Well, in a sermon on TV I listened to this morning, it talked about the devil putting Xn couples through trials in order to minimize, or totally destroy their "walk" or thier service to the Lord. This is what I think he did to my H and me.<p>Of course, in this trouble we are in now (his A) it is obvious, but it hit me this morning that we had "trouble" with this right from the very beginning....while we were still dating, when we were involved with Youth Ministry. We were "kicked out" of our volunteer positions. We were never told why. They never felt they "had to tell us...." Long story, we tried in every way to get them to tell us, even volunteered our own information trying to get them to tell us, so we could repent from whatever it was they felt we had done that was so terrible. <p>Eventually, we just quietly slipped out the back door of that church, our church, the church HIS parents were charter members of....and never looked back. It took a LOT of years to get us to go back to any church, but we were never "active" the way we should have been. The hurt was too deep, and we "nursed" it for sure. Hmmm. It didn't hit me until just this morning that Satan apparently "had it in" for our M right from the start with that Youth Ministry stuff....and we fell for it, and continued to lick at the wounds from it, until we were NO GOOD at any christianity at all.....<p>So certainly we had NOTHING, nothing spiritual at all within us, or between us when THIS thing hit us. He had NO POWER to fight against it, and even now, I don't believe my WH believes God can ever forgive him.<p>I'm so sad tonight. I just know he knows this hurts soooo much, for him to have been "away" for Thanksgiving like this, and he's probably feeling like now there's definitely NO turning back to our M. I'm just beyond words sad. For both of us.<p>L

Dear Lupo, My W and I also went thru similar stuff at our church. Then they flipped out on her for not giving her entire life to God. They keeped blaming her for this and that. At the time , my W had undiagnosed manic depression. No one understood what was going on inside her, not even her.(my W acually was the only person out of a 500 people church that humbled herself and cryed during an entire service) One of her last notes to me before she disappeared was the devil is out to destroy us. Then destrution hit like a nucleur bomb. My W never felt worthy of the Lord. But oh, the people at our church were so worthy, and they felt God blessed them because of it. The very people that told us we werent walkin with the Lord as we should like they were , were full of pharisee like spiritual pride. They are the kind of people that when the storms hit their lives they turn there backs on God. They already turned their backs on us. I went for help after she left and they turned their backs on me like the diciples did to Jesus when He was crucifiied. I went to church one last morning before i left town cause i was then homeless and tithed about 80% of what i had which wasnt much and no job. I was trying to forgive them and shame them at the same time. God did bless me for it. I still dont go to A CHURCH...
Im not bitter for those people. I hurt for them. They are deceived into thinkin they are something, when they are not. Satan works both ways. Thru these last 3 years i have learned how to tell whom is walking with the Lord and whom isnt. Our closeness and growth in the Lord, seems to be directly tied to many troubles in ones life.
A rightous man has many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Thats from one of my favorite psalms 34. Job is a perfect example of those of us whom are suffering great tribulation, yet continue to wait on God. Job wasnt happy, didnt like what was happening, didnt understand, cursed the day he was born, yet still waited on God and wouldnt curse Him. His wife was a different example. She turned her back on God compleatly. You can gather a lot from this story. In the end, Job didnt get any answers, but met the Lord in a big way and that was enough to know his life was still in Gods care. Jobs perseverence and love also brought compassion and mercy on his friends whom God wasnt pleased with. Jobs wife also was forgiven and blessed because of Jobs perseverence and love.
Because of Jobs suffering many including his wife found mercy although they didnt deserve it. Im not going to make excuses for Jobs wife, but she lost her 10 children, her husband was terminal, and they were homeless. It doesnt say where she went during all that time. I can only imagine. I know she was bitter at God and im sure she cursed Him as she told Job to do.
But we all know how this story ends. God wants to know how much we trust Him. Unfortunantly, so does the devil. The Lord will see us thru all this and get Glory. I really cant see God deciding that the devil is going to get the glory instead. Thru our trials, the Lord is teaching us to trust Him and to know Him better. I personally cant say it isnt working in my life. Ive never known the Lord as i do today.
My prayers are with you Lupo. You will make it thru this. God will honor your stand.
Mark

