One of my W's divorced friends sent her a book by author Cynthia Heimer -- "When Your Phone Doesn't Ring". The author's reputation preceeds her.<P>For a couple trying to rebuild (or a H/me trying alone), is this such a good book to have around? Am I just being too sensitive to let her have a good laugh?<P>Help -- particularly from female betrayers!<P>--keystone

Keystone - I am not familiar with the book you mentioned. Just wanted to let you know I am also very sensitive about what my H reads. He tends to read a lot of very heavy psychology stuff. While I have read a couple of books pertaining to affairs and recovery, the only book related to this I have seen him read was a psychology book about with an author who hypothesizes that whether you are prone to extramarital affairs is determined by lack of bonding and nurturing during your infancy. When I saw it I felt it was another attempt by H to justify his affair and not accept any responsibility. (Now I am a bit more capable of seeing it as H's way of trying to understand what made him do what he did) Before I read your post I found myself thinking about what H was reading during his affair - Eric Fromm's "The Art of Loving". Made me angry and sad he was trying to get it so right with the ow that he'd be reading a book on how to love. (and it was my book too, one I had saved from high school)<BR>Perhaps both you and I just read too much into what our spouses have chosen to read...that is one of the tragic things about affairs and betrayal - the betrayed tend to relate everything back to the affair while the betrayers (who are remorseful and working on their marriage) somehow are capable of forgetting or at least compartmentalizing it. I think they just cant see or understand the insensitivity of their choice of books or movies.<BR> Simone

Thanks, Simone --<P>I'm definately more sensative to what she reads and what she watches. Speaking of which Tuesday night is "Once and Again" night -- UGH!!!<P>Anyway, this book was suggested by a divorced friend. It's weird. We never had divorced friends before. Now, the last two years, almost every close friend of hers is either divorced or seperated. I'm probably oversensitive, but this is just too wierd lately.<P>Anybody else out there, particularly female betrayers, that can evaluate the book and it's timeliness to my situation?<P>--keystone

Back to the top, looking for any help...<P>Thanks!<P>--keystone

Hi keystone,<P>As you well know, I am a female betrayer, and my H betrayed too... he was never a reader, but a romance movie/video watcher. I was NEVER a romance reader, headed more toward self help, religious, and mystery stuff. We tend to stay away from books and movies that pretend that romance means turning away from your soul mate for your spouse (waaaahhhhh!! <B>vomit</B> Waaaaaay outta proportion... and the kind of stuff that bashes men/women/marriage.<P>The kinds of books and movies I stay away from:<P>The Horse Whisperer<BR>Bridges of Madison Co.<BR>First Wives Club<P>Vomit, vomit, vomit...<P>The stuff that shines:<P>Father of the Bride I and II<BR>Baby Boom<BR>Funny Farm<P>Of course, I could go on and on... there are some good things out there. Don't get me wrong, while during the affair I did read some things which espoused finding your soul mate - I finally did pull my head out of the sand (or my hiney, depending on how you look at it) and realize that it's all a fantasy. Even if my H and I don't make it (which remains to be seen) I will never EVER believe in reading or watching that kind of stuff... at least not on purpose <P>By the by, andy (airheart) had a thread once about "once and again" and I had one about "if not bridges of madison co., then what?"... maybe go check them out for suggestions...<BR><P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!