My H has been gone now for 2 days. He had 5 - count them - 5 email accounts, which he told me to check if I wanted. I had all 5 passwords. It was 2 weeks yesterday that he told me that he told the OW it was over. I decided yesterday to just close out most of the accounts. The one that "they" used had a message in it dated the 22nd where she was wondering where he was and that she waited for his call. It had not been opened-or so it appeared anyway. Apparently Monday nights were the night they communicated, so I just left the email account alone and looked again this morning - another email - "It was fantastic hearing your voice last night, etc". He called me at work today regarding some insurance stuff and I asked him if he was still in contact with her. He said no. He seemed upset that she was sending messages and wondered if she was turning into a stalker-type. He talked about if he had her phone number he would just tell her to stop or maybe he should just talk to her husband (there's a thought - oh, I have been having an affair with your wife, but I'm a little tired of it - could you have her stop pursuing me????). However, as he spoke, there was a beeping in the background and he said it was his calling card running out (is that true that they beep like that?) He had 80 minutes on it when he left home Sunday. I am getting so confused and wondering if I am so desperate to believe him that I am being blind again. And what would be the point of lying to me this time anyway - he wouldn't have to look at me - he doesn't have to see me. What consequences would there be? He doesn't have to come home for weeks on end if he doesn't want to when he is an over the road driver. I don't understand the mindset here. Would it make it less exciting if I knew? Maybe I am just blowing it out of proportion. I am a mess now. I think I blew my blessing that I had managed to get from staying strong in this. I would appreciate some insight into this. Maybe I will never understand. Sorry this is so long. Kelli

<small>[ October 30, 2002, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Kelli,

The battle is not yours it is the Lords. Let Him have it and trust in Him.Please try not to figure out what is in your husband's mind. He probably doesn't know himself. He is Satan's prisoner right now. He doesn't make sense because he is falling for Satan's lies. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destory your husband and marriage. Please trust the Lord and let Him deal with your husband in His time and way.I know the wait is hard but you must trust. God tells us not to put our trust in man, we are to put all of our trust in Him. This would include trusting Him with your husband. No, you can't trust H but you can trust God.

God wants your marriage restored, but he wants your husband's heart first and it may take all this "stuff" to get him where God wants him.

Don't go by what you see, go by what God promises.
All things are possible with Him, but we need to step back and be still.

I believe it is best that you don't look at the e-mails. You get upset and you take your eyes off of Jesus.

Have you been to this web site? www.restorem.org

I learned God's will for my marriage from the book here.

gentle

<small>[ October 30, 2002, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Praying for you and your marriage.

God Bless.

Kelli,

How you doing today young lady? Just wanted to let you know you and your H were on my mind this morning.

Gentle's got some good advice. Worrying will make you nutz (it'll evendrive you crazy). You won't be able to control what others do. But God has a mighty hand. Make sure you're in tight with God (reading the bible everyday). Do a consistant Plan A, and let God fix this M that He designed.

Let us know how you're doing ok?

S&C

Thank you for your prayers and words. I have closed 3 of 5 accounts and have no reason to go there now. I have been so divided about the snooping thing. On one hand I think I should know and be prepared and be able to pray - on the other hand, I wish I didn't know anything. The big problem is that I know my H well enough that I can sense when he isn't being honest and know there is something wrong, but can't quite put my finger on - drives me crazy. See S&C - too late for me. Gentle, I am going to spend some time in that site. Thank you. My H still denies he is having any contact. I am guessing that if I want to start to trust, that I just have to start somewhere. Thank God that I have God - I honestly don't know what people who live outside the blood of Jesus do in times like this. Kelli

Kelli,

Remember love believes all and doesn't count wrongs.

I know, our flesh wants to know and fix it and so on, but, we must do it Gods way.

I praise God that you are going to that web site. That is an answer to my prayer for you.

Keep looking to Jesus.

gentle

Kelli,

I am praying for you! LW