Desiree,<P>Let's see...<BR>I don't carry rulers around with me...<BR>I don't sing and play a guitar...<BR>I don't "fly"... no more business trips for me!...<BR>I don't 'climb every mountain'...<P>Nope... not a NUN.. LOL! <P>Just feel a little like one... celibacy and all!<P>btw...<BR>I never got hit with a ruler once in C. school...<BR>I loved Sally Fields in the "flying nun"...<BR>and...<BR>"Sound of Music" is my all time favorite movie...<BR>No joke.... <P>-----------------------<P>short story... sorry for intruding on your thread...<P>When I first met my W... she was ending an abusive(drug/alcohol/porn addicted H) relationship with her first H(yes... she got an annulment by C. Church). Her son, then about 3yo, like most very young kids was deadly afraid of loud noises (his was ADD related)... especially thunder. One night, when we were "dating", during a huge T-storm, I went into son's bedroom when he started crying... and sang to him "My Favorite Things"... over and over again, until he fell asleep. When I came out of his bedroom... I saw tears in my W's eyes. <BR>(so I fibbed... a little singing I do) <P>Hmmmmm... It's hard to believe where we've come to since then... Now, her only tears seem to be tears of anger that I don't leave her fantasy world alone. <P>...I'll try not to intrude again... <P>-----------------------------<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 03, 1999).]

I'm probably not a good one to respond to the question of divorce after what I have been through this week. But, my gut feeling is if there is still some feeling (and it sounds like there is if he tried to kiss you), then there is still some hope. <P>I agree that it sounds like you need to do a hardcore Plan B. I know from experience that it's extrememly hard to cut them out of your life completely. But, that's what needs to be done. Even though my H pretty much chose OW over me by moving down to her (3 hours away from me), he still tried to resist Plan B by trying to maintain a presence in my life. I could not let that happen, and so far have stood my ground. Of course, the end result is yet to be revealed. But, either way, I will be better prepared for whatever happens.<P>In my situation, I'll never understand the whys, but I know he needs to do what he is doing. He HAS to stand on his own two feet. He has become too dependant on me. Unfortuneately, the way he's going about it, there's a good possibility he will simply trade his dependance on me for a dependance on OW. Either way, I WILL BE BETTER OFF.<P>So, the gist of this is that you must do what is best for YOU.<P>Be strong, I know you can do it!

Roll Me Away:<P>Plan B is for you. When YOU want a divorce, well---that's the time to divorce him. If it's only been a couple months since separation, I think you're still in decent shape. Give him some more time to see if "fantasyland" caves in.

Chick's Bren,<P>Yes, my H and I are BOTH confused. I don't know what's wrong with me. I seem to have periods of lucity and the rest of the time I am in PURE FOG. <sigh> I guess it goes with the situation....<P>But, I really am fairly well over the hurt and upset, although still get some anger and jealousy every now and then. Really, I keep reminding myself - how can he hurt me anymore??? He left me and our family; he cheated on me; he lied to me; he sleeps with somebody else; he took the OW on a vacation; he spent Thanksgiving with OW and HER S and never called our kids. Really, short of D'ing me and marrying her - he's pretty well done it all to me here, so why get upset over more of the same!<P>Thanks for posting!<P>NSR,<P>Great story about your son! I can just see you singing ....good ole Catholic boy! And, yes, I got my first marriage annulled, too. <BR>I HATE being in this situation, Jim. What pains me alot is that my H and I had a GREAT marriage before all this [censored] started. I feel like this is such a waste. YUCK! Ok, enough of that. I will do more PlanB. <P>BTW, H just called me (I'm at work) to ask me about some financial stuff. That's the FIRST call to me since I started in PlanB.<P>Thanks for all your kidnesses and prayers - Desiree<P>sidney,<P>You and I are in a similar situation. H wants to go and be with OW, spend his free time with her and talk to her, and then see me when he wants a sense of "family" I guess. Also, we were still sharing joint money, I was doing all his errands, being nice, trying to cater to him, buying gifts, PlanA to extreme and generally, his life was ENHANCED by the affair and NOT AFFECTED. My self-esteem plumeted and I felt like a freakin doormat. As soon as I could focus on me and get some of my old self back, my self-esteem came up and I got on a more solid footing. I need PlanB. Not so much for him or the marriage - for ME. Like you I feel he needs to see and feel the impact of his actions - there are consequences - some positive and alot of negatives. So far, in my previous actions, there were not only NO negatives for him, but then he was getting 1000% more from me thannormal, so again, his life was ENHANCED. Then I was wondering why he wouldn't give up this affair???? I must need a brain transplant!!<P>I am strong enough now to face na moment of truth with all this. I am still fragile, but definitely much stronger. He needs to be able to make it with the OW alone and I need to get on with my life. I am having fun for the first time in months with my family, friends, and even all by myself. I GREATLY miss the presence of a man in my life, though. But, I need to find out here once and for all if OW and H can make it - if so, more power to them. I think he tried to kiss me and comes around to keep me in the game I am so desperately trying to get myself out of. Thanks for the insight. I am really SAD for you.....this is a real bummer, especially before Christmas. Thinking of you, too....<P>Roll Me Away <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA,<P>I <B>assure</B> you, I am not one to give advice, even if you are asking for it directly , sorry.<P>I guess I'm at the point that if <B>you</B> think it's worth hanging onto, then it is, if not, then it isn't. Not very much help, am I??<P>I've given up trying to figure out the meaning to such things as a kiss. If we tried to figure out their every move we'd be dizzy with confusion. Men are... uh, well... confusing all by themselves, just standing there. Who the hell knows <B>what</B>they're thinking!<P>By the way, Sound of Music is my favorite movie too... and I don't normally tell people that... what a sap I am at heart!<P>~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

