I do not know where to turn, how to fell, or how to be any longer. My wife will file for divorce either tomorrow (Friday July 14th) or Monday. Despite all the prayers, the pleading with her to consider marriage counseling, she is determined to file. I still pray, but now feel all my prayers are in vain. GOD has plans for me, and has begin to open them up before my eyes. My wife is an integral part of my healing, and HE has laid out the career, not the job, but the career HE wants me to have. My wife and I are to be reconciled and happy, but until she stops fighting HIM, it will never come to pass. So I feel completely defeated and alone. I still need prayers, maybe now more so than ever, but I also know that each of you have your own problems to deal with. I pray for each of you daily and I thank GOD every single day for this site. You have ALL been such a tremendous blessing to me and I love each one of you. I don't know where else to turn and I have finally decided to just give up and let GOD do whatever it is HE is planning to do, and hope that I have the patience and the strength left to wait and then fight when HE says it's time. At this point I don't feel I will be able to. <BR>Again, thank you all for everything<BR>Lone_Knight.<BR>

1 Cor 15: "But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?"<P>LN, you are doing so well whether you realize it or not. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I have finally decided to just give up and let GOD do whatever it is HE is planning to do<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Let Him take care of it and remember that as long as your wife keeps her face turned away from the Lord, strife and discord will be rampant in her life. God knows what is best for you, let Him lead you. I know it is hard as I am struggling with the same thing right now. My H has done an about-face and took off for CA again.... I cried my heart out at the airport gate and he still got on the plane and left. I have spent a lot of time in prayer and in church lately. My H now is at the foot of the cross where I left him. The Lord is going to take care of me.<P>Thank You dear Heavenly Father for the work you are doing in Lone Knight's life. I praise You Lord and give all glory and honor to You. Lord, help us to seek you more, making You the desire of our hearts. Lord, show us how to have Your will become our will. Thank You Jesus for caring so deeply. Lord, I pray that You will go to Lone Knight and comfort him, even as he sleeps. I pray that the Holy Spirit will overwhelm Lone Knight's wife, bringing her to total repentance. Help this family to stay intact Lord. In the name of our precious Lord Jesus I pray, AMEN

Amen.

She filed for divorce on Friday. The beginning of the end.<BR>thank you all for your prayers.<BR>Lone_Knight.

Dear Lone Knight: I wanted to let you know you are in my prayers. Your situation is NOT HOPELESS because you have a defender that is fully capable of restoring your life to you and giving you great joy. My heart goes out to you as you are where I was several years ago. It did not seem as though things could get any worse between my H and I. You have prayed for me here on this board and you know that I am still facing my trials, but things are far more hopeful now. Lord, I lift Lone Knight up to you. Father, I ask that you comfort him and speak encoragement to his heart. Show him the steps that you would have him take, each day and lead him in the plan that you have for his life. We thank you for Lone Knight, for his love for you and Father we thank you that you can heal Lone Knight of every hurt and disappointment. We acknowledge that your plan for Lone Knight is glorious and filled with blessings, peace, hope and great joy. We thank you that you will keep Lone Knight in your care and renew his spirit within him. IJN, Amen. Lone Knight, I have read the Psalms and they always speak to me. The promises are great and David very eloquently speaks about discouragement. We know that God saw him through and brough many blessings into his life. The part I like the best about David's story is that he was an imperfect person, but an imperfect person who loved God. You love God too,and God will see you through. I will keep praying for you.

My wife called and left two messages today, both of them so hateful. I thank each and everyone of you for all your words of encouragement and prayers. She DID file for divorce and has NO plans of ever allowing me back into her life.<BR>As for me, I have decided to answer GOD's call and follow the path to the career HE has chosen for me. And I am trying to get on with my life, but there isn't one. And GOD tells me to hold on and that he is bringing everything back. I must go back to college, starting from the beginning and obtain a Masters degree in counseling and then become a licensed family, individual, and marriage counselor. I will live, I will be empty inside, but I will press forward, still believing GOD hates me, and He is lying to me about the promises to just keep going, or maybe I am crazy and all of this is a lie..... Maybe I have lost my mind. I really do hope that my life will be blessed, but at the moment I feel my life is crashing before my eyes and there is nothing, nor no one that can stop it. <BR>Thank you all for your paryers, your voices of encouragement, and your gifts of hope and love. You have all been my life line, and for that I shall be eternally grateful.<BR>Lone_Knight.<BR>

Dear Lone Knight, I have been following your posts for awhile now and wanted to let you know that I can empathize with the despair and depression that you are feeling. Although my situation is a bit different (H did not leave or file for divorce - we are in recovery), the emotions that I experienced are still fresh in my mind and heart. My husband and I have prayed for you and your family. <P>I received an e-mail from a marriage restoration site last week that was very encouraging to me. I saved it with the intention of forwarding it on to you, but must admit that I am not very computer literate. As soon as my husband gets back in town from his business trip at the end of this week, I am going to forward the message on to you (I need him to show me what to do to copy it and send it. <P>I have always been a very impatient person, and during our marriage crisis, God used that time to teach me about waiting and trusting in Him. Hang in there, God is working even though nothing seems to be happening.<P>Thanks for your prayers for me concerning my weight issues. That means alot.<P>Susan

Dear Lone Knight: I wanted to remind you that each and every one of us have felt defeated (and still do from time to time). God does love you, he does have blessings planned for you. Remind yourself that the refining process is painful, but worth the journey. One thing I do know, God loves you and does not see you as a failure, defeated, or any other negative lie as told to you by the enemy. I will continue praying for you, that you would KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT GOD HAS GOOD THINGS FOR YOU.

LOne knight<P>MY H is hateful to me every time he takes with me and is with OW If he is by himself he is ok. Keep God in your life and he will keep you strong.

Lone Knight,<P>Just want to say a couple of things....<P>First of all....Your wife is angry....that means that she still cares for you! If she didn't care then she would have no reason to be angry or feel anything towards you. That is something! When they don't feel anything-that's when we need to worry!<P>Second....GOD will not let you down! Whatever the outcome of your marriage, you will be ok! Just realize that God has something better in store for you, and sometimes he allows us to be in situations that hurt or seem terrible, but just know in your heart that something good is just around the corner. I know that you may not believe this now, but...God knows what the outcome will be already! He knows what his plans are. When those who love God and have to suffer, that is the time when we should praise God the most (as hard as that is) because when your suffering is over, JOY will be there! We never know what God's plans are or the reasons why things like this happen! We must have faith in God, and He will take care of us! Believe that! I pray that God will comfort you and bring you peace through all of this. He will take the hurt for you if you let him! I know this!<P>Even though my trials are still going on, God is in control, and he has taken care of me. He has given me the strength and wisdom of understanding that I have needed for so long, but would not have gotten if everything I've gone through had been so easy! I would have never learned what I have without suffering, without pain! I am thankful to God for the person that He has made me to be! My marriage may not succeed, but I am glad to be the person that I am today......putting God first! That is what he has wanted me to do all along! That is a very hard lesson to learn. I know that i'm not perfect, but God has touched me in a way that has changed who I am inside! Today I am a different person than I was a year ago. I am thankful to be me! For the first time since I was a child, I like WHO I am! God will never leave us nor forsake us!

just-me,<BR>Your post to Lone Knight really helped me. I agree with everything you said.... especially about <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>putting God first! That is what he has wanted me to do all along! That is a very hard lesson to learn. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes, a VERY hard lession. I have been a Christian for over 20 years, but it has taken the near breakup of my marriage to the love of my life and watching my dh drink himself closer to the grave every day to get me to see that Jesus HAS to come first, no matter what. I cannot do anything or say anything that will change him. Only the hand of God can change him, and he can be changed in an instant! <P>But you are right. Letting go and letting God will work out so much better than we can ever imagine in the long run, because His plans are perfect, and He wants the very best for us. The best way I've found to get those feelings of depression, anxiety, fear gone is to sing praise songs to the Lord. Those feelings just lift away when I start praising God. He loves us so much, it so humbling because I know I sure don't deserve it. There are so many things I should be doing to serve Him and don't but He still loves me anyway. What an AWESOME God we serve.<P>Blessings,<BR>AW

Lone knight how are you doing? My prayers are with you.

