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#356738 07/01/04 07:19 PM
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Has anyone heard from TNT?

LH?? Have you?

I've been praying and I'm so worried about you, TNT.

PLEASE CHECK IN!

#356739 07/03/04 01:08 PM
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This forum is the only connecting place I have with tnt. I too am very concerned. I've been checking every day for an update.

#356740 07/12/04 12:30 AM
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I've been so very worried.

I hope this means that TnT and her H somehow found some safe ground with which to plant some new seeds in their marriage.

What I fear is that she's gone into hiding because we insisted she get help... when you love someone you hate to see them abused... TnT, you must realize this. We love you... and hate to think of you hurting, alone and scared....

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Lord, please protect TnT and let her know she is a cherished child of God... and that her friends here are worried and love her. Send her here to let us know she's okay... healing... and thriving.

IJN, Amen and amen and amen...

#356741 07/12/04 08:01 AM
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I am okay - physically.

It is just spiralling out of control here.

June 25th: lost my job.
June 27th: son went to foster care. (long story there, no i am not unfit!)
June 29th: served with divorce papers and picked my son up from foster care.

I am just desperate to get some support - I HAVE the order for protection - which put my boundary out there and I feel has caused my husband to be VERY agressive and I have all kinds of problems now. He has hired a $10,000 attorney to take my son from me and to obtain a property settlement that benefits him, he has spent our money from the remodel almost which is $38,000 dollars, I am basically penniless and have NO family or support.....

have been desperately seeking someone to help me pray, have been posting on the family life forum, and I haven't gotten any responses. I really need prayer, ladies. Please help me.

1) CPS worker will come today and I am anxious, I know that the Lord can use this for His good, but I feel like I need someone in agreement with me so that the child protection worker finds favor. I have so many concerns about the house - because it may not be deemed adequate and I don't want to have to move, (because i lost my job and can't afford to move and I would be losing a lot of money in a property settlement if I would have to move).

Please can we please get some of you to agree in prayer with me? I don't have any family to pray with me and I feel very much alone. I know the Lord is here, but I think I need more support than just my faith - it is seriously challenged right now.

Thanks
TNT

#356742 07/13/04 12:52 AM
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TNT, Praise GOD you are SAFE. Thank you for checking in!!

I've been checking almost every day and so worried!


Lord, you know TnT's heart and circumstances better than any of us... you know the truth.

Allow that truth to shine through to the CPS social worker and anyone else who enters into this situation!

Give TnT peace as she goes through this process.

I ask that a job will open up for TnT, so that she may provide a safe home for her son and for herself.

Please protect TnT and her son... you know the truth of her H's abusive nature. Heal him in a way that he can be a safe parent and partner. If he is unwilling, you know what is best then too.

I am praying in agreement with TnT that the BEST OUTCOME happen here... for all concerned.

Bless TnT, Lord. She is a worthy and beautiful soul who has always tried to be a good Christian wife and mother, and spent years here with all of us praying and caring.

IJN, Amen.

#356743 07/12/04 05:30 PM
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tnt,
I am so sorry things continue to be so difficult.

Dear Lord in Heaven,
You know who tnt is in real life and where she is. She is in terrible danger at the hands of a man who should rightfully be her safe harbor in this world. It must pain you grievously to see such abuse occur within a marriage, to see what You intended as holy to be desecrated in such a violent manner. We lift up tnt and her son to you and pray that they may know firsthand and in this lifetime that miracles are real. With all that has happened, only You can find a solution that will mend all that is broken.
IJN Amen.

tnt, please keep us posted. We care about you. You are married to a dangerous, violent man. Please take every precaution and tap every available resource to be safe.

#356744 07/12/04 11:46 PM
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I just lost my post! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I posted an update on the recovery forum

I can't believe that I typed and typed and my ISP bumped me off

uggh

Okay, good report - there is more to say than that maybe I will have to write in smaller increments....

#356745 07/12/04 11:52 PM
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Sheryl and LH, thank you for your faithful concerns for me and for being there today for me.

