Well, I've pretty much been telling this "story" in bits and pieces all along. So, I kind of don't even know where to start on this thread.

I just sense that someone needs to see it - all in one chunk, so I'll attempt to keep is short enough to keep anyone from nodding off half-way through it.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As many of you know, when my H left, on May 18, 2001, he simply left me a NOTE on the TV, and the div papers in the mailbox. I HAD NO CLUE we were having that serious of problems! I just came home from work one day and he was G-O-N-E!!!

Five days later, his son convinced him he had done a shi**y thing, and he should call me, at least. He did. I LB'd. I mean, I ripped him TWO new ones!
I cried, I screamed, I begged......well, I think we all get that picture. He took it. He didn't get mad, or fight back. He didn't try to stop me. I think he KNEW he "deserved" it, and he would just have to get through it, in order to "go on" with his life.

He apologized. Said he didn't know it would hurt me......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

In his defense, we really were distant, separated from each other emotionally. I can see why he thought that........
Still, I thought he could have at least TALKED to me.........TRIED to get through about how "unhappy" he was. DUH!! I was unhappy, too!! We were making each other miserable. Oh, well. NO talking about it now. His mind was made up. He wanted a div. The paperwork had been filed, he had paid an atty.

He continued w/his plan. He was living w/ow, and the atty was working the paperwork through the system. There really was nothing I could do to stop the madness. It was a locomotive out of control. Every time I thought I saw a ray of sunshine at the end of the dark tunnel, it just turned out to be another train headed at me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I spent countless hours trying to figure out what I was supposed to do. I finally ended up searching for "Divorce Recovery" on the internet, and found THIS PLACE. Now this really was a ray of sunlight at the end of a dark tunnel.

I also returned to church. Pity it took something like THIS to make that happen.....
In fact, H had said to me, just days before he left..........
"We REALLY need to start going back to church....."
Then he left! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So, I went. I cried out to God. I prayed, I begged, I screamed. I mean, I would get in my car, go down the highway at breakneck speeds, and SCREAM till my throat hurt.............

I heard NOTHING from my H. He was D-O-N-E. We were history. I couldn't Plan A him. I couldn't Plan B him. HE WAS GONE.
He had "moved on."

SLowly, I began to accept that we might actually end up divorced. It wasn't what I wanted, but I knew that I had been a very bad W. A very disobedient W. I KNEW that if we DID div. - I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT THAT ON MYSELF with my terrible actions toward the H God had given me. Talk about guilt. Talk about reaping what you sow. I heaped it on. I deserved it.

Slowly, ever so slowly, God began to TRANSFORM me. He changed me. He showed me my sins, and I accepted them, repented of them, and still accepted that if we ended up div. I DESERVED it.

During all this time, MY H AND I NEVER TALKED. He never called me. I wasn't welcome to call HER house (where he lived). I often felt sorry for myself. "Other people on here" I told myself, "At least TALK to their S." I threw a pity party every chance I got!

But in-between all the pity I heaped on myself, God began to change me. Maybe it had something to do with the HOURS I spent reading His Word. I had NOTHING ELSE TO DO, after all!!! So I read. I read just about all night, every night. I READ the entire Bible in about 4 months.

During that time, interestingly, a funny thing started to happen. I began to think God was telling me that He was going to Restore my M!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I found RestoreM ministries and Rejoice Ministries. They said it COULD happen!! It had happened to them. They had div'd and then re-M. But, I DID NOT want to div. and then remarry. I had no choice in the matter, however. I HAD NO CONTROL over anything that was happening. What am I saying? I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING!!

My best g/f and prayer partner used to describe it like - "We're on THIS side of the mountain, and we don't know ANYTHING about what's going on on THAT side of the mountain." She was right. We knew absolutely NOTHING. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Never heard from anyone. Basically, his WHOLE family had "turned" and they all welcomed her into the family, had cook-outs together (OK, I knew SOME things!). But I couldn't figure out how they could DO that?!?!?

Well, they all seemed to be one big, happy family. In the meantime, God convinced ME - through reading His Word, and other "revelations" - that He was going to restore my M. At first, I quietly held it inside.........just smiling to myself, as if to say, "God if you can do this, it'll be a miracle........"
"WHAT AM I SAYING, OF COURSE IT'LL BE A MIRACLE..........THAT'S WHAT YOU DO!!!

Slowly, a little more confidently, I began to PROCLAIM it out loud to others, that God was going to bring him home, and show the world a Modern-Day miracle. I said that. Then I'd go home and PRAY LIKE MAD..............."God, I'm putting YOU out there. YOU GOTTA DO THIS NOW!!! I'm telling people You're gonna do it. You ARE going to do it, right?"