Thanks,Mark,<p>As usual, you've shown what a "Lion of God" you really are. I cried when I read what you wrote.<p>Lupo

Mark, you and Gentle are what saved me at the beginning of this trial.<p>I want to remind you and all of us that the Lord is the Holy Trinity. He Himself is a community. He didn't need us but He created us in His likeness, to love Him and to be in communion with Him.<p>We all need communion with other Christians. We need the common sense of somebody outside our situation who can help us see the road when we are lost looking down at the leaves covering it.<p>We cannot get by without a church and we mustn't judge a church by the apparent behavior of the humans who attend.<p>Mark, you have to forgive those people. You have mentioned them over and over and you mention your wife's illness over and over.<p>Jesus said something like "Come find rest, all you who are weary for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." <p>If our burden is too heavy, something is wrong with the picture.<p>Even the Lord needed help to carry His cross.<p>We have to seek out other Christians. We have to ask support in our stand. We have to listen to others and be willing to question ourselves without falling into doubt.<p>We do not have the inside knowledge of who is saved and who isn't. Jesus said some laborers were going to show at the last second and I bet that the vast majority are going to show at the last second. They are going to get the same reward we are going to get and that's not unfair, it's mercy.<p>We have to be lights but accept that other people have light too.<p>Mark, you are struggling too hard. Stop trying so hard and let go. If you tithed 80% that was an exaggeration. The Lord gave you a brilliant mind but He only asked for 10%. When you do too much - the Lord loves it yet He wants you to have BALANCE. Don't test Him.<p>I don't know what the Lord has in mind for any of us but we have to do HIS will, not ours. Maybe some of us need to be "single" for a while to build back the churches, to witness to others, to encourage others, to edify our spouses and children, to expiate other people's sins and not just our own. Who knows why? We are not to question but to obey.<p>But please don't leave the churches because they are full of hypocrites. That doesn't make sense. We are each hypocrites sometimes - none is perfect. But the Lord asked us to please stay united. We have to love the hypocrites anyway and realize that until we walk in their shoes we won't understand them like they don't understand us.<p>Try the Catholic church again one more time, Mark. Start with where you began and see if a priest can actually help. If not, stay anyway and pray for the Holy Spirit to enlighten him. You have the gift of the Holy Spirit but if you hide it and only let Patti see it you are hiding your light under a bushel. You are a man of courage, an interesting, intelligent man who has so much to offer. Please go back to a church and humbly join and slowly see where your talents - and you have a bunch, even music, right? - can serve the Lord in His house. Please do it for me. I think you are being called by me to do this and that's why I am writing this to you. Sometimes the Holy Spirit uses me and maybe this is it.<p>I want you to report back next Monday, ok brother?<p>Love, T

Dear Trying, i value your friendship very much. I understand what you are saying. The catholic church i believe was the original body of Christ. Its probably more pure where it began in Italy. I believe thats where you are. <p>The bible says apostocy will abound in the end times and i have seen it everywhere in all churchs and i learned to see most of it from my own heart. I was a perfect example of imperfection. The bible also says come out from them. You will know them by their fruits. Im not judging peoples salvation, for i cant see into their hearts only God can, but we are called to judge the behaviour of those whom call themselves christians, but we have to start with our own hearts first. The irony is all i had to do to judge there behaviour was tell them i was standing for the restoration of my marriage. It was my example that brought about persecution and exposed many hearts. Ive been personally attacked for this by blood family and church family alike. <p>I came upon a time in my life, where i had to look to God only for direction and answers. I found myself in a cave like David. I do feel im coming out. We are the church here. The church isnt a building, but the body of Christ. We dont persecute each other cause we share in the same struggles. <p>Before the iron curtain fell and even now in many countries people gather secretly in small gatherings to read the bible and pray for each other. That alone put their lives in danger, yet many of them have changed the world and spread the gospel much like Paul did. <p>God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble, and we have been humbled by our circumstances. I do need help. I do need brothers and sister to stand by me. Many have claimed they would, but flee at the first sign of spiritual warfare and attacks from the enemy. Jesus had only one person to carry His cross as the diciples fleed. But we have carried each others cross here and im not going to belittle the greatness of it,nor forget we are the church reguardless of the means. This may seem like only a forum at times, but the Lord works in strange and mysterious ways and we are in spirit together, just as we are with the Lord.
I hope this helps you understand where im coming from.
Mark