Mike is planning on getting custody of Ryan. I just won't go for that. I am going to need prayers for that.

I did break down and talk with Mike last week. He wants me to lift the OFP. I said no. I told him the child psychologist that he took Ryan to last November told me that I needed to be aligned with Mike in order to have a relationship with Ryan. I asked if he would go to marriage counseling and drop the divorce. He suggested going to marriage counseling and getting divorced. ??? what the heck is he talking about anyway.... So I drew up the ammended OFP to allow for contact to go to marrige counseling but I don't think it is a good idea so I am not going to do anything about it and Mike hasn't contacted me or asked me about it again so I think he was just trying to munipulate me again. what is new.

So I know how everyone feels about my marriage, and that is reality. It is still hard because I do love him. We are about 2 weeks from getting a divorce. Time ticks. God knows.

LH, Sheryl, Mitzi, Paha - I am a little bit tired.

God bless you all and please keep me in your prayers. I will update another day. so much to say.

Tnt

#356746 07/13/04 02:18 PM
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Sheryl, please know that I appreciate you so much. This is my email address: payson2000@hotmail.com

Sheryl, you have said such kind things. How is your new job going? Still working with assistive technology?

And LH, how are you doing? Post-Divorce? How is your husband (x-husband)?
And Paha... You are out of that abusive relationship completely? Please update me.
And Shul, Thank you so much for your prayers and love. You have the kind of heart that I would like to connect with and get to know. Do you AIM? you can catch me once in a while - add me to your user list: MnCon is my user name. I could use a powerful online prayer warrior.

God Bless you all, here is the newest update:


My husband's attorney called. He asked me to sign over the title on the truck and asked if I would be willing to 'modify' the order for protection so that I could sit and negotiate with my husband about the divorce.

I told him that I don't want a divorce, and that I talked with my husband about that last week, and that he had asked me to modify the order for protection for marriage counseling - but that I was unwilling to do that with a divorce continuing. Attorney told me that the divorce is proceeding, and wanted to know if I wanted to mediate.

I asked the attorney if he would agree to value my car at $900 and I would agree that his truck was worth $1530. He said he couldn't do that. (husband traded it in and I was on the title and I told the auto dealership that I was on the title and they said that husband frauded them and sent me copies of my husbands frauded statement.)
I asked the attorney if he has seen the paperwork and he said no. I said I feel that my husband continues to think that he has entitlement to everything and that isn't right.

We went back to the mediation issue. I told him that my husband is a professional negotiator and I wouldn't feel like it was fair and I would be fearful because he keeps threatening to take my son from me. The attorney said he wouldn't be present. I told him that my husband has contacted 35 attorneys and that he was dealing with another attorney last October when my husband felt entitled to withdraw $38,000 out of our joint account. I would feel like I wouldn't have the information that my husband had because I don't have an attorney and he has had plenty of them all along, and it is odvious he planned this for a long time.

He just kept asking if I would send the title over to the dealership and I said I would like to do that, but I guess that I need to talk to an attorney about this because I don't see what I gain by doing that.

Well, we were at a standstill so I stopped talking to him. My son knew I was talking to him and got extremely upset. He said I was telling his dad's attorney "lies". I wasn't.

I told my son I feel very intimidated because dad has a $10,000 attorney and a private investigator and that makes me feel fearful.

Uggh.

Well, another day in the saga.

I hope that I can get an attorney soon. The attorney that I was going to get is through legal services, and my husband's attorney is on their board - so now maybe they can't even represent me.


Thanks,
TNT

#356747 07/14/04 08:21 AM
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I think what I will do is put a link to my posts here and that way you an stay upated when you come back to see me, how does that sound? Most of you have moved on, but I still need that support.

my latests posts:
Need Help Making Decisions

Trustntruth Needs Prayers

Old-Timer Needs Prayer

Also if you feel like "surfing" you can see my family web page that I have been working on - hasn't been updated since a week before he closed another account...

but here it is, maybe one of these days I will update it...

