Well, we have gone through this book a number of times and I guess I am wondering since Chapter One is entitled His Wife- what changes have you made, what has impacted you the most, what growth you have seen and what are your goals for 2001? And I guess I was wondering if it was time to go through the book again, from scratch rather than bringing up old threads, though they are valuable for me to where how far I have or have not come...What do you think?

Sue, <P>I think you are so right, we do! I have been avoiding praying and reading and finally got busy tonight. I have been going through an amazing book, which I have read pieces of before. It is called "Listening Prayer" by Leanne Payne. I say this to get to the point that I realized after we talked earlier that I haven't heard anything really new by way of commands in a while, I finally realized that perhaps that is because I really haven't done what he has already given me to do.<BR>So instead of telling God what I want or praying according to what I think He wants me to pray, I think it is about time that I confess to Him and start asking what it is He wants me to pray for?<P>My greatest need is "my conversion from an obsession with my needs to obedience-centered Christianity. <P>So my question is to ask God "How would you have me pray for my life's purpose, my h, my situation, my marriage? And then to be patient until I hear the answer.<P>As in Exodus 14:15- God says:<BR> Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea...." (Exodus 14:15-16). <P>God tells Moses to rise and obey. The Lord said to put Him in the middle of my marriage. How do I do this? I thought I knew and have tried to do this. Notice "I thought I knew and I tried." Hum? So Lord, How do I Put You in the middle of my marriage?<P>Our focus should be on God rather than on people's needs including my own. Trust in God for a future only He can see, that should be the underlying principle of gaining God's direction.<P>So this means working on me, by asking God what are His desires for me, for my h and for our marriage? What are His desires for my life's direction? I know He will meet me where I am now! He will meet me exactly where I need to be met!<P>Lord, change me, give me an undivided heart, rid me of any unbelief, teach me to wait and to listen for You and to hear Your voice. Cause me to seek You with all my heart through reading Your word. Lord I know You are with me always whether I feel you or not. <P>Lord let me come to You first and ask for Your will and then wait until I really hear your voice. Lord let me raise my arm up to You and wait to see what You will do.<P>Lord I pray that the demonic power within my h and the ow will manifest itself so that it will be clearly discerned by all who surround my h and the ow, and that their eyes will be opened to see the situation as it really is. I pray that their associates will be given ways to speak truth and light into the situation. I pray for Godly wisdom and illumination for those who can minister truth and peace to them. <P>Father I pray that You will give illumination and wisdom to this praying wife. Change me and give my h a knew wife but let that wife be me. I praise You, Lord for the answer of this prayer. In Jesus name, Amen.<p>[This message has been edited by hw (edited December 30, 2000).]

