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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,062
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I received the following email from G who needs our assistance. I told her I would post her email minus her name and email address. I have already responded in an email that I sent her. <P>Everyone give her the wonderful advice that we always give.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>> Hi Professorg,<BR>><BR>> I cannot post on the site because my employers do not let me but I<BR>> am interested in finding out how to rekindle the love.<BR>><BR>> I know what works, I know what doesn't work.<BR>><BR>> However, how can one go from verbal abuse and criticism, to<BR>> intimacy and love??????????<BR>><BR>> My H out of the blue said the other week, I think we are wrong for<BR>> each other. You want to do things your way, I want to do things<BR>> my way. Maybe we should split.<BR>><BR>> Then in the next few days that followed he said "I think we should<BR>> move from this house."<BR>><BR>> We put the house on the market. What worries me is that the<BR>> problems of the last 7 years haven't gone.<BR>><BR>> I am looking for what is normal. My H works very long hours. He<BR>> is going bald at 29 years old and feels tired. He has imflamation<BR>> in his chest and was told its because of the stress and not eating.<BR>><BR>> Our sex life is scarce to say the least.<BR>><BR>> My H can be fine for weeks and then like yesterday he yelled.<BR>> "Why is there **** on my chair". He put the books there himself.<BR>><BR>> I made a big mistake and fought back. I should have left the room<BR>> and ignored him.<BR>><BR>> I know his moods are about him. I am done with analysising. I<BR>> know there are things I have to accept that I can't change must<BR>> accept.<BR>><BR>> How though can I get through to my H.<BR>><BR>> Last night we were watching a soap opera, one of the actors said<BR>> "We've been together 6 years and what now, we don't have a loving<BR>> relationship, we just exist. Why bother?"<BR>><BR>> I didn't know what to say. My H said "You see, maybe we are like<BR>> them on the tv. Maybe its the way life is. After 6 years life is<BR>> boring and tiresome."<BR>><BR>> What do you think, do you think that after 6 years life should be<BR>> boring and tiresome????????<BR>><BR>> Maybe you could do me a favour and ask other marriagebuilder<BR>> members and post their replies to me.<BR>><BR>> Sorry I can't chat in the forum, but hopefully you won't mind e-<BR>> mailing me.<BR>><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Joined: Jun 1999
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Hi G, <P>I certianly hope some ladies will chime in. It's difficult for the men on this board to understand the mindset that your husband is in. <P>I will offer a few tidbits:<P>I've know my wife for 21 years. Sure there are dark tiimes in marriage. That is expected in any marriage. The real test is to recognize those times and correct the problems and get back on course. Otherwise, you're destined to become a member of this forum and you don't want that. <P>A good book to start with is "How One of You And Bring The Two Of You Together" by Susan Page. I will also suggest you read Harley's "His Needs, Her Needs". <P>Your first step is to figure out what your husband's needs are. The difficult thing will be supplying those needs when he isn't interested in meeting yours. But, if you're willing to shelf your needs for a while (maybe a long while), you can become that lady that your husband fell in love with a long time ago. <P>Most men love admiration, affection, sex, and recreational companionship. I think you need to work on building up your husband's self esteem. See if he's willing to date again. Look your best for him. Initiate sex (I know this will be tough for you since he isn't meeting your needs - but, in the process tell him what gets you excited). Stop watching soap operas and get out and do things together; especially things you've never done before. Tell him you appreciate him and be specific. Touch goes a long way too. A hug when he goes to work. A gentle touch on the shoulder when you say thank you. <P>Treat him like you would be treated and see if he responds. Don't give up hope. Read all you can about improving your relationship. <P>Best wishes, <P>SHA<P> <P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.


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