For those of you who were seeking D, are women, and are BS's.

Did/do your emotions change on a dime? My W ignores me when I am home, but talks to me on the phone at work. The talk is mostly civil but not warm. Then I call her at a party (cookie swap) she was attending with her girlfriend and she is warm, nice, pleasant. Was she just trying to put up a good act in front of her friends? Then she comes home and wakes me up because she can't find the cordless phone.

At times I think she bi-polar or something. How can a woman change that drastically, that quickly?

Am I just totally naive(sp) about women, or does the affects of being cheated on cause this?

God's Blessings,
Trying....to figure you women out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My husband tells me that I can be one of the sweetest people he has ever known and then the next minute I can change totally in the other direction. I don't know what happens to me but sometimes I just can't control my emotions towards him. He tells me that he is afraid to call me most of the time because he doesn't know how I will react to him and that he just doesn't feel like putting himself through it. He says no one he has ever known could "get" him like I do with what I say to him. I don't plan on being mean to him. The affects of being cheated on are horrible. This is the only man I have been in love with in my life. We have only been married 9 years next March. It just broke my heart and it doesn't seem to mend. Sometimes if we have had words he won't call me, and then when he does I seem to resent it and I am mean to him. Infidelty is a very painful thing to go through but I also believe that it is something that we can overcome if both people are willing. I hope this helps answer your question although I am not seeking a divorce.

<small>[ December 23, 2003, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

I called my W about Christmas dinner plans. And she said that she didn't make plans because she did not want to have anything to do with me. She is going to the movies by herself.

Too much over the past hour to type.

Bottom line, she called back and wnet off on all the problems I caused in the M. And then asked about finishing the basement so I would live in the house after the D. I have been avoiding this conversation until as late as possible. God has shown me through Proverbs 20, this is not what I should do. So I let her know that I was not going to do it (I didn't say because of Proverbs though).

She then went down the litany of what a creep I am. How she wants to be loved by a man again and have sex. How she will never never sex with me again. How if she meets a man she is interested in now, before the D, she will sleep with him if she felt him worthy of her, and I could do nothing about it legally. The list goes on.

Today being our prayer and fast day, I am very shaken on God's hand in this and I am finding it difficult to hold back the tears and pain in my heart.

She again attacked my religion, my sexuality, my parents, everything.

Dear Father in Heaven. You can read my heart know that it has changed. Please remove this pain from me today and surround me with Your love and peace. I truly need your comforting right now. My faith has been mightly shaken, though not broken. After the talk with my W, I feel worthless and that I should just give up on her. This is not what I want Lord. Make me a strong man to face my W's rejection and words; not to feel crushed by them. I ask this through my personal Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I lift up by brother to you today. Lord, i know the peace he seeks and also know you can provide it for him. He is not the same man he used to be. You see it, he knows it, his kids see it and the people around him see it. Father helphis W get beyond the past and see with fresh eyes the man you are making him to be. Remove the scales placed there by the enemy. Father I bind the spirit of lies that has griped his W and pray that she be loosed and your spirit of peace replace the void left.

Abba, hold TTSMM in your loving arms and let him recieve your divine comfort and blessed reassurance. Let him provide his childern with the love they will miss from their mom and fill their hearts with your simple knowledge of what this season means.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer and for giving us comfort in knowing that your plan is perfect and best for us even if we don not see it right now.

Father, bless TTSMM and his children this Christmas. may they find your love and mercy this day.

In the most powerful name of Jesus. Amen, and Amen

S&C

She called back to tell me that she wasn't going to drive me to the dentist on Saturday (I am having major work done - 4 hours). I will be heavily sedated so she was going to drive me there and pick me up. But because I did not comply with her wishes to live in the basement after D, she has said there's no reason to do anything for me.


I believe it was gentle who asked on one of my other postings if I had ever asked for forgiveness for bring in the porn. Today during my W's blowup, I did apologize for it. She said that she had something to do with it but I had brought it to the extreme. {{I don't think I have the right words here. What I am trying to say is she was kind of taking the blame off me, but saying I had gone too far.}}

I don't know, hopeful signs? that when I apologize for some things, she softens and sees her part in the problem as well.

I DON'T KNOW!?!?!?!?

I am just feeling very confused, hurt and sorrowful right now.

Everyone have a Very Blessed Christmas.
ttsmm

Although your situation is entirely different from mine, I can definitely feel the pain and frustration you go through. I can't seem to control my resentment towards my husband. I told him that I would try once more to get along with him and if I wasn't able to do so then I wasn't going to try anymore. I told him I would file for a divorce. He immediatly says "God doesn't want you to divorce me". He doesn't do anything to try and repair our marriage. He says its all in God's hands. He treats me as if I am the one that cheated on him. He has never really allowed me to discuss the infidelty with him, he always got upset if i brought it up. I have been left to deal with it on my own, it has been hard. I told him he doesn't do anything to try and keep our marriage together. All he says is that he doesn't want a divorce and that he has tried to hang on to the marriage because he loves me. Actions speak louder than words to me. I don't blame him totally for leaving, I also blame myself, but I don't blame myself for his infidelty, that was his choice. I think that I have been so hurt and have lost trust to the point that I feel a strong dislike in my heart towards him. I also believe that this attitude can hinder restoring my marriage. I think the feelings I have builds a wall which creats division. Your wife seems to be very bitter towards you, that is the way I feel towards my husband. I just pray that the Lord will remove my bad feelings so He can begin the healing of my marriage. As I said your situation is so different, from reading your posts you do try very hard.

I've cried no less than five times tonight. My heart is so heavy and full of sorrow. Even though I am spending Christmas with my children and wife, she won't be there emotionally, intimately.

I wass pulling out the gifts for the kids, getting ready to put them under the tree, and I cried again. "Why God are you are not answering my prayers? I know I have been saved; when will she be saved? When will my marraige be restored?"

Tonight, I watched many of the dumd Christmas cartoons with my kids. Then I read them "The 12 Days of Christmas" and "T'was the Night Before Christmas". All the while, my heart just wasn't full of Christmas cheer. My daughter could sense something, but she justs stayed quiet about it watching the shows with me. When it was time for bed, she whispered to me, "Promise you and mommy won't fight tomorrow." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I told her I wouldn't, but that I couldn't promise for mommy. This is why my heart is so heavy.

I am remembering all the times i thought she wanted to work on the M even after I confessed to the A. One time, I was crying and shaking uncontrollably(SP) about what I had done. We were sleeping in the same bed, but not making love at this time. She cradled my head in her lap and stroked my head and shoulders saying, "I forgot, this must be terriblly trying for you too." What happened to that woman? Where did she go? How did Satan grab away the hope we had to restore this?

When we were looking into buying our first home, we were looking at a townhouse. After carefully thinking things thorugh and the financial bind we would be in, I said for us to go for a individual house. I bought her a pearl necklace that I had promised her for many years. She guilted me into finally buying it after D-day, but if I had thought that she didn't want to work on it, I would not have tried myself through these actions.

After we joined the health club is when things changed. After she met her personal trainer and had an EA. But something else happened and I don't know what it is/was. She went from perhaps/maybe trying to restore the M, to a completely cold, unfeeling woman. She went from telling me her family told her to give me another chance to they know all about you and are on my side.

Dear God, how do I reach her heart? When will you start restoring our M?

I have already decided that if we do get a D, I will not remarry (even if she does), unless, God forbid, she passes on before me. I made a convenant with Marie on our wedding day. I broke part of that convenant. I won't break any more of it, especially after returning to God after 20 years of personal religious hypocricy on my part.

And Satan is having a field day with this whole situation. While at work, my D'd boss is talking about Miami beach and all the hot and scantly-dressed women down there. Funny, I listened, might have had a touch of envy (for a millisecond) then silently prayed for him and the others who were retelling their promiscuous(sp) tales. Then on the way hoe tonight, I kept having visions of major car accident, with my car flipping over several times. There were terrible rain storms this afternoon on the way home. So he is just enjoying all the pain he is causing and the blind rage he is fueling in my W.

One positive note I almost forgot. I had some film developed from last Christmas. in it was a picture of our Christmas tree, with the glass table in front of it as my W had said (look at previous threads). I apologized to W for being wrong when I said that it was moved last year. She said there are more important things to worry/apologize about that that. I was happy with myself because I didn't beat around the problem looking for someone else to blame (my usual MO with my W). I guess I am growing.

She has siad that she wishes I would just be honest and upfront immediately. Not have to lie.
Question. Ladies. You say that you want the men in your lives to be honest with you. Do you judge them before they even finish being honest with you? Do you hold their honesty against them later on? This is what my W did and still does. Ladies, if you want honesty, don't judge. Disagee, discuss, but don't judge.

While running to the store for some things tonight, I was listening to "Focus on the Famaily". They were doing "A Christmas Carol". I have seen and heard so many different reditions of it. There was nothing new to this version, but, all of a sudden I saw myself as Scrooge. Not a penny-pinching miserly grouch, but a miser to my W. Things of the world had become more important than the woman God gave me for my W. My selfish desires took precedence over my W. How many WS' out there can relate to this? When it comes down to it, weren't you a Scrooge to your spouse? You witheld your love from them and gave to someone else. One of my own personal questions is when did I go down this dark track? What event caused me to desire evil insteda of good? Ebenezer had many very good times, as the Ghost of Christmas Past showed him. But something went awry. What went awry with me? I feel like Scrooge at the end; he's been given a new chance at life, as have I when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. He had a chance to make up for his mistakes in the past. Many of the towns people seem open to the new Scrooge. Why can't I get that same result from my W? Why can't we get it all out in several large shots, and not get D?

