I have many things to be thankful about. One of the main reasons is my oldest D. She turns 18, on the 26. She is an honor student, a band student, works to buy her own gas for her car, is very responsible, does not do drugs, alcohol and does not smoke.<P>My other 2 kids are great too.....<P>But I am thinking back 18 years ago tonight I was in the hospital giving birth to her. I almost lost her at 4 1/2 months because of a cyst and I had to have surgery.<P>This time I was in the hospital only 7 1/2 months along and was giving birth to her. My H and I was told that she probably would only weight 2 pounds and be in the hospital for 3 to 4 months. Then they wisk me down to induce my labor to have her.<P>What a miracle she was. She was born 4 lbs 13 oz (though she lost down to 4lbs 3 oz). She was and still is beautiful.<P>As I sit here and remember all this, I feel joy, but I cry because we were a family then. My H was my H and he was a real father. He got to hold her first and feed her, her first bottle. We were so in love, and so ready to start our family.<P>My youngest D celebrates her birthday next week, and I am sure that I will again have the same feelings.<P>I guess I should be thrilled that H gave me plenty of money to buy her a great gift and is coming to BBQ for her friends at her party. It is too bad that my family will not be there, they feel they cannot come because H will be here. My D is very sad about this.<P>These are the hardest days for me. I just want to cry and cry. I wonder what could I have done to prevent this from happening to us. I thought along with every one else we were perfect for each other.<P>I would give anything to be back in the hospital giving birth to her again and starting over....

my3kids,<BR> Sounds like you have some great kids to be thankful for.I,too,wish I could go back and do things differently(like in"Groundhog Day"),but maybe it wouldn't of made a difference.We can't change the past,but just have to be thankful for what we have now.I've learned that people do change over the years(thank God,I haven't!),and some people seem to build up more resentment than others.Perhaps that is what happened with our spouses.I remember after we were married,our friends called us"The Lovebirds".Now I wonder how we came so far the other direction.But that is the woman I'll always love,not the woman she is today.Acceptance of all this is a hard pill to swallow.When you and I were younger,we never dreamed this could happen,right?All we can do is let time do it's work.Take care of yourself. --Murph

I am so sorry...many times I have wondered and felt like you....oh, to turn back time. I will feel just like you in about a week. Stbx walked out the day before our 9 year olds birthday. It is a day her and I will always remember. Our 7 year old will be celebrating a few weeks after that. My stbx gets them both on their birthdays,,,said it was his oer visitation guidelines. Yuk....told the girls if their mom would have been nicer that maybe he would have worked something out for them....but that they and I could just forget about it. He also warned them that he would take all of their presents back if they don't behave. So nice....<BR>Nancy

Thanks Murph....<BR>Yes, I am sure we both did not think our S we married, would do this to us. My SIL and I was talking about that yesterday. Sometimes I cannot believe this is really happening to me.<BR>But you are right, my kids are great. Truthfully if I did not have them to keep me grounded, I do not know what kind of shape I would be in.<BR>You are right, My H has changed. I did not think he would throw his morals, ect out the window.<BR>But I do have a lot to be thankful about. <BR>You are also right in saying that the S we married is the one we will always love. Not this person they turned in to.<P>Mental......<BR>Thanks for posting. You have been through so much more than me. Even though my H wants his freedom, he is still supporting us financially and we are going to try to D as friends.<BR>Birthdays, holidays things like that are hard on me. I wish they were hard on him and he could feel my pain.<P>Guys wish me luck today. H is coming in from out of town, to BBQ for us for D birtday party. I have to look at him all day, knowing that he was probably with some gal last night.<BR>

(((((((((((Becky))))))))))<P>I truly hope you have a wonderful day with your D.<P>Many prayers for the strength you will need today. <P>But on a positive note, it is going to be a Wonderful day outside!!!<P>(((((((Becky))))))))<P>Cat