Well, my H cancelled my cable for me. Isn't that nice of him. Now it will cost me $50 to get it hooked back up. $50 I don't have due to the HUGE house payment I am paying on my own now.<P>Aarrgghhh!! <P>Anyway, it took all strength I had not to drive to his sister's house and scratch his eyes out. <P>Sorry, I just had to vent! <P>WHY IS HE DOING THIS??? I haven't contacted him in 9 days. I have done NOTHING to him! <P>Anyway, I made plans to go out with another single girlfriend of mine this weekend! I am going to do something for ME for once! Maybe I will find a cute guy to dance with like lonelymom did.<P>TB<P>

TB,<BR>Sometimes I think they do this because we are not contacting them anymore. I know...sounds wierd. Mine canceled our satellite dish...AOL....disconnected our phone (which cost me 73.00 to reconnect)....changed the utilities into my name without informing me or paying and didn't know until I got the disconnect notice......reported my car phone stolen, then went and got a new one and now has it....reported my bank card lost....which cancelled it.....closed out all of my credit cards....cleared out all of the bank accts....then when I got my phone reconnected I had to get a new number because HE has exclusive rights to the number and told them I was not allowed to keep it. Great when you have filled out applications for jobs....and also for my children.<P>I really do believe they get mad when you no longer talk to them and they do these things so you will contact them. Then if you do...they get real shi**y and treat you like crap.<P>Aren't men sometimes just so great.<BR>Nancy

It really sucks!<P>Is this the same person I married so blindly? It doesn't seem like it!<P>Am I right to still not contact him even though he is pushing my buttons like crazy? <P>GOD, PLEASE grant me patience!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys should talk to your attorneys.... you may have some recourse with some of the cancelations.<P>Mental -- Find out about him changing the utilities into your name without your permission or knowledge. You can't even do that in NM (which is more backward than MO no offense). I had to take my divorce papers around just to change my name on MY accounts, let alone change them to someone else's name. <P>Also, keep track of all the reconnection fees & receipts.... you may be able to get it back from him in court, or as a settlement item (if divorcing).<P>Thank goodness I'm the one who moved out.... my X prpbably would have tried to pull this same crap on me. I didn't even disconnect the cable, even though I took the TV .<P>Good luck to you both!<BR>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Thanks for the advice!<P>Problem is we don't have lawyers yet. I am waiting for him to file because I don't believe that divorce is right. Once he files, I will get a lawyer if I need to. We haven't been married that long, so it shouldn't be too messy. As long as he quick claims the house over to me I will be happy. There are no custody issues as my daughter is his step daughter.<P>He already has his stuff, so there is nothing to fight over. <P>I swear! I wish I would've never met this guy! He has ripped my heart out over and over! <P>It makes me want to lose my faith in men. (sorry guys)

Teddy Bear,<P>H did the same thing to me. What a creep. If you call to the cable company, ask for a supervisor, explain the sitaution, calm and rational, and most likely they will waive that fee, because you are now a "new customer" I even got $50 in coupons to use throughout the year too. Check into it. Good luck! Dana<BR>

Thanks Dana!<P>I will do that after work tonight. I thought I would go in "in person" and show them that I am the one that has been paying the bill every month since he left. <P>If they don't want to help me out, I guess I won't have cable.

Teddy Bear, I would BET MY ENTIRE PAYCHECK that H is pissed that you have actually started to stand up for your rights. He is going CRAZY knowing that their is nothing else he can do to hurt you. So he is striking out like this and he is HOPING that you call for a confrontation, so that he can continue to have the CONTROL back, by pushing your buttons! Give yourself a HUG for being smart and NOT contacting him. I bet he is sitting by the phone waiting for your reaction! So now just smile to yourself knowing that nice, sweet little ole' you are NOT doing anything, and yet he is going crazy. My H did the same thing, except he was using the kids in a way. First he use to use other stuff that was in his name over me, but I took cell phone out of his name and got my own. But then he would make me get on the public transit to get our kids off to school and babysitter in 15degree weather, until I bought a CHEAP CHEAP car, that works great (paid under $800 for it, but it looks good and runs great)! I didn't contact him at all during those little TANTRUMS he would through and do! Then I guess he saw that their was nothing else he could do to make me lose it, and he saw that I was doing GREAT without him, (though I was hurting terribly, but I never let him know). I saw through his angry outburst and KNEW he was really trying to get my attention and push my buttons so he could see my pain, but I NEVER SHOWED IT! A month later, we are back together and in marriage counseling (he even set up the appointment after 2 years of telling me no to counseling!). So take heed and do what you have to do WITHOUT him, he'll start to sing a different tune! I think also, my H was used to me flying off the handle and losing it, but this time I took the advice of the MB board and did the EXACT OPPOSITE and played it COOL!