Another question for the ladies who are BS's.
Are you at all setimental? I am very sentimental and, unfortunately, over-sensitive. I cry at movies that are sentimental. My W on the other hand thinks very little of sentimentality. She thinks all of that is corney. Where do the ladies out here stand on that?

I'll stop here as I have probably been rambling on too long now.

Blessed Christmas to you and your families,
ttsmm

Thanks Chreyls,
I was posting when you posted.

I am trying hard. I am using actions besides words. In the past I wantd her and I to go to counseling to discuss the infidelity, but she refused. I foudn it difficult to discuss at home because she would always interrupt and say that I was lying or that I did things out of spite, or whatever. I mean if you are going to ask a question, and a man is willing to pour his heart out and be vulnerable and to tell the truth about everything. GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO DO SO WITHOUT INTERRUPTING! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I would dive in front of a car to save my W's life right now. I todl her that once and she said "Oh come on!".

I am just in pain and I have NOONE to talk to and I need to vent.

Not to pass over your troubles, I pray that your H sees the light and starts walking the walk. Yeah God doesn't want you two to D, but he has to show he wants to stay married and not just say its because of what God states.

May God shower His Blessings on you and you family,
ttsmm

Women can be very moody, but they give back what they are shown, 99% of the time. The chemistry changes don't help the situation much, but if they feel insecure, they will act it out. I have been married now 13 years, and had to wake up one day to realize that my H was not treating me the way he should. Once I voiced my opinion, the work took a toll, and voila............a successful relationship was in progress. A lot of it was the Lord's work and a lot of prayers went up. Keep the faith, and keep praying. A combination of all three, will work miracle.

TTSMM,

Just wanted to check on you today.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would dive in front of a car to save my W's life right now.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My friend, you are diving in front of the car. The only thing is the car is traveling at a snail's pace. Sometimes we say we would die for our spouse and come to find out that we can say that because we think it will be a speeding car and it will be over quickly. Instead, we find that the car is moving very slowly; we feel every bone crush and we wonder if we'd prefered to really just die for them and get it over with.

Well by brother, just know that regardless of what happens, the "Creater of the All Things" is doing a good work in you. I personally can't wait to see the man of God you will be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have the best Christmas you can. Praying for you and your family.

S&C

I don't have anyone to talk to, so I am venting here.

Better than last Christmas. she didn't call the cops this time, but then again, I didn't give her a gift and tick her off.

Ladies, why can't one of your own species deal with a problem in a rational way? The A happened over 5 years ago, and sge suspected it then. Now she has known, by my confession, over two years ago. When does healing start?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Cheryls said...
I also blame myself, but I don't blame myself for his infidelty, that was his choice. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why is all the women (and some men) who are the BS's take responsibility for the M but not he A. Hold on, before you go down my throat, ALL WS's are 100% responsible for the A, even if they BS's first. What I mean, is why are so many of you BS's mature enough to take resposnibility for your part in the M? My W thinks her only prob she caused was, she tried to change me. Of course she then turns it into a half-hearted statement by saying she was only trying to enhance me. And that I should have taken better care of myself,and then she wouldn't have had to fix me.

Tell me would you ever tell you spouse (this is for the ladies now) that you won't kiss them because their teeth are crooked. Then say they are a bad kisser. Tell them their jokes are corny. ETC.... And I am not talking about doing any of this in a loving way either. So tell me, have any of you treated your H's like this?

No, I was no prize. I have a temper, but through God's grace, I have done a 180. Doesn't mean I don't get mad. Jus able to control it.

We both had terrible communication skills and still do (for my part I can't even talk to her). If she wants to tell me her day or problems, I have to stand ther and listen. But, if I want to tell her what's going on with me, she just walks away.

I have been asking God to let the Holy Spirit guide me. Well, I table picture I described earlier; within those rolls of film were pictures from my Mom's funeral in March. I forgot (personally I think i left the pics in there to get back at my W for not only NOT coming to the funeral, but having fights with me every day from her death to the burial day) to take those pics out before showing her the film. So guess what today, she goes off on me, disgustedly about how sick my family is. And of course she does this in front of the kids. Tell me ladies, do you deliberately start and continue a fight with your H in front of your children? Are you torn with pain that you willfully scar your own children?

So after the kids opened all thier gifts (Mommy went overboard out of guilt) I took the kids to church. "How long is that torture for?", she asked (in front of the kids). I told her and left. I have not felt HATE for her in a long time. In fact, I even yelled at God today, while praying, "just end this M. I know you hear my prayers, but I don't know why you won't answer them." Instead of diving in front of a car, I felt like pushing her in front of one. At Mass, my heart did soften a bit.

I fun playing with the kids and their new toys, and then took a nap..Woke up and played some more. Took alot to gold back tears today.

In the evening, I took the kids to dinner at TGIF, of course she didn't come along.

I feel envious, jealous, angry, and a bunch of other words towards you BS's who want your WS's back. If I could I would go out there and shake every single one of them and say, "Are you flipping crazy. You are cheating on your mate, and they STILL want you back. Get you head out of the fog and your nether region, praise God for having a fantastic mate, and go back to them NOW!!!!" Then i would smack them up side their head to put some common sense in there. I WISH I HAD A BS WHO WAS WANTING ME LIKE YOU WANT YOUR'S. I AM NOT IN A FOG; HAVE'NT BEEN FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS PLUS. WHY WON'T GOD GIVE ME THAT?

YES, I am really feeling sorry for myself, even contemplated things I haven't since July (you know what I am talking about S&C), but only for a split second. I spent Christmas with my children, I should feel grateful and blessed by that, but I want more. I have been doing so much reading, I believe it was in "TPOAPH" that God can give us everything BUT the physical love. I am not disregarding the other gifts of His love He bestows upon me; I JUST WANT THE PHYSICAL LOVE OF MY WIFE MARIE!

Tonight, I watched TV with my D, way too late (11PM). So I was at the TV when I haven't been in a while. I watched a comedy, and found myself surfing the channels looking for light porn. IT didn't excite me, it hurt me. I know Iwass hurting God, and breaking His commandments, but I didn't stop until 45 minuters later. Strange thing is all I saw was Marie and myself. I didn't get excited, I got teary because I want o hold her again and make love to her again.

Now I am down in the basement, typing a way while holding back tears of longing. I will read the Bible and ask for God's forgiveness, yet again for my weaknesses and I will ask Him what He wants from me, I just don't feel He wants to answer me right now (after reading the last 2 chapters of Job - I don't have ANY right to ask, and I am human).

I guess I'll go back to the sofa and cry myself to sleep with His Word. Am I lookingfor pity from you, sadly, "Yes". But I really want answers.

I know this one is very long, but lately, I REALLY NEED TO VENT MY FEARS, FRUSTRATIONS, and FRAILTIES.

EMMANUEL,
ttsmm

This morning a little better.

"I'm not going to be a schmuck", she says. So I will take you to the dentist tomorrow.

Deep, many layers deep, I feel that God moved her, BUT, I am not impressed. She just changed her mind to get something later.

I forgot to pray for her yesterday, wonder why? But now today, i am so full of annomosity(SP) that it is hindering my prayers. But, I can't get out of this funk to pray for her.

That's where i am at,
God's Blessings,
ttsmm

Amazing how the enemy can grab me and confuse me. I am feeling much better now, and forgive my W her attitude the last few days. I discovered when I am not right with God, my mind goes off into areas I don't want to be involved in any more. Ex: my mind has been drifting into double meanings when I hear something (the other meaning usually being something lustful). I guess the good thing (if I want to say there is a good thing) is that the thoughts are about my W.

I bought a journal today which I am going to keep tabs on my Spiritual Walk. I am going to list my encounters with the enemy, my spiritual successes, my encounters with God, my observations with my character and weaknesses, the prayers I prayed, the chapters I read in His Word, other spiritual readings, etc. I feel this will keep me on the path He has for me, and help me see how far I have gone (especially when I feel like I have for the past few days) and that it is absolutely WORTH IT.

Thanks again to all for your prayers and support,
ttsmm

First of all I am not going to jump down your throat but I don't take any responsibility for my husbands cheating. Why should I? He made that choice all by himself. He didn't ask me if it was all right. I said I don't blame him totally for leaving, that I also blamed myself, what I mean is I blame both of us for the problems we were having. I never ask him to leave, that was also his choice. His way of solving problems was and still is to run away from them. The reason he cheated is because he was not close to God. He wasn't where he was supposed to be either, meaning he wasn't coming home. All right so things weren't perfect but his way of dealing with it was not the right way either. I will not take any of the blame for his cheating as I have said, we have been separated for almost 4 years now, I haven't done it. I will continue to stand for my marriage until the day I die or he does. It hasn't been easy. Yesterday was Christmas, to me it is a day to spend with the ones we love, well I'm not feeling sorry for myself but I spent it alone. I have family close to where I live but I didn't see any of them. My oldest son and his family spent it with his half brother and their family, my youngest son is messed up, and I haven't talked to my sister in about five months. I always hope for things to be better and I know one day they will. No matter how hard things get we just have to hang on and know that we can trust God for all of our needs. He will never leave us. He is always with us. Believe me I do know how you feel. I want my husband to come home so bad that it hurts, but it has to be God's timing, not mine and that is sometimes hard for us to accept.