Truly, it was little by little that I began believing it myself!!!

After a year, we WERE finally "officially" div'd (according to an earthly judge, anyway) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

By that time, I was totally convinced it was OK, b/c God was going to let the "old" M DIE, and He would build up a new, restored one. PTL!!!

Another YEAR goes by. [b]totally NO CONTACT. Listen, folks, if you don't think THAT will "test" your faith, believe me, IT WILL!!!

But, I knew what God had told me. I like to tell people I KNEW WHAT I KNEW THAT I KNEW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And so I trusted. And rested. And stayed (became?) obedient. OK, started becoming obedient in more and more areas of my life (still not there.......). Faithful. I stayed faithful in what I KNEW I could/should do.

I only heard from my H about once every 6 months or so. Usually if there was an important paper I had that he needed, like the title to his truck when he wanted to sell it. There was NO contact at all. He lived 200 mi. away. He had built a whole new life, and just walked away from our life.

I kept on keeping on.... KNOWING that God was going to restore this. BUT, not seeing any evidence of it.

ANOTHER year goes by. Keep in mind, we're talking about ALL the memorable "dates" of a year. HIS birthday, MY birthday, Christmas, New Year's, Thanksgiving, any others that might have special significance. We went through THREE of each of these - totally NO acknowledgement that I even existed!

Well, here's where it gets interesting. I was getting weary. I was. I mean, HOW LONG does one hold onto a "hope" - a THREAD of something that appears to be hopeless?? How long?

I had a gentleman who was intested in me, wanted to DATE me. I kept telling him I was still standing for my M. He would tell me (every week in church), "Well, just let me know when you get tired of standing........." That was hard. Still, I KNEW WHAT I KNEW THAT I KNEW........

My best g-f/prayer partner said to me, "this is the final test.........you are in the birth canal, and about to give birth to the miracle......."
I didn't believe her.

Then came the phone call. The one when he told me ow had died.

Everything changed.

Now, we talk. At first, he would call about every other week.......then about every 10 days.........now it's about once a week. The "talks" are getting more serious, more "close." I can't call them "intimate" yet. BUT HE'S WORKING HIS WAY HOME.

GOD IS PERFORMING THE MODERN-DAY MIRACLE I believed He would do!!!!!

Where's the Happy Dance icon? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So fast forward to latest convo, last Thursday night:
He is leaving Wed. for points west, to visit family and attend OS's wedding on the 15th. He had called last Sunday to tell me this. I truly did not think I needed to call him about that. After all, what was there to say?? "I got your call. Thanks for telling me you're going to my step son's wedding without me........"
DUH. I didn't know what to say.........so I didn't call back. TILL THURSDAY

I finally thought of a good "ice-breaker" -
I dialed, he picked up, I said, "Hi!"
He said, "Didn't you get my message? You didn't call back........"
I said, "I did get your message, I've been packing..........WHEN DO WE LEAVE?!??!?!"
He roared. We had a good laugh. Then spent the next 2 ½ hours talking!!

It was a good time, and now we have a DATE (2, actually). He agreed to come over here (3 hr. drive from HIS house), and I agreed to buy him lunch. Then he said I have to go visit HIM, and he has a great restaurant he wants to take me to, where they serve a terrific Calamari! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Folks, (if you're still reading, GOD BLESS YOU!), let me close by saying this:

I've read lots of people on these boards talk about how they NEVER believed their S's would ever turn around, come home, come to the Lord, etc. I would read it and think, YOU DON'T KNOW *MY* H. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT "A MIRACLE" IS TILL YOU SEE WHAT A MISSION IMPOSSIBLE IT WILL BE TO SEE HIM TURNING AROUND.

Folks, LIsten, NOTHING IS TOO HARD FOR THE LORD.

Get down to business. Get yourself BROKEN and obedient before HIM. Lay it all There.

That's what I now see I have/had to do. I HAD TO DIE to my wants. I HAD TO BE BROKEN. I HAD TO LET HIM REBUILD ME FROM THE INSIDE OUT before I had anything good to build a new foundation for a brand-new M with the man HE brought into my life almost 25 years ago.

And He's STILL in the Miracle business. AND IT WILL TRULY BE A MODERN-DAY MIRACLE WHEN MY H MOVES BACK HOME AND STARTS ATTENDING CHURCH AND PRAISING GOD WITH ME. If I weren't witnessing it for myself, I'm not sure *even I* would believe it!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BLESS HIS HOLY NAME

LL,

I stand in faith with you. He will restore your M, I can feel it. My prayers are with you!