[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Well, sometimes our relationships with people change and/or come to an end, but our relationship with the Lord is permanent. There is no end to His plans for you beyond all your hopes, dreams, and expectations. <p>I think we often underestimate God's power and grace and mercy at times when the enemy seems to have won an inning. But we need to always ALWAYS remember, WE WIN THE GAME! God set it up already! That's why it's called a GOOD fight of faith. Have you ever heard of a fight described as "good" when you lose? Of course not! WE WIN THE GAME!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong> But we need to always ALWAYS remember, WE WIN THE GAME! God set it up already! That's why it's called a GOOD fight of faith. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Thanks, BTDT,
I appreciate your words of encouragement.<p>I truly believe the "miracle" is right around the corner....cause I've claimed Rev. 12:12, which states that the serpent, called the Devil has "come unto (me) having great wrath, because he knows that he has but a short time..."<p>I have UP and DOWN and UP again and DOWN again since I last posted this.....it's been a real roller-coaster ride! It's been nothing tangible, actually, just the battle for my mind.<p>I was having the most awful fight in my mind last week....constant thoughts like:
"Your WH's never coming home...."
"HOW could you believe God would bring him home after ALL THIS?!?!"
"You have MISINTERPRETED God's Word. It doesn't really mean that...."
"HE's not talking to God, so it won't do YOU any good to believe in God's promises...there's nothing there for YOU if your H isn't in on it!"
"HOW MUCH LONGER will you stand and believe? GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!"<p>See? It was pretty terrible! I'm better now. I feel like it was all precipitated by me praying for OW. I prayed for her salvation, I also asked God to forgive her, cause she really DIDN"T know the pain this has caused....she was just looking for a little "happiness" of her own - how ever MISguided that search might be! [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The devil doesn't like us to be overcomers, to become more Godly. NOT that I am, understand, just that I'm TRYING and the Spirit in me is helping!<p>Thanks, again.<p>Lupo

You know lupo, we all ALL deal with those tormenting thoughts regardless of the circumstances. It's the same old tactics and the same old demons, just different circumstances: worry, fear, doubt, rejection, worry, fear, doubt, rejection... sometimes disguised as other things. Do I ever know what you mean. Hang in there, sis. God is definitely with you! HEY! I have an idea--just refuse to get on the emotional rollercoaster! Just let it go right on by. God's word is stable and secure and solid. He is our Rock! Stand on that!