So we go back and reiterate Stormi's preface that POPW is the "laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying n God's power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances, and your marriage". "A gentle tool of restoration appropriated through the prayers of a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and to give life more than get even."<P>That we have been given the "authority of all the power of the enemy" and that "we can take a stand against any negative influences in our marriage relationship and know that God hs given us authority in His name to back it up."<P>Hmmm...changes in me over the past year...not good ones I must admit. I used to pray for this man as I ironed his clothes, as I made his lunch, and on and on...the conflict here has become such that just as Stormi described the hurt has become like sliver in the heart and the praying for him does seem to fester that sliver... the need for some healthy space has taken preference over praying for him I think. Have the demands and veraba abuse increased because I quit praying for him other than saying "smack him Lord!"<P>Oh my, such revelation. Trying to incorporate healthy boundaries that display respect for both parties, that focus on God in the middle as you say HW, the focus that I work on the splinter in my own eye in regards to tone of voice and a gutter mouth in response to the hatefulness that comes out of his, gosh I think I am way far behind in some ways from last year...or maybe I am just more honest than I was last year...ponder, ponder....<P>I reread her struggle when she was comtemplating leaving her husband and the Lord allowing her to envision what life would be like without him...that is a hard one for me because my life would not be more difficult. I have simple needs, I am cautious with money for the most part. I have 25 acres of land in another state with a well on it completely paid for and 15K in the bank from a sale of part of the property... I have a job that travels with me whereever I go. I wouldn't have to look at the sniveling whiny face or the listen to the silent treatment that speaks loudly of condemnation. I would miss the friends I have made here but at the same time, they have email and just as I have deepened friendships within this forum, I could maintain those. <P>My life example in regards to heritage for my children extends beyond their growing up years. My children have watched me make errors and watched me be steadfast in my desire to do the Lord's will and they have watched my hurt, etc. They know my naivete in choosing men...that is a hard one. After my son's cancer diagnosis, we have talked much, repairing the hurt and working through the grieving process of my alcoholic husband who was killed in an auto accident. <P>Such insight my son has for his 23 years! It is awesome. So for me, my life without my husband would not be a catasptophic thing EXCEPT that God calls us to community, to relationship, to an intimacy just as He has with us and I have not learned how to do that yet with a male person. <P>Just as God made Stomi aware of how her husband's past hurts had rendered her husband incapable of being different that he was at the moment, I see mine equally incapable of being any different. Her comment that God would use her as an instrument of His deliverance if she would allow and consent to it is hitting me in a different way this morning. <P>All that I have been learning this past year about boundaries in marriage are important to break the cycle of addiction and dysfunction, but perhaps I have allowed my heart to be hardened as a protection from further hurt. Perhaps I am more unforgiving than I realized as I become more in tune to the feelings that I have stuffed over the years. <P>Emotionally that is all I can write this morning. <P>Father, I do ask you to forgive my unforgiveness of my husband and I do ask you to deliver me from it and to teach me what you would have me learn so that i might be a useful tool for you. Soften my heart Father and show me how to speak truth in love without hardening my heart. IJN, Amen.

Over the past year, the Lord has drawn me closer and closer to Him. He has revealed to me time and again that I MUST keep saying the three word prayer "Change Me Lord", and that He loves me even when I fail to be obedient. Over the past year the Lord has reinforced my belief that my husband is not the enemy, Satan is, and he uses my husband to get to me, through his tools of destruction which includes alcohol, criticism, and anger. <P>A dear sister sent me this messsage "Even though you are going through an awful time, do not think that the Lord is not working on the other end" reminding me that the Lord IS definitely working in my life. I must maintain faith in the Lord that He is working, and His Word shall not return void. Though my husband continues to spiral downward deeper into the slimy pit of alcoholism, I rejoice in the Lord, and thank Him for the mighty work he is doing in David's life. Slowly (and I mean REALLY SLOWLY) I am learning that by being obedient to the Lord and His word, peace stays in my heart and the Lord is able to work in my husband more. One of His promises that stays with me lately is "a soft answer turns away wrath". No response to a disobedient, drunken husband is the best response for my situation. Thank You Lord for revealing that truth to me. <P>There are days when I do feel like I cannot take another minute of his belittling me, his harsh criticism of me, his anger over basically nothing, and his drunkenness. Yet through the grace of God I am still here, and so is he. The Lord has a reason for allowing Satan to sift us like wheat.... my thoughts are that my husband is getting worse because he is being deeply convicted and is getting closer to the end of himself. Therefore I pray that the Lord do whatever it takes to bring my husband to salvation. It hurts greatly now and this fiery trial is certainly painful, but I see joy at the end of the tunnel! <P>In Stormie's preface the paragraph that speaks out to me most is:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"That's also why there is so much at stake if we <I>don't</I> pray. Can you imagine praying for the right side of your body and not the left? If the right side is not sustained and protected and it falls, it's going to bring down the left side with it. The same is true of you and your husband. If you pray for youself and not him, you will never find the blessing and fulfillment you want. What happens to him happens to you and you can't get around it."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes, I have felt MANY MANY times like "what is the use in praying for him" because I was not seeing answers to my prayers. My husband and I are One Flesh, what happens to him affects me also, so I pray for his deliverance and protection. <P>For the last week or so I have started praying the prayers in POPW over my husband again. I have faith that the Lord is hearing my pleas and is working all things out for the good and His glory. What a tremendous testimony of God's love and grace my husband's transformation will be!!!