It is so refreshing to see a person with so much faith. I had it & my H returned as well. Everyone said it was impossible based on my H's actions, but I told them God is preparing the way for him to come home. He did & I'm w/you when you say that He is doing it for you.

God bless you in your faith journey.

Lots of love,
Y

Lupolady,

I want you to know that in all the years I have been a believer, Yours is one of the most powerful personal testimonies of trust I have ever read. I will print it out and keep it in my journal.

With your permission I would like to share this with my flock.

I have the stongest sense that God has something special for you. The bible says He roams the earth looking out for someone who believes him, and trusts him, and he has found you.

It is an example of faith when there is absolute darkness...wow.


Shul

Dearest lupolady,

Thank you very much for your words of encouragement. Your testimony of God's faith is... I am speechless and been put to shame.

This week has been a tough week. I Lb'ed my WH on Wed and rang up the OW too. Lost it! Gave him the emotional guilt last night and my WH said will only cause him to run away further. (He has left the house for a month now and come back 3 times a wk to visit us)

I am now renewed with God today. HE has shown me that fear and anger will not work but only interfer with HIS divine plan. I am clinching on to the verse HE has directed me i.e.

Mark 11:24

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

We have seen the pastor twice now (in May) and nothing seems to have changed. It was my WH who requested to see the pastor. Reason being he wanted to have a "calm" chat. I know I have Lb'ed so many times and felt completely useless and helpless. Recently he said to me that I shld continue my walk with God 'cos he like that "new" me. Said further that it will probably inspire him to come back to GOD.

I felt the tremendous burden and I don't want just to do it for him (is it right?). I do want to be close to God. However, I do pray that in the process of transforming me, HE will also transform my WH. He confessed to the pastor that he is not ready to give up his "sins". Not ready to submit to God. I pray hard for this reconciliation to come as I don't want my love one to rot in hell.

We will be seeing the pastor by the end of the month. I do pray that GOD will perform miracles in my M.

Meanwhile, do pray for me that I will continue to have faith in GOD.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

rosj

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong> in all the years I have been a believer, Yours is one of the most powerful personal testimonies of trust I have ever read.....I would like to share this with my flock.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course! But I am humbled by the thought that you think this is something terrific. I KNOW me. I KNOW this isn't by any strength or might in ME.

ALL the Glory goes to God for this! But, if this will strengthen someone else's faith, then by all means! TELL THE WORLD! Just make sure and tell them I was just as UNbelieving in the beginning as anybody going through this would be.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have the stongest sense that God has something special for you. The bible says He roams the earth looking out for someone who believes him, and trusts him, and he has found you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>
I am humbled to read that you think this.

If you knew me, if you REALLY knew me, you'd know. I have the least faith of anyone I could name!

Thank you for saying such a kind thing. I truly owe it ALLLLL to God.

NOTHING in me was prepared - or worthy - to take on this "challenge" and defeat satan as he ripped my family/home apart. Sure, I had opened the door, and let him come in, but then I was NOT equipped to fight the spiritual battle that followed to defeat him!

Standing: This was NOT my faith that did this. I LEARNED to have the Faith given to me by God. When, week after week, month after month He would "show" me that He was going to restore my M. And nothing in the physical realm seemed to be backing up that claim!!!
I totally GET how Abraham and Sarah felt!

Standing, it was stories like YOURS that gave me strength to keep on believing, & keeping on. Thank YOU!!

I have given my whole life back to God. I thought I did that almost 30 years ago.....but if I had, this tragedy might not have happened. I have now given my whole life back to Him again. If He wants us to share this story with the whole world, I pray He will lead us to do that. (Of course, H doesn't know this YET!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

God is alive, and performing miracles to bring HIS sheep back to Him, even TODAY!!!
I know it's a story that needs to be told. I KNOW it's a shining beacon of hope to a whole world looking for hope. I also KNOW it's going to start with our own families. His family is almost all NOT saved........except they all SAY they are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

My family are mixed. My sister & her H are saved, and her daughter.......but no one else. My dad said to me just this morning, "Well, you sure do know (H). You KNEW he'd come around." I just can't make him see that GOD KNEW (H) would come around. It wasn't ME!! It ISN"T ME!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is an example of faith when there is absolute darkness...wow.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
ABSOLUTELY *ONLY* BY THE GRACE AND FAVOR OF GOD. I hope anyone reading this doesn't think I'm setting myself up as "Susy Super-Christian" or anything. I can't stress strongly enough that I HAD *NO* FAITH, **NO** BELIEF THAT THIS THING WOULD EVER TURN AROUND when I began this journey. It was a long, slow process to convince ME to trust God! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You should go back and find some of my earliest posts. They are FULL of anger, hurt, resentment, unbelief, despair.....

