It isn't good news. H visited his parents for the first time since he left 4 months ago. They wouldn't let him bring ow but he brought pictures instead. His sister walked out and wouldn't have anything to do with him after that. His mother sat there and ask questions and now want ME to sort out all the relationship of which kid is which and how old they arr and stupid things like that. As if I know or care!!! H wants to come for Christmas and bring OW my FIL said NO, MIL said we will talk about it later. I am losing ground here. She asked I told her what I thought. I told her if she wanted to have OW in the family she could have him for Christmas. I told her that everytime she gave it to anything see him at Christmas looking a pictures she was giving fuel to his fantasy that one day she would accept OW. Her reply was he had contacted them in four months. I told her that he is contacting her now because he thought that she would want to see him so much that she would be willing to accept the OW. That was his fantasy. SIL and FIL agree with me. We did get into an arguement, nothing out of the ordinary for me and her. She jumped on my sil about the way she treated her brother. I said that was the way he needed to be treated. He need confirmation that they loved him but they wouldn't put up with what he is doing. S did see H and did answer questions but left soon after he arrived (S is visiting Inlaws) <BR>I really don't see any hope anymore. I guess I was looking for a miracle but I don't think there will be any this year. He did supposely tell them that the next time I took S home to see doctor he wanted to see us. I am writing him a letter telling him that if he wanted to see S or D he could contact them. I told him I cared about him and loved him but the only way I would see him was when he left her. I wanted to see him, hear him and touch him, but I would not put myself into any more pain so I would not see him. If he need to talk to me he could write it in a letter. I haven't mailed it yet. What do you all think. I had sent another letter by his parents which he read then let them read it. If you want to know what I wrote I can post it later. I guess maybe some reality is coming through our morgage company contacted him about helping make payments. I don't know the outcome. Anyway he is now begining to think about how this if affecting me financially. They said he was surprised I didn't have a job already. He knows about the part-time one and mil tole him about me taking my retirement money out to pay bills. I don't know if anything is soaking in. THis is already too long so I'll stop my rambling besides it is bring up all the emotions I am trying to control, because I need toa ccept the fact he is not coming back anytime soon if ever. I am trying to let go but it is soooo hard. I still love him sovery much. I can't type anymore for the tears. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi, Di.<P>I know how hard this is. Though my in-laws really want my H to give up Pt and come home, and tell him that from time to time, they have, from the beginning, (except for one sister who's now given in) allowed him to bring her over anytime and to every family function. Even took her shopping.<P>It hurts. They cry because of us, but say they don't want to upset him or lose him. <P>What can you do???? I just cry.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Di}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

Oh, Diana, I am so sorry. I'm glad you posted as I was getting very worried about you. I will Email you more later. Hang in there, girl. I know you are strong. My thoughts are with you.

Diana,<P>I am very SORRY for all this hurt, heaped on top of more hurt. <P>I guess your MIL is trying to remain "neutral" because she doesn't want to lose her son forever. I doubt if parent's disapproval would make him give up the OW if he really isn't ready. I do think it is important for them to let him know they don't approve if they don't, but also to try to stay connected to him as he is their son. A hard position for them to be in, too.<P>Glad your S got to see his Dad. I guess your D decided not to - you had mentioned before that she was not ready at this time.<P>The hard part - how to give it all up when you still love your H????? Gosh, I struggle with that one, too. I don't know, Diana. I do know this - I am having a 180 degree change in attitude since I started focusing on all the blessings in my life and all the people who DO love me, instead of giving 90% of my energy, efforts and thoughts to the ONE person who doesn't love me. And it has worked pretty well - I feel 100% BETTER and HAPPIER and STRONGER!!!!<P>I know you have alot of other concerns right now - the job, the money and the house, on TOP of all this cr@p with your H. But, you also have many joys and blessings in your life and you need to spend you energy, focus and efforts THERE on those you love and who love you back!!!!! Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect!!<P>Thinking of you and continuing to send prayers your way!!<P>Love Ya, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Di,<P>{{{{{{{{{{<B>Di</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I'm sorry for the bad news...<P>My W's entire family (mother, brother and both sisters) are where <B>your</B> FIL and SIL are... I am glad for that for me... and I think you should be glad for your support from your FIL and SIL too! They must be strong individuals!<P>They(my ILs) have made it clear that under no circumstances will OM ever step foot into any of their houses... with or without my W! MIL will not even go to my D winter sance recital because OM will be there. There is deep disgust by my W's family for what she has done to me and the kids... MIL hs not yet once called my W since she moved out! In fact only one sister has ever called... the one who was also betrayed by her H... and is most upset with my W. I appreciate the support they give me tremendously... but I'd still give all that up if only my W came back to rebuild our marriage!<P>Don't worry too much about your MIL's take on things... H is after all still her son... and she doesn't want to lose him... <B>But</B>... your right(damn it)... she should be setting him on the "right" path... no matter how old H is!<P>Don't give up all hope...<P>Keep posting... please... I have missed your posts... you were so kind to me when I first came here.<P>Prayers for a good friend... <P>Jim