My Family Web Page

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</small>

#356748 07/15/04 12:05 AM
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Hi TnT,

I know LH, Paha and I have been checking on and off for you... and even though we post rarely, all of us do on occasion -- and ESPECIALLY for a dear heart like YOU! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm having computer and work issues myself, so can't be on like I'd like... but make no mistake... I'm keeping up with you and praying for you. I know LH and Paha are too...

DO YOU FEEL ALL OF OUR PRAYERS AND LOVE?

I hope so!

I'll be checking out your web page tonight... thanks for posting the link.

Love, Sheryl

#356749 07/15/04 12:27 AM
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{{{{{{{{{tnt}}}}}}}}}}
Could you explain why you want to stay married to this man and receive marriage counselling? He darn near let you bleed to death than take you to the hospital.

#356750 07/14/04 01:15 PM
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Double post

<small>[ July 14, 2004, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</small>

#356751 07/14/04 02:34 PM
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Sheryl - sometimes I feel the peace but not always. I have Graves disease so maybe that has something to do with it?

LH - you bring up a very good point.
The incident happened May 13th. I knew it was building again as of the 25th of April... I can almost tell you blow by blow what led up to the incident!

Timeline:
April 24th - we open a joint checking account for a spec house. His idea, not mine. He wants to build the spec house, not me. I don’t care about building a spec house, but I agree because it is something HE wants to do. That is what loving wives do, they help their husbands achieve their dreams, right?

April 24th, we reconfirm we will remodel the basement because my family is coming out to see me in June. Also, my son was planning to come out in August. Remember I am alone and it has been 6 years since my family has been here to see me.

I feel some of the things that my husband was doing down in the basement was not working towards our goal. I got angry with him because he wasn’t following the plan and because he was disrespecting my stuff again.

I love busted. And then I lovebusted some more. Did I call him names? No. Did I hit him? No. I went down there and started going through the trash that he said was trash. I pulled lots of things out of the trash that he said was trash. He kept putting the stuff I pulled out back in the trash box and I pulled it out and then I finally got so frustrated that I went upstairs. He set the stuff outside the door out in the snow to get ruined. He started shoving stuff in boxes and sticking it in one little storage area (that also has to be remodeled) He was not working in a methodical manner, following my plan, or anything. He was just doing nothing – or rather he was pushing my buttons on purpose.

In the meantime he was making selfish demands on my time. To prepare the loan documents for $200,000 construction loan. I started doing like he wanted.

The next weekend my grandson came to stay with me. He was mad. I had talked to him that morning before grandson came and asked him if we could work together and stay up all night to get the loan docs done so that I could have my 5 year old grandson on Saturday and Sunday. He said sure. But he didn’t. Instead he went fishing and left me to do the work, and he didn’t do a darn thing to make the basement move forward.

Saturday morning came along and it was time to get grandson. I was not complete. I lovebusted a little bit and then I asked him if he would go with me to get grandson. (X-son in law has custody of grandson and this was my first time seeing him since Christmas.) Husband played most of weekend and he tried to take the crib mattress and the grand baby’s crib out of my bedroom, another fight. It was not necessary but he just wanted to push more buttons. Passive aggressive behavior.

I kept moving the mattress back in the house and he kept throwing it outside.

He finally decided to take a look at the loan docs and was of no help there but started going through docs on computer and asking me why I changed the way the “My Doc. Files were organized”, complained about me giving my daughter my old 333 emachines (so old it is worthless) and just complained about the documents on the computer.

I met x-son in law ½ way and gave him back grandson, and Monday came around and we went back to work. I thought it was weird when I found out husband didn’t go to work as planned on Monday.

That week I started noticing bank statements coming in the mail without my name on them… I knew we opened a JOINT checking account, what was up with that so I asked hi what was going on with the bank. He played dumb and kept pressuring me and pressuring me to work on the loan docs – and I was sleep deprived at that point and trying to work during the day. I was getting exhausted.