Hi Lupo, I feel like I turned a corner and thanks to your prayers and those on this forum I don't feel that rage or even that hurt so much. I just feel determined to make something of my life for God's glory.<p>I still believe in my heart my H is coming home but it might take a while. I still hope for another child with him in my old age (!) which is a dream for a worldly way of thinking but I like my dream.<p>Life goes on without your husband in the house because it has to go on. Your prayers are enough to lead him back to the Lord. You justify him as long as you don't let go. <p>This world is being shaken up and we all have to take sides now. There is no pretending it's business as usual. We can't go after 10 minutes of happiness but have to look to the Eternal Word. <p>You are winning Lupo. And your battle has helped me personally in a tremendous way.<p>Keep fighting the good fight. Bin There is so right. We will not give in till they return to the Lord and to their rightful spouses. "The prayer of a righteous person does much" says the Word. Elijah had it stop raining for 3 years! Your prayers have reached heaven and heaven needs your prayers to transform the earth so the Lord can dwell amongst us again. If your h came back today, he wouldn't be ready and neither would you. When that roller coaster ends and the power of the Holy Spirit builds you into a rock, I would say that is the time when he will come home, to seek refuge and love under the cover of the Rock you will become.<p>God bless you and all who read this. Never give up because if the Lord is with you, who can be against you? Let's cloak ourselves with humility and never stop praying but go about our lives, witnessing with every smile and every struggle that the Lord is real and loves us so.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Tryingtohope:
<strong>I still hope for another child with him in my old age (!) which is a dream for a worldly way of thinking but I like my dream.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Trying,
Don't worry about it!! God can and DOES answer even "worldly" dreams IF THEY ARE IN HIS WILL. Well, what is WRONG with a dream of another beautiful new soul with our oneflesh mate??? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I certainly can't see a reason it wouldn't be in God's Will!! Let's just see what happens!!!!<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Life goes on without your husband in the house because it has to go on. Your prayers are enough to lead him back to the Lord. You justify him as long as you don't let go. <hr></blockquote></strong>
OK, here we go: HERE"S the rub...."You justify him as long as you don't let go...."
See, this is where the confusion can set in, cause HOW do you "Give it to the Lord" in one breath, and then "DON"T LET GO" in the OTHER?!?!?! Is it just ME??!?!?! Am I just THAT dense, or is this confusing??? HOW TO KNOW how much to "hold onto" and how much to let go and Let God.
<strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>When that roller coaster ends and the power of the Holy Spirit builds you into a rock, I would say that is the time when he will come home, to seek refuge and love under the cover of the Rock you will become.<hr></blockquote></strong>
Well, I sure don't feel much like a rock!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I sure don't think I'll EVER feel like a rock!! I waver and waffle myself SOOOO much every single day..... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] (As you can tell by my posts.)<p>Thanks for your encouragement. BinThere....THANK YOU for your faithfulness in praying, and responding and understanding, too!!! I AM trying to stay on the solid rock. I'm trying a new tactic, too....I'm trying to SING (I don't do that very well......) whenever I am feeling down........you know.....hymns and made-up praises. I've been told that pleases the Lord.....it must! It sure makes ME feel better when i do it!<p>God Bless,
Lupo

Dear Lupo,<p>I will pray again for you tonight. We are fighting together the very same good fight. It is so hard, especially right now, in the holiday season. I am going to somehow go and get a tree tomorrow. I will probably cry and try not to do it so my son won't see me again. Yes, satan has definitely been working overtime on the both of our WS. Do not give in. You have chosen the path of love, the path God wants us to walk. Our path is the very hardest of all. We must make good choices on this path and pray for clarity. I know that one of my biggest prayers is for God to grant me wisdom and discernment so that I can be a beacon of love and faith for my H and you can do that too. We don't have to like the OW or the OM that are attempting to take down our families, but we do need to pray for them. We need to pray that the Holy Spirit pierce through their calousness and selfishness to break their hearts and turn from their sin. I pray a little but basically the same variation for my H. Our feet are worn out, they are probably bloody and bruised, but us who have chosen this path will arrive--blessed by our Creator. And when God has given us our answer to this quest we are on, we will be stronger, better, and more loving. I believe that as we hurt, we are able to become more compassionate to others who hurt also. That is what the body of Christ is to one another. <p>To Mark, your words resound in my heart. God is with you and loves you so much. Please do not judge all churches. In fact, some friends from my old church back home (in the marrieds class) refuse to let me come back and be in any other class. They said if I moved back home, that they are simply my friends, plain and simple and that they liked me whether or not I had a band on my ring finger. Just like different songs, each church is different. You will learn to love a song, while immediately tapping your foot instantly to another one. Another song just may not be your cup of tea. Find the church that makes your heart sing and will truly rejoice to have such a wonderful brother among their midst. I am blessed to have you in mine. God bless you all.