Kinf of cool that God is hitting all three of us in the same spot. Okay, Taj, where are you? What is going on in your world? What is God teaching you my sister?

I have grown alot in the last few months and have learned that I need to respect my H weather I feel like it or not. If he doesn't want to do his job as my husband I must still do my best to be the wife God wants me to be. most of all I have learned when to hold my toungue. <P>i would really enjoy going through POPW from scratch as I missed most of it the last time around. I do look up the old threads on it from time to time but i think it would be nice to start fresh again.<P>ps. thankyou for all your prayers!!<P>~Irene~<BR>

Gee Whiz! A girl can't even lurk a little anymore without some old friend calling her out of the woodwork! <P>Growth and Goals! Sounds like a title for a country western song! Must be New Years Eve for I am feeling rather giddy and hopeful. Just drinking Rootbeer!!!!<P>As I reflect, I thought I had come along way until this month. I feel a bit like 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. Alot was accomplished in that I held down a job for 3 months! LOL! Now that doesn't sound like much but when you've been afraid to leave the house it is a huge step. A dear friend of mine (initials SueB )showed me that I was standing guard over my home out of fear of a repeat of the A! Truly this forum has been a God send to me of treasure chests of insight!<P>Now I feel that I am on a new journey into some really heady personal stuff. I know I have alot to learn in the area of humility, gentleness, quietness, and further growth in trust. God has His work cut out in 2001!<P>God Bless you all with His riches.<BR>I love you all so much, Taj

I knew I could count on my sister to come out of the woodwork... <P>I have to tell you Rootbeer, your post finished the surgical procedure that God was doing on me this morning. It just surprised me so to realize how I had quit praying for my H. Very convicting and humbling as I looked over the past years events. So, this many hours later, confession and repentence completed, I see that my journey for this year also implies some great challenges for me.<P>S&L, you challenge me greatly in the process of respecting as God calls me to do in light of disrepect on his part. Tell me more about how you go about this, honoring yourself before the Father at the same time, not allowing disrepect for the position God has placed you in as well. <P>Stormi really hit me when she said<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>In every broken marriage, there is at least one person whose heart is hard against God.When a heart becomes hard, there is no vision from God's perspective.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Part of that struggle is that God gives man free will and though I pray, my H still has a choice to bend to the Lord's whisper, leading, calling or not. Perhaps it is a lack of faith on my part when I ask God for a new husband, to take and remake mine...not that He couldn't, but that it seems that mine has to be willing to do so and with a hard heart... sometimes I do feel confused... but at any rate, I am back to praying for His wife and will be craning my neck in expectation to see the changes He will make in me.