Thursday night he called me and asked me to bring supper out to the lot for all of us. He didn’t even thank me for the supper and he just walked away – and wouldn’t even eat it with me. I told him that I felt used like he was using me just to get me to spend my money on supper, the least thing he could do was eat the dinner I bought with me.

The next morning, (the Friday before Mothers Day) I snooped and found a deposit slip with another account number on it and it was for $26,500. He had opened an individual account and closed the joint account. I lovebusted AGAIN.

He said he denied it and then I told him that after I got to work I would call and confirm and I would cancel the $200,000 construction loan if he wasn’t honest about money. I told him he had about 2 hours to be honest or that would be it.

I got to work at 7:50 and at 9:20 I had it confirmed that he had lied about money. I waited until the afternoon and then I called and cancelled the construction loan.

Hecalled me after he picked son up fromj school about 3:00p – and he was super nice at first to find out if I did it, then he started crying. I never heard him cry over anything like that before. I told him that yes indeed I had told the loan officer lady that he had been dishonest before with money and this could only conclude he was planning a divorce. I told him that she put a stop to the process.

He begged me to call her back. I told him NO WAY, and that I would not do that unless I felt like I could trust him with money.

That was the beginning of the end. He didn’t bring son home from school. He hid him from me and he didn’t come home until late that night and he had been drinking. I can’t remember. I know that my daughter came from WI that night and spent the night and we took grandson to movies. I also rented some play station 2 games for grandson for weekend.

Sat morning he took the playstation 2 set so grandson could not play the playstation 2 games that we had rented, and he watched grandson cry about it, then he took a TV from the house and left to go to the lot.

He had started construction on the lot. He thought he could force me to sign docs.

Saturday he still didn’t bring son home but he returned and demanded sex. Then on Sunday AM I had a heart-to-heart talk with him and I told him that I demand HONESTY about money and everything. I didn’t want to get in the way of his project but I wanted to be assured about monetary issues and every other issue in our marriage. I told him I was VERY disappointed that he was hiding our son – especially on Mothers Day, that his actions very much showed me his heart. He left the house and brought the playstation 2 game box back in the house for grandson.

I called him at lunch time and asked if he would bring our son to a Mexican Restaurant as I would like to spend some time with him on Mothers Day. I coaxed him and told him that I would buy. He did.

I dropped grandson off with X-son-inlaw, and I went home with Subway dinner. I bought a 12” sub for husband and son to share and coaxed him to come home with son. It really hurt my feelings that he hid Ryan from me, AGAIN.

Son was hateful and said hateful things to me. Odviously it had been a Mom-bashing weekend.

The next Monday I stayed home from work and called the marriage counselor. This is the first time I had stayed home from work since I had started the job Jan. 5th. We couldn’t get into the marriage counselor until the following Monday because he had finals all that week. (He is a Christian counselor who also teaches social work at the college that I worked at.)

I think it was Monday night that Ryan was out of control, following the constant Mom-bashing of the weekend brainwashing session. (I am not sure but I think he stayed with my older step-daughter, odviously her heart has not changed.) Anyway, Ryan was being violent and outbursting, He tried to shut the door on my arm and he got physical with me, calling me names, spitting on me, flipping me off, telling me he hated me, etc. I called Mike finally at about 5:00-5:30 and told him son was out of control. Told him to come home and get son under control. Mike didn’t want to come home. I don’t know where he was but he didn’t want to come home. Then when he did he wasn’t trying t solve the problem but he would say unbelievable things to me about what kind of mother I was and he was perpetuating the problem.

I felt like I had both son and husband ganging up on me.

After dinner I began to work on a web-site I was building for Ryans’ friend’s dad. The fighting wasn’t stopping and I stopped what I was doing and went into the living room to just give the problem my full attention. I sat on love seat and husband brought son in close to him and had arm around him like it was His Son and I was the step mom or something.