Wow lupolady,
Singing to the Lord in the middle of a fiery trial is a great way to confuse the enemy! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] He doesn't know what is in our hearts, but he definitely recognizes praise, remember, he tried to steal God's glory back in heaven... He is a musical creature (Lucifer...)<p>And don't forget in Jericho when the believers shouted to God the WALLS came down! With praises to God as their only weapon, they confused their enemy and in turn, won their battle. AWESOME!

Hi Lupo,
You asked how to let go and go on and it took me a week to think about it.<p>I believe letting go and going on is making something of your life that will last whether they come home in a day or three years. It means not dating, not looking for anyone else, praying for their conversion and the reconciliation of your marriage IN THE LORD and loving them yet finding new friends, having parties, laughing, going to movies, exercising, dancing, whatever you like to do that is not going to put you into the temptation of looking for another mate.<p>It means improving yourself, not giving up, not giving in to depression, smiling and having fun and not thinking about your husband ALL day. Half an hour in prayer is probably good enough but this is hard to do.<p>I love my husband more and more and our relationship is still all messed up but I feel that Jesus is allowing some light to shine in. In my heart, I feel like it'll be another two years of battle but maybe the Lord will surprise me.<p>I have to change a LOT. I don't know about you but I find change very hard. I'm not very good at it but I have to change. I am going to be more organized, less dreamy, live in the real world a little more while living like a Christian. (Step one, it would be good to get rid of my terrible temper and pride...)<p>So this is my goal. And I am going to ask God to change my husband's heart every day.<p>Did you ever get the books from Restorem.org? I got "How God can and WILL restore your marriage" and I find it helpful and comforting. Worse cases than ours have been fixed and that book plus the practical advice of the Harley books are good tools.<p>Good luck and God bless us all!! (We need it.) I think we are all going to win, as long as we keep praying and changing for the better. Hang in there and don't forget to laugh at yourself, like you already do! A sense of humor is crucial.<p>Love, T

Hi, T.
Thanks for your very comprehensive answer! I'd like to respond to it in some detail (IF you can stand to "beat this dead horse" a little while longer):<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>It means not dating, not looking for anyone else,<hr></blockquote></strong>
OK, doing this, no problem.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> praying for their conversion and the reconciliation of your marriage IN THE LORD and loving them<hr></blockquote>
Ditto
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> yet finding new friends, having parties, laughing, going to movies, exercising, dancing, whatever you like to do that is not going to put you into the temptation of looking for another mate.<hr></blockquote>
So far so good.....<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>It means improving yourself, not giving up, not giving in to depression, smiling and having fun<hr></blockquote>
Hmmmm mostly........
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> ...not thinking about your husband ALL day. Half an hour in prayer is probably good enough.<hr></blockquote>
AHA!!! SEE?!?!?! HERE's the "rub" - THIS is exactly the sticking point. NOT THINKING ABOUT YOUR H all day........HOW?!?!?!?! This is the hardest part. It's not too bad while I'm at work. BUT when I get home.....we had just spent 5 months of our lives remodeling a *wonderful* home, and it's absolutely beautiful! (Actually wasn't even finished before he left) so every little thing I add, just deepens the hurt because he's not here enjoying all the fruits of our labor on our wonderful, beautiful (looks like brand)new home. When I go from room to room, and remember all the work we did to make it look like it looks now, I just want to sit and cry all over again. And as I continue working on stuff, I am doing it "alone" and wondering if this is how it's going to be forever......just ME in this house. "Did he agree to get this house and remodel it just *for me* so he could feel I was "happy" and therefore wouldn't miss him?? (He says this is exactly what he did).<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I love my husband more and more and our relationship is still all messed up but I feel that Jesus is allowing some light to shine in. In my heart, I feel like it'll be another two years of battle but maybe the Lord will surprise me.<hr></blockquote>
I guess I just don't have a "time frame" - BUT if I HAD TO SAY, all I could say is: "PLEASE LORD!! Don't let it take 2 more years!!!" [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
Thy Will, not mine, Lord.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I have to change a LOT. I don't know about you but I find change very hard. I'm not very good at it but I have to change.
I am going to be more organized, less dreamy, live in the real world a little more while living like a Christian. (Step one, it would be good to get rid of my terrible temper and pride...).<hr></blockquote>
Yes, you're describing me to a "T"<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Did you ever get the books from Restorem.org? I got "How God can and WILL restore your marriage" and I find it helpful and comforting. <hr></blockquote>
Yes, I have it. AND SAA.<p>As I have stated previously, it just seems TO ME that it's almost as though we really DON"T "believe" if we don't continuously "watch" (and hope) for our Prodigals to return as the father of the Prodigal Son did. That makes me keep my mind focused more on my WH than I probably should. I'm getting better with *time* - there's that "dreaded" word everybody hates so much!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I mean (last point, I promise!) HOW do you "believe" your Prodigal is returning and then "get to a point where you don't care anymore either way" - as some BS have stated? That's where I'm stuck. Do I care or not?!?! I don't seem to know how to do both. Either I believe God's promises to return my H (which I believe He gave me) or I DON"T.....if I DO beleive God is going to restore my M, then I should be "expectantly" waiting, right?<p>BTW (and this really IS my last point), I wrote a post awhile ago, quite a while ago, where I explained about the morning I laid my WH on the "altar" and asked God if giving him up was what He wanted. I meant it! I had peace about it. It came out of the blue, it wasn't something I "worked up to..." I woke up with an incredible sense of peace, and asked God to do it, then, cause I was ready.<p> I could actually "SEE" my life going on without him. I was "there." God 'told' me that wasn't what He wanted, that He would restore my M, that Forgiveness and Reconciliation is what HE's (GOD) is all about. It's somewhere in old posts in Prayer Requests, I think, so I'll leave out all the details and you can search it if you're interested.<p>As usual, I don't know when to "shut up" [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Lupo

