I ask this question respectfully not sarcastically: are all of us in this forum in some kind of severe denial about the sin that our spouses are in or is there really some hope out there? I know with God all things are possible but when some wonderful Christian person you love, dramatically and suddenly changes what else can you say but Satan has got that person's heart? Sure God can make a difference but who are we to question what God is doing in our lives? <P>I can't see myself as a divorced person and I can't see my children as children of divorce and I can't understand why my spouse's family has turned against me after seemingly being my friend for over 20 years, but after only five months of going through the hurt of my wife beginning to divorce me (papers were filed two months ago). After hearing her and her family saying I have to pay for the damage I've done --- isn't it better to let it all end (the marriage) and try to stop the pain. I believe my children will want to stay with me anyway? <P>Any answers out there?

Hey Joe,<P>I'm a great fan of quotes, and here are two from the best book I've ever read:<P>Matthew 19:5-6<P>And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.<P>Malachi 2:16 <P>"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.<P><BR>I think if you have a look there are very few references in the Bible where God actually says he HATES something, but divorce is one of the few. All I can say to you is that i'm learning to trust the Lord more and more day by day, and I'm praying that I don't backslide like I have done ever again. God is teaching me a lesson here and i'm learning the HARD way. This is the hardest thing I have ever lived through, even the death of my father didn't bring as much pain as I have been through in the last 9 months.<P>God hasn't put us all in this situation just for a bit of fun! There is something that he wants changed in all of us, and we have to LISTEN now or things are going to get a lot worse. The world tells us we should just divorce our WS and find another partner. That will probably work in the short term, but I personally feel that there is nobody out there that can replace my W. I know that anyone else will be second best to her, and I love her warts and all! I can't say that she's going to be back and everything will be rosy, and I constantly remind myself to have ZERO expectations when I think like that.<P>I think that being married is really important for your kids. Divorce is only going to make your children feel more divided, and it gives your wife the opportunity to find a new "daddy" for them. Be strong for your kids, and show them that the Lord HATES divorce. <P>I don't have the answers to your problem, I can only share with you what I have learnt and read myself. Even the best meaning Christians that I know have said that I should divorce, but I keep being hit in the face by scripture that is telling me otherwise. Right now I know my wife is a lost soul aimlessly searching for happiness in this "quick fix" world. I also know that there is a thin thread of love between us, and that I am her only link to Christ right now. If I cut that thread with a divorce, what future does she have?<P>Only God can give you the answers you are looking for.<P>Plec.<p>[This message has been edited by plecostomous (edited August 20, 2001).]

Hi Joe, we already have the answers we need. Just like Adam and Eve had the answers. But then here comes the serpent and tells our mates "God didnt say that" God just doesnt want you to be happy... God did say it. He hates divorce. Its wrong. Period. Are we going to bite the fruit of destrution along with our mates or are we going to trust God and His word. Well, im really trying to trust God and His word, and the enemy is still throwing everything and the kitchen sink at me. We also live in a world where most people, even christians are in compleate denial of Who God is and what pleases and displeases Him. I had to learn that i cant trust the direction God is going with my life on my W's mental and emotional state of mind. You will throw in the towel every time you fall into that trap. <P>Now that my wife wants back, we have an entire army(our families) againts us. They have stopped at nothing. They sppend a lot of their time making sure we never get back together. I must really be p**sing the enemy off. My W is in utter fear. She is becoming unstable again because of them. <BR>This isnt an easy road for any of us, but its the road the Lord has us on and its for a reason. We are to be examples to so many around us that are taking the wide road into destrution. Dont let them fool you with their happiness talk. Its a lie and true denial. How can anyone be happy going againts God. Answer... They cant. Ive tried it, it dont work. <BR>Let us continue to lift each other up in prayer. Thats our part, the rest is Gods.<BR>Mark

Joe, I have asked myself that question, too. Please do NOT give up. I have been going through this for months now, and God has seen me through. There were times that I felt like giving up, but you cannot imagine the miracle the Lord has given me. My H has quit talking to OW, and has started coming home again. I have never given up the faith in God, in my M, and in my Family. I have shown (not only my H, and friends) everyone that my M is worth hanging on to. I have been given a lot of flack by everyone, but I continue to tell them that I am doing what God has TOLD me to do. I feel so at peace with everything. I pray that you do not give up, and THANK GOD for the healing of your marriage, as I thank HIM for the continued healing of mine. Take care, and keep the faith!!<P>Faith n Him

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I pray that you do not give up, and THANK GOD for the healing of your marriage, as I thank HIM for the continued healing of mine</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, Joe. DON"T GIVE UP!! This is the message on this board. There IS a God, and if you believe in Him, then all that He has to say about divorce is true! He HATES it!! <P>So, if God hates divorce, we should too!! If God can make the Red Sea part, if God can turn water into wine, if God can keep 3 young men thrown into a firey furnace from even a singed hair, and NOT EVEN THE SMELL OF SMOKE on them, he can do this!! A modern-day miracle is no different from a miracle that we read about in His WOrd from olden-times.. It all boils down, to: DO WE BELIEVE, or don't we?<P>You are being deceived. You are believing a lie of the devil. He LOVES to lie to God's people! He's been doing it since the beginning of time. Why? Cause he can destroy what God is trying to do on Earth if we give up to his temptation. Imagine his NERVE even trying to tempt Jesus Himself!!!<P>As for us, he hates to see God's people being successful, and Marriages flourishing, because marriage is God's symbolism for His relationship with His poeple. Also, it goes against the darkness and unhappiness he's been out to create since he was cast out of paradise. DON"T listen to his lies. Please. Believe God. God LOVES to work totally against the "way of the world."<P>That is how His Glory is demonstrated best. Hang in there, Joe. We are all in this together. We've all asked the same questions from time to time. That's what's so great about this site! We can hold each other up, pray for one another, support each other when the devil grabs a hold of our minds and makes us think opposite of our Lord's way.<P>I LOVE to "lurk" over In Recovery. Cause there is where I see that it IS possible. It DOES happen. Marriages DO get restored, even tho mine isn't yet, I KNOW it will, and I picture myself posting over there when it does! <P>See? It's just a matter of faith! Hebrews 11:1<P>Lupo <BR>

Joe / Mark,<P>A group of us are trying to arrange group prayer every wednesday. It would be great if you two join in, I think you'll find it's a great feeling to have someone pray for you who is in the same situation. They know what you are going through, and what to pray for.<P>Here is the post:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum19/HTML/000950.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum19/HTML/000950.html</A> <P>You are both in my daily prayers.<P>Plec.