is this the place to ask them? if not can you email me at neenfun@yahoo.com <P>does your h have visitation?<BR>does he pay support?<BR>what did you tell your kids?<BR>what about the oc, who does he think you are?<BR>is it an open door for the ow, how does she use it?<BR>was their a blood test to prove paternity?<BR>does the support negatively affect your finances? do you struggle with resentment of his financial obligation or time with oc?<BR>do you have any choice, or is your husband doing what he thinks is right?<BR>do you think it is best for the oc to have your h in his life, or do you think it would be better to have no contact?<P>i am struggling with all these issues. the dna blood test is on jan 28, court on mar. 20 and i am terrified.

This is a subject that has no resolve yet in our lives...<P>When H was living at MIL's during our separation, OW came down across the boarder with OC to visit on weekends, mostly to maintain their relationship I believe.. Now that H is home OW wont let him see his son unless its just OW/H/OC... so she said, and my reaction HAHAHAAHAHAA... <P>H didn't do blood tests, H always had no doubts it was his, and went to BC to sign papers to have his name put on the certificate so its not an issue..<P>No H doesn't pay child support.. don't know what this will escalate too, H already owes OW money on a $5000 drum set she bought him over a year ago.. This is soon to cause problems, as its in OW's name and there are parts on warrenty that need to be replaced.. This will be fun, but that worry is for another day....<P>OC is only 1 this friday, and has known my H as daddy so far... Don't know whats best, but I do have a son that is 16 from a relationship (unwed) I had where during the pregnancy the guy bailed... I asked my son what he would have thought, if it would have been I, his mom that had kept him from his dad, rather than his dad not wanting anything to do with him.... He said he'd be very resentful toward me...<P>OW right now is just hurt and angry, she said her choice not to let H have OC for visits is because Im mean and said mean things about her... Hmmmmm... This is weak but the choosen tactic at the moment... I have a theory that either she will disappear completely... use OC to gain back H, or try to blackmail, somehow, the thought of dating again and OC having a new daddy.... H is still in love with OW I believe and this could get icky....<P>H told our girls that OC is like my 16 year old son, and that he is their half brother.. I didn't like this explaination, but when they get older they'll know that OC happened while mom and dad were married....as for now they are 8,7, and 10 months...<P>I just have stated when I thought that his contact with OC would be exceptable.. So far he understands, or maybe because OW is still mad and hasn't contacted H he hasn't had a choice??? We did have this conversation...<P>(ME) Did you remember that your sons BD is on friday?<BR>(H) I should call shouldn't I?<BR>(ME)If your son was old enough to talk on the phone I'd say go ahead, but you would be calling OW and not for OC's benifit, he's only 1..<BR>(H)What do I do?<BR>(ME)You could send a short mail/e-mail card or note... Happy birthday to my 1 Year old son.... I want to see it before its sent..<P>That was it... He seems to understand my need for no contact with OW, after all, hes been led astray so many times now that I bet neither of us could count...<P>The biggest problem I see is that OC is across the boarder in another Country... the support and visitation laws of Canada I know nothing about...<P>I don't know if any of that helped, and I don't know what your H's feelings are toward OW/OC.... I have found that if you deal with each single item as it comes up (with lots of prayer) and don't go borrowing problems from the "what if" collumn you'll keep some sanity... How old is the OC?<P>I myself knowing how much it has meant to me to have H as a father figure for my older son at home (I have 2 on their own too, and a grandson)I would want to be as good to H's son.... This would be a sore spot though as OW is the mom so I would have to find a middle ground....<P>My e-mail is kozee@earthlink.net if you have any questions or just need to talk over these things that we have in common... My prayers are going your way today, for peace.<P>cozy

thank you soooo much. i am going to email you. but just in case there was anyone reading, (like i have done so often) and would like to, please email me, i don't want to cut you out....