Oh everyone, we are on the same page. Sue you got me started yesterday! Anyhow I am too being convicted. God has shown me that yes I have been seeking, but me seeking. Instead of me seeking Him who is seeking me? Does that make sense. I have been seeking God according to how I think I need to seek Him. I have such a hard time sitting still before the Lord. <P>I have been looking up the references to afraid. It seems that when the word 'afraid' is used it is used to say do be be afraid of Him, situations He places you in, or others who seem to be against you. Whereas 'fear' is used in references about fearing the Lord, His awesomeness, reverence of Him. Haven't finished meditating on this but the difference seems important.<P>Anyhow I got onto this by realizing that my unbelief is based on fear. I fear that h will come to a place of wanting a divorce, he seems so smitten by the ow, my oldest daughter has now met her and the ow has even taken her shopping. Oh so many fears, and yes, Sue, fears that although in my mind I know God can change my h, I question whether it will happen.<P>So I decided to look up this fear stuff and in so many places that Lord says do not be afraid. It is always tied with trusting Him for everything. I can say I do this, but my fears attest to some unbelief.<P>So I too have been in prayer filled with confession, repentence and quiet. Waiting for Him to tell me how to pray for my h, and to empty myself of self and desiring to be more vulnerable to receive what He will reveal to me. I must throw off the last vestiges of unbelief and embrace that destiny which you feared to accept on account of your limitations (From Bank's book quoted in Leanne Payne's "Listening Prayer."). <P> "The Lord, Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you not forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deuteronomy 31:8)<BR> "They are just not idle words for you-they are your life." (Deuteronomy 32:47)<P><BR>The big thing for me is to "shut up and pray!" I am really trying to stick to this. Whenever we talk about money it is so easy for me to start with, "well if you move home then things would be easier." I think I need just to say "yes, dear," and let God do the convicting about this. As Stormie points out, there is a time to speak and a time to be silent. I need to pray and ask God for His timing and then listen until I hear an answer. I know I drive him away when I talk about us. So I am asking the Lord to close my mouth when I am around my h.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Instead of me seeking Him who is seeking me? Does that make sense. I have been seeking God according to how I think I need to seek Him. I have such a hard time sitting still before the Lord.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Brought tears to my eyes lady....oh boy... you know, we think we have a handle on something and wham, He lets us know that we haven't a clue...YET...<P>Got the book Pasionate Marriage after listening to Karenna nag so much... it hits too close to the mark ... we are definitely not differientated people. Read one couple scenario that took my breath away and made my stomach ache, it was so close to "us". I decided to take the risk and read it to my H and gave him the option that perhaps we could read this book together. I suppose the response could have been known before hand but it hurts nonetheless.<P>I am getting better at walking away and calming myself. The fear verses were good HW.<P> "They are just not idle words for you-they are your life." (Deuteronomy 32:47)<P>This especially is interesting in light of the little things that I allow fear to control in my life. I am so grateful that God allows us to spur one another on... love you gals!

Dear SueB, You are so good for us. Thanks for asking the hard questions. Have I changed this year? You say I have. I believe it. I am much more tolerant of other peoples immaturity, frailties, faults, etc. and more compassionate for their hurts and disappointments.<P>But I need to get back on me knees and keep praying for my H and me. I admit that I backed off on that a little too. I should pray over H as I give him backrubs at least.<P>H has really changed. No longer is porn an issue at all. His drinking is about half what it was and not in control of him. I would be happier if I could see him go a day without a beer though.<P>The verbal abuse is now minimal. Much less often. When he does indulge in it it is less ... "vigorous" shall we say? The episodes last for briefer periods of time, and as before, remorse always follows in the morning. Still not pleasant when it happens of course.<P>He is slightly more solicitous, more helpful around the house, more likely to give presents, less selfish and demanding. Wow. I have a lot to be grateful for in this new year! <P>He is a much better father too. Not as punitive as he was. He helped coach her in soccer. Yesterday he took her out for a surfing lesson and helped her learn to swim in the waves. <P>My goal is to be softer in the voice and more friendly, less bossy with my daughter. Speaking in love.<BR>.<BR>.<BR>.<P>Last week I read a great article on what kind of attitude one should have when going forth to serve the Lord. It was directed at people planning on missionary service, but applies to all of us in my opinion.<P>The point was that if you go forward in God's service with an attitude, goal, or intention to improve yourself, you will indeed succeed in doing that, and also serve the Lord. But if you go with the single goal of serving God and His children, you will be even more effective in the work, and will become even more the person God wants you to be. You are more moldable in the hand of God if your eye is single toward seeking Him. <P>I thought of my son who went to Russia as a missionary and wondered about whether his goal was to put his knowledge of the culture and language to use in the future for career enhancement, or did he really just want to serve God and mankind? And am I truly trying to serve with a pure heart without a preconceived notion of how I want to change or be changed?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Karenna:<BR><B>Dear SueB, You are so good for us. Thanks for asking the hard questions. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It is purely self-centered Karenna. I hate to go through hard stuff by myself... <P>You're progress goes a bit further too I think as I don't see you knocking yourself as badly as before either. Think you recognize that God made you pretty neat. The changes you mentioned in your spouse are pretty exciting for sure. Can't wait until my H gets there. <BR>

