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Question on no-fault divorces. I would like to stand up for my marriage because I believe this is what God wants. But at the same time, I want to obey God in that I would like to submit to my husband; after all, God knows what is best. If I submit to my husband's wishes, then wouldn't that be obeying God & God would find a way to restore the marriage anyway? I'm reminded of Sarah who lied and said she was Abraham's sister strictly because she submitted to Abraham's wishes. She was blessed among women. Wouldn't this be the same thing?

My heart tells me not to sign those papers if they would come in the future. I'm conflicted with that by going ahead & signing & letting it in God's hands if it would actually go through. I'm not sure what to do here. Maybe I should tell my husband my feelings & if he tells me Do what you want to do, I don't have to sign? I don't want to be argumentative with H. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

No, D papers aren't coming right now, but they very well could be in the near future. Just not sure what to do.

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SFM,
That is a difficult one. My W has already filed and I was already served. I had 35 days to sign, and I never did. She tells me that it is now in default; I don't know what that means. I started looking for a Christian lawyer, but no luck. Every time, I would hear something on the radio about not giving in to the devil, or giving up on my M, or God would show me a sign.

She tells me that she is now waiting for the summons to come in to have me appear in court. I am lost in limbo with this. I am still working on and standing for the M. Until God shows/tells me otherwise, it is completely in his hands and I am not doing anything but working my relationship with GOd, and being there for her no matter what she needs (except for signing any D papers).

I look forward to seeing other MBers responses to your question.

Just remembered something. Unfortunately, I am still new to scripture, so I don't remember where I read this, but if your H tells you to do something that clearly goes against God's Word, you don't have to obey it. If your H asked you to murder someone, or steal something, etc., you wouldn't/shouldn't obey him. I believe it was in acts, when the couple came to offer thier tithe. The H lied about how much money they made on property they sold; he was struck dead immediately. Then the W came in and said the same thing her H said and she was struck dead as well.

There are some other examples in the Bible. I apologize for not being able to give them to you.

God's Blessings,
TTSMM

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TTSMM,

Thanks for replying. I thought that's what I read too; however, I do remember Sarah & Abraham. In the OT, Abraham asked Sarah to lie & tell the townspeople that she was Abraham's sister. She obeyed him and later, Abraham told the people the truth. Although Sarah disobeyed God & lied (thou shalt not bear false witness), she still submitted to her husband & she is now called blessed among the nations. If God was angry with her for going along with Abraham's lie, than he would have punished her somehow, wouldn't he? I have to search the scriptures more to find other examples.

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Standing

I also live in a no fault state. Years ago when my wife wanted out, she filed and I had 90 days by law before anything had to be finalized. When I tryed to get her to go to counseling, she just got raging mad. She called me every name in the book. Some even said she was demon possessed because of her anger. Finally I signed at the end of 60 days because it was terrifying the kids and I could see postponing was causing more damage than it was solving.

I would really seek God on what to do. Hopefully he will hear God's voice before it comes to divorce. But signing may save your marriage in the long run. It shows that you love him enough to let him go. Then be sure to love him enough to take him back. Your submission I feel will as the bible says, heap burning coals upon his head. But let God lead you. I would urge you to pray for wisdom in this.

singleguy

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Thanks, sg.

It's funny. After I got done reading this message from you, I went to lunch & continued reading my book, The Power of a Praying Woman. The next chapter that I turned to was about submission. She states that if submitting to someone else conflicts with what God teaches, than not to submit for it's more important to submit to God first & foremost.

I guess this gives me an answer I was seeking. My response to him could be something like, I believe this goes against God's will. Would it be okay if I do not sign these papers? According to what I read in PA law, he would then have to prove 2 yrs of non-cohabitation to go through with the proceedings. This is what my soul keeps telling me to do. I really do believe this is what God wants me to do. After all, anything can happen in 2 years! So many things are happening already and its only been 2 months!

Thanks for the response!

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Standing,

Be thankful that there are rules like the two year thing attached. Where I'm from, we can only make a spouse go to counseling in the 90 days, and then the filing spouse can make the divorce official thru the court if the other spouse won't sign. I think our state legislators got the divorce laws changed for themselves. We had a lot of hanky panky going on several years ago!!!!

Here's the thing. Even if the papers got signed, they are not signed in God's eyes. God only sees the covenant, and honors it.