I don't have any time this morning to answer yourpost, but Thank You.

I am going in for major dental work today, about 3-4 hours, and will be under heavy concious sedation. I am apprenhensive and nervous, but also at peace with the Lord.

I said the "Power of a Praying Husband" prayers and randomly picked a reading from scripture: Pslam 118 "Hymn of Thnksgiving" - for me it meant 'Victory over death'.

God's Blessings to all of you,
tryingTOsaveMYmarriage

OK, I don't know any more of your story than what you have posted on this thread.

Let's start with the fact that you could get a wider range of ideas and opinions on some of the other boards - specifically the General Questions II board and the Emotional Needs board.

Secondly, it sounds like you might be depressed. Have you talked to your doctor? There are many medications that might help you deal with the situation in a less teary, better balanced way. Having been clinically depressed twice - both related to my divorce - I can assure you that medication will not change what is going on in your life but it may make it easier to deal with.

Thirdly, she will not go to counseling? Well, that is her choice. But you need to go for yourself. To deal with the depression, to deal with the causes of the affair, to deal with your wife's responses to you. Therapy/counseling is a good thing. And it sounds like you need a safe place to talk.

cinderella,
I have been to the other forums and it is way too secular for me. If you wnat to know my story, click the "My Story" link in my signature below. This forum offers me a spiritual connection and hope that I don't get from the other foums.

I have gone to counseling. We went together for 2x, but the T was tired of the arguing, mostly on her side, and refused to see us together.

Back to today. I am on penicillin(SP) right now and very groggy. Before going to the dentist, she told me she could have made it home without my help when I helped her at the dentist (bul* sh*t). She didn't even come in to the Dr's office. She watied for me with the kids in the car. On the way home, she told she wouldn't help me up the stairs, that I could crawl like the dogI was. She even mentioned someething to our D about getting what I deserve. She did pick up my meds, and said she only did it because she can't afford a funeral and a divorce (I probably would have gotten into a car accident if I drove myself).

Anyway, I am sure I will be bleeeped for this but I am f'in upset that this ***** is treating me this way. When she no one to turn to while she had me thrown out of the house, she asked if I would take her to the dentist because she was going to be heavily sedated. I did.
When I took the kids to a church picnic (she didn't go, she's not a believer - can't you tell), she twisted her ankle, and I came rushung home (ruining the kids day) to take her to the ER. I then stayed home, from work, the next day to wait on her hand and foot.
What doe this ***** do? In Aug of last year, my Dad dies , and she held an argument with me on the day of the funeral, even saying she was happy that he died. This past March my Mom, paassed away, she did the same thing. In fact a firend she knew at the gym, mom's died at the same time and she sent them a berevement card. For me she just laughed and said waht a a relief.

This is the woman I am fighting for. For what?

I had a na affair 5 years ago, and I was lsimy around it. I finally confessed to it 2+ years ago, and she suspected it since the begginging. I thought we were working on it. We bought a house; in fact I put us furhter in debt to get our own house and not a towne house.

Now she acting like this becasue she approached me with a propostion to live in the basement aftert D (we would fix it) otherwise the house would have to be sold. I told her no that that would be wrong to show the children. So this woman who said she is never vindictive is a 100% selfish ***** through and through. She cares about the stupid house, which I which didn't exist, more that she cares about the kids.

Tell me any of you ladies say, "I can't be bothered." as your favorite phrase. Did the kids write to Santa this year, "I can't be bothered". Have you looked online for work, "I can't be bothered." SHe expeects everything to be handedd to her and she hasn't paid any dues. She works at the local Shoprite in pastries (and she is good) but she is upset because things are going as fast as she wnats (only been there 2 months+). She thinks she should automatically get a chance to earn a lot morem and set her own hours, etc. She doesn't understand life and ....

now I am rambling.

I love her and there is no way to reach her at all. Am I suppose to put up with her **** for the rest of my life? Not if/but when we lose this house because of the D it will because of her, NOT me. If I knew she was going to D me, I would have bought a towne house instead.

Cheryls,
Too sedated to find your quote, but gist is.

I AM 100% RESPONSBILE FOR THE AFFAIR. I DID NOT HANDLE THINGS THE WAY I SHOULD HAVE. I AM ONLY 50% RESPONSIBLE FOR THE STATE THE M WAS IN PRIOR TO THE A. I TRIED TO HAVE US GO TO COUNSELING FOR OUR SEXUAL HANGUPS, BUT SHE REFUSED SAYING SHE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG. SHE GOT PLENTY OF WARNING SIGNS, (and yes, i was a coward), but SHE COULDN'T BE BOTHERED.

Enough venting for now, my teeth are starting to hurt.

ttsmm

I do have to say, your wife sounds very difficult to deal with. If she resents you so much then why is she still living in the same house with you? Forgiveness is a hard thing to do, especially if someone you love has hurt you more than anything else ever has. I have forgiven my husband for his infidelty but I am bitter for what he still does. He's not still cheating, although people beg to differ with me, they think that just because you live in the same home with someone that there is sexual activity going on. Cinderella suggested that maybe you need medication for depression. I have taken it for depression but it stops working for me so what is the use. Maybe it would help you, it did me in the beginning. I wish I could find something that would. I hope your teeth feel better.

cheryls,
I took Zoloft fro a little under a month, just before I came back to God. I don't need anti-D's. I need to talk to my W with a T (a referee if you will). Someone needs to be there who can stop either one of us from abusing the other (mostly her doing) and let the other get their feelings and thoughts in. Any time I speak to her, she interrupts, says I did it for other reasons.
POINT to all women out. DON'T INTERRUPT YOUR H IF HE IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING AND IS BEING VULNERABLE ABOUT IT. If you think you know the answers, DON'T ask. If you want answers, DON'T interrupt. IT'S REAL SIMPLE.

This penecillin and the other meds from the operation itself has me being very honest and perhaps thoughtless in my being (so I apologize up front. Most of the MBers here know me differently).

I said to my D, "Mommy hates me doesn't she?" Without any hestiation, she said, "Yes."

So how many of you BS mothers, with small children, take your pain and placed it upon your children. My W's response is that they are old enough and have a right to know. Bull s**t. Our D is ~8 and our S is 3-1/2. Grow the heck up yourself, Mommy. Deal with the pain in a safe environment (therapy).

You know the times we did go to theraly together, before my confession to the A, but while she suspected, the T had to interrupt her several times to ask her how waht I did made her feel. She could not (more like would not) get in touch with her feelings. She just wanted to deal with what I did wrong and that she was innocent of any wrongdoing in the M.

I just wish God would show me what happened thaqt mde her want to stop working ointhe M. Back in Aoril of 2002, when she came out of a T session , she was all smiles and ahppy. I wnet in grumpy and came out alright for my session. Then a few months later, before we moved into the mew house, she changed. Then she was upset because her presonal trainer didn't come to our house-warming (she was having an EA w/him). I believe it was destined for PA, but one refused the othere when I took the kids to my brothers in Massachussets back in sept of last year. So it looks like it never comsunmated.
Any way, since then there has been no hope. Why deos God want to stay around here? He isn't showing me any hope, but everytime i am ready to say, bleep it, I quit, it shows me a sign (2x - dif occassions - when I was thinking of quitting I see license plates with my wife's name on them - never saw one before thtw time ever). So why is He keeping me here. I already declared that I won't remarry unless she dies first, becasue I made a convenatn with her and God. I broke part of it, but I don;t intend to break the reset of it. I look at it as my conqsquences for my actions.

I am going back to bed after I read the Bible for abit. My teeth r startign 2o reaallly hurt.

goodnite,
ttsmm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tryingTOsaveMYmarriage:
<strong> So why is God keeping me here. I already declared that I won't remarry unless she dies first, becasue I made a convenatn with her and God. I broke part of it, but I don;t intend to break the reset of it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just got back in town. You have had some last couple of days, eh?

Trying, listen, bro.........you definitely are sounding more depressed. Are you taking anti-D's? I think you should be on them.

Secondly, if what you wrote above is true, you're setting yourself up for a VERY horrible life!!! If you have NO intention of doing anything except being M'd to her, and she wants nothing to do with you, and you react the way you are now to everything that happens between you two, then you are going to be one very unhappy fellow, my friend. So what am I saying? That you should get divorced? Of course not!! I would never.....I DO believe in keeping your vows. You made those vows UNTO GOD as much as unto your W. And God expects you to keep your vow to Him......

No, here's my take. Your W is verrry angry at you. Big surprise, eh? No? Oh. Well, then if you know she is angry, then WHY are you taking it so personally? TtSmM, you are letting yourself get sucked in deeper and deeper by her words, her angry words. What she says is hurtful, yes. What she intends with what she says is exactly her point!! She is TRYING TO HURT YOU. She is hurt (still) from your past "sins" - and wants to strike back and hurt you back. Does her method work? Dam*n Right it does!!!

As S&C commented to you, this is like a slow, painful death by disection! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Well, he didn't exactly say that, but the intent is the same......a long, painful death by diving in front of a (slowly moving) truck.

What is it you want God to do for you, TtSmM? Do you want God to restore your M? Then you must be willing to walk through the fire, if necessary.