I asked him if what he wanted was a divorce, is that why he is acting like this, is that why he has Ryan all riled up, and I said well let’s resolve this now so we can agree to disagree and not have all the fighting. I said let’s do 50/50 with Ryan. What days do you want, Ryan? T, W, Th and every other S with Mom? And my husband then my husband said if I didn’t shut up that he was going to call the police and get me thrown out and then I will not have anything, not a place to live or any money, and that he would take Ryan from me. He said to go in the bedroom. I said that I didn’t have to do anything he told me to do. He called the police and he said that I was out of control and irrational. Son screamed Oh, No! and started crying hysterically and then husband blamed that on me that son was crying and upset and he started saying a bunch of bad things about me – like you don’t need your mother anyway she is a welfare recipient and just all kinds of hateful things. He told son he won’t have to put up with me anymore, all kinds of projecting.

I went to the phone and talked to 911 and told them that I didn’t want him saying bad things about me to our son and that I didn’t feel safe.

Husband told son, “come on and let’s go outside and wait for the police.”

I stayed on the line with the dispatcher for a while and then when they were outside completely then we hung the line up and I went back in to work on the web-site again. I shut the bedroom door.

Then police came, asked me if there had been any physical violence and I said no. He asked if we had the police out here before for physical violence and I said no – not in Minnesota but in California I was the 911 queen.

One officer was outside talking with my husband and then the officer that was talking to me went outside. Then my husband came in with boxes and they said that he was leaving and started taking his stuff.

He took son with him. I asked the officer that had talked only with him to encourage Mike to go the marriage counseling session that was scheduled the following Monday at 5:00pm.

The next day I went to work and came home, and then husband asked if he could come back home. I said yes. So that night we didn’t talk to each other.

Wed. night, the 12th – he called me at work. It was about 10 minutes after I got off but I was still trying to get the copier to do what one of my bosses wanted me to do and he called and started harassing me about the loan. He kept on asking if I was going to sign the loan. I said could we talk about it when I got home.
I came home a little bit late. When I got home he was really irate, but I ignored him the best that I could. I told him that unless I felt comfortable with his intentions, I would not sign the loan, but that I wanted to do it for him but I was not trusting of him. He started in on me being a paranoid –schizophrenic and kept on wanting to fight with me. I think he wanted to try and get me thrown out again, in hindsight. Anyway, I was helping Ryan with his homework project, and I was telling him what a good job he was doing, and Ryan wrote in his book report that his mother should tell him he is doing a good job more often.

Mike and I began to argue again. I have gotten to the point of when he wants to argue that I try and find out what he wants ultimately so we can negotiate about it. I didn’t want a divorce but I wanted to find out if that was his ulterior motive for fighting at the moment again, because he seemed to understand that I would not sign on the loan until after we went to marriage counseling. I asked him if he would sign the truck over to me and I would give him the car; I told him that I got approval for a car loan to get rid of the truck (which is something that he had asked me to do within the last week or so), and I asked him if we could decide how much the truck was worth (and how much the car was worth), and I was approaching him about a 50/50 custody, etc.

He called Ryan in from the bedroom come to the living room. Ryan is like his shield, and he can intimidate me with saying he will take Ryan from me. He knows that is the thing that scares me the most. It is the button that he can push to get me to go along with whatever he is demanding of me at that moment.

I more or less called his bluff and asked Ryan for his input on when he wanted to see his mom….

Mike and Ryan went to lay on the bed that is in the living room. I sat on the bottom of the bed and asked Mike and Ryan if we could just agree to disagree and not hate each other so much and not argue and fight all of the time, could we just say good night to one another and try and get along.

