Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
#356718 06/17/04 07:39 AM
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
Can you call an order for protection plan B?

Well that is where we are at. I am praying for my husband to have a repentant heart - and for him to know his savior.

Our son is enmeshed with his dad's hate - been posting since he was 6 years old - now he is 11 and fully enmeshed.

When I look back over the past 5+ years - I feel foolish for trying sooooo hard, but I also feel like the Lord helped me to grow during that time.

I am still praying for his repentant heart. What else can you do but pray?

Love,
TNT

#356719 06/17/04 10:44 AM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
((((((((((TNT))))))))))

My heart aches for you. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Nobody comes to this board anymore. Maybe that's a godsend right now, at least for me. I am not posting anywhere, for my own reasons, but I do lurk when I can. I could not stay in the dark for you - for this.

Are you okay? I mean, how are you, physically and emotionally NOW?

You are not foolish. You NEVER were. Do you know you are one of the people I have thought about over the last five years, and that you are a HERO to me? Your faith and devotion to God and to your H are beautiful.

But yes, now it is time to take care of YOU and give your H over to God, to do with as He will. I hope he realizes what he's lost, and I am disguisted by his actions toward you. If you feel up to it, I'd like you to elaborate about your son.

Oh, and just in case after all these years you have forgotten -- It is me... new_beginning, Sheryl, Nyneve... can't use the new_beginning name anymore (disabled the account).

(((((TNT)))))

If you'd like to share your email again, that would be great. I am at a crossroads with the internet provider and don't know when we'll be disconnected (they like it when you pay, you know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )... but I promise I will keep in touch through here or by email for as long as I can. So if I appear to disappear, you'll know why.

God Bless you, TNT...

I'd like to say a prayer for you:

Lord, HEAL THIS WOMAN, this beautiful soul, TNT. Give her peace as she travels this rocky road, and give her H a deep, deep remorse for what he's done and for what he's caused within this family. Do what You need to get his attention. Keep TNT safe, and bring many blessings to her, as she has been a good and faithful warrier. Let her know how important and special she has been to me and countless others on this site and in the real world. Bless her, bless her, bless her!! IJN, Amen

#356720 06/17/04 02:31 PM
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
Hi Sheryl, good to see you are around when I need ya!
This time he threw me off the bed and I cracked my head open on the hearth.
It hasn't been healthy for a long time. (yeah, duh!)
It is such a long story. I am still online once-in-a-while - remember I am MnCon. Maybe I can catch you up then?
TNT

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</small>

#356721 06/17/04 08:40 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Hi again,

Oh TNT, I'm not around as much either, and I don't have any IM's on our computer. I do want to catch up with you though.

Long stories here too, and we are on the edge of no-more-internet (AOL free time ran out and they haven't turned us off yet, but we keep expecting to wake up and have it gone) so I never know if this will be the last time I can get on for awhile.

I will do my best to keep an eye out for you, and even if I'm at the library I can log on and write.

Just know that I have thought of you so often, and with much love. You are A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN and deserve the best life has to offer.

(((((((TNT))))))))

#356722 06/18/04 04:14 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Hey TNT, I make myself laugh. Seriously. I went over to your other thread, and ended up posting to annasnewlife. Here I have been trying to stay out of the way and not post at all. Sheesh. Don't ever lurk. You just *have* to post sometimes. Anyway, since we began over here, I guess we'll stay here.

How are you today? Hope you are healing and feeling better.

(((((TNT)))))

#356723 06/20/04 11:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
How are you doing now tnt? Are you ok? I'm worried about you.

Sheryl, I too felt an 'mb call' and saw tnt's post about her cracked head. How are YOU doing? Send me an update! I want the good, bad and ugly. My earthlink address isn't good much longer, so write soon if that's the only one you've got for me.

#356724 06/21/04 03:14 PM
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
I'm doing okay. Head is still sore. This happened May 13th. Police made him move out and I filed Order for protection on 17th. I would have filed it on 14th but police report wasn't ready.

