Not a big post tonight. <P>Finally got my H to admit an emotional affair with the "meaningful hug" woman at the church . <P>So, big whoop. What did I accomplish? Heck if I know.<P>We've been talking about making up an expectations list to see if we could even live up to what the other wants so that we can stay married. <P>Ah, shoot, I don't know. <P>Add me to the list of unhappy campers around here lately. And I thought I was doing better. Go figure.<P>~Sheryl<BR> <BR> <P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

HI Sheryl,<BR> Sorry you're sad tonight. When did THIS happen? Awhile ago or recently? <BR> I guess it hurts either way but....<P> All I can do is give you a hug and a prayer. GOD BLESS, FRANK

Hey - I'm not the only one up!<P>I thought you were kinda sorta happy, too.<P>And, my dear friend, what does it matter in the long run. Except that you've made him take a big step toward more honesty. And that's a good thing.<P>Lots of love and hugs for you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{Sheryl}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

new_beginning -- I'm so sorry that you had to be proven correct in your suspicions. I know it hurts.<P>Hugs and prayers<P>God Bless

Since August, Frank, but nothing happened except that he fell in love with her.<P>I spoke of her in several posts, maybe before you got here. <P>This is why I was dead-set against him going to that particular church. He wasn't going to see Jesus, he was going to get a smile from her... or hopefully, in his mind, another hug.<P><P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

Hey, thanks Lori and ES...<P>Yeah, this is one time I hated being right. But, you know, I did <B>know</B> even if he didn't realize it.<P><P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

I should be sleeping. <P>That's one more big thing that you've gotten out in the open, so now you two can work on it.<P>How's he feeling about it now?<P>Lori

Lori,<P>In a word: beaten.<P>Is that good?

Yuck - well, not exactly what I was hoping for, but.......<P>Time to look for that renewed strength you always seem to have hidden somewhere. Don't really know how you do it.<P>I am glad that you guys are talking. Now, maybe you can get to some solutions???? A new plan of action????<P>Lori

Hey Sheryl,<BR> I think it WAS before I landed here. I wish I had gotten her in August!<BR> Was that when you were seeing OM? He may have just been TRYING to retaliate (no love though !! hang the hat on that!!)<BR> I know you know that I know that we know it's tough!! BUT.... maybe lori's right. It's good to "get it out" THEN try and see what's left. MAYBE, this is what has held HIM back. "Will she love me IF i tell her this too?????? Or will she cry on OM's shoulder?? HUH? Maybe?? <BR> FRANK

Hey Frank, gotta make this quick because my daughter is chompin at the bit to get on the computer...<P>My affair ended in June. But, of course, there was the contact still because of working together. My H is very confused. I gave him a card that said "who loves you?" on the front and "me" on the inside. He's like: what does this mean? I'm gonna take this card to my friend to explain what it means. I don't get it. <P>There you have it. Mass confusion. But I love him, he loves me. Just pain and more pain all around. <P>I am getting rather <B>sick</B> of it though.<P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

Hang in there, Sheryl. It's one more step, one more day.<P>I'll talk to you tomorrow.<P>Lori

Sheryl-<P>We all sure trudge through a lot os S@IT- don't we??<P>You need to step back, breathe deeply and try and not be so hard on yourself or him.<P>You said it yourself- I love him- He loves me. Hey, it's a great place to start.<P>You two need to figure out a way to "Divorce" the OLD marriage and start over the right way.<P>Like Lori said, One step at a time- and sometimes they are just wee steps- but steps none the less.<P>Hang in there. I'm pulling for you guys.<P>Cheryl

Update: He came home and brought me a card. He's trying. Then he said he came here (to MB) to see if I'd posted about him but couldn't find anything (obviously before I actually had, it was late when this thread began). As always, he's embarrassed about me telling anyone he'd get all hot and heavy about a hug. I do want to make something abundantly clear: his feelings for the church woman were NOT reciprocated. One of those, "you're married and I can't" things. Give her some credit there. <P>I don't know, guys. I know that we have had our ups and downs (almost an understatement, but I don't know how to explain higher ups or lower downs) but things feel terrible right now. It's the same, only worse. Does that make sense? I have this gawd-awful headache, it's Friday, which means I have to deal with OM next week (I WANT ANOTHER JOB THAT EVEN PAYS ME 2/3 OF WHAT I MAKE NOW, have been keeping my eyes open. On that front, however, if my H and I actually do divorce, I need all the money I can get and would hate to leave my job in that case. Very confusing, just like everything else in my life). <P>As an overall picture (going global now ) things are better. Less chaotic. Just painful. I am so trying to hang on, and so close to letting go.<P>Love you guys.<P>~Sheryl <P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

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Sheryl,<P>I think we need a National Brain Rest Day! Wanna vote yes????<P>You really need to read the book about action-reaction cycle between H and W - The Solo Partner by Phil Deluca. I think it might be what is typified by you and your H. Couldn't hurt! Also, Michelle Weiner-Davis in divorce busting I think talks about the differences in expectations. I think that would be a good place for you guys to start. <P>Somehow, like me and my H, you guys seem to keep doing modifications of the same old cycle of interactions here - got to find a way to break this vicious cycle that is only making you dizzy!<P>Thinking of you and still looking for you to give me some feedabck on myself. Remember - I can't see MYSELF!!! Need you and eveyone else to help me....<P>Desiree<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey sweetheart, I did answer on your post... go check it out...<P>Okay, so I'm not very wise today... but I am there for you too!!<P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

You really sound down and out. Perhaps due to job situation and fact you know for a fact he had feelings for this particular person. Bottom line is you guys still love each other and are still living with one another. I know it's hard to let go of the past and constant interaction with OM at work isn't helping you either. <P>No advice ... I just see that he's really trying but you aren't ready yet to really try. If that's the case and its wearing you down so, maybe a controlled seperation with scheduled time together is what you need. Not an advocate for separation -- I regret moving out to a degree, but I was getting physically sick from the constant stress and conflicting feelings. Just know I'm thinking of you.

Janie,<P>Thank you for caring and responding. <P>One thing: we both (my H and I) are in the same place; neither of us knows if we want to try or not. Believe me, I've been more than ready to try, and have been for months, and he has too... just never at the same time, it seems! <P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

Sher,<P>Hey, we're both going through some ruff sh*t right now aren't we? Ah, the joys of life. You know that old Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times. Sheesh!<P>Wouldn't be interesting if someone made a movie about the MB forum? Could make a lot of bucks! Or maybe a daytime soap.<P>later,<BR>--andy