Karenna, I agree with <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You are so good for us. Thanks for asking the hard questions<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>about SueB 100%!!<P>I am so glad for the positive changes in your husband you mentioned. May the Lord continue to bless you and your husband greatly. It is so uplifting to hear about answered prayer!<P>As I read through "The Power" and Chapter One again I was struck by what I had highlighted a year ago.....<BR>"The purpos is to ask God to make <I>your</I> heart right, show <I>you</I> how to be a good wife, share the burdens of <I>your</I> soul and seek God's blessing on your husband". <I><B>seek God's blessing on your husband</I></B>.....<I><B>seek God's blessing on your husband</I></B> This is what has been REALLY hard for me, changing my prayers to say "Lord, let my husband have favor today, and pour out your blessings on him" when I am frustrated with his drinking, cruelty and hatefulness. But when I do pray this way, I am actually asking the Lord to bless me, because my husband and I are One Flesh. Thank You Lord for Your revelations to me, and for the convicting power of the Holy Spirit.<P>The last part of "The Power" again spoke to my heart.... "It's your responsibility to pray. It's God's job to answer. Leave it in <I>His</I> hands." <P>I am now reading another good book, "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. Will share some of it with you all later, it has some great points on changing your thoughts to be Christlike.

<B>Create in me a Clean Heart</B><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings....He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we're willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. He then has a heart with which He can work.</B> Stormi-pp30-31<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Question #9-<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Do you have any anger, unforgiveness, hurt or disappointment toward your husband? Explain why. Even if you have good reasons for feeling the way you do, confess those negative thoughts as sin and ask God to set you free from them. I know this is hard if you feel justified in your feelings, but this prayer of confesion and repentence must come first before you can begin praying for your husband with a right heart and see answers to your prayers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think Stormi is simplifying here and so am going to throw some thoughts out... Anger in and of itself is not sin...<B>be angry</B> but the harboring and bathing in the anger via bitterness, self-righteousness, unwholesome responses as well as the <B>stuffing of the feeling</B> ergo the resulting consequences of harvesting bitterness seeds <B>do not sin in your anger</B>What about anger at God? Or anger at yourself which results in depression, the self-critical attitude, the harsh judgement of self (should have known better)<P>Having grown up in a family where <B>my</B> anger was not allowed encouraged me to teach my children that anger occurs and the importance of letting it out, etc....but you know, I think I still didn't give myself permission to be angry...ergo, the resulting tears and self-condemnation for crying (big girls don't cry) and the few times I did let it out, the garbage that flew out of my mouth was horrible and I was ashamed about such a response and found myself bottling up again.<P>Hmm...stomach knots up just thinking about it. Anyway, have you admitted that you are angry at God for the plate you have been given? Though He tells us He doesn't give us anything more than we can handle, do you sometimes feel that He was out in left field when He put your trial on your plate? And then does Satan jab at you and pour on the guilt trip for your "unchristian" thoughts and unbelief? <P>I suppose because I am working on this log out of my own eye thing amd like you HW, trying to understand the difference between fear and being afraid, I realize that this cleansing process that Stormi talks about goes much deeper than she puts it. Did I take my love away from my child if she verbalized anger at me? Did I remove myself from her presence forever when she was mad at me? Did we not, once the air was cleared, have a deeper bond with one another. How much more so then with our Father in heaven!<P>I challenge you to write out your anger lists so that you see it before you in print because sometimes seeing it in print increases the shame and it is this shame that binds us in our walk with the Father and feeds into the evil one's plan to confound us and keep us from progressing in our walk. <P>And then, I urge you to find one sister with whom you can be accountable with, (even if it one of us writing to each other) that you can share this list with, keeping in alignment with the word in James 5:16:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Father, touch us as we begin again this study book on how to be the wives You would have us be, that we might learn the lessons You would have us learn, that we might become the praying wives that our husbands deserve. Help us to take down the veil of deceit that we sometimes even wear to our own selves, that nothing is hidden and that we can begin the healing process in ourselves as You work in us. IJN, Amen.