I didn't want him arrested that night because I didn't want him to know that I told. He wanted my son and I to lie. And we agreed to lie, but when he wasn't there I told the nurse the truth and that was the last time we have had contact with one another - except when he called and threatened me several times before I filed the order for protection.

He gave his attorney $10,000. He took all of the money out of the bank. ($38,000).

We were in the process of getting a construction loan for $200,000 and I found out that he had cleaned out another bank account so I cancelled the construction loan. That was the Friday before Mothers Day - and he took our son as retaliation for the weekend. He came back on Sat. night (without our son) and demanded sex. Sunday he left again, (Mothers Day) and wouldn't tell me where our son was. Then on Sunday afternoon he brought our son to the restaurant for me to see him, but he took him again. He must have had a softened heart because I paid for lunch - so he brought son home.

The next night the police made him leave, (and he took our son again from me.) He came back the following Tuesday, harrassed me at work. By Wednesday we were arguing again and he threatened me he would take our son again, and that I would be sorry if I didn't leave. I didn't move I just sat there and asked him if we could just agree to disagree and not be so hateful to one another. He responded by throwing me off our son's bed and I hit the fireplace hearth. Our son screamed because the blood was spurting out all over the place. He accused him of trying to kill me.

He told our son nothing was wrong.

I headed out the door because I thought I would die

Will write more later

#356725 06/21/04 08:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
I've had more than one head injury too tnt. They bleed like crazy! I don't recall that they hurt this many weeks later. Please get a followup visit, ok?

#356726 06/21/04 09:02 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Hi again, TNT, and Hello Lonesome Heart (I have missed you so much!),

I don't have anyone's addys anymore because we lost our IP last year and they all got lost, and then we had just begun rebuilding when we thought we were losing AOL, and some got lost again. Sigh.

LH, are you at the same snail mail addy? I *think* I still have that address hidden away in the archives... I'll look and get a letter out to you. If not, we'll have to figure *something* out. I have truly, TRULY missed you.

TNT, My heart is ACHING for you! You are such a lovely woman with a tender spirit... and your H has crushed you over and over again. I hate that! You may not even realize, and I am nearly brought to tears even writing this, but you (and YOU ALONE) were the first person to SHOW ME, in Biblical terms, what my marriage is worth. When others said my marriage wasn't valid, you said it was, and had a study to prove it (and not saying you, LH or anyone that was here, like Paha, but *out there* in the world). YOU GAVE ME HOPE and a renewed DESIRE TO SEEK THE LORD.

Thank YOU!

You two are beyond special to me, although we don't talk often anymore. I have missed our times together, hashing out our lives. I miss seeing Paha here. I ran into her on another website (amazing when something like that happens) and I have heard from her recently. I will share that you are here. She's not on the net often, but hopefully she'll be able to drop by. All of you ladies have meant the world to me.

TNT, PLEASE remember that you are GOD'S SPECIAL CREATION and DO NOT DESERVE to have your body and spirit battered. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE.

I will await more news from you about all this... you kind of stopped in the middle...

As a tiny aside, just to let you know, I GOT A JOB. A major, MAJOR praise! I've waited so long. I started today.

Love you guys, Sheryl

#356727 06/21/04 09:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
Sheryl, you here right now? I'll post my addy long enough for you to get it.

#356728 06/21/04 09:43 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Thanks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 21, 2004, 10:50 PM: Message edited by: Nyneve ]</small>

#356729 06/21/04 09:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 21, 2004, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: lonesome heart ]</small>

#356730 06/21/04 09:49 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
You can still edit the last one... there's ten minutes or something. EDIT IT NOW.

I just sent you a test email... thanks!

#356731 06/22/04 08:06 AM
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
He kept telling my son nothing was wrong with me, and he was getting towels to soak up the blood. So I figured I better get out of the house and find a way to get some help. I struggled up (felt woozey and nauseated) and I was headed to the door - and was going to stop at the phone along the way. He was busy looking for some more towels. I knew I couldn't stop and use the phone and call 911 because I would not have enough time before he grabbed the phone from me. It was all I could do to get out the door and head over to my neighbors house.