Imagine for a minute that you are Joseph. Your brothers have sold you as a slave. You are in a strange land. You are hated by the people there. Then the king's wife LIES about you, and you are thrown in prison!!! ALL LIES!!! All hateful things. HOW did God manage to turn all that around for good for Joseph and his family? Because Joseph never took his eyes off God for his well-being. Even while languishing in a prison for YEARS for doing NOTHING WRONG, Joseph still believed his God knew what He was doing with him............

Trying, you have to take your eyes off your circumstances and begin to thank God for having His hand on your life, and knowing what He is doing in your M. You have to thank Him for your W. You have to continue to pray for her, for her healing, and protection. YOu have to begin to do everything the opposite of what the world would do if any one of us was in your position.

Satan is "attempting to sift you like wheat..." even going so far as to tempt you to think about sexual materials in an unhealthy way. It is good you have been able to stop that thought process!!! PTL!!! When that didn't work, satan again used your W, with her anger and hateful words to hurt you, to try to discourage you.

Trying, I TRULY BELIEVE you are very close to your "breakthrough." I TRULY BELIEVE your W is very close to coming out of her hateful state. I believe God is letting satan have this "last hurrah" - as it were - before stepping in and turning the tide. Read Revelation 12:12. Satan works extra hard when his time is short!! That's what I believe is happening with your W.

My last point is this: There was a fellow on these boards for awhile, about a year ago.....similar situation as you. He was the WS. He had had an A, had "realized the error of his ways" and come home. W had let him move home, but he was living in the basement. His W was very angry, and wasn't about to get over it. What happened? The more he tried to show her love, the more angry she became. She went to one church, and he another. Finally, he began going to her church (their original church), and she quit going. Then the pastor felt he should talk to her about how repentant her H was, she should allow God to speak to her, change her, take away her anger........blah, blah, blah. he left that church, b/c he felt he wanted his W to be able to feel at home there. Even that didn't make her happy, and she continued to "abuse" him at home....even asked him to move out. He found a small apt., asked her to go to counseling. She refused. She wanted a divorce.

He got to a point he couldn't take anymore of it. He began another A. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> That is the last of the story, cause I never heard from him again. satan won that one. satan convinced him that he had tried hard enough, and now it was time to "find someone else" - who would treat him right, not like his W was treating him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Please don't let your M fall the way that one did. God can restore the love. God can bring your W around. You just have to continue to obey Him, pray, and seek Him, and BELIEVE.

BELEIVE THAT IT IS HIS PERFECT PLAN TO RESTORE YOUR M, and even make it better than it has ever been. It's not an easy road, but it's the perfect road. That "narrow" gate, someone told me, b/c it requires putting PRESSURE On you to get through the narrow gate. YOu've got the pressure.........hang in there!!! Don't turn to the "easy" way, to the world's way.....to "find someone else." We are all praying WITH YOU for these things.

God Bless,

ll and s&c,
Again, you are God's messengers. Thank you for your words of inspiration. The two things that come to mind are "It is always darkest before the dawn." and, the Parable of the virgins waiting for the bridegroom (half of them did not bring enough oil for their lamps).

I do feel I might be close to something because the enemy is baragin me with thoughts after my dental sugery yesterday (wierd evil dreams and thougths), and today a strange thought in church during mass. He is hving a field day with me because I am close to something ?!?!? He is making me very edgy, bringing out emotions of anger with the children at their slightest misbehaving.

I am praying for Marie and for myself. Today was the Feast of the Holy Familly in church, so i know Satan wants to break up this family because he'll get a non-believer to stay that way; ruin a marriage (God's sign of love on earth); and sway a believer away from God. Well the last one he will NEVER do. Not because of my own inner strength, but because I am a Child of God.

Thanks for your friendship and fellowship,
Your Brother in Christ,
ttsmm

We need to live by faith. Faith is the evidence of things which are not seen. When things get difficult don't give up because your faith is going to be tested every step of the way. When we don't see anything changing we think we may as well give up. Don't fall into this trap. I have many times. If your wife says something that you don't agree with, hold your peace. The enemy uses strife to cause division and confusion. Satan is the one that wants to destroy our homes. Our husbands and wives are saying and doing many ungodly things right now. Our spouses are not our enemies. I have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut when my husband would say or do something I didn't like. God has told me over and over to keep my mouth shut. "A husband is won without a word." I must have a quiet and gentle spirit. I try hard to be this way but that is not good enough. I would tell my husband that I had changed and then react in the flesh to what was going on around me with arguing and threatening. I would make up my mind that I would never do that again, then the next time I would see him he would say something that I didn't like and it started all over again. What I am trying to say is we have to keep our faith even when we see nothing changing or we think nothing is changing. It is hard I know, I struggle all the time, and I don't know why, because God will do what He says he will do. I know it is hard but we have to stop looking at the circumstances.

Thanks cheryls,
I think I just need some more support this week. It's funny, I have no idea where alll my faith wnet, but the enemy jumped right in and boy he did take me for a ride.

This is my last posting for tonight, until I wake up at 2-3 in the morning (as usual) and start the restoration post.

Two last things. I was loud and rude with a pharmacist today, because I was trying to obtain all my prescription records for the year for tax purposes. I was told I could NOT have my wife's (HIIPA rules). That s*cks. It is my insurance, but I am not permitted to have the info because it's her privacy. Therefore, my wife could be using birth control pills, but I am not allowed to know. Or she could be taking cancer meds, but it is none of my business. Or, they might be abusing meds. With the birth control I know she isn't because she took care of it after our son was born. But for any couple out there, this info would be important in marriage counselling (or divorce), but the health industry and our wonderful government say it is NOT our business of what our spouses are taking. "Hell in a hand basket."

Secondly, when I went into our bedroom tonight, while she was at work, I saw our wedding picture (wallet size) with her day planner. I wonder why it was out? I will try to look at it as she was thinking about us. Pray to keep the enemy from thinking differently.

God's Grace,
ttsmm

<small>[ December 28, 2003, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: tryingTOsaveMYmarriage ]</small>

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.

Colossians 4:2

Persistence demonstrates our faith that God answers our prayers. Faith shouldn't die if the answers don't come immediately, for the delay may be God's way of working his will in your life. When you feel weary in your prayers, know that God is present, always listening, always acting-maybe not in ways you had hoped but in ways he knows best.

Have you grown tired of praying for something or someone? Keep at it!

I tried to go and see my husband three days this past week. They told me at his work that he was out sick. All I could do was to get back in my car and go home. I couldn't go to his home to see how he was or call him either. I got angry because he didn't call me and let me know he was sick. All I could do was worry about him. I said to myself "The heck with him, that I wasn't going to try and find out if he was well or not. I felt in my heart the Lord telling me to go tomorrow and try and find out if he is back at work yet. Please pray that I will have a quiet and gentle spirit towards him if I get to see him.

<small>[ December 28, 2003, 10:55 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

Trying - I wanted to offer some encouragement this morning. God is not through with you yet. His plan is for you to be healed. This life is not always fair, is it? Check out John 16:33 for the Lord's answer. Hang in there!

Your comment about the Privacy Act is absolutely correct. I can't access my W's records, yet, unless it's by court order. I fully intend to request these records when our case comes before the judge. I believe I will find out some pieces of her puzzle in these records. Have you consulted with an attorney yet? I hated to bring a lawyer into my situation and I held out as long as I could. When she filed for D I was left with no other option. Keep your chin up and God bless!

Trying,

You said you don't need anti-D's since you came back to God. I fell for the statement that Christians don't get depress if Christ is really in them. But there is a difference between being depressed and having depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance and you need meds to treat. I tried to go without meds for a while after I gave my life to Christ. I was hard to be around. God sent me a message through someone else one night. This lady of God said to me, God chooses to heal through medication sometimes. I knew it was from God because I had been praying about this very thing. I went back on meds and I do great now.

You said you just need to talk to your wife with T around to keep you form abusing one another. First, you must let God talk to your wife at this point. Going to counseling so that someone can decide who is right or wrong is not good for your marriage. How is this dying to self? God is the only judge and He alone can point out your wife's or your shortcomings. You must learn to trust God with all this stuff.

Trying to convince her of anything or having someone convince her of anything is not trusting God. Trust Him with all things and let Him provide what you need. You are trying to change the outcome of things and this is not your job. The harder you try to get her to "see" anything the worse things are going to get. I know because I have been there and done that.

Please face the fact that you wife is very angry at you. No matter how you see it or explain it or excuse it, she has been hurt and she has put up defenses to keep you from hurting her again. You are not her and you have no ideal how she is hurting. This was very important to my recovery. I had to look at how I had hurt my husband. Weather it was intentional or not didn't matter. Weather it was justified or not didn't matter. It didn't even matter if I understood it or not. I had to learn that I had hurt him greatly. It especially didn't matter who had hurt each other first or the most or why. None of that matters. What matters is that we come to realize that we have all fallen short of God's glory. We have all hurt others many times without knowing it. You must deal with the fact that your wife is hurt and she has not healed.

