Hi - just found the website, and like all of us here, am having major problems in my marriage. It's my fault, I have been completely self-centered and horrible to my wife - after 17 years of marriage, I've finally realized that it wasn't her at all - it's been me. She has been so wonderful and committed - beyond my understanding. Now she's totally withdrawn from me - again, I completely understand.

I'm having to reconstruct an entire life - it took me 46 years to see the real me, and I could really use your prayers that God will give me the knowledge, understanding, courage, and persistence to make up what I've taken from her, and that He will restore the love we once had.

Thanks - David

David,

You have my prayers.

It is my hope that one day it will be my husband saying those words. You have given me hope.

Can I ask what brought about this realisation?

Father, Thank you for bringing David to repentance. I ask that there will be forgiveness and healing in his wifes heart. Let David be sensitive to what she is feeling, and what he needs to do.


Shul

Hi Shul -

"...Can I ask what brought about this realisation?..."

I'd be glad to try to give you as much of an answer as I can - my wufe has been telling me this stuff for years, I finally am able to see at least some of it myself.... I just take and take from her and never give back. Of course, I was certain that I was giving more than she was and I was always trying to get her to see her faults and improve herself. I guess I was just too thick-headed and stubborn (or stupid) to see what I was doing.

It might take several posts for me to get this into some sort of clarity....Basically, the more I tried to get her to give to me, the more she began to withdraw, until we finally ended up a few onths ago pretty much just living under the same roof.

I started praying more about our problem, and sort of asked God to do whatever was necessary to help us. A few days ago we had a really bad fight, she slept on the couch, and I spent the night going over and over the thing. Somewhere in the middle of the night, I suddenly realized that I was causing more problems than I was solving. I started scanning the web for help and found MB - after reading thru some of the material, it all became very clear.

I sent the website to my wife, but I don't think she read it. In any event, things have already begun to improve some - I'm trying to sort thru my life and find what faults I can get rid of....it's going to take time - that's why I wanted your prayers - thanks!

I don't know if that's any help - you can always ask me for more info...

Thank you again...

David

David,

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you.


You are in a good place to start over fresh.


I pray that God will gently show you the areas where you have not been trusting him or where you have acted in unloving or selfish ways. I pray that He will show you tangible ways to demonstrate love to your wife, also.

There is a book that I think will help you to put yourself in your wifes shoes, which will help alot.

Its called:

"If Only He Knew",
by Gary Smalley
isbn# 2598644881
published by Zondervan,1979

In it , he is very clear and specific about what things to do differently.

I think it is something that you could bring to her and ask her to check off the things that apply to her. She will tell you.

God bless,

Shul