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In the no-fault state where I live, that simply means it only takes ONE spouse wanting a divorce to make it a reality. They simply file the papers and have their spouse agree, or (as in our case, when one spouse WON'T sign - I didn't)can have the other formally served. I really did not have a say, or a "leg to stand on" - in a manner of speaking, in order to stop the divorce. The best I could hope for is to delay it as long as possible. Obviously, it didn't change a thing. In fact, may have even made things worse, since the harder I tried to stop it, the harder he pushed to get what he wanted.

Therefore, my H was able to obtain the divorce he was seeking, even tho I REFUSED to sign anything! Truly, I am divorced, even tho I didn't want it, never signed anything to make it happen, and never appeared before a judge.

Pretty neat and tidy work the devil can do, isn't it?

BTW, I am fairly certain my H is NO happier now that he has the "piece of paper" he was after......

Have you been to RestoreM.org website? The wife there did not obtain a lawyer, completely submitted to everything her H wanted, and believed this was the way God wanted her to behave. They ended up div'd anyway. Well, after a time, God worked on her, then eventually brought her H home again. They remarried, and had 3 more children! She is a firm believer in following God's leading in submitting to your H, and allowing God to work and not retaining legal representation in all this.

But it sounds like you don't need any advice from us, since you have been hearing from God!

God Bless,

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Lupolady,

Yes, I have joined Restore Ministries. I got Erin Thiele's book, How God Can & Will Restore Your Marriage. I do not plan on getting an attorney. I believe I will tell him that I believe signing the papers is not what God wants me to do. He USED to be a very spiritual man. And from what I'm seeing from him lately, I believe he still has that inside of him. It's just the devil's grasp that he's trying to shake that's not coming loose!

My prayer is that he will be loosed from Satan's grasp before anything takes place.

Merciful God, please grant me the wisdom to know what it is I should do. What is your will for me during December? The season of the miracle of Jesus' birth is upon us. I pray that this season touches Adam's heart and your voice speaks to him so loudly he cannot ignore it any longer. He will be restored to your path & will no longer let Satan destroy his life. I pray for guidance during this time & help me to discern what your will is for my life & for my children. Give me peace, Lord, for I wish to do Your will. Not my own. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

I think I will have to do more research on this topic & the laws for PA. My friends & family that have been through divorce cannot help me as they just automatically signed their marriages away. They never tried to fight for their marriages. I am so glad I found all of you! Thank you for being my spiritual counselors when God's voice sometimes doesn't come through loud & clear.

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Hello SFM,
I am in a Fault State - NY and the truth is - it is hard to fight this! It wears you out and you pay big bucks for court hearings! I am going to hold it out till trial, as WH has to prove fault and he has no grounds, he had an A and started the divorce! Now he lost his job, vehicle, and all his bills are in jeapordy. I get calls daily. As far as I have found out he does not even have a home. It has been 19 months and I see how he is living his own life! It is sad for me to see this happening. I worked hard to get him where he was before he left. I guess it is God working on him and showing him what it will be like the rest of his life. Everytime I thought I would just give in someone - God? Told me no! I am sure the devil would not want me to just sign the papers. After reading what Single wrote I am not sure now. Thanks Single for goofing me up!
Lots of Prayers for you.

God Bless You

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SFM,
God be your insight in what HE wants you to do.

Not to hijack your thread....

It does not matter about the no-fault rules in NJ, because my W filed along the lines of mental cruelty (thanks to her so-and-so lawyer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , the snake - remember, there was snake in the Garden). Anyway, I didn't sign the original papers, and since I am the H, I shouldn't/don't have to submit to my W (in that respect), only to God. God says for men, NOT to D your W. So I feel I shouldn't sign.

But, again, not being a "No fault" filing: I cheated; she has pix of her wrists the day after I grabbed them; her notes in her diary. She is just waiting for the summons to come in so we will be divorced.

Confused <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> BUT, listening for God's direction,
tryingTOsaveMYmarriage

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TTSMM,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God says for men, NOT to D your W. So I feel I shouldn't sign.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He also says to the man, if you have an unbelieving W & she leaves, let her go. (I should take my own advice, Huh?) If this d goes through, you will not be held accountable. All I can recommend is to pray for God's wisdom & guidance for Him to speak to you personally about what you should do. Just like, I guess, everyone is telling me to listen to what God's instructing ME to do. God bless!

