I cried all the way home from work and almost cried all day at work. I got home to a note from H saying he will be home late. Its the first time he left a note telling me anything. I don't know if that is good or bad.<P> I just want to be held, I don't think I can take this anymore. I feel like such a failure at this marriage. <BR>Lora

I don't know, but it seems that he was considerate enough to leave the note...that sounds good.<P>Hang in there...whether the marriage makes it or not, YOU are not a failure!!! You cannot be married by yourself, and you cannot control your H (darn it all)...all you can do is take care of yourself.<P>Big Hugs--<P>Kathi

Hey Lora,<BR> Hang in there.About the note,maybe he's feeling guilty.Don't feel like a failure.If that's the case,there's a lot of failures out there(myself included).Look at the lousy divorce rate.There's not much commitment anymore.<BR>My folks have been married for over 50 years.They fought,disagreed,nagged each other,but never used the word"divorce".I don't know if we really did anything that wrong,but it seems there isn't much tolerance or acceptance(being happy with what you have)in marriages today.<BR> But we have to maintain our self-respect,and not allow anyone to walk all over us.You can make it.You will find a strength in you that you didn't know was there.Trust me,been there,done that.Take care of you,OK? --Murph

Thanks Kathi,<BR> Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing that good a job with taking care of me.<P>Murph,<BR> Strenght huh? Tonight I wish my parents were alive, I would fly home and feel loved by someone. Where can you get unconditional love these days? Only my cat, and shes napping right now.<BR>Lora

Lora,<P>I too feel at times that I have failed!<P>What helps me stay up is the fact that I do know that I have done everything that I can possibly do!.......I have given my best!<P>I do feel for you!.....I am having one of my bad days!....... <BR>I feel as tho my H is jerking my emotions around and I don't know if I am coming or going!<BR>(don't need to bother w/my soap opera!....that will be for another thread)<P>Hang in there!<P>Gina<P>

<BR> Lora, please do not consider yourself a failure. You are willing to work on recovery the ball is in his court. It takes two to make a marriage work you plus him and you are <BR>ready for work. I am the betrayer; my wife never did any thing wrong; I made our marriage fail, but now we are working togeather and we are growing stronger each day. Hang in and God bless you, GWM

Lora,<BR>You are doing good job at this.You have lasted so much longer than I did at plan A.<BR>Praying and thinking of you.bethn

Hi Lora -<P>What brought on the crying day? Anything specific or just one of those when it catches up to ya?<P>I remember the times when all I wanted was a hug.....just a simple HUG!!! That's why I always sign with Hugs..we all need them!!!!<P>What's with the feeling like a failure thoughts? Is that self -esteem issues or just sadness that he isn't coming around yet? Or are you not doing your best with your goals for plan A? <P>Talk about that a bit.......<P>As far as the note - I think that that is wonderful!!! A good plan A'er would thank him tomorrow for his considerate thought to leave it for you so you wouldn't worry!!!!! <P>Remember that it is important to show respect and love even when not receiving it right now. <P>I know it stinks, but this is how we grow for ourselves also, so it's not like you are not getting ANYTHING out of having to be in this nightmare.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>PS - Did you ever give him a letter?<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited May 31, 2000).]

Lora,<BR> Unconditional love?<BR> Probably from your cat or my dog.<BR> I don't know if unconditional love really exists when it comes to people.I think most people are judgemental,or critical by nature.<BR> Sure glad my dog loves me(but that's probably because he knows I'm the one who feeds him).<BR> I hope you feel better tomorrow.<BR> --Murph

Gina,<BR> I just feel like I didn't give it my best til this crisis came up, and now I'm not sure if I can make up for past bad behavoir.<P>Lost,<BR> Good for you, I would love to get to work on things. <P>Beth, How did you get on here? Did you bet another computer? Good to see you, brightened my day.<P>Sheba,<BR> That time of the month may be making me more emotional than usual. But I guess looking at my part in this and taking responsibilty for my part is getting to me too. I was working on the life stratagy book and faceing things about myself. Shoot, I already feel bad about myself in a general way and now i have to look at specifics too?<P>The letter... well, I thought I needed to look at it in a day or so, then our power was off for a day, then I had to work and maybe I am a chicken too. I meant to look at it again tomorrow.<P> Murphy,<BR> Ya, Id settle for conditional love or even a little bit of like right now. My cat came and sat on my lap though so I do feel better.<BR>Lora<p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited May 31, 2000).]

Ooooooh, You're doing the Life Strategy Book? Good for you!!!<P>Don't get down on yourself, Lora!!<P>We all have our shortcomings....you are no better and no worse!!!<P>How you can make it better is to learn about yourself and the needed changes and then do something about them!!!<P>That's what is so bad nowadays...nobody admits to being imperfect, let alone make any attempts to be better. It is much easier to just move on to something or someone who doesn't know that we aren't wonderful!!!!!<P>You are taking the right path in this Lora.....and you will come through this hell with a stronger, more secure YOU!!<P>You get an ATTAGIRL!!!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

Sheba,<P> Just tell me more about that easy part. Now where can I find those people that don't know I'm not wonderful? I want to go there!! LOL<BR>Lora