Dear tigger;<BR>Where do I begin? Both my wifes finances and my finances are a disaster. I opened my own individual checking account a couple of weeks ago to protect myself. She told me she was going to put her check in the bank to cover what we had written and to give me money to survive on. Tonight she called me telling me she is getting bad check noticed on our account that I haven't written any checks on in weeks. She took our daughter to my moms tonight, like she does every week, and told my mother that she doesn't have any money, her rent check bounced and my daughter is suffering and it's all my fault because I didn't put my paychecks in the joint account. An account that SHE still has the checkbook to and account that I have mac card to, but the only checks I wrote she knew about, all the witdrawals I made, she knew about. She spent all of her money ont he deposit for her new house, utilities deposits and her new life. and I'm just supposed to put my money in the joint account for her to spend. She has two people living with her that I THOUGHT were supposed to go half on everything... looks to me like she just adopted them telling them I would be everyones meal ticket. the stupid thing is, I will still take her back I still want this marriage to work. Everyone thinks I am insane..... except GOD. But Ic an't take this anymore. I can't do anything right. No matter how I try to change, try to just let go it all gets dumped in my lap,and I still love this woman with all my heart and soul. I still want our family to be together, but according to her, if we DO get back together her son will run away because he hates me so very much.... If GOD is working to bring this family back together, it sure doesnt' seem that way. HE still tells me to hold on and believe, but everything I do or don't do, just drives a wedge all that much further between her and I, making it impossible to repair any of this disaster.<BR>I'm at my wits end and GOD is the ONLY person who can fix this, but HE isn't, and I don't believe HE wants to or will.... I am truly, totally, and completely defeated with NO WAY to win. It's impossible to bind this family in love and to BE A family again..... just simply impossible.<BR>

On an additional note, I received my copy of the petition for divorce, but I didn't sign the paper, because I haven't seen the actual motion. I told her I wasn't signing anything until I got my copy and read the allegations. It also said that I believe the marriage is unrepairable, which I don't believe. But that's what she wants, I guess I have to give it to her.<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>

Lone Knight,<P>Stand firm, and afterthat, stand firm. Wait on the Lord, He will deliver. <P>I have remained as distant as I can re divorce. H's attorney filed week of June19. I have yet to be served. I will not have to sign anything, and D will be final in 60 days from filing. So---although he has now agreed that we both need counseling, he wants to let divorce run its course. Then start over with a healthy relationship. I want it to be with us together; he refers to the possibility that we may not wish to be together after counseling. I am still leaving it in God's hands. I read Psalms and Prov. every night. <BR>They help me stay focused on God, and help me live this life. Tonight he feels quite 'lied to' by all women. He has lost trust, the OW seems to be through with him at this point.<P>I guess what I am trying to say, is don't give up praying, stay in the Bible, when you can, get book from Harley, and the one for men from restorem.org. Many have divorced and then returned to have better marriages than ever. restorem.org has many testimonies of restoration which I devoured early in my stand.<P>I know you feel hopeless. That's good. God can work with us then. I am praying for you.<P>Committed

Hi Lone-Knight,<P>Hopefully your Monday is making a good start for the week ahead. Finances in shambles so are mine. My H has put 30,000-40,000 on credit cards since March, 2,000-3,000 in bad checks. I am lucky my name isnt on anything. We will be filling for banckrupcy, me because of a second mortage(taken out to over his sending)and our blazer is being reposesed. I cant make the payments on my own. We barrowed 25,000 from my grandma in Oct to pay off his debt again and he has done it again. As AW posted to me a person who committs adultry losses their life. I feel my husbands has lost his financially and by losing his son)just seeing him every other weekend). Stay srong and God will provide for you. I know all to well, H is behind on child support, but my bills are still getting paid, beacuse God is helping to make sure we are ok. Keep your chin up and stay srong and believe that God will provide for you.<P>I will keep you in my prayers<P>Thought maybe if you heard about someone elses financies you would relize your not alone that always make ne feel better.<P>Michelle

Dear Lone_Knight,<P>I know exactly how you feel. Last Friday, I was ready to go....I mean go....the big GO. I could not see a way forward. I still can't. <B>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/004132.html</B><P>I too cannot see any way that my situation can be fixed. None. And it fills me with dispair. Just the pain I'm feeling, my H is feeling...all of it. The amount of change in our hearts that would have to take place for use to get back together seems insurrmountable. I just don't see a way thru it. <P>But the guys on this board save my life on Friday. And I mean that literally. I printed out their responses and read them thru-out the weekend. I feel better today. I have a little hope. In what? Not in the situation. Not in the circumstances. Not even in knowing that God can fix it all.<P>The only small bit of hope I have is in.... God...just Him. He will not give up on me and he will not leave me. He began a good work in me and will complete it.....even if I can't see it or have no comprehension of it coming forth in my life right now.<P>We all say the same thing...."I just finally turned it over to God" when all along that's what He wanted to start with!! Do like AW said and leave your wife at the foot of the cross. That's where my H is. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do to change the situation....I am doing all I can. And who knows....if all of our spouses are at the foot of the cross, maybe they'll all get zapped at the same time!! <P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am truly, totally, and completely defeated with NO WAY to win. It's impossible to bind this family in love and to BE A family again..... just simply impossible.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>"I am the LORD, the GOD of all mankind. Is ANYTHING too hard for me?" (Jeremiah 32.27)<P>That has become one of my favorite verses these days. His ways are not our ways and His timing is not our timing. It's as hard for me to believe as it is for you, but God said it. <P>Hang in there....please don't give up. Rest in the Lord....ask Him for His wisdom when the situations come up that you have to deal with. Tell him how you feel....that you don't know who you are anymore or even how to pray. His Spirit will help you pray and give you strength.<P>We love you and I'm praying for you.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>

tigger, Mrs. O, I thank you both for your words of encouragement. I thank GOD for both of you and all the other wonderful people that have shared their testimonies and prayers with me since I have been comming here. I am so wrapped up in a depression that has been with me since childhood. I am not certain when it began, but my counselor and I have traced it back as far as the age of 8, and perhaps earlier. I am so accustomed to the negative being more realistic than the positive, rather the negative is more readily accepted in my mind that all the collective positives in my life time. I have not learned how to stop this self destructive behaviour, and it was the primary reason my marriage has ended. I find myself at this point, stripped of all hope, holding on to what seems to be an infantesimal inkling of faith which also seems to be leaving my thoughts and dreams. I still pray daily, and read scripture daily, but my mind is so wrapped up in fixing, changing everything at once, that it's on overload. I'm now to the point that I feel nothing more than numb, void of all rational thought or emotion. The only time I feel joy is the time I spend with my daughter on the weekends. She is such a joy in my heart. But even when she is here, there are times I have to fake being happy, which is not at all fair to her. I am becomming an unfeeling, uncaring soul who has simply given up on hopes, dreams, miracles and everything I thought i believed. It all seems so pointless to me now. My faith was so strong a couple of weeks ago, now I can't find anything to restore it. I want to feel GOD's presence in my life so very badly that I am most likely overlooking HIM. But it's something I haven't learned to feel as I used to as a child and teenager. I don't feel HIS love, or even HIS presence in my life, no matter how hard I try to, how hard I pray, nor how diligently I seek HIM and strive to live for HIM. I don't know how to just surrender it all and then not feel compelled to take it back from the foor of the cross. My depression is slowly and literally turning me into a person who is isolating himself from everything and everyone who brings him love, comfort and joy. I don't go out of the house except to go to work and the errands I HAVE to do. And then on Saturday mornings when I pick my daughter up for the weekend. She stays saturday night and then goes to church with me on Sunday mornings, going back to her mom Sunday afternoon. I am playing bass guitar in the church praise band, and I feel like I am being selfish and not truly using my talent for HIS glory, I'm just playing the notes and being a part of the band to forget about me for a while... There isn't even any joy in playing anymore, and I used to adore playing, writing music, singing, and anything associated with music.<BR>But there is no joy even in my passion for music. Just notes, just music that sounds mechanical and not filled with the expressions my soul can produce through a guitar, bass, or piano/keyboard. I am lost and I can't fight the darkess to see my way out no matter how desperately I beg for help. People offer advice, that is wise, but I can't seem to follow it daily as I know I should, but when I build myself up, the least little thing that is negative detroys all the work, all the affirmations that have elevated me to a level of joy and happiness. I just don't know what to do that I can make myself to do heal.<BR>Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to pray for us, for healing, for reconciliation, for our finances to be straightened out, and for us to run to GOD loving HIM, Working for HIM and then for each other.<BR>GOD bless you all !<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>

