I just came from Elisabeth Eliot's website for her radio program, Gateway to Joy.<BR>I was looking at the transcript of the 2-9-01 broadcast. Someone had asked her if it was wrong to cut someone off - brother, father, etc. in order to avoid emotional or verbal abuse.<P>Elisabeth answered that it is indeed wrong. She says that we are to pour out love to that person and continue to endure it. She says Jesus did it and He did so without complaining. <P>Suddenly, my peace about leaving my husband began to fade just a bit. I thought leaving would help put an end to the vicious cycle in my marriage and help my husband see that I am standing up for myself. I was trying to establish a boundary and felt my only option left was to leave until he agreed to go to counseling... if that should even happen.<P>So now I am worried that maybe I should've stayed. But there is still too much inside saying I did the right thing. What do you think?

I don't think that allowing verbal/physical abuse is honoring to ourselves, our spouse or the Lord. When Jesus endured such things it was for a specific purpose, to let the world know that God loves them and has prepared a way for them to be reconciled to the Himself. <BR>God does tell us that by our own quiet spirit, our loved ones might be brought to the Lord. Boundaries is about setting limits on ourselves so that we dont not sin by feeling resentful, bitter, wallowing in anger, self-pity, etc. Boundaries are making choices to help stop us from sinning as described above and leaqrning to value ourselves as God values us, but also valuing others as equally important. <P>You might need some space to regroup and renergize. My understanding of separation is with the purpose of reconcilliation, Can you find a pastor who knows about the Boundarie in Marriage Book who might help you work through it, who can help you in determining how to honor yourself and your husband while still maintaining responsible limits on such things as finances? <P>Satan will attack and make you doubt any decision now. Continue to seek God's face and continue to assess the purpose of the action, why the boundary was necessary, so that you can continue to focus on the necessary steps towards reconcilliation. If you are crying for him to go to counseling, get ib there yourself first and then after you are stronger, invite him to join you.<P>Hugs to you. I will keep you in prayer for wisdom and discernment.<P><BR>

Hmm,<P>I am an old timer here but haven't been posting lately due to my new job. I sense the turmoil of your decision and just wanted to let you know that putting God first in your life is the only place to base any decision. I too have read SueB's thread and read the book as well on boundaries.....there is so much to glean from that book and all of us can attest to that.<P>When I first discovered my h's infidelity I didn't have this forum or much else to lean on except the Lord. I am thankful for this forum and will ever be grateful that I found it, but I know God led me through my difficult decisions none the less. I too was faced with the decision to stay or leave. We all are whether we have a spouse who is willing to work it out or not. The decision is there none the less! We must find a sense of direction as soon as possible in order to maintain our sanity. Having God in His rightful place in our lives, # 1, we must trust that He will lead us in our unique circumstances.<P>I had my suitcase packed and in the car, I left the house and drove 25 miles into town to say good-bye to my Pastor. I was crying and frantic and scared and all the other emotions a betrayed spouse feels. My Pastor said to me, "If you can give me one thing that will be accomplished for the Kindgom of God by your leaving your husband then I will give you my blessing, if not, then I recommend that you go home". I sat there, and you know what, I couldn't come up with one reason..........oh sure, I could justify alot of selfish reasons, but not one reason that would bring glory to God! Thank God for the wisdom of my Pastor. My h and I are in our 5th year of recovery! God is Good, and I pray our marriage brings glory to Him.<P>Boundaries are important, the book is beneficial in too many ways to count, but the Spirit of God is our true source of direction. Find your peace in seeking the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.<P>Praying for you,<BR>Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18