On May 29, 2001 my married life changed forever. My husband told me he didn't know if he loved me anymore. He said he doesn't even care about his home, and everything else we worked so hard for. He said they mean nothing. He's dead inside and he doesn't even feel anything if I come home it's like he doesn't want me to. He said is it a sin to stay in a marriage if you HATE being in it. We have been married for 10 years. We have five year old twin girls. My husband works third shift as a Police Officer. I work first shift. He says he hasn't been happy and not sure if he's felt love for me for six years. I know we haven't had a lone time with all the work we have to do on our acreage and the girls are very active. I have always been committed but that seems like it wasn't enough. On May 29, 2001 he went out for a couple of beers. I said for him to be careful, to call me if he needs me to pick him up. He made it sound like he wouldn't be gone very long. One of our girls got the hives like she does sometimes but this time it was MUCH worse I tried to call him on cell phone and I called the bar where he was supposed to be. He wasn't there. I even called one of his friends. No one had seen him. This was about 11:30pm at night and I had to pack the girls in the truck because I ran out of medicine for her hives. I drove to store and got more. On the way back home I saw the bar was closed where he was supposed to be. I kept trying his cell # NO ANSWER. I began to worry.<BR>I went home and it became 1:30am then 1:45am then someone called him cell phone that I had at home. The number was familiar that I saw before. I said HELLO and they hung up.<BR>I looked up the number and it was in him pocket calendar the numbers matched beside it was a girls name Mary. I was really worried. Finally at 2:30am I see him turn on our gravel road. I jumped into bed like I was sleeping. When he got into bed I asked jokingly if he closed the bars down. He said he left this bar at 2:10am. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew the bar closed earlier. I told him about our daughter he jumped up and said of all nights. I told him to sit down. I asked him where he really was. He said that bar again. I told him I drove past it and it was closed. He then put his head down and said he was driving around thinking. I said where I tried calling the cell #. I told him about Mary calling. He finally admitted he had been talking to her at work about somethings. She has been better than any marriage counselor because she's been through it. To make a long story shorter. He has admitted to an affair with her. We have been to a counselor once together and once by ourselves. After I caught them again at her house when I caught him in another lie. I called our Pastor. We confessed all our sins and asked for forgiveness. He said he would stop calling her. Since May 29, 2001, there have been days where he would just lay in bed and cry. He couldn't even look at me. He said it's done and he feels nothing, he's dead inside. He said he's been feeling like this for 6 years now and he just can't take it anymore.<BR>We went together twice to see the Pastor and my husband went once by himself. I caught him talking to her on his cell phone outside one day. He said she's having a hard time with it.(ending it) From that day things have just gotten WORSE. I looked on internet and found this website and set-up a phone counselling. I talked first and I thought we were getting over somewhat of a hump. Then I came home on June 8, 2001 and found a note with a womans writting and my husbands writting. It was for a divorce lawyer. I asked him about it and totally lied. Then again he said he's done he can't take it anymore. I told his parents that weekend. His brother went to talk to him and his parents talked to him on Sunday. Then that Monday he had his Phone Counselling session and that night he told me he helped him understand a lot of things he's feeling BUT there are a lot of things he has to work out and that was all he wanted to tell me for now. I thanked him. We had another session together a couple of days later. My husband seemed like he was willing. Then I saw got the cell phone bill. He calls her right after he talks to me or pastor or counselor. He works third shift and she also works with him. He called her work number all the time almost every hour then when she gets home at 3:00am he calls her home # every hour after that until he leave for home at 7:00am. Then as soon as he gets up during the day he calls her. I called our Pastor. He said he has to be confronted about this and to stop or he is not welcome in church or home. I went to medical doctor because I am not able to sleep or eat. I told him the whole story. He said it doesn't sound like the same man he knew. He said he wanted to see him. I asked my husband to go. He said he would call. My husband cancelled our appointment with our Pastor to go to doctor. Then he was going to cancel doctor appointment. I also talked to someone who knew some things about this woman my husband had been calling. She said to be very carefull. She is good at conquering men. She has had affairs on her husband. She said she's out to win.<BR>This really scared me. My husband did go to the doctor and was upset with me that I told him everything. He worked a special project on Saturday from 7:00pm - 11:00pm he called and said he would be late. Then he called again and said he was going out for a couple of beers. I told him to please come home. He said no he was going out for a couple of beers. His brother called and I told him. He said he figured that he would be late. His brother and his wife drove to the bar. Here he was sitting at the bar with Mary.<BR>His brother called the bar and told him to come home. It wasn't my idea to do this it was his families. His dad also drove to our house. They are all sick. They all talked. Nothing got through his THICK head. He feels he shouldn't stay in a marriage if he wasn't happy inside about it. His family are very Christian people and my husband was raised this way too. He's so hooked on her. He even told me he gets love and care there. He said he could stay in marriage but he's scared about future what if it doesn't work. Then he said he could go with her and it doesn't work. He even told he out of anger that he knew it can work with her. He said I made he have the affair. I drove him to it. He said through all of these years I gave him a lot of emotional scares that he can't look past. He's dead inside. He made me feel like a terrible person. I know I have a lot of things to work on but I'm not an evil person. I know sometimes I am demanding and maybe a nag. I know I have disrespected his family. I never have felt him not loving me. I have known my husband forever. He only lived 2 blocks away from me. We went to same school. We know everything about each other. I considered us a good team and sole mates. He thinks what I say and I say what he thinks. But ever since he got into this new career about 6-1/2 years ago plus during this time we had twin girls and bought this acreage which needed a LOT of work. That's all we've been doing is work. For the last week or so he has become a VERY good lier, sneak. And I feel him drawing closer and closer to her and further and further from me. I told him as a friend in confidentiality the stuff I heard about Mary. He promised to not tell her. Well last night he sat down upset what I had said about her and that he has his resourses that say that this is not true about her. He just is defending and all on her side. He has also put his mind at ease about divorce. He is just has made himself believe thats what needs to be done. He's throwing this Mary in my face and defending her. I told him I don't know his. We were absolutely the best of friends. We have know each other our entire lives. And now he's taking her his and thinks he knows everything about her like no one does. He said she's made him see the light. He said she said once you lose something in a marriage you will NEVER get it back. That the kids will adjust and divorce is fine. Well still go to family reunions no one will abandon me. My family I am not close to. My mother passed away in 1994 and it's just my dad. His family is my only family to me. Anyone have any suggestions. I went to a lawyer today to just talk and he said we need to make a committment to save our marriage. We need to take a plan of action. I am willing to do our change anything to make the marriage work. But on the other hand my husband says he will TRY. He still has this Mary in the background. I have been begging and pleading and I know I have just drawn his closer to her. I don't want a divorce. I truely LOVE my husband. I feel I can't live and raise our children without him. He's like a stranger in my house. He's nice one minutes then the next he says he's faking it again like he has for 6 years. I am just crushed. We have ALWAYS said to each other every time we depart from each other "I LOVE YOU" but now he can't say it. He sometimes doesn't say it to the girls. Now for the last week or so too he thinks he needs to not wear his wedding ring. He lies that he has a sore but he doesn't. I asked his again this morning and he said he doesn't feel right wearing it.<P>I was told by his parents and listening to a tape from the book "LOVE MUST BE TOUGH" that he must leave his home and decide what he wants. I will tell him I love him and married him for life and I'm deticated & committed to do what it takes. But he must make a choice to be committed to saving his marriage.<P>HELP do you have any suggestions. I am tired and feel helpless.<P>Sincerely,<BR>LOVEMESS