Lone_Knight,<P>Are you on anti-depressants? If not, you probably should be. And if they aren't working, you need to talk to you counselor about getting on a higher dosage or switch to another one. That should help the depression. I've had low-level depression almost my whole life (as have two of my brothers and my Dad). I've been on a mild anti-depressant for over 2 years and it has helped my "blues" tremendously. I think of it like a vitamin.<P>I do feel exactly as you do. It all seems pointless to me right now. I don't even know for sure most days if God is even real. Are the things in the Bible just really neat, inspirational messages, or real truths to grab ahold of. But I try, try, try not to COUNT on my feelings. They are so fickle. <P>I too feel that my personality (my negative, harsh side) is what hurt and drove my H away. And it too fills me with deep, deep despair. And it's true to a certain extent, but he had a part in it all too, as well as his reaction...an affair. That had nothing to do with me...that was all his choice. He could have drug me kicking and screaming to a counselor to solve our problems...he didn't....he bottled them up and let the affair blow off the cork!<P>Please, please don't give up. Give God time. I know it feels like time is just dragging and why would God need that much time to fix thinge? We don't know. We can just trust that He is working in us and in our spouse. <P>You talked about the plan God has shown you for your life. Let Him work out the details. Don't run ahead of him. To be a truly good counselor, you need to have an extraordinary amount of patience.....maybe that's what God wants YOU to learn during this time. Be patient until you can do nothing else....then be more patient. <P>I sense in your posts that you just feel like you are a top all wound up and ready to spin away....but something is stopping you. Maybe, just maybe, that's God. When we run out and try to make God's plans happen, we are in for alot more problems. (Example: Abraham and Sarah....God promised them a child, but they thought it was taking way too long and the odds were way against them 'cause of their age, so they took matters into their own hands.....You know the story....hence, the Middle East mess!!)<P>I may be way off base here, but I do the same things....try to fix things....try to KNOW how God wants it fixed and try to do it. We can't know....we CAN'T know....how God is going to fix things in our lives until HE does it. And when He does it, it will be done right.<P>I don't know if this helps, but I will continue to pray for you today. REST. Rest in the Lord and any time you feel anxious or frustrated, etc. STOP yourself and REST.<P>God bless you.<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited July 25, 2000).]

Lone-Knight,<P><BR>How are you? I am concerned about you. I hope God has touched you and made you feel more at ease. I went 4 weeks without speaking to H. 3,2, and so on H called on Mon and last night. I didnt speak to him last night I do not want him to think Im waiting around for his calls, plus I was relazing in a very warm bath. <P>My prayers are with you.

My depression grows more severe everyday. I am alienating everyone around me. My mother and I had arguments over the past two days, And now we are not speaking.... I won't call my wife about anything, yet she seems to take great delight is leaving messages on my answering machine about how I'm writing checks on our joint account that should have been closed by her weeks ago. I haven't written any checks in weeks on that account and opened up my own account at another bank. She tells me she has no money and doesnt' get paid for 5 days. I have 10 dollars that has to last me 7 days. Still have no ice box, bills are still months past due.... and she expects ME to put money I DON'T have in the joint account so she can close it. It's all falling to pieces and there isn't anything I can do about it, except wait patiently here at home, waiting for the police to arrive to arrest me for checks that should have cleared, but won't because she decided to use the money to get her new house, pay all her bills, deposits for utilities and all that other crap...<BR>I quit. I give up... I don't want anymore, but it will happen anyway.... I dont' have anyway of stopping it or any other failure GOD is going to allow to befall me. HE wants me to go back to school, but I can't without money and having a full time job. Can't quit my job then my daughter won't have insurance.<BR>There is no victory in my forseeable future and I don't hold hope for it to happen anymore. I lose my faith a little more each day and tonight I think it finally perished along with all my other hopes and dreams.<BR>Thank you all for everything and GOD bless you.<BR>Lone_Knight.

<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000596.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000596.html</A> <P>Father, wrap your arms around this child and let him feel the strength of your love, let him rest beneath your wing and recount the promises that you have kept to him and will continue to keep. Let him feel renewed and renergized in the smallest things around him, a bird singing, a flower blooming in a crack of the sidewalk, the touch of his child. IJN, Amen

Dear Father,<P>Like a boat out on the ocean, a storm is brewing in Lone_Knight's world. The winds of change are howling. The waves of depression and despair are crashing. The boat is swamped. The shore is no where to be found. <P>Like Peter who when he took his eyes off of Jesus, he began to sink, help Lone_Knight to take his eyes off the storm and put them back on You, Father. Restore his faith. Restore his hope. Give him the amount of faith in a mustard seed....so that he can be restored. <P>Work in his situation Lord. Give him Your wisdom to figure out how to handle the things that come his way each day. Bless him Lord and help him find his way....make a way for him. <P>Thank you Lord, that You strengthen us to be able to do all things. Thank that you give us faith to overcome. Thank you for your love and your blood that was shed for us....for our sins....for the victory.<P>Amen.<P><BR><B>"When peach like a river, attendeth my way,<BR>When sorrows like sea billows roll;<BR>Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,<BR>It is well, it is well, with my soul.<P>Though Satan should buffet, tho trials should come,<BR>Let this blest assurance control,<BR>That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,<BR>And hath shed His own blood for my soul.<P>My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!<BR>My sin, not in part, but the whole,<BR>Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,<BR>Praise the Lod, praise the Lord O my soul!<P>It is well, with my soul.<BR>It is well, it is well with my soul."<BR></B><P><I>(While crossing the Atlantic in 1871, all four of Horatios Spafford's daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford's wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram "Saved alone." Several weeks later, as Spafford's own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief befall them on earth.)</I><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited July 27, 2000).]

Dear Father,<P>Like a boat out on the ocean, a storm is brewing in Lone_Knight's world. The winds of change are howling. The waves of depression and despair are crashing. The boat is swamped. The shore is no where to be found. <P>Like Peter who when he took his eyes off of Jesus, he began to sink, help Lone_Knight to take his eyes off the storm and put them back on You, Father. Restore his faith. Restore his hope. Give him the amount of faith in a mustard seed....so that he can be restored. <P>Work in his situation Lord. Give him Your wisdom to figure out how to handle the things that come his way each day. Bless him Lord and help him find his way....make a way for him. <P>Thank you Lord, that You strengthen us to be able to do all things. Thank that you give us faith to overcome. Thank you for your love and your blood that was shed for us....for our sins....for the victory.<P>Amen.<P><BR><B>"When peach like a river, attendeth my way,<BR>When sorrows like sea billows roll;<BR>Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,<BR>It is well, it is well, with my soul.<P>Though Satan should buffet, tho trials should come,<BR>Let this blest assurance control,<BR>That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,<BR>And hath shed His own blood for my soul.<P>My sin, oh, th bliss of this glorious thought!<BR>My sin, not in part, but the whole,<BR>Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,<BR>Praise the Lod, praise the Lord O my soul!<P>It is well, with my soul.<BR>It is well, it is well with my soul."<BR></B><P><I>(While crossing the Atlantic in 1871, all four of Horatios Spafford's daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford's wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram "Saved alone." Several weeks later, as Spafford's own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief befall them on earth.)</I>

HANG IN THERE GUY. TOMORROO IS A NEW DAY. GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING, AND HE DOESN'T ALWAYS GIVE US ANSWERS RIGHT AWAY. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. IVE BEEN THROUGH IT ALL. I ALSO HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET MY HUSBAND TO CHURCH WITH ME FOR 4 YEARS. EVERYTHING WILL GET BETTER. I PROMISE.