I do not feel this is a false OFP as my husband now claims: This is what I wrote for the OFP:


ON 5-12-04 AT APPROXIMATE TIME: 10:30-11:30PM IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR SON, MIKE THREATENED ME AND SAID I WOULD BE SORRY IF I DIDN’T GO INTO THE BEDROOM. HE GRABBED ME BY THE UPPER ARMS AND SHOVED/THREW ME OFF THE BED. MY HEAD HIT THE FIREPLACE HEARTH. I BEGAN BLEEDING PROFUSELY, AND MY SON SCREAMED “DAD YOU KILLED MY MOTHER’ OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I WAS CRYING, SHAKING AND FELT NAUSEATED. MIKE YELLED AT RYAN TO GET A TOWEL TO PUT UNDER MY HEAD BECAUSE OF THE BLOOD. RYAN GOT A TOWEL AND MY HUSBAND TOLD RYAN THAT I WAS FINE AND THAT THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. I STRUGGLED TO MY FEET AND GOT OUT THE FRONT DOOR AND DOWN THE STEPS AND WAS HEADED TOWARD MY NEIGHBORS HOUSE FOR HELP AND MY HUSBAND TACKEDLED ME TO THE GROUND AND DRUG ME TO THE CAR. MY SHOE CAME OFF IN THE PROCESS, AND THEN HE OPENED THE DOOR TO THE CAR AND ORDERED ME IN. I TOLD HIM I WAS MISSING A SHOE, AND WANTED PERMISSION TO GO GET IT, BUT HE YELLED AT ME TO GET IN THE CAR. I CRAWLED UP FROM THE GROUND INTO THE CAR, AND MIKE YELLED AT RYAN TO GET ANOTHER TOWEL SO THE BLOOD WOULD NOT GET ON THE UPHOLSTERY. WE WENT SOUTH ON HIGHWAY 27 TOWARDS THE HOSPITAL IN FERGUS FALLS AND ALONG THE WAY HE TOLD RYAN THAT THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME AND THAT I WAS “PLAYING THIS OUT FOR ALL IT WAS WORTH” AND THAT I WOULD TRY TO GET HIM PUT IN JAIL, BECAUSE I AM THE MOST DESPICABLE WOMAN IN THE WHOLE EARTH. HE TOLD US THAT HE WAS GOING TO DROP RYAN OFF AT HIS SISTER CATHY’S HOUSE, WHO LIVES OFF OF HWY 27 BETWWEEN OUR HOUSE AND FERGUS FALLS. I OBJECTED, AND SO DID RYAN, BUT MIKE INSISTED SO RYAN AGREED WITH HIS FATHER. ONCE ARRIVING AT THE FARM, THE LIGHTS IN THE HOUSE WERE OFF. MIKE TOLD RYAN TO GET OUT AND GO INTO CATHY’S HOUSE, AND RYAN GOT OUT OF THE CAR. I REACHED FOR THE DOOR TO GET OUT ALSO, AND MIKE HIT THE POWER LOCK BUTTON. I REACHED OVER TO HONK THE HORN SO SOMEONE WOULD KNOW I WAS THERE, I WAS AFRAID HE WOULD KILL ME BETWEEN CATHY’S HOUSE AND THE HOSPITAL. I TOLD RYAN TO GET BACK IN THE CAR AND RYAN WAS AFRAID TO GET IN THE CAR AND AFRAID TO GET OUT. MIKE DECIDED WE WERE WASTING TIME AND TOLD RYAN TO GET IN THE CAR AND WE WOULD JUST GO TO THE HOSPITAL TOGETHER. AFTER WE ARRIVED IN FERGUS FALLS AND BEFORE GETTING TO THE HOSPITAL, MIKE ASKED US TO SAY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND SAY THAT I FELL. WE TOLD HIM WE WOULD DO THAT. THE HOSPITAL CLEANED ME UP, AND THE DOCTOR PUT STAPLES IN MY HEAD TO HOLD THE GASH TOGETHER AND STOP THE BLEEDING. I TOLD THE NURSE (WHEN I THOUGHT THAT MIKE WASN’T LISTENING) THAT I DID NOT FALL, SHE CALLED THE DOCTOR, AND THE DOCTOR TOLD ME THEY WERE GOING TO CALL THE POLICE. I DID NOT WANT MIKE TO BE ARRESTED, BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID HOW ANGRY HE WOULD GET.