I woke at 4 a.m. this morning. I like to have a little quiet time before all the hustle and bustle of getting to daycare and then to work overtakes my thoughts. The first thing I began thinking about was all that has changed in this year. And yes, I thought of some of the things that were frustratingly the same. It always amazes me that the Lord has us all on the same page at times. God is good. I began missing the times when things were worse for me (silly, huh). What I really missed was that seeking of the Lord constantly and his presence with me. I know the Lord has been with me as he has truly done some amazing things this past year. He has been working on my situation all along, but this year has seen great strides. Last Mother's Day H was trying to keep D from me, I felt as though all was lost and OW was still a big part of picture. I sort of gave up on praying her out of the situation and became focused on God just helping me to find life again. By July, God had taken care of the OW situation (and all without my help). She grew tired of H wavering between us and cut all ties. Since then, the relationship with H has improved greatly, he is no longer wavering as much and seems to be falling in love all over again. The rough places keep happening, but I learned that God is with me even when I am not on my face crying out to him over every step. In September, I experienced great fear that I was pregnant. I truly sought the Lord(with the help of my sister's here at this forum) about that one and really set it in his hands. Even before I had the answer, I had peace in my heart that God would work out things so that it would all be okay, he would help me through it and give me what strenth and resources I needed. The answer was unexpected, a miscarriage and brush with death. Looking back, I see God using even that as it truly softened my H's heart. It was tough to go through, many tears and all the hormones that make emotions unstable. The stress of my job became unbearable, I was discouraged and overwhelmed. I had to pray through each day just to face it all. So far, every deadline has been met and God has kept his hand on the job that I have comitted to do. In November, things were improving with my H, we are still living in separate places, in different states, but the desire is in my H's heart for this to end soon. Praise God. After Thanksgiving, I had the wreck. I was strongly impressed with the belief that God had his hand on that situation. I know he protected me and brought me through it without any harm...... I did begin contemplating that two close calls on my life in two months were pretty amazing. I will not ask why, I just know that God was there for me and I felt his protection. H has been changing (and without me having to help him by talking, etc.). He is not perfect, but some of the changes I truly longed for, I am seeing. He is valuing his family and me, he is beginning to see he needs to care for my family (yesterday he told my 20 year old son that he loved him). Wow! One problem has been that I have often kept things to myself to prevent my H's wrath. He resented my relationship with my other children, my job, etc. I got to the place where I was worn out and just plain did not have the energy to keep it all to myself. If it comes out and he disapproves, I simply tell my quietly that I did not do anything wrong. Example: My brother came up this weekend and brought gifts for my and my little D. She was delighted and told my H when he arrived the next day. His old response of "Well I suppose you had plans with your brother, etc" did not raise my temp. I simply told him that my brother knew my plans were with my H. I have saved the best for last....M-I-L and H traveled to the coast after Christmas to meet with their family for a little reunion. There was some hurt feelings regarding their fears about my H's behavior (he has a bi polar condition). I encouraged my H to go when invitation was again extended (after apologies) and told him to forgive and to go and show them that he could go and stay without having anger, etc. This is a big change for H, he went and had a good time. He was invited to church and New Year's Eve Day with his family. Saturday night he told me that he didn't believe and he didn't want to go. I said a prayer that his heart would soften and God heard. He went to church, went forward to the altar and prayed. M-I-L told me first when they arrived, but H told me about it later in the evening. He said he did not want to take communion until all was right. I was given a Thomas Kincaide book for Christmas and H picked it up New Year's Day. He began reading about repentence, a lovely and hopeful outlook on this subject. He came out and said he had enjoyed church and related the service to several things in the little book. All of these things are awesome changes, but what has changed in me? I truly came to the end of my struggle to try to change anything. I was too weary and just have been trusting God to take care of me, somehow. I can't say that this inactive approach is still altogether comfortable as I have a long history of doing and controlling and being mightily independent. I believe that God has also opened my eyes to some of the things that I need to change. One is my independence, I am seeing how I have not been the easiest partner. I also know that with my H's problems, it is not easy to trust his decisions at all times. But, I know I can trust God's. Sorting, sorting, sorting, and seeing that I have a long way to go. My marriage, my H, my job, and me are all still in the process of being refined. I am just thankful that God is the one who is doing the job. To me it looks impossible, but God is doing it, he is working and this year has made that more apparent than ever before. This forum has brought me such awesome fellowship during this past year as well. I wanted to share this with you as you have been with me in prayer and have given me loving support through these situations and changes. I look forward to the changes God brings to each of us in the new year. I see God working in all of our lives and each of us has a great testimony he is developing, a testimony of God's love. A blessed new year to each of you.