This has been just as much of a miracle to me as any of YOU!

Rosj,
Everyone kept telling me, "Get closer to God. Take care of YOU, and your relationship, and leave H to Him."
I tried. I wanted to. I just didn't see how God could do a work in H if he wasn't seeking HIM!! Wasn't attending church.

Doesn't matter what I "see." What matters to God is YOUR HEART. HE WANTS IT. Put all your energy into seeking Him with your whole heart. Everything else in in His control. Just LET GO. HE CAN HANDLE IT. He has "methods" of working we can't even imagine......just let GO.

THAT's the part of having faith I had to learn. It was one of the hardest lessons. I KNOW I'll be tested on it again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I PRAY I know now that GOD can be trusted to do exactly what HE says HE will do!

Thanks for reading this loooong thing, everyone. And many thanks for the continued prayers. It ain't over, the fight isn't won, YET! A few more battles to go. H is going to see his family (remember them? THEY aren't saved, and they "helped" him see that he had to leave me in the first place!) Then he will go to OS's wedding. OS has just recently given HIS life over to the Lord..........after being away from Him for 20 years. We paid to have him go to a christian school - just one year, when he was 13. He accepted Christ! Then his life went on, and he never acted like he ever knew any of God's Word. He got messed up on drugs and every kind of addiction known to man. I have prayed for him to return to the Lord before he killed himself on drugs/alcohol or whatever. Then, during his last jail stint, he saw that he had to change his life or he would be dead soon, he turned back toward God!! PTL!!!

I expect he will "preach" to his father while he's there. (Where's that Happy Dance icon again?) GOD IS NOW GOING TO START REACHING OUT TO H, to bring HIM back to Himself! I can see it starting to happening. OW's death affected him deeply. He makes references to eternal things sometimes when we talk, so I KNOW God has been speaking to him......

Again, thank you all for your support and love, and may God Bless you and give each of you the desires of YOUR heart, too!

P.S. He's leaving for this trip on Wednesday, and will be gone 10 days. PLEASE keep praying for him! Thank you.

<small>[ June 06, 2004, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Hey Lupo!!!

It is so rewarding to see that your prayers are being answered!!! You are an inspiration to so many people. In fact I am sending people to your post for encouragement! And I do realize that you are not the miracle worker,it's the fact that you know and trust Him, the one who is! Your testimony is in the fact that you have obeyed Him, maybe doubtfully at times, but your spirit always has overcome doubt. And now God is filling you to a greater depth than ever before, and also "fulfilling" you to a greater depth than ever before. I'm willing to bet that what the locusts have eaten, God is going to restore very quickly. And He is going to make this a new beginning to a very happy and God centered marriage!!!

Thank's for sharing Lupo.

Be Blessed!!!
sg

<small>[ June 07, 2004, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Dear Lupo thanks for the encouragement I am going to post my request here too so you may see it and pray for me too. Thanks again
Please pray for my family and I. My husband of 25 years moved out into an apartment yesterday. Pray over all of us I have two teenagers myself and for my husband. Pray for restoration, forgivness, and healing. In Jesus nameall of my friends, Please pass this on to all on you prayer list. > > > > >--------------------------------- Prayer warriors, I want to have everyone reading this request to please pray for my husband Karl. Pray for a good Christian person to come into his life that he can share is feelings, and pain from the past and things that maybe burdening him right now. Pray that all evil be removed from his live. That any bad relationships, relationships he may have right now that are against God be put out of his life. Pray God will open his eyes and comfort his heart. Help him to forgive and put the past in the past. For God to help him to see me through Gods eyes. That I love him and want a new and Christ centered marriage with him. Pray that Christ also be with me and our teens. We are so blessed to have two wonderful Christ centered, and Christ following children. In Jesus Glorious Name Amen

Lupolady,

I know I stumbled upon this many days after you posted it, but it's so inspiring I'm bumping it back to the top in hopes that others will read it, too.

LL

hi all- very inspiring. I pray the same things. h has been gone for 5 weeks Monday. I see him around the neighborhood- if we ever talk hes says "Im not ready to talk"- sons are grown-home-in college- and completely devastated. H doesn't communicate with us AT ALL. I go days without contacting him and sons never do. he hangs up anyway. I pray day and night and I BELIEVE the Lord will return to my h life- we are a Christian family and this is all SO wrong. my H is so lost- wow. please add us to your prayers.

PEACE OUT...and IN!