I got out the door and down the steps and headed over to the neighbors and he grabbed me and we struggled until I was down on the ground and then he drug me by my arms to the car. On the way to the car my shoe came off. The back of my new pants were filthy black from being drug across a dirt driveway.

We got to the car and he ordered me to get in. At this point I thought he was going to take me to the hospital - but I still wasn't sure. He yelled at my son to get more towels so that it wouldn't get on the upholstery.

My son was extremely upset and was accusing his dad of trying to kill me. His dad just kept saying that there was nothing wrong with me, and was re-interpreting reality for my son. He quickly began to turn this incident around before we even got out on the highway. He projected this into me "making" him do this to me. I kept crying and I just knew that as Mike kept talking that I was actually in more and more danger. Then he told my son that I was going to try and put him in jail, and that there really wasn't anything wrong with me - and that I was going to "play this for all it was worth" - and he was worried about whether I would put him in jail.

I knew he was worried about who was going to find out. I knew my safety was for others to know what had happened.

We were about 2 miles away from home and on the highway when he changed his mind about whether I should go straight to the hospital. He decided that we would detour to his sisters house. He wanted to drop our son off. I think the only reason that Mike was taking me to the hospital was to appease our son. I protested and told him that I wanted us to hurry up and get to the hospital and then I kept telling him that I thought I was going to throw up. My lips were trembling and they felt funny. I was trying to think of every reason to convince my husband that my son needed to stay in the car. He refused to listen to me.

We got to his sisters farm and the lights were not on in the house, but they were on in the yard. He told son to get out. Son opened door and was not all of the way out yet when I was telling our son "No, don't leave me - he'll kill me - don't leave me! No don't go!" I told him that if he left me his dad would kill me and he would never see me again.

Mike just kept saying to Ryan to get out and for me to shut up and I was trying to honk the horn so someone would know that I was in the car. He would grab my hands and push me away from the horn and I would turn and try to unlock the car door so I could get out and he would grab my arms and hold me in and I would struggle in my seat to get to the horn. I did manage to honk the horn for about 5-7 seconds and he wanted me to stop doing that because he didn't want anyone to know we were there. So he told son it was okay to get back in the car.

Son got in the car and I was sobbing and feeling a little relieved because I at that time believed I would go to the hospital and get help.

About another 2 miles away from the farm and as we were just getting into Fergus Falls, my husband had persuaded us to lie when we got into the hospital about how it happened. We 3 agreed that it was an accident and that I fell.

That is what he told the emergency room people. They put staples in my head. They did NOT x-ray my head because they said I didn't pass out. When I thought it was safe to tell, I told the nurse it was not an accident and I did not fall.

She told the doctor. I wanted my file to be noted. I didn't want my husband to find out that I told. The police first arrived and I wouldn't talk to them. Then the sheriff arrived some time later.

I knew when the police arrived that I was in Deep Doo Doo. I knew I had betrayed my husband and that the consequences were going to be grave. Mike always warned me that if I told I would lose my child and that I would get "committed" for being crazy and that I would become a welfare recipient. I knew first hand from working with the refugees that the victim as well as the perpetrator cannot pass a background check for a job, and they cannot get public housing. I had fear like you would ot believe when the sheriff arrived - I was more afraid of what Mike had told me what would happen to me if I told - I was more afraid of losing my son forever...

I called the crisis shelter and I asked for advice - what should I do - that I knew the police had been called and I don't want my husband to find out what I said!

They couldn't tell me anything to do, they didn't tell me what to do they didn't know what to do, they just listened. No advice. I was panicked.

I called my good sister in law. She came to the hospital. We tried to make arrangements to let her get in the hospital without being spotted by my husband. The hospital nurse did say there was another entrance, but it was not coordinated for my sister in law to sneak into the hospital. It was in the wee hours of the morning and she had no choice but to walk by my husband in the lobby to get to me in the emergency room.