LH - I don't know!
I do know that a psychologist evaluated me on the 24th of May and said that I don't have a mental illness but that I make a poor choice in men and that I could have some extensive testing to see if there is anything in the extensive tests....

Could it be that I am an INFP? Could it be my need to fix? You all know me so long now, what do you think?

Love you all,
TNT

#356752 07/16/04 10:35 AM
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Plan "D" Strategies.... uggh

<small>[ July 16, 2004, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: trustntruth ]</small>

#356753 07/16/04 10:56 AM
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Here is an email that I got from my aunt. I have NO support from my family. None. Not my parents or not my children or my sister. They think they are enabling me by helping me. I haven't heard from any of them. And when I contact them they will barely talk to me! No support! Then they attack me when I ask for help on what to do about the title on the truck! I can't believe it!
***

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">-----Original Message-----
From: Shirley Woo.... [mailto:woo....@comcast.net]
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 12:45 AM
To: Connie
Subject: Fraud is fraud


I think you should tell the lawyer that you are going to report Mike for signing your name or giving
false information; and I would tell my lawyer about this. Also, have someone give you an estimate
of what your car is worth or go on the internet and you can find out what the book says.

R*** forged T***** signature on their income tax return and then she did nothing so he gave her
about 1/4 or 1/3 of the money. I am sure she would of been better off to tell her lawyer and his
lawyer--maybe, she would of ended up with the house.

You do not have to be mean, but it is the truth and if it was on the other foot, would he not tell
the truth if he gained by it.

If you feel it is O.K. for Mike to do whatever he wants with your name--then, you should let him
have everything he wants. Not that he will be any nicer to you--just think of what he did to wife
number 1?

Divorce is never nice when you are married to a man like Mike. All he wants you to do is go
away and leave him and Ryan alone; and any money he has or hidden.

You went back and signed that second on your house and then he invested the money that he
wanted to. You knew he was going to do that. Connie, please don't tell me you did not know
that.

Connie, you are a very beautiful woman and very smart and can hold your own at any job. But
you seem to think that it is all right for men to abuse you and that you have it coming.

I know I have never talked to you like this before, but I hate to see you get in the same mental
state that I saw you in over Br*** and his second wife. I am afriad for your mental state and
for you physical safety.

Mike is not dumb and he seems to know how to hurt and abuse you and you are allowing it to
happen to you. Just think back when Br*** wife would come to the door in her police uniform
and unflip her pistol holder. Also, she went to the police and had them convinced you were not
all there.

You had all the right to call the police and report her because she was not to be in uniform and
coming to your house.

Many prayers went out for your safety and mental state then; and this is a repeat of prayers that we are
all praying now.

We all know when we do not hear from you for several weeks or months that you are having trouble
with Mike.

When we were there and I saw how mean and disrespectfully Ryan was to you, I wanted to slap his
face and wash his mouth out with soap. That is why one night, I asked Mike if he respected his
mother, which he said he did. I told him he should also teach Ryan to respect his mother. He just
looked at me, but I felt I had to say it.

She**** and Can*** were saying things I did not like about Terry; and I told them never to talk bad
about my daughter in front of me again. They were very shocked. I guess, I am too old to care if
someone feels I am being to hard on someone.

We are all worried and praying for Robert and Ja**** and Tr**** because they are going through some-
thing they have no control over.

Mike and you break up and make up and from what I hear, you still love Mike. Are you sure that is
love?

Please look in your heart and see if you are afriad of another divorce (which you might call a failure)
but I do not call a divorce where there is abuse or physical harm a failure--the Lord is looking into
Mike's heart and he does not see a forgiving heart.

If he was a decent man, he would try to meet you 1/2 WAY and consider your child that you both
could agree on raising together. NO, he likes to teach Ryan to hate, cuss or do anything so that he
can have complete control over him. He wants Ryan to be just like him--AN EVIL MAN.

