Today I feel even worse than yesterday. I had to take a sleeping pill to get to sleep and only slept for 4 hours even though. Arik got up at 6 o'clock and went for a drive. It is his day off but I called his work to see if he was there and he was. I know he was there to call her.I know now that he is going to leave me as soon as he knows that I and the kids will be taken care of. He cares about me but I really don't think he loves me. I just hurt so much right now but I have to put on a brave face and deal with life as it comes. I have a 3-way conference with my daughter's teacher today(report card time). I have to go to work. I have to take care of the kids. I have to be loving to my husband even though I know he doesn't love me anymore.<BR>I just wish it would all end and I could just die. At least I wouldn't hurt anymore.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>

Nicole,<P>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Nicole</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>You probably haven't heard it enough...<P><B>You are loved</B>... <BR>Your kids love you beyond belief... <BR>God will always love you beyond measure... <BR>And, we will love you too... <P>Arik loves you too... I know you doubt this sometimes (maybe more times than you'd like)... but I know he does!<P>His addiction to the OW is devastatingly powerful... but your love is even <B>more</B> powerful!<P>Prayers and good thoughts from my way... <P>You have two beautiful virtues in you name "Patient" and "Love"... Keep those virtues... Arik will one day look back and say... these are what made my wife so special!<P>Jim

Nicole:<P>Your husband is deluded.<BR>Your husband is deluded.<BR>Your husband is deluded.<BR>Your husband is deluded.<BR>Your husband is deluded.<BR>Your husband is deluded.<P>I read his post. Idiot. Schmuck. Moron. I have no sympathy for him. Sorry if the rest of you think this is too harsh.<P>Honey, you will live through this. You have your kids, you have your friends, you have your community, you have your INTEGRITY, you have your heart, you have your family, and you have everyone here.<P>And that ain't chopped liver.<P>If Arik has half a brain in his head (as opposed to someplace else) he'll wake up.<P>Vent here as much as you need to.

Ditto what Jim said.....<P>You WILL get through this, I promise. I know what it is like, We all do and yet we keep going..... What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Be strong, For you, For your kids, For your H.<P>Hang on, It's a bumpy ride......<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

Nicole,<P>Your depression is REALLY bad - are you on anti-depressants????? If no, PLEASE get yourself to a doc right away! <P>Know that many of us on this forum have experienced EXACTLY that same hopeless, helpless feeling you have right now. God will give you the strength to make it through this all.<P>Think in 15 minute increments. Tell yourself you are going to make it the next 15 minutes and it won't seem so overwhelming. Think about ANYTHING but you problems, right now. They won't go away if you "forget" to think about them for a little while, but they won't bring you down so much if you don't focus oin the so much. HARD, HARD to do.....but, please try! Think about your kids and think about making it through the next 15 minutes. And, when that time goal is reached, think about the NEXT 15 minutes.<P>We are here for you - please try to hold onto the GOODNESS in your life - the children and ALL the other people who love you dearly, including us!!!!!!<P>Roll Me Away

Oh, PL, I'm so sorry. And I know the feelings you're feeling all too well.<P>You are loved. Just like NSR and Dazed said. You're loved very much.<P>Just try to get through this day. Minute by minute if you have to.<P>We're here for you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{Patient Love}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

Sweetie, do you know how many of us have used that same exact subject title - me for one!! Oh, and then there's the "stop the world" ones... it's something we all share, and all understand!!<P>I also read your H's post, and replied. I am sorry for the pain you're both going through. <P>I've been where he is, well kinda sorta, and only for a short time, a <B>very</B> short time. But the fact that it happened at all, that I put my family through hell for <B>what???</B> He'll get there, Nicole, he <B>will</B>! Hopefully, he will soon realize that his life with the OW is a <B>fantasy</B> only. It's a horrible place you are in right now. <P>I agree that a dr's visit would help you right now. No shame in getting some help, maybe some anti-deps, but definately some counseling to deal with your grief. Even if he came back from Fantasyland right this second, you have grief to deal with. Something inside of you died, and things will never be the same. But they can get <B>better</B>. But for now, for <B>this</B> day, <I>take very good care of yourself and your children</I>...<P>~Sheryl <P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

I am feeling a bit better now but am still very unsure of many things. Arik and I had a long talk about what he and the OW talked about and that she again requested no further contact. It bothers me so much that he won't end contact on his own. I can't trust him. Even this morning he said he has had no further contact with her that wasn't work related. He later admitted to talking to her while he was on the road and then again this morning. <BR>He still says his ultimate goal is to be with me and our family but on the other hand he told her to let him know if she and husband weren't going to work out. I just feel like he is biding his time with me to see if it will ever work out with her. That way if it doesn't work out for him to be with her at least there's me.<BR>I feel like I'm running on empty there is no love from my husband. He would give me and the kids up in a second just to be with her.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>

Nicole,<P>I'd love to reply, but I see I've stirred up quite a flame war, so I have to stay out of this one from now on.<P>Hang in there, kiddo.