My H keeps denying for the most part anything is happening with OP coworker who he went on a 10 day trip overseas with and came back possessed and moved out...<P><BR>Like anyone would believe that it was not due to her....Everyone is shocked. They saw us together, they saw himwith the kids....<P>Anyway, neither here nor there///<P>Everyone involved (family) knows he is depressed...and taking it out on us (me and kids) It is hard to hear the changing reasons that he had to leave me and the kids.......<P>The OP moved out (put out an ultamatum). Apparently she is tired of his procrastination... (so her H says....yes there is sickness all around)<P>Now my H has a real dilemma. He has to decide... He looks terrible again... He looks "possessed" he isn't sleeping (ain't love grand???)<P>Now he can just wait I guess until summer and I leave for most of it, at which time he can continue to deny and just keep working with her and having tons of conversations. (although with me not in the picture he wouldn't have too much to complain about would he....there conversations would start to get pretty routine......their trip....work.....NO ME....them??????<P><BR>Anyway, her H has been calling me with details..(yes I got caller ID to screen finally). But He tells me she is giving him ahard time....not talking to him....<P>IN plan A if you are being a friend do you say..."Im so sorry that OP is giving you such a hard time....is there anything I can do"?????or something to that effect.<P><BR>Is there any way to bring reality to these deniers without putting the guilt on which makes them retreat???????

tootrusting,<P>To your first question... about being a friend to the OW's H...<BR>I think God would look down at you and smile if you did... <BR>I'm smiling at you too!<BR>Comforting the sorrowing...<BR>...isn't anything to be ashamed of.<P>As far as your second question...<BR>..."bringing in reality"...<BR>guilt can make them retreat...<BR>guilt can lift the fog...<BR>removing the guilt can bring them back...<BR>removing the guilt can enable the affair...<P>The hard part is that you won't know what effect either has...<BR>...and we usually guess wrong.<P>In those situations... don't beat yourself up on any decision you make...<BR>...let His will lead you. <P>Jim