I always like your posts so please don't think anybody wants you to say less. Everyone is free to go to the next one if they like shorter answers, but life is not so quick and easy.<p>I am having the exact same problems as you and trying not to think and suffer about this all day long.<p>Tonight I passed a shopping center that is about to open and I hoped that God would somehow let me have my dream of opening a Christian/Catholic bookstore.<p>I hope that it can be a reality for me so that all day I am working for the Lord because I can't get that interested in my regular job. I want to do more and help others find their faith, esp. in these times of crisis with the world so completely secular and - at least in Europe - pornographic.<p>It made me reflect that if the Lord gave me another job for Him, it would be easier not to obsess about my H and my situation.<p>My problem is that I live in Italy and if my H doesn't come home, I don't want to raise my daughter here and I don't want to get old here. So I do have a time frame because she is in 2nd grade. I can wait till she finishes 3rd maybe but I have to go before school becomes too difficult for her to catch up.<p>Anyway, if I could start the bookstore, it would be my project I am dreaming about and would keep me anchored here with a purpose beyond my H. I wouldn't mind staying if I had a higher purpose.<p>I say all this because maybe - maybe - God has a certain plan for you while you wait that otherwise you wouldn't do. Your h would block you or you'd be too busy. Try to see if this is true. Maybe you are meant to build up your church, your neighborhood, the nursing home near you, the prison... where are you supposed to evangelize while you wait? I know there is a place for you. Maybe it's your office...<p>I don't believe we are being punished. We are being CALLED. So each of us has to try to answer the call. This will fill that hole in our heart till our h or w's come home. And only the Lord knows the timing. Let Him work it out so that your marriage will be restored on His rock and not on the sand again.<p>Take care of yourself and find some fun... ;-) Love, T