Wow, Oneday, what an awesome testimony!!!

Oops, dopuble post!<p>[This message has been edited by SueB (edited January 02, 2001).]

hmmm....<BR>Respect???<BR>...according to Webster:<BR> Respect: 1. to feel or show honor or seteem for.<BR> 2. to show consideration for.<BR> 3. high reguard, esteem<BR> 4. Curteous consideration<BR> 5. Expressions of reguard<BR> 6. a particular detail<BR> 7. reference; relation (with respect to him)<P>hmmmm.....<P>well I guess you could say i start with the easy stuff when it comes to respecting my H. it is hard to show honor or esteem you don't feel so I just try my best to be curteous and thoughtful of him, I think "how do i want to be treated". it is not always easy especially since I have recently found out that my H did not just fall out of love with me but told me he understands that love is a decision and it is his decision to not love me. (a consious decision) I think that hurt more than thinking it just happened. but i will still be considerate of him and i pick my arguments very carefully, (is it really worth the effort). if in the longrun it won't really matter why fight over it. i need to save my energy for the stuff that matters. more than anything in trying to respect my H, I must pray daily for God to work through me otherwise it is useless and I will fail. thier are so many things to not respect I must pray for the willingness to be respectful even when i would rather be anything but. I thank God for the one day that he was nice to me after my surgery, but it only lasted one day and now he expects me to just get on with life. and is frustrated I am taking my time to recoup. but I told him that I am only human and need to getter better before i just plunge right back into things and if it is so important to him to have the house clean he must do it himself till I am able. NO comment (from him) <BR>Respect is a gift you give to someone. it is not earned or deserved it is only given. I will give him the respect due him because God commands it but i must also demand his respect of me and will not be walked on any longer. I have learned you cannot give away respect unless you first respect yourself.<P>I don't know if any of what I have said makes any sense but i hope it helps someone.<BR>but let me tell you I am not nearly so put together as I sometimes sound. I have read some of my past posts and thought "man it sounds like i am dealing with things just fine." it has only been in my moments of strenght and being held up by God that I have made it thus far and I have had manymore walks in the valley than I have on the mountaintops.<BR> <BR>~Praise God in all things(Good and Bad)and you shall be blessed~<P>------------------<BR>Irene

I am always ready to begin this study again. POPW begins and ends for me with, "The Power" and "His Wife". I could study those chapters weekly and continue to get something new every time. I think it just boils down to the fact that change begins with us and until we realize that we are always in need of seeing new things we will always try to remove that log out of someone elses eye! I seem to be one who learns lessons the hard way. That is truly why I believe my life took the turn it did. I wish it were different because I know I am in for alot of discomfort but, oh well! God is still in His Holy Temple.<P>When do we begin? Or maybe we have!

Dear SueB, you have had such positive input on so many womens lives, and you wer the first person to respond to me, when I became a member. I feel a great connection to you ,and feel you must be a wonderful women. Could you help me get started in the womans bible study? I've done some on my own here at home, but have a hard time sticking to it. Would love to here from you. Sincerly Diane1