You say the affair was 5 years ago and she has had over 2 years of knowing about it. SO! You are not her and you cannot decide when she should be healed. I hurt my husband over 6 years ago because I thought I loved someone else. There was no affair not even emotional. It was one sided. I was the only one that felt that way and the other man didn't even know how I felt. Well, my husband has still not healed fully from this hurt. He must heal in his time with God's help. This hurt I cause him trigger all the other stuff that has happen since then. Was he a great husband? No. Did he do his part to ruin the marriage? Yes, But it doesn't matter. What matters was that I had to come to the realization that I hurt him deeply. I had to answer for what I did. I had to make it right. It had to begin with me.

Jesus died a painful death and He had done no wrong. He ask God to forgive those that killed him. Why are we any better than Him? This is not to say your wife has done no wrong. I am sure she has. But, I am not talking to your wife. Your wife is not the one standing in the gap with God for the restoration or your marriage and for your wife's salvation. You are standing with God. You must stand until she comes to God and she is healed of what ever you did to hurt her, what ever the world did to hurt her and what ever she has done to hurt herself, you and others.

Yes, I am being hard on you. You have a lot on your shoulders. The most important thing you have on your shoulders is your wife's salvation. Do want ever it takes to bring he to God. We are His servants. You want to stand before your Father one day and have Him say, well done My good and faithful servant.

Please know that all of this was said out of love for you and your family.

gentle

<small>[ December 29, 2003, 01:29 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

gentle,
Thank you. I only took those words out of love (it took a couple of secs to turn off my pride and justification though <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

I will pray to God on how do I bring her to God? Any mention of God or religion and she goes off. As you see above, she called church "torture" for our children when asking about Christmas Mass. It didn't help thta they were complaining about why they had to go.

I know it is a tough road ahead, and I put my faith in God. Being human, and a man <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , I like to see results quickly.

Thanks again.
God's Grace,
ttsmm

<small>[ December 29, 2003, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: Mr.Miew ]</small>

Need your help again ladies.
Here's the scenario.
I come home and the kids are lively and OK. 10-15 mins later my W comes down the stairs and tells me that the kids are never to go to the gym again. They fought, our eldest (D) hit our youngest (S) and my W was called from her workout. Another mother told my W that she was going to call DYFUS because of this and basically said she was a bad mother.
I tried consoling my W as best I could in our situ, by listening and agreeing and saying that the mother had no right to speak.
My W was infruiated and embarassed by the whole incident and said she wishes she could run away. She left for work screaming, but also full of tears.
I spoke to the kids when she left and let them know how much they hurt their mother (S too young to understand) and that I was very disappointed. I told them they should know better, expecially with the stress mommy is under (our M) and that they are a reflection of her. I let them know the difference between how mom and dad take different things, and that that doesn't mean we don't love them.
As a father, I think I did OK with the kids. Question? What do I do with the W? With her feelings (or lack thereof) towards me, how do I be supportive?

I am going to bed soon, so I probably won't get your answer until it's too late (tomorrow) but tell me anyway.

God's Grace,
ttsmm

I have come to these boards several times in the last few months because I, like a lot of you needed the comfort of another person. I don't mean to sound rude or anything but I haven't gotten a lot of comfort here. I was reading in my bible this afternoon about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. When He was there he desperately needed the love and comfort of another human being. His disciples couldn't even stay awake. They did not understand his pain and they did not care. I'm sure that I was reading that because God was telling me that I can't put my trust in people. People will tell you that they will be there for you no matter what, but when you need them the most they are not there. Jesus told his disciples that they would all desert him and Peter said "Even if everyone else deserts you, I never will". I have one good lady friend and there are many times I really need to talk with her, but we will be talking and I will be upset or crying or whatever and she will say she has to go to bed or whatever. People just are not going to be there for us. Jesus was betrayed by someone he loved very much as a lot of us here have been. He experienced the same shame and humiliation that we have. The Holy Spirit knew the pain we would feel today. Before I can even attempt to stand for the healing of my marriage, I have to allow Jesus to comfort and heal me, because He is the only one who can. I don't know about any of you but I feel like I have been totally deserted by people and it has been very painful. Jesus will never leave us. I suppose I should have posted this on emotional needs.

<small>[ December 29, 2003, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

Trying,

Everything is hard for your wife right now because she is angry and hurt. She is confused and doesn't see things clearly. Please pray that the Holy Spirit speaks for you when you talk with her again. Try and agree with her and validate her feelings. Don't push anything on her and offer to work something out were she doesn't have to take the children to the gymn with her. Of course she will just get upset with the children angian no matter where she takes them. She is so unhappy that she blows up over any and everything.

Pray and pray and trust God to take care of this in His time.


Cheryls,

I have felt the saem way myself at times. True we must depend on God and not man. God has put the right people in my life at the time I needed them since I started serving Him. He also allows them to leave me at times. No one knows His plans. We talked about this in a women's bible study class lately. One lady said it always bothered her that she didn't have life long friends like some women she knew. She went on to say that God showed her that He sometimes brings friends in our life for a season. He gives us want we need when we need it. Likewise, He brings us into others lives when they need us.

I have learned that I can depend on my human friends as long as I first put my trust in God. He has been faithful and sent me some wonderful friends that are there when I need them. But, there are times that I get down or upset and need someone and cannot get anyone on the phone or find them at home. I have learned that at these times God is wanting me to be alone with Him.

This is the perfect place for you to post. We have all been in the wilderness at one time or another. We have all been betrayed or let down by someone we believed cared about us. You are right Jesus will never leave you. There are times He is all we have to hold on to and I believe this to be part of His plan.

I am thankful that it is this way. I would not like it if I was the one someone was counting on to all ways be there. This would be more responsiblity than I care to have. I am thankful that God has this responsiblity. But, I am glad and willing to serve when ask or lead.

gentle

Gentle

Thank you, you are right, I would not like it if I were the only one that someone was counting on to always be there. I'm sure I was just feeling selfish. I know my post sounded like I expected her to be there for me anytime but I rarely ever call her when I am feeling down. I usually stay to myself. It just seems like when I do need human contact there is never anyone available.

I agree Gentle. I am very fortunate to have a good friend that I always can rely on through this right now. It's funny because every time I'm upset, she seems to either call or stop by. She gets these "feelings" that she needs to check on me. She is not a very spiritual woman, but she knows my inner being extremely well. Somehow, she finds words of wisdom for me that day and gets me to stop crying. I believe God is using her to comfort me. Sometimes she just sits there and listens, usually not offering any words unless I want them. I guess just so she can be a presence there and I can know that when I'm upset I can rely on her to help me through it. My first and foremost person I turn to is God of course but it is nice when you can have some human to talk to about your feelings.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tryingTOsaveMYmarriage:
<strong> Another mother told my W that she was going to call DYFUS because of this and basically said she was a bad mother.
I tried consoling my W as best I could in our situ, by listening and agreeing and saying that the mother had no right to speak.
My W was infruiated and embarassed by the whole incident and said she wishes she could run away. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Trying,
I agree with Gentle. Basically, she is going to be unhappy.....she is going to run into situations where she will be embarrassed and humiliated!

She is outside God's will for her life! A very wise person once told me, "First satan entices us into sin, then he condemns us for it!!" It's his "MO."

Your w is seeing some of the consequences of her failure to turn to GOd. What ever you do, DO NOT attempt to fix this for her!! Yes, you did good, "consoling her" - in a sense. BUT, realize that God is working in her life. God is trying to soften her heart.

I suspect more and more circumstances are going to turn against her, while God continues to "whisper" in her ear. Believe that He is doing this. God hears your prayers. God DESIRES to heal your M. It is the enemy who is trying to keep things upset, to keep her far from God, and angry at you.

My xH is angry, too. He has been angry, almost since the day he left. The first time I talked to him (5 days after he left), he was very upbeat....he was going to "start a new life, get things straightened out.......get a great job.......start over........" Very weird conversation.

Well, anyway, fast forward 2½ years later.....during ALL the times of divorce proceedings, mediations, etc. he was angry! And even now (talked to him in October), he is still very angry! NOTHING works. Everyone is stupid.....he fights with his family.....doesn't talk to most of them anymore (this is the #1 "reason" he left - I hated his family, and he wanted to be nearer to them (?))....he hates his job (has had at least 4 since he left)....and hates the one he has now. Bills are piling up and he can't seem to get his finances straightened out (not a surprise, since *I* was the one who always handled the $$). He has had at least 3 operations (that's all I know of), and at least one cancer scare (prostate).

Doesn't much sound like a better life, does it? I believe God is continually talking to him, trying to show him that this IS NOT the way to walk. Is my H listening? Not yet.

Neither is your W. At this point, all you can do is continue to pray for her. Believe God is working on her heart. Believe God wants to "reach" her, and that He wants to reconcile your M. Believe it, and act on it. Act as if it were already a reality! Do I mean, treat her as a "wife" - asking for SF, etc.? No. I mean, just RELAX a little bit!! Laugh (to yourself, of course) about her circumstances, knowing all this is b/c of her disobedience to God. And laugh (to yourself) knowing that GOD WILL HAVE HIS WAY IN ALL OUR LIVES ULTIMATELY.

You can only run from God for so long, before he "reels you in" from your own self-destruction. As it suits His plans.

That's my take on the whole "gym incident."

Relax, my brother. Look at it from God's perspective. Enjoy the show! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God Bless,

Now I know why you asked the ladies about all of this. Each one of them has given you very wise counsel.

