I don't think there really is such a thing but if there was, I suffer greatly from it. My H is living in our family home, he bought me out. He has custody of the kids. I'm the one with visitation. I thought it was best that way. I didn't feel like I could provide them emotional or financial stability. H was ordered by family court to pay me in excess of $2K per month! I am shocked that it was so high, but I have a very synical side of me that says, "well, he was the adulterer, so this is his punishment". But, on the other hand, when I think about it logically, it really seems unfair. I guess I could have offered to reduce that amount he's paying, but I didn't. I doubt I will.<P>I have been extremely depressed, angry, etc. I have started up doing the very same thing that got me in trouble before, I have started calling Mia up and hanging up on her. At her work, at her home, on her cell phone. Everywhere. I know there's nothing to be gained by my actions, but I can't stop how much I hate her. I know alot of you heard all my story of how she appologized to me and broke of their affair. And she did. It was my H who (after) filing for divorce from me, sought her out again. I know they are seeing each other now, and I feel as sick about it today, as I did way back in December of 1998. I'm rambling on and this actually sounds so pathetic. <P>I thought the pain would eventually subside. Does it?

No.

Gee, thanks Nellie, that's sortof what I thought.

I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I just wish that all those people hadn't told me a year ago that it gets easier. If I had never had any hope, then maybe I would be used to the pain by now. I wish I had been prepared from the beginning that it would get worse, that my H would get more and more cruel. I wish I had never had any hope.<P>Although people will probably tell you to stop torturing yourself by contacting the OW, I don't think it makes any difference. I have never seen the OW, and the only time I talk to her is on those extremely rare occasions when I have to contact my H or my kids when they are at her house. I have certainly never had a conversation with her. And not having any contact with her doesn't hurt any less. Sometimes I wish that I had called and told her off at the very beginning. It couldn't have made things any worse.

Hi TL,<P>I'm sorry about how you are feeling. I can imagine that you are still pretty pissed off. I really don't blame you. I know that if I were in your situation, I would most likely feel the same way.<P>Although my H is with me, I still have a lot of resentment. It's already over a year later! I try very hard not to show it to him but I'm still as mad about it as when I first found out.<P>If I'm still mad about what happenned to me, I can't even imagine how much anger you must feel about Mia & your H.<P>I hope that someday you will find happiness and peace again.

TL,<BR>The pain never really goes away. It will subside with enough time. I still feel the pain from when my XGF left me which was a long time ago. It is even harder when you gave your everything for the relationship.<P>MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Oh TL,<P>Did you know that David got himself another OW in January? Slept with her and everything! <P>I'm hurt... but... I am leaving her alone, and you know why? Because I saw what the revenge factor did to <B>you</B>!! Please stop harrassing Mia. You can do it!!!! It only hurts you. I know how much it hurts that she's 'out there' and you're suffering alone, how your life is turned inside out, how if only she could pay just a bit of what you've paid... and she never can, now can she? <P>Sweetheart, do yourself a favor. Leave her alone. I'm very afraid you're gonna have a nervous breakdown. STOP. The pain never goes away, but how you handle it can. Okay?<P>~Sheryl (and I read this just because it's YOU. I don't post much any more!)

Thanks to all of you who still respond with kindness and encouragement even when I act as irrational as I do. <P>And Sheryl, I really do think that I'm bordering on a nervous breakdown. One that I'm bringing upon myself. Maybe you could send me an email?<P>I just want to feel "normal" again. Whatever that is. I've forgotten.

TL, <P>I'd love to email... I lost all the addys when the puter crashed one day (before my new one)... so, can you send me one to nbeginning@yahoo.com ?? I'll reply, I promise!<P>We'll talk soon!