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#346563 06/22/04 06:15 PM
Joined: Oct 2003
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Hello all.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching & thinking w/in these last few days & I have come to the decision that it is time to leave MB for a while. I need to put forth every effort in my M & right now I'm not.

I keep feeling as if we're going nowhere & I know it's b/c of the ups & downs of feelings in recovery from a BS. I need to be in my prayer closet more, reading the Bible more & giving my H the undivided attention that he deserves. Sometimes I have days that I get so angry & depressed, thinking of the events leading up to the A & H's actions throughout. I believe this is Satan's way of attacking us & trying to get me to feel hopeless.

I have decided not to let that happen & I want to thank singleguy for talking me through some very difficult days I've been having recently. I've been feeling like this situation is hopeless some days b/c I get so angry w/H & then take my focus off that & then I get so angry w/OW. I have never met her, I have never spoken w/her. I don't even know what she looks like yet she lives 6 miles from where I work. Why did we never meet? Was this God intervening? Does this mean that I am to never meet her?

Sometimes I feel the need to write her a letter telling her how badly their actions hurt me & that I appreciate the fact that she recognized that I indeed loved my H & wanted things to work w/him. I try to pray 4 her like I was doing, but here of late I am so angry w/her for trying to take him away that I cannot bring myself to pray for her. I also don't want to "force" it b/c then I would feel so fake. And God knows what's truly in my heart anyway.

I've been thinking that maybe I'm feeling this way lately b/c I've never had a chance to grieve over him being gone. I was too busy trying to fix myself & show my H constant love that I didn't express my anger. I buried it. And that is not healthy. I think I need to find that balance & I'm having a hard time doing that.

Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. Trying to keep these newcomers focused on God when I feel myself starting to stray away from Him again. Is that what's happening? Yes, I definitely think that I need to take my attention away from here & get back to studying God's word EVERY DAY so I can get out of these moods.

Darn these mood swings!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

If anyone wants to correspond w/me, my e-mail address is cherfan31@comcast.net. I would love to try to continue to help those in need, so please feel free to e-mail me anytime w/a vent, question, whatever. I am going to miss this place for a while, but I believe this is best. I would love to keep in contact w/all of you so feel free to e-mail me & we can converse that way.

I love you all & please know that I will be praying for each one of you. I've never stopped. Now, if I can get my H to pray again, we'll be doing a LOT better. God, please let that happen soon.

Love, Y

#346564 06/22/04 06:29 PM
Joined: Jun 2003
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Standing,

Leave if you must, but please come back as soon as you can. We all need a good prayer from you. I will be praying for you. God bless!

#346565 06/23/04 07:52 AM
Joined: Jul 2003
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Hey Sis!!!

I support you in your decision to draw closer to God and to restore your marriage to a Godly covenant. To have emotions is human. Just don't let satan control them. There is a reward for being obedient to God, so be sure that everything you do is in His will and you will have victory in every area of your life.

God will send the poeple to this site for the hurting just as He sent you and I, and others before us. He will take care of all of us Sis.

The bible says to pray for our enemies. So hard to do, but yet a huge reward accompanies that command!!! You can rise above the human hurt with the Holy Spirit's help.

You Be Blessed Sis!!

Dr Single!!

#346566 07/28/04 08:40 AM
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Okay, so I only stayed away for a month. But it helped. It really did. I've been lurking but I have stopped myself from posting lest I should have gotten sucked back in. The good thing is, maybe a blessing in disguise, that our internet service got shut off. I can only post from work so this will limit my time, CONSIDERABLY. Maybe God knew I wouldn't give it up so easily so He made it easier for me! He gave me no choice in the matter!

Unfortunately, my e-mail address still works, but I can't access it very well. So that means that we would have to converse by phone. That's fine with me though. I prefer voices anyway! It helps to put a face to a voice. I mostly came back because I miss all of you so much, talking to you. But I will not get sucked back in to the addiction. I keep praying for willpower to resist this internet addiction! I also see a lot of new members in this board & I think that's fantastic! Some members that have been around for a while, but have just joined us or came back after being away for awhile. That's just fantastic!

Hope all of you are doing well. For those that aren't, keep your chin up, things WILL get better. Maybe not in the way you want them to, but life DOES have a silver lining behind the cloud. Believe me.

God bless!


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