T24G:<P>How long did it take for your H to get a clue? My H is not even contacting my daughter (his step-daughter)! He supposedly loves her like his own, but hasn't talked to her in 2 weeks. It has been 9 days since I contacted him last. <P>I am so impatient! I know 9 days doesn't sound like a lot, but it is driving me crazy! <P>I guess he is REALLY mad because when he tried to get his stuff from my house last weekend, he realized I had the locks changed. He supposedly had given me his key, but I guess had one made for himself before he did it. Anyway, his sister told me he was furious about it. I think that is what kicked off this fury of anger (although his sister denies this is being done to hurt me). <P>Anyway, it gives me hope to hear your story. It is hard to believe that a man can love you one day, not love you the next, move his stuff out one day, change his mind a month later. It just doesn't seem logical to me!!<P>I guess nothing about this situation is logical. It is just hard to accept that. <P>Thanks for your words of encouragement! They really help a lot! Any additional insight on this subject would be appreciated!<P>

I really do believe that they just go crazy thinking that they can not push your buttons anymore. It is all a game for them. Of course, I just sat back and did nothing. Never called him about any of this crap. To boot, I called him with my new phone number. (according to visitation guidelines I have to). But needless to say...all of this happened (cancellations) after he called one night and told me he was never coming back. With that I told him that I could never take him back with all that he has done to me. Must have made him mad.....because then the crap hit the fan. The custody battle is just another game....it is a sick game......a hurtful game.....and one that he has most likely won.....but just another game to him to get me to call him again. Didn't happen. I just remain cool. He can't stand it. Pretends it doesn't bother him, but it does. He has such a YUK life. He has everything.....the cars, he is getting the house...the children....furniture....money....and he is still mad. I will survive.

TB,<P>I think you are doing a wonderful job driving your H up the wall by not contacting him. I think I mentioned to you before all the crazy stuff my H did, cutting off all utilities, etc. I think he liked that control he had over everything. Well, now I don't have to worry about it because everything is in my name and he can't cut anything off! I know this bothers him because he hates that I can talk to the OW's husband about the situation. He has now changed his tune. Everything is not perfect and he is not living at home yet, but it is a BIG improvement from where we were 3 months ago. It took a lot of control on my part to not contact him and some days I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. He told me last weekend that I am the only person that can push his buttons and make him ferious. I told him that he did a pretty good job pushing my buttons too. He said "obviously I'm not very good at it because I can never get a rise out of you." I just smiled to myself and thought "I know." <P>As far as your daughter is concerned, I think this is just all part of their crazy thinking. I have 2 children, ages 3 & 8, and my H didn't even try to contact them for basically 4 months (probably 3 calls during that time). Then all of a sudden he became the doting father. He has never been the perfect father but I know he cares about them. <P>I believe that these men like to be able to control us. Also, I think that they have made themselves believe we are the reason they left in the first place. Once they no longer have the control, and it sounds like you H is well on his way of giving up all of the control he has, they come to some sort of reality. <P>I would advise you to at least find a good lawyer and be prepared if you H does file. I am a firm believer that the lawyer you pick has a big impact on the divorce. I went to a male attorney and was told that I didn't even need to bring up the adultry issue because most judges don't care anyway. The attorney I chose is female and she told me the opposite of what the other attorney said. Since I hired her she has gotten so many things for me from my H all because of his adultry and living with the OW. Now, my children can only go for overnight visits if the other woman is not there (She has to leave he house every other weekend), my H has been banned from entering my house, and a judge has granted him to pay child support and almost all of my household expenses until the divorce is final. Basically, it doesn't matter whether he has any money to live on at all because marriage is a contract and you can't just walk out leaving one to hold the bag. <P>Try to get all the documentation you can of him cuttig off the untilites. I tape recorded my phone conversations with the phone company, etc. I have a tape of the phone company reading off the note from their computer. My husband said "cut it off no matter what she says." This has been a very important piece of evidence of just how he has acted. <P>I am by no means telling you to file for divorce but just to be prepared. I didn't want to file for divorce but finally did because I needed to protect myself and my children. My H made many threats about he and OW taking my children away from me. Now, he is wanting a mediator to either work on a settlement or to work on the marriage. He said he would be willing to try to work on the marriage but was afraid I wasn't willing. <P>I'm apologize for this being so long and I hope that I made since. I just feel so bad for you situation because it is so similar to mine. Oh, and be thankful you H hasn't had you throw in jail on false charges MINE DID!! But that is another story. Be strong because even if you can't save your marriage you can save your sanity and feel good about the way you handled every thing. You will never be able to say "I didn't try." Take care.