Lone Knight,<P>Something that I had to learn was that I was able to be my OWN person! With or without my H or anyone else! I went through 7 months of hell trying to hang on to my marriage. I struggled to survive everyday, and I only suceeded with GOD. I didn't understand why God was allowing this to happen to me. I just couldn't let go of my H. I had always been too dependent on him, and I had always looked to him for my happiness. My H had come to the decision that he wanted to divorce me, and this time I had really accepted it! It was not what I wanted, but I accepted it. <P>I am glad that I did. I finally gave my situation over to the Lord (thought that I had before, but I kept taking it back on myself). I realized finally that I could do nothing, say nothing, that would bring my H back to me. I had tried everything possible at this point and none of it worked! You see...."I" couldn't change anything, nothing! It had to be God! When I let go, the hurt, the pain, the agony left me. Everyday I woke up and gave it to God again(believe me, it's something you need to do everyday!), also I forgave my H everyday! Something YOU need to do! Forgive your wife!<BR>I have always loved my H, but at that time I realized that I didn't need him to be me, I didn't need him for my own happiness. My eyes were opened for the first time and I knew that there was much more for me in life and that I could be happy....happy with WHO I am! God changed ME! For the first time I realized that I too am valuable, that I deserve to be loved, that I was worthy of a good life, that I deserved more!!! My self-esteem grew, my independence grew! I took care of myself and my kids. I didn't worry about my H. When I gave it over to God, actually things got worse for me. I think the devil realized this and he threw every arrow at my H and me that he could! I continued to trust in God! Believe me...a spiritual war was going on, but I knew that with God on my side, I would be fine! <P>Today, My H is home, he has given his life over to God again! He is loving, kind, tender, understanding....all of these things he lost for the longest time! Miracles do happen, but they happen when we stay strong in the Lord! Remember, God knows why we must go through these things. He has a good reason! Praise Him for bringing you through this storm! Praise Him everyday. Praise Him when you fall down! Just don't forget to stand back up and wipe off your knees! God will NOT leave you, even in your darkest hour. God does not want you to live your life in pain. He does have better things in store for you and your wife! Don't doubt HIM! God can change the worst situation into the best, but it happens in HIS time, not ours! Just continue to pray and forgive and praise HIM! He won't let you down!<P>just_me

just_me - your post says it all. AMEN, Praise God! The Lord has a plan for each of us, and His plan is perfect. Once we submit to His will, our hearts will heal. Thank You dear Lord for causing just_me to share her testimony. The Power of the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of our Testimony shall overcome the enemy every time! Praise You Lord, You are almighty, our King, our Savior. I lift up Lone KNight to you Lord, asking Father for an infilling of the Holy Spirit for him. Help this man, dear Lord to see the purpose You have for his life. Guide him Lord down the path that You want him to take. Help Lone Knight to relinquish control of his wife and situation to You. I pray that You will lovingly show him how glad You are to take his burdens and cares off his shoulders. Lord, You are truly our miracle maker. I praise Your holy holy name, now and always. IJN I pray, AMEN

I was served with the divorce papers on friday. My wife is seeking sole custody of our daughter. We talked on the phone friday night and I told her I wanted to heal and one day be the man she could love all over again. She said she would like that too, but in the meantime let her go and let her live. I found so much hope in that statement. I think GOD IS working on us, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I still pray that the divorce will be stopped, I still ache for that miracle, but I still don't know how to fight or not to fight. I want this family to reconcile so badly and I truly believe that GOD wants it too. I just pray that the enemy will be defeated and this divorce ended before it becomes final. IT may not, but there is hope that when she sees I HAVE changed, there is a chance at a re-marriage. I thank all of you for your prayer, encouragement and love. This site has saved my faith and my life more times that I care to admit, but I am truly thankful that GOD uses this site in the way HE does. All of you are tremendous blessings to me. Thank you for all your prayers and please continue to pray for me and my family.<BR>GOD bless you all!<BR>Lone_Knight.<BR>

Dear Lone Knight, you have been on my heart. I am praying that the Lord will show you his love in tangible and clear ways. I have read many of the prayers you have spoken for the people here on this forum (myself included) and your love for the Lord is clear. Your prayers and support have been an awesome blessing for me. I want you to know this. Dear Lord, I ask that you touch Lone Knight and show him your love for him. I ask that you loosen the enemies grip upon his emotions and free him from his depression. Set his chemistry according to your original design and show him that he has a sound mind as you have promised us. Lord, show him tangible blessings and let him know how much you love him. We know you care for us deeply and that our needs and the desires of our hearts are your concern. Meet his financial needs, restore what has been taken from him, and let him be resored emotionally. Please counsel him with your wisdom regarding his decisions in life. Remind him to rest in you, knowing that you are capable of taking care of him. We thank you, Lord, that this depression will be lifted from him by your hand, we thank you Lord, that you will restore to Lone Knight all that you wish to give to this son of the King. Comfort him, counsel him, and provide for him. We thank you, Jesus. IJN Amen

I have tried to give my wife the space shw wants. I was served with divorce papers last friday afternoon. Everything I feel GOD is leading me to do is blowing up in my face. I don't know what ro do anymore. I got a letter from her concerning our joint account where she is being sued for a check she wrote. We are both guilty of messing the account up, but I seem to be the only one who has to pay everything, she says she has no money, and I KNOW I don't have enough to cover my bills and hers too. I called her today and we talked. I told her I would cover the check, and then I made one of the most empassioned expressions of love I could. I told her that I AM changing and I WILL be worth loving again. I told her I would do ANYTHING humanly possible to be everything my family wants and needs. For the first time in months she actual stopped and listened to me. Praise GOD! Then after a silence she said she would honestly consider it, but to be prepared for her answer to be an eternal no, but that she would honestly consider it. I believe with all my heart that GOD is reconciling this marriage and today was the beginning of that miracle. Please continue to pray for this family and help me defeat the devils continued attempts to rip us apart ! I truly believe this is GOD at work, and I pray the miracle of reconciliation has begun.... If I am wrong, then I don't know how to keep praying for strength but I TRULY believe the victory is ours, not just mine, but my wife, my children and most importantly GOD..... Praise the Blessed name of Jesus. Halleluia.<BR>Father in heaven, I praise You and I thank You for all the things You have done to save this marriage, and restore this family. I thank You with my all for everything You have done and I Praise Your mighty name. Father I thank You for all of the prayers from the wonderful people here at this site. Bless each and every soul who has been praying for this family and for our marriage.<BR>Father the war is not over, and we still need Your blessings and Your promises in saving this family and this marriage. Father I kneel before the cross, humbly praying for this marriage, praying for my wife and my children. Father I pray that they will see that I am healing, I AM changing, and will be the best father/husband/friend, that they all want and need. I bow to Your divine will Father and lay my burdens down at Your feet. <BR>Lead this family to each other again and let all of us live for You and then for each other, serving the risen Savior in our daily walks, becomming the rock solid family you have always willed us to be. I ask these things in the blessed name of Jesus, Giving You all the honor, the glory and the praise.<BR>Amen and Amen.<BR>

All the prayers, the hope... the faith....<BR>She still won't talk to me... She gives me more hope that I have ever had when she tells me she will consider letting me come home and then I don't hear from her at all. GOD Your will be done, I can't carry this burden any longer, All of my attempts seem to fall to the ground in shambles. There are times I feel even my prayers are being returned to sender. The doctor has changed my medication for the 4th time yesterday, and I hope maybe THIS one will be the right one, just like I hoped that the other three would be.... Let's see how long it will be before we go to medicine rx number 5. I just feel like the devil is taking more of my life, and my money by going to a doctor and buying medicines that DON'T Work...My job isn't getting any better. We have worked outside in 96+ temperatures, with 90% humidity.I'm isolating myself even further from people. I go to work, go to the store, them comming home and locking the door, not stepping outside until the next morning when I have to go back to work. I'm losing it and can't seem to stop the slide on my own.

Maybe God's message though all this is getting through, that you are trying to do it in your own power rather than in his power and in his time.<P>Hav you done the bible study Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby? <P>If not, I recommend it highly. Throw all your energy there rather than in what you wife does or not does do or say. Relish this opportunity to experience God in a new way, so that out of it, when he does restore your marriage you will have been strengthened as leader in a mighty way. <P>Father, you use all things for our good and your glory. Thank you that you are growing this man. Father, In the name of Jesus, I bind all spirits of strife, anxiety, self-absorbsion, and dispair and I loose all spirits of love, joy, delight, patience, perseverence and epiphany to surround and fill this man's heart and mind. We praise you Father and ask that you use this time for your greater glory. IJN,Amen.<p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited August 12, 2000).]