It was all over at that point. He now hates his own sister for helping me

oh there is sooo much more. What an ordeal.

I am crying just thinking about how awful this has been.

will write more later.

<small>[ June 22, 2004, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</small>

#356732 06/22/04 09:33 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
OMG, tnt, that is truly scary, and the bleeding wound is the least scary part of all. Your h is a monster.

tnt, I took what I could from mb to make myself a better person and finally accepted reality -- mb doesn't fix abuse. The place where I found kindred spirits were in forums dedicated to topics of abuse. Your h is an abuser to the nth degree.

You chose plan b for the title of this post. Are you seriously considering reconciliation with this man? You can pray for his repentance all you want, but you need to be in a safe place and not dead in order to do it. This is very very very serious tnt. Getting angry is the best thing I can think of for you to do. You deserve way better than this. Your son needs protection, and you seem to be the only likely candidate.

#356733 06/22/04 03:18 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
TNT,

I am struggling with the right words for your situation -- I am horrified and angry, heartbroken and scared to death for your safety.

Lonesome Heart has hit the nail on the head. Sweet, sweet TNT, he is an abuser, and unless and until he gets SERIOUS help, you MUST NOT BE NEAR HIM.

I am literally shaking right now. That's how afraid for you I am.

He shows ALL the classic signs and dear, tender TNT, you show all the symptomology of an abused wife. I understand, I really do... you love him, you don't understand why he treats you as he does, you want to do anything to make the abuse go away because you feel responsible... Sweetie, you are NOT RESPONSIBLE AT ALL.

Please, PLEASE get help. Park yourself in the police station office until they get you to a shelter. Take your son and GO.

((((((((((((TNT))))))))))))))

#356734 06/23/04 12:45 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 309
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 309
Hi TnT,

I had no idea till Sheryl asked me to come here. My heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you. But TnT enough I expect you to listen this time. Because if you do not your Husband WILL KILL YOU ONE DAY IF YOU REFUSE TO GET OUT!!!!!!!!!! And what will you do while he abuses your son...may not be physical but it is emotional.


I am very proud of you for getting the restraining order. Now go for full legal and physical custody. You can have done that at the restraining order hearing. Please for God's sake go to court for an emergency hearing to gain custody. Use the history of physical violance against you as evidence. Then also get temp hearing for child support and demand for the money to be returned to the account. Freeze anything that is in his name if you have too. Also check that he did not hide the money with his sister, OW, or friends. Would you PLEASE do this not only for yourself but for your children.

Look I know you love him and pray for him but understand God gives us free will. His free will is to choose Satan and life in darkness. This does not mean that you have to put up with the abuse. Do not hesitate to go to court and hire a lawyer to protect yourself. Please do this now.

#356735 06/23/04 04:16 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,397
TNT,

I'm worried about you! Are you okay? I admit to being a little concerned that Lonesome Heart, Moi(Paha) and I have made you feel a little ganged-up-on. I hope not, because we have all been around and supporting, praying and caring for each other for a long, long time. Remember all those late nights and long afternoons that we wrote here on the Women's Bible Study? WE LOVE YOU, TNT.

Please check in and let us know how you are... especially with the latest circumstances, we are understandibly VERY WORRIED...

((((((((((((TNT)))))))))))))

#356736 06/23/04 10:22 PM
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,119
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,119
TNT,

Yes, prayer is the best thing you can do.

You can rest and care for your son . Let God deal with your husband for awhile. He knows how to handle him.

Shul

#356737 06/30/04 10:21 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
tnt....Hon, this has gone on long enough, hasn't it? Please check in and let us know how you're doing. I haven't read here in a long time and felt an urge to do so. Hope all is well with you. (((((TNT)))))

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 20 guests, and 56 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P., Alex82, Dezzeiemm
71,726 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,545
Posts2,322,787
Members71,726
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5