Desiree, I couldn't get back online last night. FIrst we had bad storms then D had to be on computer to do class work she is taking a college class by computerand had to do work last night. I feel asleep waiting for her to get off sorry. <P>You need to go back and read everything you have written to me. It is hard to do plan b (especially when you aren't by choice) The confusion about what is going on and how you feel and what does he mean by doing this, well you are in good company there. We are all in the land of confusion. But you can't let it rule your life. What you do is put it aside and think on other things. You try to put out of your mind thinking about what is his reason for this, why does he do that. I know easier said then done, but it is possible, I know I am working on it all the time and I am getting better at doing it, good thing or you would be emailing me at the metal hospital. Do they allow computers there?LOL BUt it concentrate on what you NEED to do. Spend time with family and friends.(Does this sound familiar wonder where I got all of this). You can go forward you can do plan B you can do it (The little engine that could) You have lots of support here. And I know you have family and friends there. Now just think about what you need to do for you. Put H and the marriage aside for awhile. It works. <BR>{{{HUGS}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

RMA, <P>My mind is still a little goofy, but I will try to say something.<P>1. Don't divorce. I don't know if you were around here when Freedom posted but, his story was something else. He left his wife and kids for his OW for three years. His wife never gave up - I wish she would post here. She prayed and prayed and gave the situation over totaly to God. After 3 years, it finally hit him. All he had done, the devastation. He crashed. He returned to his wife and is trying to rebuild. Now, 3 years is a heck of a long time. The point is, as others have stated, don't divorce until <B>you</B> want to.<P>2. My second suggestion is to use your black belt skills and kick your husband butt. He needs a good butt kickin and I'm sure it would make you feel better.<P>You're a good lady RMA, and you certainly deserve better treatment.<P>SHA

Diana and SHA,<P>OK, I used Medic's tool on myself and got my head out of you know where.<P>Diana, Yes I need to use my own advice on myslef. Ain't it a p!sser that you can see it with ANYONE but yourself!!!!!!<P>SHA,<P>Hope you are doing better. I do know a little of freedom's story, but thanks for sharing anyway. OK - I'll try to wait. I have thought about the old roundhouse kick to the head for both H and the OW. But, I am in such pitiful shape copmpared to how I used to be, probably couldn't kick past the knee! LOL! Actually, I am going to start wroking on weights in January to get some muscle back. <P>Thanks for saying I am nice. I miss someone saying that to me!!<P>Sheryl,<P>OK, so DON"T post to me! Naw, I understand your predicament. Just trying to draw you back in....don't want you just lurking....at least you can throw us some jokes and humor.....miss your WIT!!! Hope you are doing better today <P>Thanks guys - I'll get on PlanB......<BR>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Great glad you got your head out of you know where. Why wait till Jan. to start working with the weights unless you are afraid you might throw one. Start now. Of course you need someone else to yell at you it is hard to yell at yourself. I am here anytime and there is always email. You can do this.<BR>{{HUGS}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>