONE MUCH BETTER!!!

Becca,<P>My H and I have survived an affair that although I hoped and never wanted to admit it to myself or anyone else, I didn't think we would get back to gether let alone be happy but we have done it.<P>This time last year, I never thought that I would be back with my H and happy this year. As a matter of fact, this is a topic that came up just last night.<P>When we first got back together, I had resentment and everything reminded me of the OW & my H. I was very insecure, always wondering if he was thinking about her, missing her, wanting to be with her, & regretting coming back to me.<P>These feelings I think are normal but they do fade. Whenever you get burned, you are always a little leary of what burned you and you use it with a lot more caution for awhile but after some time passes, you don't feel as leary anymore.<P>Do I still have thoughts of them? Do I still feel hurt over the whole thing? Do I still hold some resentment? <P>The answer to all of those questions is "YES", but not the way I did. Its not something that I think will quite ever go away completely but it does not upset me, overwhelm me, or consume me the way it once did.<P>So finally the answer to your question as to if it ever gets better and if you can ever be happy again, a thousand times YES!!!!!<P>Genie

WOW! I was surprise to see some new responses on this post. I'm a slow healer, I guess, since it has been 8mths. and I still feel insecure about the future. It is like what someone else had said, "when he says he loves me I involuntarily think but..."You have all shead some light on the fact that I can survive this and so can my marriage. I hope this post has given others that sense of hope also. Take Care,<BR> BECCA

I guess I saw this post when I "discovered" this forum 2 weeks ago, but then I was too blind to read or write anything that wasn't about suffering and regrets. We have a long way to go since W is still in the midst of the affair, but thanks to this site- and people like Genie (specially Genie), WilliamJ (Bill), Medic, NSR (Jim), hanora, Roll Me Away and many others who reply to my posts or simply have great things to say on their own posts, I know that success can be achieved with enough patience, enough courage and enough love.<P>Thank you BECCA, for posting this topic.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn

Becca,<BR>HI , I just saw this post, don'tknow how I missed it before. I am the betrayed H. My W had an E.A., close to sex I think, she says it would not have happened, she just wanted a "friend" to talk to, I was not meeting her emotional needs! I admit this. I caught the EA in time , they had some kissing, hugs, lots of talk time, phone and several inpersons prior to the big intimate kissing (horizontal by the way! in a park!no less)<BR>but anyway...I look at it as wake up call from God, nothing less. I am a believer, I also thinks this helps my perspective and attitude towards the OM. We are doing great only after 3 months! Yes I think about it, not as much as the first 30-60 days. I have spoken with the OM, he is sorry and remorseful, he is married, his W does not know. We see the OM weekly at our childs sporting practices and games. He is one of the other fathers. Yes its awkward but our children don't know and we want to keep it that way. So we stayed on the team for his sake. We are reading the Five Love Languages together by G.Chapman, I highly suggest it.In addition to Harley's books. <BR>I am even sending a copy to the OM and his W for Christmas, they need it as much as we did! Many have said here that EA are just as bad as if they went "all the way", Yes its been a tough road, but I still think it would have been much harder with sex involved. I know from prior expr to my marriage with 2 girls that I had premarital sex with that I still "feel" a connection to them, more so than other past girlfriends. God made sex that way to be for a married couple not to do when it feels right...ok off my soap box.<BR>WE are doing great, still talking lots abou it, she told me every detail they did and talked about, tough but better than my imagination. God created marriage, The enemy wants to destroy it.<P>------------------<BR>jnvc<P>

There ar a lot of success stories here!! It is great to read them. We are 13 mos from discovery of the last affair and 11 mos from divuling all of the affairs over the yrs. My h is doing great, for the most part, and we are healing. A little slow, but that's okay-there was a lot of extra baggage being toted around. Me-I still have some unresolved issues but will heal. My h is gone a lot, so we are slow!! cl