God is working on your W and she is fighting. You need to be there to pick up the pieces when they fall. See her though Jesus' eyes. Have compassion for her everytime you see her nad talk to her. Literally put yourself in Jesus' shoes and look at her. You can't help but have compassion. Hold her with your eyes and heart. Then she'll let you hold her with your arms.

Hey I goota go now. I'll check back later.

Love in Christ.

S&C

Trying,

Looks like we all agree. Keep praying and believe God is working.


Cheryls,

God will give you a friend like Standing has when He knows you need one. It took me a long time to learn to be quite also. I had a lot of hurt and anger I had to let go of. Maybe it would be easier for you if your husband had not ever said he would come home to a better you. My husband would not begin to say anything like that. He was never going to be with me again because it was too late I had my chance. I knew that God had to change me. All look so hopeless. I was so desparate. I am not saying you are just as hurt or desperate. I am just saying you have that hope that he has given you with his own words. Maybe, that is something for you to fall back on.

You will get there. Just keep asking God to change you. There has been many times in the past that I myself have said I will never change. I would beat myself up over my falls. It does get easier.

gentle

Gentle

My husband has told me a lot more than he wouldn't come home to me the way I am. He told me the last time I saw him that he loves me and doesn't want a divorce and that he is trying to hold on to our marriage. I don't see where he is trying to do anything to hold on to our marriage, except talk. He's never asked me for a divorce, he says he doesn't want one and never will. I get so tired of all of this sometimes, I want my mind to be clear of it sometimes, just to be able not to think about it, even for one day would be great.

ll,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">just RELAX a little bit!! Laugh (to yourself, of course) about her circumstances, knowing all this is b/c of her disobedience to God. And laugh (to yourself) knowing that GOD WILL HAVE HIS WAY IN ALL OUR LIVES ULTIMATELY.

You can only run from God for so long, before he "reels you in" from your own self-destruction. As it suits His plans.

That's my take on the whole "gym incident."

Relax, my brother. Look at it from God's perspective. Enjoy the show! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what I thought several weeks ago. I was reading Job 21:7-17. I wrote in my Bible (and here - can't find the posting though), where I felt God was doing this for a reason:
11/16/03 "I thought about tonight how pleased I am that Marie is ill, i/e. stomach flu. Not because I want her in pain, but because a well man, a happy man, a prosperous man does not come to God...only those who are "ill" and "in need" do.

I remember I got blasted for this by a few of you for these comments. I giess I was right. Sorry just my ego coming up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Thanks EVERYONE for your words.

God's Grace,
ttsmm

Happy New Year!

Just venting.
She wantd to know where my metal box was; she says the C's savings bonds are in there. I look and they are not there. A piece of paper drops out and she wants it. It is a rental receipt from our old apt (many years old). She crumbles it to throw it out. I told her I wanted it back. "Why?". "Because it's mine." A few words later, "You won't throw it out. You hang on to everything. You wnet through my legal papers box, hmmm. That's why I called the police on you. Oh you can't answer that one?" And I kept silent.
??? - I wasn't trying to cause an argument, and she just throws things away because SHE does see the need for them any more. Was I wrong to ask her to give it back to me? Women are always throwing out men's stuff because they don't see the purpose. But it's not YOUR stuff, so why do you all do it?

Next, our D says for us to play SOCCER later. My W hears and asks our D, "How do you play doctor?" She is so bent on the porn issue and being pumped up by her atty and whoever, that she heard doctor and thought I was being abusive to our D.

Next, at our front door has been flowers I sent her (flower of the month). They were there for the last two days but I didn't bring them in; wnated her to handle as she always does. She finally saw them because she has been going out the ftont door (usually goes through the back). She asked when the flowers were going to end? "April." "It's been over a year." "I stop them now." Then she midly wnet into I cna't win her back; I treated her cruely, she doesn't respect me (let alone love me) and she never will. Then she said "Thank God, all men are not like that." She talked about the gym incident again, and how there cruel women out there just as there are cruel men (like you). "You can never win me back (buy me back); that's what you are trying to do and it won't happen. You could buy me a BMW and I wouldn't be impressed. So, stop the flowers, I am only putting them in our D's room anyway. It's showing the wrong message to the C. ... If you continue, I have harrassment charges pressed against you because we are in litigation."
The entire time I nodded my head saying I understood. Menawhile, I prayed an "Our Father" for her, and kept asking the Holy Spirit when to speak. He never told me to, so I didn't.
??? I am cancelling the flowers today. I guess I can't buy her anything at all EVER? Her birthday is at the end of the month. Any advice is appreciated.

Overall, I am please with my reactions, although I feel like I am staring at her. I am unsure of my facial expressions. This is new territory for me, not to help her.
I feel a little bit down, but OK.

Love in Christ,
ttsmm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tryingTOsaveMYmarriage:
<strong> I guess I can't buy her anything at all EVER? Her birthday is at the end of the month. Any advice is appreciated.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First of all, Happy New Year!

Second, I think it's time for a few 180's. Michelle Weiner-Davis has a list of things you should do to "Divorce-Bust." IN other words, to try to AVOID divorce......I think I would follow this train for now if I were you.

I think Redhat, or some others have written about the 180, even listed a bunch of them somewhere......maybe we can find them and paste it over here.

Finally, I think it's time you started to detach a bit more. She LOVES to "engage" you in a discussion where she will be allowed to "beat up" on you - so to speak. She loves to find ways to put you down, belittle you, remind you of how much you irritate and P*** her off..... Yup, she's majorly angry, all right! You simply CANNOT continue to feed that anger. I'm beginning to think your very presence is fueling it!

So, what to do? Hmmm, I think detaching is the key. Try to completely stay away from her, out of harm's way, in a manner of speaking. That may mean one, two word answers to her questions. NO long-winded discussions.....DON'T get "baited" into a "Let's do it this way," "No, let's do it THIS way, why does it have to be YOUR way...." type of confrontation.

If that's not possible, DO NOT, IN ANY WAY, ALLOW HER TO REEL YOU INTO A FIGHT, CONFRONTATION, OR GIVE HER LEEWAY TO TURN IT INTO SOMETHING NEGATIVE TOWARDS YOU. Is this possible? Or even Christ-like? I don't know. I just know you cannot continue to be "beat up, dragged down, ripped apart, etc." She is having a field day with your emotions, and at your expense, and it's NOT FAIR!!! What would happen if you just agreed with everything she says?

DO I believe Christ would take it, with NO arguing back? Showing her ONLY Unconditional Love? Of course! BUT, You aint' Him!!

I think it's time you protected whatever love is left for her. The way to do that is to NOT let her continue to chip away at your LB$.

Anybody else who wants to chime in here with their own thoughts, please jump in.....maybe I'm way off base, here.....

God Bless,

ll,
Thanks. I think from a "Being a Child of God" standpoint, I'm doing fine. My relationship with Him is gorwing stronger every day; I "feel" bad/full of shame when I sin; I enjoy reading the Bible and surfing the weeb for Him; Worshipping Him through music and prayer (practically only listen to Christian radio now)...so I believe I am on the right track there.
As for dealing with my W ------ HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's why I post so much when it comes to "what should I do?", because ALL (most all) of my actions have come under fire.

Gotta run she just came in from work - VERY EARLY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Love in Christ,
ttsmm

How do we deal with our spouses? I find it difficult to keep my self together when he calls me. He calls me today to tell me that he has been sick for two weeks now. I already knew this but he didn't know that I did. I was very worried about him because I knew that he had to be very sick to stay home from work that long. Why couldn't he call and let me know how he was doing? I ask him that and he said there was nothing I could do anyway, that was not even my point. Why do some people seem to have no consideration for others feelings? I couldn't go see him because of where he lives. I started to though but didn't because it would have only caused trouble. I am trying hard to not divorce but sometimes I feel like it would be best. I'm sure that I'm like a lot of you here that look at the circumstances instead of looking at the situation from God's perspective. I read this in a book, it said something like this--God is not threatened by a woman, or any other sin in your husbands life. He has the power to deliver. He wants you to receive comfort from His word and put your total confidence in Him. It said the Lord says not to fear because he is on my side. He is mightier than any woman or anything else in my husbands life. A relationship based on lies will fall apart. God will dissolve that relationship to nothing. Anyway I just wanted to talk because most of the time you guys are the only people I have to talk to. Thanks

Cheryls,
not a prob. we are all here for the same reason: the have our marriages restored. and even though we know WE can't do that only HE can; we are also here to comfort each other and give godly counsel.

ll said something about a 180. prob w/me is that, as my W says, i'm never consistent, so what would be a 180 for me? like tonite for instance. came home and didn't say anything to her, except when i was making dinner for the kids, i asked how something should be cooked. in fact, when she leaves for work in the evening, i say goodbye even though she only says goodbye to the kids. tonite i didn't say goodbye. so am i going 180 or being inconsistent?

side note: i cancelled the flower subscriptionn. she never put the flowers, roses, in our d's room, she kept them in the original box and threw it in the trash. am i hurt? yes, and i forgive her.
Father, guide me with this latest experience; round off my rough edges to make me the man You intend me to be. Amen.

Love in Christ,
ttsmm

ttsmm

I've read most of your posts and I don't know how you deal with it. At least when I do see my husband he is nice to me. He always tells me that he loves me whether we are on the phone or somewhere together. So, I don't understand why he always p***es me off. I can't control my negative feelings towards him. It doesn't do any good but I can't help it. He says he loves me but I think to myself, if this is what he calls love then I don't need it. I don't know what to do.

