H denies it, but he brought OW to our new house before i moved in. The place is still getting some finishing touches, so the painter was here, and told me he did NOT like this b!tchy goldigger. the painter also told me that H told everyone he had me sent to jail last week, that he gave me a million bucks and was sending me to his condo in hawaii, and that he was definitely with this OW. (the OW thing happened months ago, and everyone looks at me weird, like, "poor girl, married to this rich old jerk...") <BR>All the same workers are around, building the house next door, and we are just the rumor of the year. they all feel really sorry for me, because they can tell H is such a bragging liar.<BR>I had to come here to keep from LB'ing. i feel like im gonna burst.<BR>I don't want my life to be some kind of terrible soap opera...and now i don't know what to think of how H is acting. is it real? did she dump him? why does he still want to divorce me? could he just be ACTING all the withdrawal symptoms?<BR>im so confused...<BR>im calm, though, i won't do anything dramatic.<BR>ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

oh well, too late. i kinda sorta lost it, now he wont tell me the truth.<BR>stupid me.

lWb,<P>I'm not too good on advice today but I just wanted to let you know that I read this and I wanted to give you a big <BR>(((((((HUG)))))))<BR>I thought you could use one.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Oh LWB -<P>What happened? How exactly did you "lose it" and why do you feel he won't tell you the truth?<P>C'mon out and tell us, maybe we can help fix it.....<P>Rumors are other people's way of spicing up their own lives.....don't put too much of your resolve aside because of this kind of thing. So what if H did some grandiose bragging....it will be shown for exactly that in the long run and hopefully will aid in H's waking from the "fantasy" he had going on.<P>It is what YOU want for YOUR life that matters.....that is what you are working for. There is no "shame" in that and quite frankly, if all these people concentrated on their own lives they wouldn't have time to think they know so much about yours!!!<P>The truth always comes out one way or another....it would be nice for it to come from H, but think about how hard that will be for him....especially if such ridiculousness is part of it and he has to realize it about himself.<P>Time.....and safe love from you will bring about the hard truth about himself. He has to get strong enough to face it first.<P>So, talk.....we will see what we can help you with.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

Perspective has a lot to do with everything! I get caught up in the "how does THAT make me look" thing and want to stand up for my self-esteem. However I choose to do that only leads me further away from my H though. <P>If you want to make this work, you have to put other people's views, your hurt feelings, and the past behind you. You have to see the big picture, and that is, what have you done that you can change? How can you understand the things that drove him to do what he did (no excuses are good enough, I know, but you have to do this if you want to heal) and how can you forgive him?<P>I know that is kind of vague, so I will use my situation for an example. I sat around waiting for my H to crawl on his knees and beg forgiveness. Nothing less was acceptable. What I didn't realize was that my behavior contributed to him feeling rejected and alone and it was too big of a risk for him to make alone. When I went to him and said, "I was stubborn. I expected you to do all the crawling when I didn't see that you needed to trust me a little first. I am willing to meet you half way. Is it too late to change this?" You never saw a happier man! Once that was done, he started making HUGE strides to commit. <P>I guess what I am trying to say is, if I had let all that other junk get in the way, we never could have had a chance. The OW, neighbors, inlaws, or anybody else don't matter. they are not living your life. Their judgments can't make you happy, but they can make you unhappy if you let them. So don't let them.

Oh, lwb, you're not supposed to post and then lose it!!!! You gotta WAIT for us!!<P>Like Sheba said, what's happening?<P>Oh, and IMHO, to heck with the gossip!!<P>Lori

Thanks, sheba, you are so wise...<BR>well, i just "lost it" by sort of angrily asking him and accusing him of bringing her here, and he would not answer either way, because he thinks either answer will start a fight (if he did, it's bad, if he didn't, i'll accuse him of lying, he says). anyway, i apologized as fast as i could after, but it did some damage.<BR>another thing...he told me tuesday that he had an "obligation" on saturday night. no details. and he would find a babysitter if im not home from work on time. well, all day yesterday that ate me up, and that is why i lost it so fast after the rumors. i LB'd about THAT, too, but mostly i was crying. still, he did not tell me what it was, and i didn't ask. <BR>and about H's grandiose bragging....yeah, it's pretty obvious he is. if he had a million bucks to pay me off, then WE WOULD HAVE FURNITURE!!!! also, would i be working at Target on the weekends, or would i be traveling or shopping or taking college classes? Our house is HUGE and it sticks out, and we have no neighbors but the cows, and the mortgage is as much as his income, and he works from 5am to 8pm most days, and all my friends are an hour away...<BR>H has been diagnosed, and jimi hendrix sang the truth: "Manic depression is a frustratin' mess"<BR>ok, i feel better now.<BR>mitzi, i really appreciated the hug! thanks.