Lone Knight, I'm praying for you. I'm going to paste here a note I posted on another thread as it may be helpful to you to: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I want to share a paragraph from a book I read called "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage" by Erin Thiele:<P>"<B>Intensity of your trials is a sign that you are close to victory.</B> Your trials may intensify when you are close to gaining the victory. "For this reason, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them. Woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, knowing that he has only a short time. Rev. 12:12"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>There are times I feel even my prayers are being returned to sender<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>They may be, or the Lord may be saying to you "WAIT ON ME". LN, when my husband went to CA to work last May, I was completely distraught, could not understand how God would allow this to happen to us, we had gotten so far in our restoration. I could not see what good would come out of him working 2,000 miles away for so long. What I have come to realize that what the enemy had meant for evil, the Lord turns to good for His glory and honor! My husband has only been home less than 3 weeks since the first of May. It has been agony for me at times, however I truly believe the Lord is working in his life out there, and I have faith in Him for the things unseen. He gives me glimpses of His work in little things, i,e., my husband has an extremely foul mouth - cusses all the time. In the last few weeks, when we talk, his voice is kinder, and the cussing is rare. PTL!!! Only God could do that. One night he told me that he talks to the Lord in the mornings! So, don't give up dear brother, your Heavenly Father is working even if you don't see evidence of His work. The Lord has great plans for you. Keep crying out to Him; he will never leave you or forsake you.<P>Lord, thank You for Lone Knight's presence here, he has given others hope by the beautiful prayers he prays for them. I praise You Lord for your saving grace, and the mercy You have shown us. Father, Lone Knight's heart is breaking so over the destruction the enemy has caused. Please turn what the enemy meant for evil to good for Your glory. Thank You Lord for the deep love LN has for his wife and his commitment to his marriage. Help him stand in the gap for his wife, for the duration. Give him a glimpse of Your work so that he will be encouraged. Thank You Father, for holding him up, protecting him and providing for him in everything. I pray that the Holy Spirit's call on his wife is accepted by her, and she turns back to You soon Father. IJN I pray AMEN<BR>

Lone-Knight how are you doing? Remember God will see you through this. My prayers are with you. REMEMBER your prayers have seen me through alot of hard times. You are a good person.

tigger;<BR>Thank you for your post. To answer your question, it seems that the harder I pray, the more I throw mywelf into the will of GOD, the worse things become. My wife says there is absolutely no way possible that we will ever be reconciled. I'm to the point where hope is a dream, and faith is something of a myth or ancient tall tale that is passed sown as legend. My depression has such a grip on my life, that I don't go anywhere anymore. I go to church on Sunday, Sunday night, where I play bass guitar for the praise band. I go Wednesday night to rehearsals. I don't even enjoy playing anymore. It's just mechanical, I just play the notes, but I don't even feel passion for music anymore. Other than that, I get up each day, go to work, stop by the store on the way home, if I need anything, and come home, lock the door and sit here.<BR>I don't know if I believe GOD is working on our marriage, I feel that HE knows I will be forever lost and that I could not be what HE wants me to be, so HE isn't doing anything to change the situations present in my life. I am reading the scriptures, listening to every pastor I can find and praying every single day, but it all seems to no avail. I'm reading every delf help book on depression I can find, still seeing my christian counselor, and my psychologisr who has changed my anti-depressant medication for the 4th time. The harder I try to climb out of this pit, the deeper it gets and the steeper the walls get. I can't take this anymore. Knowing, or believing GOD was building this family back together and then the bottom just dropping out each time..... I don't want anyone else but my wife, she says it's eternally over, so I just don't know what to do, where to go or how to be.<BR>As the title of this thread is titled, I feel completely, totally, irreversably defeated. Praise GOD for the lesson in failure and pain.<BR>thank you for being here, praying for us and your kind words of encouragement and support.<BR>AW, as always you are a dear also. Thank you for everything. Your pryers, your links to scripture and your encouragement. I wish I had better news to give you, but I don't.<BR>SueB Thank you for everything as well. I thank you for your words and your prayers.<P>And to everyone else I have failed to mention. Thank you for everything. I love you all In Christ. You have become my extended family. GOD bless each and every one of you and everyone will always be in my prayers.<BR>With love in Christ to you all<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>Jim<BR>

How long has this been going on the seperation and everything? My divorce papers have been filled for 6 months and H is just know coming around by the grace of God. I sat in church today and cried during most of it. I am lucky that I have a supportive church.<P>Michelle

Dear Lone Knight, I have been lurking on the sight a little, but I have not had a lot of time to post. I think of you often and believe that God has laid you on my heart. From reading the responses to your postings, I believe that God has laid your pain on the hearts of others as well. I would like to be able to say something that would encourage you, but I am unsure what to say other than I know God loves you and wants you to have a life that is abundant. I have posted to you before and told you that I spent several years in the same situation you are now in (or at least a very similar situation). It seemed as though many of my prayers were not heard, that perhaps I was doing something displeasing to God and that they would never be answered. In hindsight, I see that God was working in my situation all along (and he still is). I believe that you will be able to see that you were not alone, that he was right there and working on your behalf. I have mentioned that my H has a bipolar disorder and part of this disorder is exhibited in periods of depression. He has not yet turned his heart to the Lord and he is not seeking the Lord's help, but I believe that God can heal my H. I also know that this will come in his perfect time. Yours will also. The positive for you is that you are seeking the Lord's help in your life. I will continue to pray for you. Father, nothing we bring before you is unknown to you. You know our thoughts, our desires, our needs, and our pain. We ask, IJN, that you would heal Lone Knight of this depression. We know that you can do this with even the simple and short request made to you. We believe that you want Lone Knight to live a life that is abundant, full of love, joy, and peace. We know, Father, that you have the best plans for our lives. You tell us that you will give us what we ask when we ask believing that it is done in your precious son's name. I ask this for Lone Knight. I ask that the enemy's attack on Lone Knight be fought by you. I ask that the destructive and discouraging thoughts the enemy gives to LK be bound, silenced and that your promises be reinforced upon his heart and that these promises would become a part of LK's thought process. We praise you that you love us, give us mercy, and let us come to your throne and seek all that we need. We thank you for seeing LK through all of this and let your promise to keep LK safe from all of this would be etched upon his thoughts, morning and night. Amen

I was served with a summons for the divorce. My wife is seeking SOLE custody of our daughter, knowing full well I can't afford to retain the services of a litigator to fight the divorce decree. I contacted attorneys today praying that I would be able to find one that would represent me, accepting payments as I could afford to make them and was unsuccessful. They want a minimun of 1000.00 up front. I contacted legal aid, which is supposed to be a fee based upon income service. They told me that my wife had already contacted them and even though she didn't use them, they can't represent me because of Kentucky State Law saying the attorney can't "jump the fence" so to speak in ANY case. So The only options I have are to give up and let her have full custody which I DON'T WANT, or pray that somehow GOD will stop this insanity and bring this family together before it's too late. I can't get the funds required to hire ANY attorney. I am honestly defeated at EVERY turn. I can't take not having joint custody of my daughter I love her, she needs me and I need her. GOD WHERE ARE YOU?????<BR>

Dear Lone Knight,<P>Your despair breaks my heart. I have read through this thread and, in doing so, a thought comes to mind. <P>I don't want my words to seem harsh, and I can totally relate to what you're going though (my H wants a divorce, I don't), but maybe God is asking you to completely give over your grief to Him -- all of it -- your despair, your broken heart, your anguish and your torment. When we try to hold on to it, we are not allowing Him to be in control. I know it's hard -- I'm dealing with it, too. On the other side of complete surrender to his perfect will, you may find some peace. You may feel that you have given everything over to Him already -- I havn't read ALL your posts, so there are certainly things I don't know about you. But it's worth examining. <P>In Psalms 46, God tells us to "Be still, and know that I am God." We know not what his plan is when we are dealing with tremendous heartache. Psalm 147:11 says, "The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love." <P>I am going through this "surrender" myself so I know it's not easy. But His path is the only true path -- stay the course with Him and he will carry you through even this.<P>Our Lord God, I pray for Lone Knight, that his heart would know your divine comfort. Help him to focus all his energy on You, allowing You to bring about your perfect plan for his life. Ease his pain and give him rest. Show him how to give up all his burdens to You that he would know the fullest measure of your grace, peace and mercy.<P>In our Lord Jesus' blessed Name, Amen<P>Lone Knight, God is with you, trust Him with your whole heart.<P>God Bless, KristyAnn<p>[This message has been edited by KristyAnn (edited August 15, 2000).]