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As of right now, I do not have to fret over the big D. He will not have the $ to do this just yet. God has answered my prayer with, Not yet. Be still & know that I am God. Wait, my dear one, wait, be patient. Don't fret over things that have not come to pass. Know that I am God and all I do is for my glory to be revealed. I am with you, now & forevermore. You are my child & I do not want to see you suffer, but Adam must reap what he sowed. Let me show him MY way. Let me work. Give me time to show my glorious wonders. I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!

This is something I really have to grasp. God doesn't need MY help. I need HIS help. He is the one in charge & I keep trying to take matters into my own hands. I keep thinking, What if this, and what if that? Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It's been a hard day.

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Yvette,

No, God doesn't need your help. But what he does like is when you trust Him so much that you crawl up on his lap and let him read His favorite book to you!!!!!!

I stand in agreement with you girl!!!

God Bless
singleguy

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But what he does like is when you trust Him so much that you crawl up on his lap and let him read His favorite book to you!!!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been doing this every night. This whole week, starting this past Sunday, the kids and I started "Bible Time". Every night between 8 and 9 pm, we turn off the tv, radio, whatever, and I let one of the kids pick a book and chapter off the top of their head and we open the Bible and read that chapter. This is working out wonderfully. They haven't given me a hard time at all about this. They're looking forward to it every night, as am I. We are all learning so much (some chapters are review from Sunday School while others are new for the kids). I too learn quite a bit from listening to the kids responses when I'm asking them questions. Of course, 11 and 12 yr olds can sometimes drift in and out when you're reading to them, so I forgive them for not remembering everything they heard. I have to "coach" them a little bit, but that's okay. We're off to a great start & I pray that the children still keep their enthusiasm as time goes on.

Coincidentally, my H has not come around this week at all. Hasn't called or anything. This is unusual behavior for him. He usually sees the children whenever he can, especially when he's not working. Could this be a sign from God that God is preparing our "household" with a footstool of righteousness for the next time H comes over? God only knows. That would be fabulous if H was really affected by the presence of God in the house next time he comes. Maybe he'll "wake up"! Wouldn't that be grand? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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Interesting thing happened tonight during "Bible Time" with the kids. Today was the first time during the week that H came over to see the kids this week. This is unusual behavior for him. He's usually here all the time to see them. Left before I got home. It was my turn to pick the book and chapter we would read aloud this evening. And the way we've been doing it is to pick to read from OT or NT first, then use a deck of cards & pull a card out. That number determines the book we read & the next card we pull determines the chapter we read. I asked my D which testament and she picked NT. Okay, pull a card out - #7 - 7th book - 1 Corinthians. Next card - K - #13 - 13th chapter - The Love Chapter. God works in mysterious ways. Could God be telling me something? Is this related to the incident of running into my H's friend Sat night? See Sat night incident.

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SFM,
Just got some goose bumps from that.

God's Blessings,
TTSMM

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That would be the Holy Spirit, brother. I get that feeling all the time.

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Thanks, Luke.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She said that you need to tell your wife that you dont feel like signing the papers is what God wants you to do. Tell her that God is not leading you in the direction and to ask her what direction is God leading you regarding this decision?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what I have been feeling I should do. I know for a fact that my H isn't praying right now. When confronted with, What about what God wants? He says he doesn't feel God in his life right now. I pray that God touches him this season with the gift of His compassion, love, and mercy & shows him that He is the only way to true happiness, not money, other R, a job, etc. That God, first and foremost, is the most important being in our lives & we need to seek HIm first before anything else falls into place.

Thanks for your words, Luke. They just reminded me that I have been trying to put my husband first, his happiness, trying to please him where I should be looking into what God wants for my life. I want to submit to my husband and if I put it that way, that this is what God wishes me to do, then maybe H will be more receptive of that. If I just come right out & say, I'm not signing, that would of course make my H angry & create strife. That would be no good. I have to watch what I say and do right now. I need to be of a "gentle and quiet spirit" and "win him over without words." Hopefully, my actions thus far, and in the future will do just that.

I will be praying for you, brother. I'm sure Trying will add your name to the weekly prayer list. Come join us, it's just a wonderful group of believers that have gathered here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


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