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Tryingtohope:
<strong>I hope that it can be a reality for me so that all day I am working for the Lord because I can't get that interested in my regular job....if the Lord gave me another job for Him, it would be easier not to obsess about my H and my situation.
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Thanks for your kind words, T! I enjoy reading YOUR posts, too, cause they give me plenty to think about!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I say all this because maybe - maybe - God has a certain plan for you while you wait that otherwise you wouldn't do. Your h would block you or you'd be too busy. Try to see if this is true. </strong><hr></blockquote>
This is an interesting point. I have JUST THIS WEEK, begun to really focus on God and ME. My relationship with my Lord is the MOST important thing. IF my WH does not come home, *I* still have to have a relationship with my Lord, and ultimately face Him and be judged by Him for my actions during my time on Earth. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> We are being CALLED. So each of us has to try to answer the call. This will fill that hole in our heart till our h or w's come home. And only the Lord knows the timing. Let Him work it out so that your marriage will be restored on His rock and not on the sand again. </strong><hr></blockquote>
OK, here we go again! Here are the first thoughts I had when I read this: "...your m will be restored on HIS rock...." The question is this: HOW will my WH get to where I am going if he doesn't get started????? HOW is he going to "find me" if God brings me to a new place....raises me higher and higher in Him, but my WH is NOT THERE yet....
Won't he feel like he CAN'T reach up to where I am, and won't ever be able to be as "high" spiritually as I am?!?!?! I mean, I'm serious!! HOW do I get a "Spiritual Leader" in my H when *I'm* the one who's growing, and he's not? (now)
I sometimes feel like the new places I'm going MAY NOT include my H. I know that's DUMB. I know it doesn't really matter, in God's Plan, cause He'll take care of me, and love me, with or without my H in my life in the future. I KNOW it's the ENEMY of God's Perfect Plan, the Great LIAR. But it's where I go sometimes....."He'll never want to come home....he'll see that YOU'VE CHANGED TOO MUCH....HE WON"T FEEL WORTHY or able to be the Spiritual Leader you want."<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>God has a certain plan for you while you wait that otherwise you wouldn't do. <hr></blockquote></strong>
I think the biggest thing for me during this time is to draw closer to God. We had been "backslidden" and away from God for a LONG time, both of us! My WH KNEW it before he left. About a week before he left, he made a comment, "We REALLY have to start going back to church." HE KNEW! But he left and ran into his sin anyway. BUT meanwhile, I KNEW I DID need to go back to God. I can see the differences in ME. I KNOW God will "use this" - my renewed relationship. Whether it is going to be through helping other couples in this situation, or some other type of ministry, I don't know yet, BUT I KNOW God has big plans!!
I can see how I am changing. JUST THIS WEEK, (as I stated earlier), I can see that God is letting me see EVERYTHING with "new" eyes, and with a filter that flows everything through HIM first! I see that Praise is the most important thing we creatures of the Most Holy God can do! There's a LOT more work to do in me, and God now has a willing vessel to do it in....I'm now more open than I ever remember being for God to fill me and use me in His Way.<p>It's terrific!! Thanks, T!!!<p>As far as your situation....my WH USED to say something interesting. He used to say, "You'll never know if God is opening a door for you to walk through till you walk up to it and TRY THE DOORKNOB." He used to say, "Christians are always looking for open doors - symbols from God. BUT HE won't open the door for us....He wants us to TRY ALL DOORS till you find the one that will open!!" I believe that for YOU!!! You have a "vision" of what you believe God wants you to do. Now it's time to STEP OUT and listen for God's Small, still voice directing your steps and showing you His Will for you! Moving you towards His Perfect Will for you.<p>This morning I was reflecting on the "Christmas Miracle" and I ws looking at it from Mary's perspective....imagine what a young, unmarried, virginal girl was thinking.....she probably felt A LOT like some of us do!! ALONE, SCARED, UNCERTAIN of her future....even Joseph almost left her alone!! THAT only didn't happen cause God told him in a dream that he shouldn't. But he might have, if Mary hadn't TRUSTED GOD totally! She didn't waffle as much as WE do. I get ashamed of myself when I think of Mary. I don't think I could do what she did.<p>Imagine what it must have felt like to be so young, pregnant, scared, having to TRAVEL at the latest stages of pregnancy, when ALL SHE probably REALLY WANTED was to be near her family and have her baby at home. Talk about how God's perfect Plan often looks so CRAZY to us!!!!!<p>Love & Prayers,
Lupo