Kristy Ann is so right. Amen

Lone Knight,<P>Been thinking about you. How are you doing? Would like to hear an update.<P>Love and Prayers, KristyAnn

Kristie Ann<BR>Things are no better, in fact getting worse.<BR>I can't accumulate the money I must pay to a litigator to fight for joint custody of my daughter. My wife refuses to talk to me about anything except when I am bringing our daughter back to her. She won't listen to anything I have to say about how I would like another chance. She is determined to go ahead with the divorce. My bills are piling up to the ceiling because I can't pay them. I have a refridgerator that doesn't work, but I can't afford to pay someone to repair it. Everything is falling apart and I can't stop it. It's over and I AM defeated and there isn't a blasted thing that can be done to reconcile this family to GOD and to each other. I see that now.<BR>

Lone Knight,<P>I may be totally off base here, but it seems to me that God is working *mightily* in your life right now! He is allowing you to lose everything because he wants you to GIVE it to HIM!! All of it -- EVERYTHING! Turn it over, surrender, wave the white flag and hand over your burdens to Him. Quit trying to do it all yourself. He wants you to realize that He is the *only one* you need to be turning to right now. Let him handle the rest. There is some peace waiting for you right around the corner and you may be amazed at how God will provide "fixes" for your problems if you will only let Him. Miracles may be awaiting you. Be patient, though, God's timetable is different than ours and we have to make room for Him to work in our lives.<P>I'm sorry if these words are not necessarily of great comfort to you in this time of trouble -- but they *do* come out of love and compassion for you as a sister in Christ. I've read some of the prayers that you have offered up for others and your love of the Lord is apparent. Let go, dear one, and let God. (Trite, I know, but true)<P>Keep me posted. You are on my mind.<P>Love and prayers, KristyAnn<P><p>[This message has been edited by KristyAnn (edited August 18, 2000).]

Lone-Knight,<P>KA is right. Let God provide for you. I have came to the ralization that the only one who can fix my marraige is God. once I came to that realaztion things started to turn around. My prayers are with you.<P>Michelle

I have to share something. I came back here to see how Lone Knight was holding up and I read through my last couple of posts. I realized that I need to follow my own advice. I've been so depressed the last couple of days I can hardly get out of bed. <P>Lone Knight, I know how hard it is to let God handle everything because I'm struggling with that one, too. I still believe it is the ONLY way to find some degree of comfort, though. <P>Feel free to email me, if you want. My address is tygergurl@aol.com. We are very much in the same boat and I would like someone to share some mutual support and encouragement.<P>Take care, KristyAnn

LoneKnight,<P>Are you out there? Thinking about you and wondering how you're doing. Please post and let me know if you're okay.<P>Love and prayers<BR>KristyAnn

Kristie Ann;<BR>I thank you for your concerns and your prayers. I have now reached the point where I have lost the ability to care what happens anymore. I'm tired of battling, believing, trying to keep my faith alive. The counseling doesn't seem to be helping, the nmedication the anti-depressants are not working. There is no joy in my heart except for the few hours I am given with my daughter. I used to love to play mssic and that passion has also faded into the past. I will no longer feel sorry for myself, I did the best I could with the life I have been given and chosen. If GOD has plans for me, then so be it, I will neither get excited, nor will I seek the ability to care. My only focus is my daughter. Beyond that, sink or swim, I no longer care. Come heaven, come hell matters not. I have fought the good fight as best I could and I will surrender my all and let this chips fall where they may. I quit. If GOD is going to do anything with this life, it's up to HIM. I'm not going to fight or care anymore about anything except my daughter, and take care of her as best I can even when she is not here. Beyond that. I'm finished. My wife and I no longer communicate, I have shut everyone around me, locally, out. And unless my daughter is here, I have little or no contact with the outside world except the job I have which I despise, but apparently that's where GOD wants me. So be it.<BR>GOD Bless you and keep you.<BR>Thank you for your prayers and your convern.<BR>Jim<BR>

Oh Jim,<P>I hear your pain and totally understand the feeling of hopelessness, fear, rejection, the slam to your self-esteem. I have prayed many nights for God to just take me home, I don't want to be here anymore, I can't stand the pain one more day. Jim, you must change your attitude. I know it is hard during a depression, but you must get the mind set that divorce or not, you will be okay, life can have happy days again. Do it for your daughter, do it for yourself. Force yourself back into contact with friends. I know it is hard to hang out with friends and pretend everything is okay when inside you feel like you are dying and no one understands. Fake it for a while if you have to, just get out. Eventually when you're with your friends, you start to connect with their lives or the activity you're involved in and you don't concentrate on your problems so much. I still have days where I just break down, but they are stretching out and yours will too. <P>I'll continue to pray for you, I truly hope your marriage is healed, as I do with mine (mine not looking good, final hearing set for October with no indication my husband is listening to God-but still hanging on to my hope in God). I pray for peace for you, peace with being Jim. God Bless.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The counseling doesn't seem to be helping, the medication the anti-depressants are not working.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Anti-depressants work if there is a chemical imbalance present within the body. If they are not working for you, then my guess is that you do not have a chemical imbalance but a heart imbalance.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>JOB 38:4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?<BR> Tell me, if you understand.<P> JOB 38:5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!<BR> Who stretched a measuring line across it?<P> JOB 38:6 On what were its footings set,<BR> or who laid its cornerstone--<P> JOB 38:7 while the morning stars sang together<BR> and all the angels* shouted for joy?<P> JOB 38:8 "Who shut up the sea behind doors<BR> when it burst forth from the womb,<P> JOB 38:9 when I made the clouds its garment<BR> and wrapped it in thick darkness,<P> JOB 38:10 when I fixed limits for it<BR> and set its doors and bars in place,<P> JOB 38:11 when I said, `This far you may come and no farther;<BR> here is where your proud waves halt'?<P> JOB 38:12 "Have you ever given orders to the morning,<BR> or shown the dawn its place,<P> JOB 38:13 that it might take the earth by the edges<BR> and shake the wicked out of it?<P> JOB 38:14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;<BR> its features stand out like those of a garment.<P> JOB 38:15 The wicked are denied their light,<BR> and their upraised arm is broken.<P> JOB 38:16 "Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea<BR> or walked in the recesses of the deep?<P> JOB 38:17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?<BR> Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death*?<P> JOB 38:18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?<BR> Tell me, if you know all this.<P> JOB 38:19 "What is the way to the abode of light?<BR> And where does darkness reside?<P> JOB 38:20 Can you take them to their places?<BR> Do you know the paths to their dwellings?<P> JOB 38:21 Surely you know, for you were already born!<BR> You have lived so many years!<P> JOB 38:22 "Have you entered the storehouses of the snow<BR> or seen the storehouses of the hail,<P> JOB 38:23 which I reserve for times of trouble,<BR> for days of war and battle?<P> JOB 38:24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,<BR> or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?<P> JOB 38:25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,<BR> and a path for the thunderstorm,<P> JOB 38:26 to water a land where no man lives,<BR> a desert with no one in it,<P> JOB 38:27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland<BR> and make it sprout with grass?<P> JOB 38:28 Does the rain have a father?<BR> Who fathers the drops of dew?<P> JOB 38:29 From whose womb comes the ice?<BR> Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens<P> JOB 38:30 when the waters become hard as stone,<BR> when the surface of the deep is frozen?<P> JOB 38:31 "Can you bind the beautiful* Pleiades?<BR> Can you loose the cords of Orion?<P> JOB 38:32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons*<BR> or lead out the Bear* with its cubs?<P> JOB 38:33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?<BR> Can you set up God's* dominion over the earth?<P> JOB 38:34 "Can you raise your voice to the clouds<BR> and cover yourself with a flood of water?<P> JOB 38:35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?<BR> Do they report to you, `Here we are'?<P> JOB 38:36 Who endowed the heart* with wisdom<BR> or gave understanding to the mind*?<P> JOB 38:37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?<BR> Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens<P> JOB 38:38 when the dust becomes hard<BR> and the clods of earth stick together?<P> JOB 38:39 "Do you hunt the prey for the lioness<BR> and satisfy the hunger of the lions<P> JOB 38:40 when they crouch in their dens<BR> or lie in wait in a thicket?<P> JOB 38:41 Who provides food for the raven<BR> when its young cry out to God<BR> and wander about for lack of food?<P> JOB 39:1 "Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?<BR> Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?<P> JOB 39:2 Do you count the months till they bear?<BR> Do you know the time they give birth?<P> JOB 39:3 They crouch down and bring forth their young;<BR> their labor pains are ended.<P> JOB 39:4 Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds;<BR> they leave and do not return.<P> JOB 39:5 "Who let the wild donkey go free?<BR> Who untied his ropes?<P> JOB 39:6 I gave him the wasteland as his home,<BR> the salt flats as his habitat.<P> JOB 39:7 He laughs at the commotion in the town;<BR> he does not hear a driver's shout.<P> JOB 39:8 He ranges the hills for his pasture<BR> and searches for any green thing.<P> JOB 39:9 "Will the wild ox consent to serve you?<BR> Will he stay by your manger at night?<P> JOB 39:10 Can you hold him to the furrow with a harness?<BR> Will he till the valleys behind you?<P> JOB 39:11 Will you rely on him for his great strength?<BR> Will you leave your heavy work to him?<P> JOB 39:12 Can you trust him to bring in your grain<BR> and gather it to your threshing floor?<P> JOB 39:13 "The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully,<BR> but they cannot compare with the pinions and feathers of the stork.<P> JOB 39:14 She lays her eggs on the ground<BR> and lets them warm in the sand,<P> JOB 39:15 unmindful that a foot may crush them,<BR> that some wild animal may trample them.<P> JOB 39:16 She treats her young harshly, as if they were not hers;<BR> she cares not that her labor was in vain,<P> JOB 39:17 for God did not endow her with wisdom<BR> or give her a share of good sense.<P> JOB 39:18 Yet when she spreads her feathers to run,<BR> she laughs at horse and rider.<P> JOB 39:19 "Do you give the horse his strength<BR> or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?<P> JOB 39:20 Do you make him leap like a locust,<BR> striking terror with his proud snorting?<P> JOB 39:21 He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength,<BR> and charges into the fray.<P> JOB 39:22 He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;<BR> he does not shy away from the sword.<P> JOB 39:23 The quiver rattles against his side,<BR> along with the flashing spear and lance.<P> JOB 39:24 In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground;<BR> he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds.<P> JOB 39:25 At the blast of the trumpet he snorts, `Aha!'<BR> He catches the scent of battle from afar,<BR> the shout of commanders and the battle cry.<P> JOB 39:26 "Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom<BR> and spread his wings toward the south?<P> JOB 39:27 Does the eagle soar at your command<BR> and build his nest on high?<P> JOB 39:28 He dwells on a cliff and stays there at night;<BR> a rocky crag is his stronghold.<P> JOB 39:29 From there he seeks out his food;<BR> his eyes detect it from afar.<P> JOB 39:30 His young ones feast on blood,<BR> and where the slain are, there is he."<P>JOB 40:1 The LORD said to Job:<P> JOB 40:2 "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?<BR> Let him who accuses God answer him!"<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Townsend and Cloud in their book Boundaries in Marriage make a point in regards to anger that really has touched my heart. Perhaps it will yours:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Anger is our basic protest against the fact that we are not God and that we cannot control reality<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Perhaps this season you are ging through now has a much different purpose that what you thought it was for.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>ECC 3:1 There is a time for everything,<BR> and a season for every activity under heaven:<P> ECC 3:2 a time to be born and a time to die,<BR> a time to plant and a time to uproot,<P> ECC 3:3 a time to kill and a time to heal,<BR> a time to tear down and a time to build,<P> ECC 3:4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,<BR> a time to mourn and a time to dance,<P> ECC 3:5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,<BR> a time to embrace and a time to refrain,<P> ECC 3:6 a time to search and a time to give up,<BR> a time to keep and a time to throw away,<P> ECC 3:7 a time to tear and a time to mend,<BR> a time to be silent and a time to speak,<P> ECC 3:8 a time to love and a time to hate,<BR> a time for war and a time for peace.<P>ECC 3:9 What does the worker gain from his toil? [10] I have seen the burden God has laid on men. [11] He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. [12] I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. [13] That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God. [14] I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Enjoy the pleasure you receive from your little one and relish the love in the One who created her and allowed you to parent her.<P>[quote]2TI 4:2- Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction. [3] For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. [4] They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. [5] But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.<P>Praying for you my brother in Christ.

