I've been thinking about calling om's wife for a couple days now and tonite I did it.<P>My stbx told her girl friend that omw was in denial, but she is anything but that. She said she is tired of all his lying and his lack of trying during their reconcilation. She said when he came back he was crying and appologizing and pleading for a second chance so she gave him one. I told her at least she got that.I never got any of that.<P>This woman was far from the basket case my stbx told me she was. She told me some interesting things about om's personality. She said he is very impatient, my stbx has no patience. She did say that he was so happy that their kids were grown and the last one was almost out of the house, I wonder how he'll handle a 12 and a 9 yo ? <P>She did say not to worry as he is not violent and was a good father. I guess that make me feel better(?). Nah, not really.<P>She also said she intends to make things as difficult as possible for him. She said he is not just going to walk off and not have to pay.<P>She said she had thought about calling me before and didn't know what to say. I said the same. She said to call her sometime again and maybe we could go out for a drink. <BR>I think I might just do that. I'm not looking for any type of revenge, but it is interesting to her her side of the story.<P> <p>[This message has been edited by RWD (edited December 05, 1999).]

RWD -- All I can say is, wow!!!! I wonder what kind of match that is with two impatient people? Be careful about going for that drink. I would, but be careful just the same.<P>All in all, I would say it doesn't sound very promising for stbx and OM does it?? Does it really surprise you that OM's W isn't how she was portrayed to your W? Shouldn't really....Anyway, keep us posted....

Do you think this will help you or set you further back with things?????<P>or did you do it so someone else would hurt like you???<P>No offense<P>My W new OM is going thru a D also. I dont have know way of getting intouch with him or her. My W keeps her caller id cleaned up.<P>My W too has no patience with our 2 kids 4yrs, and 4month. He also has 2 kids 6&4yrs. I dont think she caould handle 4 kids<BR>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P><p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited December 05, 1999).]

OK Bob,<P>You win the "Finally got Medic to shut up award". This one has me going AAAHHHHHHHHH. No one in the last 39 years got me to be quite.<P>Just wanted to let you know I'm in your corner Pal. We WILL survive!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P><BR>

Medic -- I didn't know that such an award was to be had or I would have tried harder!! Of course, there isn't much that could beat this!!!<P>And RWD, Medic is right, we WILL survive(God, I wish Gloria Gaynor hadn't recorded that song!!)

H-P,<BR>Yes, I will be careful. I have no wishes to do what my stbx is doing.<BR>I have to admit that yes, I am somewhat suprised, I guess I had always believed stbx before.<BR>Yea, it doesn't look very promising for them. His w said he has lots of health problems. I told her my stbx never would even take off work for her kids and that I was the sickest I have been in about 18 yrs this spring(was in bed for 3 days) and she never took off work or missed out on anything she normally did. She got mad because I was laying around so much. And the woman is a nurse. His w just laughed.<P>Brown,<BR>No offense. After what I have gone thru, nothing anybody says can hurt me. <BR>I really did it to shut Medic up !!!(LOL)<BR>No, I didn't do it so someone else would hurt. I would never want someone else to hurt like I have/am (ok, stbx and om could use some pain). This woman has suffered as least according to my stbx. She told me that his w threated suicide when he left her the first time and again if they were divorced. She said nothing about that to me. She did admit she had some bad times, so I may ask her about it. I orignally thought that she did not know that he and my stbx were ack together, but now I think she knew before I did. He pretty much told her everything. My stbx never told me anything.<BR>As for a set back or a help, do you mean for my attempt for saving my marriage or for me personally ?<P>Medic,<BR>What can I say ? I guess all this counseling has taught me to say what I feel. I just decided to go for it. The first thing I told her was that she didn't have to talk to me, and she said she guessed we should have talked along time ago.<BR>I still don't think it would have done any good. I'm convinced my stbx simply wanted out of marriage and rode the affair horse to get out. Then she found herself alone, got scared and has now taken om back. She really has no friends other than om, another guy at work, and girlfriend who she is p###ing off and will probably lose as long as she stays with om.<P>

HP,<P>NB just E-mailed me. Gloria Gaynor is not real either! I only have the Easter Bunny to worry about.<P><BR>RWD,<P>The one thing that I have learned here and by watching "Animal House" is that it's not over until we say it's over! Hey, was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? HE!! NO! This is not over until I am dead for two years, and then I might just have to reconsider.<P>For real, try to be her friend. I have made so much progress in the last few days. You get more flies with honey than, well you know you what.<P>They have to LIKE us before they can LOVE us.

RWD - whoa!! You've got me speechless to, just like Medic (who, btw, made me laugh my butt off!)<P>You'll be careful. I know that. Do you at least FEEL better now?<P>Lori

Lori,<BR>Yes,I do feel better. It really happened last night when I was at my friend's. It was so much like a family and I had a great time that it lifted me out of my depression that I've been battling for the past 2-3 weeks. <P>Also today, I had nursey duty at church and this little girl came up to me and wanted held. She fell asleep and when I tried to put her down, she clung to me. It felt so good to be wanted.( It wasn't that much fun changing the poopy diaper that came later!)<P>I got down thsi afternoon, though ,because I took my d to her mothers and of course om was there. I heard d telling her friends that Mike would be at her mothers place and one of them asked who that was and she said her mothers boyfriend(ouch!).<BR>I guess I wanted to know that she was concerned about her marriage and wasn't just doing nothing.<P>Medic,<BR>I'm afraid I have to disagree with you this time. I think the Germans kicked a homerun at Pearl Harbor in the third period to end this game. She just wants out!<P>Bob

RWD,<BR> That's interesting that you've talked to OM's W. My OM's W called me and we have become good friends helping each other deal with this waiting for the fantasy to end. It's good to know the WHOLE story without the lies. <BR> BE CAREFUL OF ONE THING THOUGH!!!<BR>Whne my W finally found out I was talking to OM's W SHE FLIPPED!! This was the FIRST fight we had in the 3 months she's been gone!!<P> She was mad because THEY thought we were conspiring (sp?) against them.<P> We figured though that they were mad that we found out that NEITHER one of us (me or OM's W) are the MONSTERS our SP made us out to be to EACH OTHER!!!<BR> OM's W was SHOCKED that I wasn't a MONSTER.<BR> Long story but she and my W were kind of friends and then W started to SNEAK over to see OM when she wasn't in their office.<P> She over heard MANY a converation between OM and W about me and how ABUSIVE I was (LIES) Although the "inside info" is good (and hurtful sometimes) Just be careful!! If they find out W will have another thing to b e MAD ( ) about!! Frank

Hi RWD,<P>Wait, wait, wait. I swear what I'm going to tell you is a true story.<P>My friend's H left her for OW. Friend was so sick of the lying that she called OW's H to verify facts. They met for a drink and...they found out that they enjoyed each other's company more than... well you get the idea.<BR>My friend has been happily married to her (now follow this) exH's OW's H for three years now and is happier than ever before. Kids are all happier, money is better, etc. As for her ex and his OW, they are misrable. Their children don't want anything to do with them. They fight, drink and really have had a hard time making things work out. <P>Your thread sort of reminded me of this crazy story. Sort of shows you that ANYTHNG is possable.<P>Thanks for listening.

I'm glad that you spoke with OM's W. At least, you are getting more facts. However, I don't think it is a good idea to meet this OM's wife for a drink. At this point, you are vulnerable and she's vulnerable. Please don't place yourself in a situation where something you don't want, might happen. Hang in there....