<small>[ January 02, 2004, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

I am full of venom right now for my W. It has been a horrible day, and I took it out on the kids. A first for me: in the past when I have yelled at the kids, I apologized for yelling but told them the reason behind the chastisement was valid. This time the the reason was not valid and let my D know it, and I apoligized for it. So it was a bad there.

As for my bleeping W. She comes home from work and oges to our D's room and removes her stuffed animals with good reason (the lice came back). BUT, she did not do it nicely. Our D started crying and my W laced into her, screaming at her, calling names, a lier among other things. MY HAS NOOOOOOO COMPASSIONS and right now I really don't care much for her after this. She blames everybody else for either her troubles or if something can't be explained; i.e. the lice. She tells our D that it came back (1st case at Thanksgiving) because daddy took you to a movie theatre. That was over two and a half weeks ago. Of course she doesn't look at her taking them to childcare at the gym several times during the Christmas break, or Chuckie Cheese, or McDonalds Playplace. NOOOOOOO, she is NEVER the cause of anyone eles' bleeeping grief. It's all done to her.

Today I did the chapter on Her Motherhood in "TPOAPH". She needs more than my prayers, she NEEDS God. She doesn;t give a flying bleep about anyone's feelings except her own.

God can be all things for me, love, comfort, understanding, strength, etc. EXCEPT He can't fill the physical void I have. Sex yes, but more than that, holding, hugging, caressing, etc. I miss that, AND WITHOUT A MIRACLE FROM GOD, I WILL NEVER HAVE THAT AGAIN.

I was so close tonight to telling her to back off when she was screaming at our D. I even had thoughts about stepping between her and our D; even pushing her out of the way. But, I prayed for God to make me DO something, so all I did was hold my D and stare at my W with venom as she screamed at this frightened 7 year old girl.

I don't think my W knows anything about being a child. She treats them as adults; i.e. about my hurting mommy with my A, about these being "just stuffed animals", among other things she does to them.

I don't think I can take it any longer. I really think I want out of this marriage, OR GOD SHOW WHY I SHOULD STAY!

TO start with, it would very hypocritical of me to do this weeks restoration. Would another man please volunteer to step in this week. We are doing chapter 3 "Her Motherhood". Email me if anyone wnats to do it.

So Tell me ladies, after your H betrayed you, did you take it out on your kids?

bye,
trying..to understand it all.............

ttsmm
I don't know which is worse, your situation where there is always something going on or mine where there is complete silence every day. I know the silence sounds better to you but it's hard also to deal with.

We serve a God who deals with the impossible. This is where our hope lies. he only wants a heart that is willing to believe Him for the impossible. I think this is where we both fail. We keep looking at the circumstances, I am very guilty of this. When we do this we start to sink. Our circumstances seem to be very real , but they are only temporary. They only have the power to remain permanent if we allow them to do so through doubt and unbelief. We can't believe the lies of the devil.

I am telling you this and you are probably thinking, well it seems easier said than done. Believe me, I know how very hard it is, I don't think a day goes by that I don't cry. I can't seem to get out of this depression I have had for years, I think like you at times, what is the use, nothing is changing, everything is the same or is worse. I think that is a big part of the problem. We have to keep our faith even when we see nothing changing. Sometimes it just seems easier to quit. But then I remember that is exactly what satan wants us to do. Faith is the evidence of things which are not seen. Consistency will pay off. I know you feel like you can't take anymore, so do I, but Jesus in you can take it. I feel like a knife is being stuck in my heart everyday that my h lives with that ow. My heart hurts. But I love this man with all my heart and soul no matter what he has done and all I want is for him to come back home. We can believe Him when He tells us to trust Him and not be moved by what we see.

<small>[ January 03, 2004, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Cheryls ]</small>

I'd rather the silence.

I can't stand that she opens up and tells me about her day, and I am suppose to stand there and listen. But, as soon as I mention anything of what I am doing or how my day was, she walks away.

WELL F*** HEr.

I am sick of it. You don't want me anymore, find someone else to listen to your judgements about everybody that is NOT like you. I DON'T CARE TO HEAR IT ANYMORE.

Losing faith in it ever being saved. You know why, because those on this site that have been saved both spouses had some faith, NOT one of having no faith, or having NEVER believed ever in their life. Also, still noone is in the same position as I, a WS who wants to save the M and has been out of the fog for over 4+ years, thought the M was being worked and was tricked into buying a house.

Giving up hope on the M,
ttsmm

trying,

I'm always so sad to "hear" about how terrible things seem to be going. You need to take it less personally. This is a spiritual battle between W and God. Recognize it for what it is. While she was standing there "railing" at D, you should have been praying God would protect that precious baby, that Mom's words wouldn't even sink in, that Jesus would deflect them OFF her, so they didn't hurt so much. Try that next time, 'k? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Did you go to church this morning? Last night? I hope so. You need to hear from God.

Next, did you just read Cheryls' last post to you? "FAITH IS EVIDENCE OF THINGS NOT SEEN." You've got to get your eyes OFF the circumstance and ONTO Jesus.

Detach, (emotionally) detach. DON'T LISTEN to her telling you about how her day was......when she wants to tell you about it, kinda act UNinterested......

".....Hmmmm? Oh, yeah, let me just go take care of one little thing, I'll listen to your story later, dear...." DETACH. Make her have to seek YOU out.

You need to read Love Must Be Tough (James Dobson). He talks about this "dance." YOU PURSUE, She flees.

If YOU FLEE, SHE WILL PURSUE..........

You are hanging on, and she knows it. She knows she can treat you this way, and you will take it. Gotta stop that dance. It's called "Acting As If." This is a Michelle Weiner-Davis tactic. Acting AS IF YOU WERE Already Separated. DON'T let her suck you into her anger.

Trying, it's obvious this is draining your LB$ severely. If you ever hope to restore your M, you've GOT TO Detach. You can't continue to allow her to make withdrawals from your LB$. There's not much left.

Detach now.

God Bless, brother. We are praying for her (and you)

My situation looks totally hopeless also. My husband lives with the ow. He says he can't leave because he can't leave his child that they have together. I've tried to tell him that moving out of ow's house is not leaving the oc. But, he is pig headed. I have quit saying anything to him, what's the use. He has so many excuses that it makes me sick. But I will tell you this, when God gets ready to move him out of there no oc, or ow or anything else is going to keep my husband where he is right now. It's very, very hard to deal with, I have good days and bad days, seems lately more bad than good. My husband knows the Lord and look at what he continues to do, and yet he will look me right in my face and tell me he doesn't want a divorce and that he still loves me. I know it seems as though he has his cake and is eating it to, but that is not the way it is really. He says he has a lot of problems to work out with his situation and then we can work on our marriage. I can't even write here what I want to say to him when he does that. I've thought of divorcing him but I feel something in my heart that says no. So my decision is , do I go with my heart or with my head?

lupo,
too late. i told her i wishshe would get hit by a bus. i said this in front of the kids.

she started in by going to the basement, my area, because she wanted pics of a cake she had made. but, of course she didn't tell me that. she just said she wanted to know where the pics were. so i followed her to the basement and found them for her. then she asked me what i did with the pics of my mom in the casket? i told her i hid them. she said i was sick and said i made it up about someone else taking the pics. this escalated very quickly into an all-out argument with both screaming at each other in front of our c. our d was screaming for us to stop. when i tried (didn't try very hard) to walk away, she told our d, "see daddy's running away from the truth again." i lost it, and laced right back into her. she called me sick in front of the kids and i told her she was sick and called her some names, then she pretended that i was the bad guy, looking at me saying these things in front of the kids, meanwhile all the crap she told the kids when i was out of the house.
finally, i got my coat and left, cursing her, cursing God, cursing everyone.
God doesn't care about this m. yes, he cares about me, but my w is not saved, so as the bible says, if she wants to d, let her. problem is, i promised to be m'd to her, so even if we d, i will not re'm, unless she dies before me.

i'm now back in the house, in the basement, after i had a brief conversation with losthusband on my cell. who knows how long i have to stay down here, all night probably.

God, Why are you putting me through this? If You are going to save this marriage, show me a sign. Otherwise, please, I beseech You, get the divorce moving quickly.

sad thing is this coming Saturday, our d is having her first sacrament of reconciliation. great, this is when i thought God would touch my w. i don't even think my w will go to it. the only reason she is going to the communion is because of the party she will have for her afterwards. God is no where in her life.

LB = ZERO UNITS.

I GIVE UP.

trying

TTSMM and Cheryls,

I need to share something with you. I was BS in my M and I very much wanted our M to survive. I tried for 3 years to work on it, work things out, do MB, go to MB Weekend, pray, read, go to counseling--we even counseled with Steve Harley and met Mr. and Mrs. Harley on the MB Weekend. Nothing worked. I was a believer and willing to work on myself and admit my faults--my exH was not willing to work on himsefl or admit his faults. The M was doomed to fail because he had the free will to CHOOSE to not work on it.

HOWEVER, I truly believe that God can restore M's after an A, and that if both partners look to God and humble their hearts, there can be restoration. The problem for me came when my exH was too proud to look to God or humble his heart. His choice was to continue in sin rather than admit his follie.