The continuing saga...<BR>I went to my counselors office moday night and after discussing things at length he said he is comming to the conclusion that maybe GOD is using me as a martyr. I looked at him and I said martyrs are dead people and he said "I know." "Maybe GOD is using you to see how much one person can take before he takes matters into his own hands and ends his life." To say I was stunned would be a gross understatement....Secondly. My anti-depressant medication makes me so very sleepy that I can't hear my alarm clock in the mornings. I was late for work everyday last week, and monday of this week. I stayed up all night monday and its now 11:30 p.m. and I still haven't slept, nor am I sleepy. I stopped taking the anti-depressants last night, cold turkey and cancelled my appointments with my counselor AND also my psychologist. My faith has died as well as my trust in GOD. I won't curse HIM, and I am trying to praise HIM, but even that is no longer a joy, it is a chore that i am beginning to like less and less.<BR>I haven't heard from my wife in a month and I ache more and more every single day. But I can't change anything about the situation, but I don't have faith that GOD is doing anything either. Who knows. I'm dying a litltle more in side each day.<BR>I don't want it to be over, but I can't fight the battles for the entire family.<BR>

Hi lone-knight been wondering about you. My prayers are with you.

Dear Lone Knight,<P>No matter how hard it may seem, even if you don't feel like doing it, get down on your knees before God. Don't say anything. Just lift up your heart to Him. Let Him give you comfort. Stay there for as long as it takes. Open up to Him, open your heart, let the tears fall, and then give it all over to Him. <P>My situation is also dire, and the only thing I know for sure in my life is that God is with me and always will be. If it weren't for Him, I wouldn't be able to function -- much like how you say things are for you. He is my Hope, my Rock, my Salvation -- and He is yours, too. Lean on Him, let Him carry you right now. <P>I wish I could give you a big hug in person, but this is the best I can do for you here. <BR>(((((((((((((Lone Knight))))))))))))))<P>I'm so sorry you are in such pain. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you,<BR>KristyAnn<P>

My wife called me last night screaming at me because I haven't signed the divorce papers yet. I told her I will NOT sign them until I can hire and attorney to help me fight for joint custody of our daughter. She says no way to joint custody, no way she and I will EVER be married or together ever again and the entire family hates me with a seething passion. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow morning. I DON'T WANT this divorce and the prayers the total devotions to GODS will, everything everyone suggests is wonderful but everything seems to be making matters worse. Instead of trying to communicate she is pushing me further away. Fine. let her go. If I could I would. Now for the rest of the story.... I have 4,000.00 in bills that are due yesterday and 53.00 in the bank, Our credit is destroyed to the point that I couldn't get a loan to buy a postage stamp. Family is out of the question because they don't seem to think she or I will ever amount to anything and they would be wasting their time and their money. My wife plans to file for bankruptcy after the divorce is fianl... fine for her, still leaves me holding the bag for everything with our names on it. They will now come after me to get money I don't have and can't get. MY daughter suffers in the mean time because although both parents love her, my wife won't even give me the time of day. GOD is ABLE, but completely UNWILLING to help us, unless HIS help is to make sure everything is completely destroyed. Tonight is going to be difficult, I have all these bills to think about with no money, a wife and family that hate me and are trying to make sure I don't see my daughter anymore and depression that would kill an elephant. Staying alive, literally, is the focus of my thoughts at this moment. GOD will never put on us any more than we can handle? That may be true, but HE will let the enemy pile on any damn thing he wants to and GOD backs it up, or so it would seem. I can not compare myself to JOB, and never will, but I have reached the end of my sanity and the end of my desire to be a breathing member of society. She want's out. She gets her wish, I get to hold the bag of debt and have no way of getting out of it. The only light in this situation is there is no debtors prison anymore..... but I'll lose everything anyway. You get used to it after it happens to you for all of your 34 years. Thank you Jesus for your lessons in life. Thank GOD for struggles and defeats. Thank GOD for being there and helping when it's needed the most.<BR>I can't even pray anymore... I feel like it only makes things worse. I don't even feel emotions anymore. They seem like such a waste of time. I want my family back, I want to defeat this depression. Nothing is working nor happening to reach those goals. I have become the failure that I have always been forcasted to be and GOD Himself seems to be enjoying every moment of my literal destruction. Halleluiah. Glory to GOD.<BR>

Hi Lone-knight<P>My prayers are with you. My H used to be screaming bad also. Thats because they are not happy themselves. My thought on that matter is if they were so happy with themselves and what they are doing why scream at me. My H has put himself in a world of mess. He has 40000 in credit card debt and is still writing bad checks. He has forward his mail back to our house. In the last week he has a letter from the Prosecutors office(bad checks), his attorney(a bill which he throw away) 2 certified letters(bad checks my guess. I dont know when he will stop thats in Gods hands. I to will file bankrupcy with H because of a 40000 2nd mortage on the house and a blazer all my other devts are clear and free. oh I do have a Dr bill. When all is said and done i will still have credit cards because mine are paid off and i can reastablish my credit faster. Of well Ii know that that doesnt make this any easier but i just want you to know you are not alone.<P>Michelle

