Well, 6 months post discovery (of what I'm stillunsure other than intense EA with (manipulating) coworker) H moved out (I asked him to leave) 3 months ago.. Found MB the same day.<P>H has really come out of the fog. He has been in therapy for 4 months. Told me he is sorry, says problem is in him. Is going to go to counseling with our eldest D (11) who is quite depressed (she wants to know what happened....did we ever fight...how could her father leave us....didn't he love us...)<P><BR>H still works with obsessive, manipulating, over the edge, OP. (she is married with kids. Her H has given me most of my info)<P>H started reaching back out to family and close friends in the past week. He wants us to go to counseling, although he seemed negative in the way he brought it up...<P>"just in case, worse case scenario, we get D...we need to talk nicely to each other"<P>He called me (mothers day) to check on me and came over (he was away for weekend to see his family) after he flew home to see the kids... He asked me if Mother's Day was OK for me (he had tears in his eyes) . He always made it so special for me.....<P>S's BD is this month. He asked me if I wanted him to come to his BD party.<P>What gives here?? Am I giving mixed signals? I am telling him I want to work on our marraige...I tell him i miss him, (I guess I haven't told him I love him..but I am afraid to) I hug him. I will ask him to stay...he has done so on a few occasions.<P>Can anyone read between the lines and give me advice??

Sounds to me like the fantasy is dwindling a little and the grass ain't so green on the other side!!!<P><BR>J W

I have to agree. He's starting to see things as they really are. Don't expect everything to change for the better overnight. It's going to take some time. Keep being positive and letting him know you are there for him. He needs to be reminded of the good life (his family) he is missing.<P>Good Luck!!<P>------------------<BR>Molli

Well, in my opinion, I do believe he is starting to see the light. I bet he has many sleepless night just thinking about what he has done to you and his kids. I think with the counseling he is going to, it has helped him realize just how precious it is to have a family and how lucky he was with you..<P>He might be having a hard time facing you because of all the guilt he feels. I would recommend just taking it one day at a time and see where it goes. <P>It is so hard but at least you see positive signs. I still see nothing. Yesterday was mothers day and you would have thought my h would call me just because I am the mother of his children but no, no call. He did call at night to speak tp the kids and I overheard their convesations a little. HE was asking them what we did all day. My kids told him that I took them to the fields to hit baseballs. He then must of ask them what was mommy doing when you guys were pitching and hitting because my son said Oh she was calling balls and strikes. <P>You see this was an activity we used to do as a family together so maybe it got to him a little. He did send 3 little I mean little plants home on Saturday with the boys and they said Oh Dad bought these for you for Mothers day. He would not come give them to me himself. (( I am convinced he bought them out of guilt since I had written him a note expressing my disappointment at him not acknowledging Valentines Day, My birthday. Our Anniversary and Easter. <P>I will never understand. Part of me thinks that OW has a real hold on him and he needs to account for his every moment.<P>You have hope. I really hope one day I can say that.....

Somehow I just cleared my whole note to you. Starting over:<P>Between the lines messages are positive. That he's in counseling and realizes he needs to work on himself is excellent! Slow and steady. This EA and you asking H to move out may prove to be a blessing in disguise to your marriage. <P>Are you also getting help, reading Harley's books? I just started Give and Take, because we are in real bad shape. Though normally I read like a comet, I need to stop and let each paragraph sink in. It is very profound.<P>Lucky for you you found the Boards right away. It took me months - I was a walking nut case, barely functioning. <P>It's still too early to tell with our situation. I didn't have the guts to force a separation, which may delay reparations but nobody can predict the future.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

jwillY and molli, Yes, I think the fantasy is fading. I remind myself "baby steps".<P>I think my own anger sets in as the shock of "what did I do?" "what is wrong with Me" starts to dissipate....I've gotten stronger.<P>Missy, I'm so sorry your h is in such a state. Believe me, I was there with the unbelievable "cosmic" connection fantasy.<BR>I don't know which direction my H and I will go in, but I do know that the grandiosity of his fantasy is gone. He is now taking responsibility for some of the damage....particularly with regards to the kids.<P>Bellvue, thanks for your response. Yes, I am also in counseling. I was completely blown away...My h basically told me he loved me every day...called me "mommy", was very involved with the kids....began to do some big projects here, planned trips for this summer, and then went on a long business trip with the Op (who was apparently ecstatic to go according to her H) and came home a different, cold, mean man and distant father.<P>I have also read the MB books and counseled with sharley. It has all been very helpful. I did not find this site or MB until the day I ushered my H out the door. I didn't really know or understand what was going on, but he was so weird...like he was on drugs, and so cold to the kids I didn't want him here.<P>I told him from the beginning I was not stopping him from doing what he wanted to do. I said it then, I mean it now. <P>I don't want a h who thinks he has found nirvana with another relationship. I am willing to hear what he has to say and work on the relationship. But I also won't settle for listening to a laundry list of complaints. In the beginning of this he said so many vague things to me I told him he might as well say it's because my hair and eyes are brown. <P>The damage caused to my children, who so believed in and trusted their dad was a bad side effect to having him leave .(I'll never forget my 11 y.o. D's reaction that day. She sobbed, cried, begged, hyperventilated, asked why...and all she got was that cold "possessed" stare and an "i don't know" but this is the way it is...it isn't fair"<P>On the other hand, I am glad I ushered him out.....I wouldn't have, and don't want someone here that doesn't want to be. <P>Having said all of that, I am nice to him. I think I am just being myself. (the one he doesn't really remember!!!!)