At first I felt like and thought that God had abandoned me and my M. I worked and worked and it wasn't being "fixed." Well, God told me two things: First, *I* was trying to work and work and trying to fix things rather than leaving it in God's hands and giving it up to Him. Second, just because the M ends does not mean that God stops working in my life or my ex's life. Now that I have been divorced for a while, I can see God working in my exH--doing a good work, really--and I feel almost embarrassed that I stood in God's way for so long. If I had only gotten out of God's way!! Anyway, for me to really start to grow in God, and for my exH to really start to have God work in his life, our M had to end. Now my exH is alone (he has lost all of his OW), and it is beginning to dawn on him what he had and what he lost and what he did. I do not believe he would have been able to see that without actually losing it. Does that make sense??

Sooo...although it may seem to you today as if God has abandoned you and your M, and as if the world is going to end if your M ends, take it from someone who has been there--it doesn't. God works in HIS time, not ours, and HIS time is different. Give it God, and completely trust Him and rest in His ability to work when HE wants to (not when you want Him to). Have a little encouragement and faith, my friends. Your M may indeed end, but God's involvement with you and your ex will not.


CJ

faithful,
thanks, but, as i mentioned she doesn't in God; not she's lost touch with Him; she never believed in Him.

as for d'ing and then coming back, i don't see it. she wants sex right and has told me several times that she can hardly wait for d to go through so she can date a normal person again an dif they are right, have sex again.

remember, i am the one to who is the ws.

again, can someone on this site point me to another ws in a similar situation? hearing how the bs stood for their m and they believed God and He restored it just doesn't work for me anymore.

update: i'm down in the basement and she bangs on th door and screams to me to stop evesdropping on her phone calls. there's no line in the basement - paranoia is setting in.

God help me.

my situation is unique on this website. i need to find someone similar or i have lost all hope.

trying and crying

Faithfulwife,

You are so right about getting out of God's way.
I am living prove that it only takes one spouse working with God to save a marriage. There was NO hope and many told me just what you said, give up he will never come home he has free will. God made him willing. God showed me many times my marriage would be restored. My part was to allow God to change me and be obedient to what He told me to do through His word. If God sends you down a path, He will get you to the end. You say my husband would not work on the marriage. Neither did mine, he didn't want to go to counseling or anything else. He didn't care about any of the principles here. He wanted out. I had no where to turn but to God. I put all my faith in Him and allowed Him to convince my husband our marriage was fixable.


Trying,

Your situation is a lot like mine. My marriage was in the same mess yours is in maybe worse. Your situation is not that different than anyone elses. Please stop trying to find someone to compare to. Marriages are as different as people are. No two situations are the same but as I posted to you before much of mine is similar to yours.

No matter what the situation is, there is only one enemy, and that is Satan. He and he alone is your enemy. Instead of trying to find someone in the same situation, please ask God what He wants you to do. I believe He is telling you, but like me you are not always listening. Why? Because much of the time we don't want to do what He wants us to do.

Why is God allowing this to happen to you? He is calling you closier to Him and He wants your wife's heart. It takes time. There is not a quick fix like our culture demands. Please understand I am not trying to judge you are put you down. I am truly trying to help you by sharing what GOd has shown me. Please go back and read your post about the last argument you had with her. Tell me where God is in all this. These things are not of Him. Since they are not of Him, they must be from the evil one. She attacks you so you attack her and so on. Well you say I was right she was wrong I was just defending myself. First, this is not your call. God is the only judge. Second, if we are doing the will of God we do not need to defend oursleves.Third, who is the follower of Jesus Christ here? You are and God never promised it was going to be easy.

When you give in to her remarks and attack her, you are proving to her that following Chirst is not all that. No you cannot be perfect. You will slip and fall. That is o.k. that is how we learn.
So, she said you were sick. Was it worth having your children hear what they had to hear? God knows your not sick and that is all that matters. Let it go. You cannot win. There is nothing to win and everything to loose. You say you can't do it. Then get ready to have another man in your childrens lives. Get ready to have another women in there lives. Divorce hurts. It hurts more than having someone say something to you. You will win the battle but lose the war.

I had to learn and am still learning, sometimes it is best to be wrong ,or at least not be right,than to win. What have you won? Store up your treasures in heaven. Please understand I have done all the things I have mentioned you doing. It is hard and we need brothers and sisters that will hold us accountable. Start letting all that stuff go. Let her thinks she is right, it won't last, nothing from Satan last. Everything good and lasting comes from above. When you stop trying to fight this battle then God can start working in her heart. The things she does is not right but you must let God show her this and she won't hear Him as long as you keep telling her.

I am with you and I know you can overcome.

gentle

<small>[ January 05, 2004, 01:33 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

TTSMM,

I've been reading through some of posts and I would like to say a few things to you.

I will tell you that God's number one priority restoring the lost relationship between Him and His creation (humans). Nothing else is more important to Him than that.

So, it stands to reason that God is working on everyone including you and your W. Yes, is concerned with your M, but he is more concerned with your relationship with Him and your W's soul. God wants our desires to be in line with His.

God is trying to save your W's soul and you are trying to save your M. I was doing the same thing a while back and God told me to pay attention to Him and not my M. If she were to die today what would be more important, her going to heaven or her being married to me? I decided that her salvation was more important. I needed to adjust my priorities. If my W's relationship w/ God were to improve, my M would probably get better. I had to focus one her R w/ God and not my M.

You need to focus on your relationship with God and pray for your W's salvation. An improved M will be a by-product of a better R w/ God.

I am serious about this. Your W will not be educated by your words. She will only be taught by your actions while being guided by the Holy Spirit. All under the umbrella of your prayer and the prayers of others.

James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Daniel 3: 17-18 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn't, Your Majesty can be sure that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."

Serve God even if your W chooses not to.

I know this isn't what you want to hear my friend. God has been bringing you through a serious encounter with the enemy. He is bringing you through. The enemy doesn't fight fair. He has no rules, but you have authority over him and some influence for your W, but you cannot save her for her. She will have to make that choice. I know, I really know, how painful it is to see your W struggle with God, but don't give up.

T, I don't know what the outcome will be, but I do know that your R with God will be the thing that will comfort you in times when nothing else will. I also don't know about your experiences with God's provisions are but I AM PROOF that He can bring you through circumstance with peace.

I am so sorry you are going through this. But please know He has not abandoned you or your W.

Get as many people to pray for you as you can.

We are with you my brother.

S&C

S&C,

You bring up a very good point. I have moments when I feel such an urgent need to pray for my husband's soul. It's almost like I can feel him falling into a pit and I need to come in and pray for him, to intercede, so he won't perish.

Trying,

I can feel your pain. All I can tell you is that you need to continue to show Christ's love, even when others don't. Very important to do this. And what I'm learning is that when things start to go well, a day later or a few days later, something worse happens than before. This shows me that God is working continually. He is winning this war we are fighting and Satan is getting angry because he only has a short time left so he wreaks havoc on those who are continually turning to God, communing with God, to try to tempt us to give in, lose hope, lose faith, so he can gloat and rejoice. I, for one, will not let Satan win this war! Are you with me?

I've also learned that the only thing you can do for your spouse is pray for them. Continually pray for them. It WILL work. I'm not saying the marriage will be restored in the meantime, but I am saying that your wife WILL be affected by these prayers somehow. Without her even realizing it. She will not let you know this, more than likely, and she will fight it. But God will reach her. You just have to be willing to do whatever it takes for that happen. Even if that means letting go of your marriage temporarily. This does not mean give up hope for reconciliation or give up believing that the marriage will be reconciled, but it means being obedient to God. Continuing to do what He asks of us and praying for others.

If you continually give in to her insults, arguing with her, creating strife and so forth, this will eat at YOU. It will turn YOU angry and bitter. Look at it, my brother, it is already. Please, please, I urge you to get back into His word, commune with Him, be still and let the Holy Spirit come through you. This is the only way you can receive peace and joy that you so desperately need right now. I am praying for you and your situation.

Peace my brother in Christ,

Hey T,

Where are you? Come sit down post a while. You're on my mind today.

S&C

Thnanks SFM / S&C,
I have no time to post. But, I checked my journal and saw I didn't read Hiw Word since Friday. Feelings started Saturday, blew up Sunday. Go figure. Back in His Word again.
Love in Christ,
tryingTOsaveMYmarriage (His Will BeDone)

TTSMM,

I'm really sorry for your pain. Here are some verses for you.

If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Gal. 5:15)

A gentle answer turns away wrath. (Prov. 15:1)

A gentle tongue can break a bone. (Prov. 25:26)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:31,32)

Above all, love one another, for love covers a MULTITUDE of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.(Gal. 6:9)

If you enemy [spouse who "doesn't love" you] is hungry, FEED HIM; if he is thirsty, GIVE HIM something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD.(Rom 12:20-21)

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But EVEN IF you should suffer for what is right, you are BLESSED.(1 Peter 3:12-14)

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. (Rom 12:14)

Do not say, 'I'll pay you back for this wrong!' WAIT FOR THE LORD, and He will deliver you. (Prov. 20:22)

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called sot that you may inherit a blessing. (Rom 12:20)

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Prov. 29:11)

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deut. 31:8)

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5)


Be still before the Lord. (Psalm 37:7)

Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

Forget the former things; DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST. See, I am doing a NEW thing! Now it springs up; do you not perveive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18,19)

God bless!

<small>[ January 08, 2004, 01:56 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>