It's Friday August 25. I'm going to see a lawyer about this divorce. I wish GOD would find a way to STOP it and bring our family back together until death parts us. I truly do feel completely defeated and I can't seem to fight to win this spiritual battle the devil has waged upon my family. Why GOD, WHY???<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>LK 22:31 "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. [32] But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>One of Satan's chief weapons is discouragement and he knows that if we become discouraged or dispirited we will not fight the battle for holiness. (Or anything else for that matter)<BR>

Well said, SueB! <P>Lone Knight, <P>We are praying for you. I read your words and wish there was something more I could do. Even though you feel God has abandoned you, He has not. He is faithful! God is right beside you -- simply turn to Him. You may not have instant answers for what your are dealing with, but be patient and let God take control. There is a lot of comfort in putting things in His hands.<P>I'm still praying for you,<BR>KristyAnn

My wife called me earlier to tell me that her plans had changed and she wanted tp pick up our daughter early in the morning. My daughter and I go to church on Sundays and I would not be home until 12:30 or so. My wife got livid and the fights began. I would hang up she would call back, she would hang up then she would call back. Finally she said, "fine I will drop the divorce motion and since there is not a legal seperation filed, I won't have to let you see our daughter. " I told her I would still consult with my attorney and have a legal seperation drawn up and it would have visitation and custody issues in it. I will not abandon our marriage, but more importantly will NOT abandon our daughter by giving my wife sole custody and not be allowed to see her. IF my wife holds true to her word, then GOD HAS blessed us with a miracle. MY wife will drop the divorce but we will still have to defeat the enemy in trying to reconcile this family. Praise GOD ! There is renewed hope for this family!<BR>Please continue to pray for this family and help us remove satan from our marriage and restore this family to GOD and to each other. Don't stop praying, PLEASE ! <BR>Thank you everyone for Every single prayer ! GOD is an AWESOME GOD !!! and Miracles DO happen ! Praise the name of Jesus, Thank you Father !

It is the waiting for Gods miracles to happen is the hardest. I can tell in your post that you are feeling better about things. My prayers are with you always.<P>Michelle<P>Dear God Please continue to show lone-knight that you are working on the marraige. Showong him little steps can mean the world to him. Please remove Satin from there marraige.<P>Amen<P>Im not real good at writing out a prayer.

How are you?

I will say a prayer to St Jude for you right after I post this. Keep the faith, and may God bless and continue to care for you and your family/

lone-knight how are you???

Tigger;<BR>Nothing has really changed here, with the exception of my about to lose my job. The anti-depressant medication made me so groggy that I wouldn't hear the alarm clock. If I am late for work one more time, then I lose my job. So, I stopped taking my medication. I'm supposed to see the psychologist this afternoon and we'll see what happens... I'm numb, don't know what to do, and just keep plugging away, trying to heal and praying for my family. I'm really feeling like I am at the end of my rope.<BR>

Hi lone-Knight I was getting concerned about you. Please keep the faith. How long has this been going on? Mine 7 months. H takes 15 steps forward and then 5 steps back. Beyond me. Satin sure does have a powerful pull. Wouldnt this world be a better place if he wasnt here. But he is so we have to be STRONG in our faith to overcome him. I just wanted to let you also know that alot of your prayers ment the world to me. I wish I caould write a prayer like yours and others here. Well I gota run.<P>KEEP THE FAITH<BR>Michelle

Dear LoneKnight,<P>I'm glad to see you posting and letting us know how you're doing. Just hang in there, hon. I think if you do like Tigger says and keep the faith, God will have rewards for you on the other side of all this. It may not be exactly what you *want*, but it will be exactly what you *need* because God knows you better than you know yourself. Don't lose sight of his glorious and merciful love. Sometimes when you feel like you have nothing else -- you have THAT! Always! Forever! Eternally! He promised! And God doesn't break His promises. <P>I'll keep praying for you,<BR>KristyAnn

How are you?

I'm wondering, too. Please post, Lone Knight, and let us know.<P>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

Tiger, and KristyAnn;<P>Things have not really gotten any better, Still struggling with my faith. Still haven't taken my wedding ring from my hand, and still beleiving that somehow GOD will hear my prayers and the prayers of everyone else, and find a way to restore and reconcile this marriage. I am trying to find strength in the word, in watching all of the Pastors I can find on television and radio. Attending a great church, where I have been asked to, and am playing bass guitar in their praise and worship band.. I am still having sessions with my counselor and also the psychiatrist. Still taking medications but have switched pills yet again. Wife still wants no contact unless it concerns our daughter. Trying to find ways not to feel so completely alone amd lonely in what used to be our home. Finances are still a disaster and the company I work for doesn't have many new projects comming in, so work is becoming scarce. I have very few weeks where I work more than three days a week and the paychecks get smaller with the insurance I have for myself and my daughter. Somehow I feel GOD will take care of everything, but I don't know how, or if, or when. I am dangerously close to losing my house, no place to live, I can't keep my daughter for the weekends. Just trying to find a way out of this depression, heal, and find my way back to my wifes heart, my family, or learn to live as a single, part time daddy, full time father to our daughter.<BR>Prayers are still requested and very much appreciated.<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>

Dear Lone Knight,<P>Good to hear from you. I want to share some recent experiences I have had in hopes that it might help you, too.<P>Recently, it seems everywhere I turn God is giving me a clear and resounding message -- BE PATIENT! God's timetable works much differently than ours, and just because He has not brought about the changes that you want in your life NOW, doesn't mean that He isn't working on them in His own way. I was listening to our local Christian radio station and at least three times over the last week, in different ways, this message came through. In my own reading of the Bible, I've also been getting this message. One point was made that if God gave us everything we asked for when we asked for it, what kind of character would we have? His purpose is beyond our human understanding and we have to BE PATIENT and allow Him to work. <P>God is always on time -- this message was supported by the story of Jesus when he heard that Lazarus was sick and dying. He deliberately delayed His trip to Judea that "God would be glorified" and "others would have faith." It wasn't in keeping with the timetable that Lazarus' family had and they were quite upset when Jesus didn't rush to save him. But, Jesus knew from a two-day trip away, the moment that Lazarus had died, but for God's purpose he delayed so that He could bring Lazarus from the grave and glorify God! Praise God!<P>Have faith, dear friend. God IS working in your life, just as I know He is working in mine. It has been hard for me, too, to be patient and wait on Him. But when you think about what is ahead of us, are we going to need our house in Heaven (Jesus is preparing a mansion for us!), our cars, our tv's, are we going to pay bills, have 8-5 jobs? I'm not trying to minimize your current and obvious concerns (He's working on those things,too!), I'm just trying to put some perspective on it. Compared to our eternal life, our lives here -- other than our walk with God -- will all pass away.<P>Love Him with all your heart, all your mind, all your body and all your soul. Have faith in Him. He is your merciful and sovereign God -- trust HIM and BE PATIENT.<P>I will continue to pray for you,<BR>KristyAnn

Kristy Ann is right on target. My problems with my H have been going on for 7 months. It has anly been in the last month or so that my H has done a turn around. The OW is really LB by lying to my H and she thinks he is stupid. My H is anything but that and he can read right into someones lies. So she doing alot of LB's. REmember that GOD does have a plan for you just believe.<P>Michelle

I just received a call from the lending insitution that holds my mortgage. I attempted to refinance my house, to lower the monthly payment by extending the length of the loan. It was declined, I'm now 2 months behind on the mortgage, and other bills totalling approximately two thousand dollars for the month. I have a little over 140.00 and my next paycheck arrives a week from Wednesday, and will be around 400.00. I'm going to lose my house, and do not have a place to go to. MY parents will not allow me to stay with them, and they are my only relatives. So, it's either my car, or a homeless shelter, or public housing. It seems every prayer I offer is ignored, or there is sin in my life, that I haven't recognized or I'm just a child that GOD is not, at all, concerned with, or there is something so valuable to the kingdom of GOD that the devil HAS to make sure I literally give up completely and cease to exist. I am still seeing my counselor, and my psychiatrist, still taking anti-depressants, actually taking adderal fo ADHD, the psychiatrist is trying attention deffecit disorder as a possible cause.... All I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep every single minute, or crawl in a hole. I can't take this anymore.<BR>

Have you looked into chapter 13. I know that sounds awful but it helps you refinance things and get back onto your feet. That was recommended to H and I if we were to stay together, but I think we will have to file chapter 7. It takes awhile for you to lose you house I have been living in mine for 7 months rent free and when i spoke to the mortage co it will be another 6-9 months before i get kick out. Hopefully by then I will be able to purchase the home. Keep your head up I know its hard but you can make it.<P>Michelle