Connie, I am not sorry for anything I wrote to you; and I hope you realize that I am worried about my
brother and T***. This is very hard on them and I do not see any end to your PROBLEMS AS LONG
AS YOU WANT TO CONSIDER MIKE. YOU ARE GOING TO BE HIS ENEMY--YOU ARE ALL READY
HIS ENEMY BECAUSE YOU WON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS.

DID YOU NOT WATCH MIKE AND KNOCK HIS FIRST WIFE DOWN? HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

When you went to the hospital, Ryan was afriad you were going to die? Now, he tells you he wants to kill
you. Think and rethink what has happened to Ryan.

I have to quit writing because I do not know if I am going to get through to you.

May the Lord bless you and have the Holy Spirit cover you from head to foot and protect you from all danger.

Love as always, Aunt Shirley </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

#356754 07/16/04 01:04 PM
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tnt, it pains me grievously to say this, but I think you will find yourself more and more alone if you seek support for staying with your abusive husband. I cannot support such actions or beliefs.

A good wife should be treated as someone precious. I respect your desire to BE a good wife, tnt. You are not, however, being treated with the dignity and respect that you deserve. Such actions deserve a rebuke! I see your actions as a determination to give your h rewards NO MATTER WHAT. You do yourself a disservice. He does not deserve any kind of reward for his actions. He deserves rebukes, and plenty of them. He has the power here, and you've handed it to him lock stock and barrel. He is using that power to control your son. Your son is turning into a carbon copy of your h. And you have trouble understanding why you have a lack of support for your decisions?

I don't understand tnt. It's beyond my comprehension. I can understand a reluctance to give up. I can understand being stubborn and refusing to let go. There has to be a point, however, where reality must prevail over wishful thinking. Maybe I have a log in my own eye that I should be tending, but I really don't think so on this one. I will pray that you might see clearly tnt. I will pray that you hear whispers in your ear that come from God that will lead you to safety for yourself and your child. Please seek out professional help and don't give up until you find it. You need help from a professional who's well educated in matters of abuse. Traumatic bonding is common (aka the Stockholm syndrome).

#356755 07/16/04 02:15 PM
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I am not seeking support to STAY with my abusive husband!

I am seeking help to get out an abusive life!

I do not want a divorce, but I don't want abuse, either!

My preference is for God to heal my husband and stop this abuse in our relationship and restore the marriage.

BUT if that isn't going to happen then I want this over!

I want to stay married, but I don't want to stay married to an abuser. Does that make sense?

Is something messed up here? Why does everyone think I have gone back to him? I only TALKED to him last week but that is it. He tried to con me and I saw through it.

#356756 07/16/04 02:21 PM
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The thing I don't get, is that I haven't had support, and I haven't wanted to lose my son, so I have stayed. I have begged him in the past to work it out - just for the sake of being a mother to my son.

I still can't get an attorney. I am up to over 45 of them that I have contacted that I cannot get. When does a person just give up?

I don't want to go back to an abusive situation. But I'll tell you, with the brick walls that I hit just trying to get out of one, it is amazing that I am still trying to stay sane and safe. If a person really gives up they will go back KNOWING they will some day be killed.

I talked to an attorney just a minute ago that says that I will not have my son anymore. That I am going to lose him.

If he is the only thing left to live for, and I am going to lose him....

I know I would be contemplating suicide by going back to this man. That is not what I want, but I don't want to lose my son...

I am in a quandry and I have NO support! unbelievable.

#356757 07/16/04 05:30 PM
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I understand you don't want a failed marriage.

I understand you don't want abuse in your life.

Those are things that you want, things you don't currently have.

To oppose a divorce in progress, to want marriage counseling with a dangerously abusive man -- these are not things I would classify as brick walls. What are these brick walls you speak of? I really and truly do NOT understand tnt. Please seek counsel from your church. Ask for lessons about man's free will and the extremes to which God will allow us our free will. Be willing to see truth for what it is.

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