He called today to talk about the summer visitation. We got everything squared away for the 10 days he will have the girls.<P>Then he asks if he can talk to me about one more thing. I didn't answer, but he went ahead with his question.<P>He wanted to know why we were going through all of this. Said he doesn't want custody of the girls....said would pay me all "kinds" of money for child support. That all of this is just a waste of money blah blah blah. Said to call up my attorney and have him call his.<P>I didn't answer him on anything....I just kept quiet. The more silence I gave him...the more he talked.<P>The best part....I recorded the whole thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>And another good thing...he asked if I knew he got a new attorney. I didn't answer...he said...well I hated my other one...he was an a$$. I added...he is also an alcoholic.....had to bite my tongue ...wanted to say...just like you! Mentioned to him that I saw his old attorney parked at a bar every day last week. Also told him that my attorney talked to his old attorney and he had all kinds of stuff to say about him (my stbx) I think that freaked him out. Told him that his old attorney must not of liked him too much.<P>Well when I thought I had heard enough...I repeated the arrangements we had made with the girls and tried to get off the phone.<P>He said...you don't want to talk about this...do you? I did not answer...just repeated the arrangements again...very nicely I might add....and tried to say good bye again. He said...oh Nancy...why are we going through all of this.<P>Not sure what he meant...didn't care. Just told him to have a nice evening and said goodbye and hung up.<P>I DID IT!!!!!!! I was nice.....didn't cry.... didn't ask "him" why...I just handled myself so wonderfully. I am so proud of myself.<P>I called my attorney immediatley. He was happy to hear this. Should know something early next week. Now the court date for contempt he filed on me might be called off.<P>Nancy

Mental:<P>Rename yourself Mental Health...you're on your way. You did so well and I am thrilled you recorded the conversation. That was a brilliant manuever.<P>I don't know how you managed to keep your mouth shut. I would have said, "Why do YOU think we are doing this???" You certainly have a great deal of self control and I take my hat off to you.<P>Bravo<P>Catnip =^^=

Ooooooh, very interesting stuff going on here, huh?<P>Well, M - I am very proud of you also!!1<P>Big ATTAGIRL for you!!!!<P>Thanks to your smarts with the recording as well as your nutty H having a clear (?) moment....perhaps some of this hell (custody, evaluations, etc.) will end for you. I will keep on saying the prayers for that to be the case!!<P>Hopefully, your H will get some of the help he needs for himself...let him keep having these "thoughtful" moments!! It's good for him.<P>You just stay steady, let him bounce around with all this, but don't let that cause you to!!! Keep your eyes on the slow, steady and safe route, OK?<P>Love Ya and Big Hugs,<P>Sheba

Well Nancy...<P>I'm confused by your H...<BR>...not that <B>that</B> isn't normal though... <P>I hope he is serious...<BR>...and not playing <B>mean</B> mind games.<BR>...do keep the tape recorder on!<P>Prayers... <P>For dropping that "contempt charge"...<BR>For honesty from your H...<BR>For a very special woman...<BR>For her wonderful (yet hurting) kids...<P> <P>Jim

Nancy,<P>I am so glad you taped that conversation ! Good for you for keeping it together !<P>You are doing good !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Nancy,<BR> Your H sounds very confused.I wonder what's going through his head,second thoughts?<BR> Just wondered,if you record a phonecall without the other person's permission,isn't that illegal,or at least inadmissible in court?What's your lawyer say about that?<BR> I'm proud of the way you handled yourself!<P> --Murph

Yay, Nancy! I sure hope you heard the real him who will stick around for awhile!!!<P>Keep recording. Do NOT let your guard down by starting to volunteer too much info. I'm proud of you for being pleasant. <P>Laura

Wow, great no response Nancy! Keep that up!!! for your own mental health.<P>I find not talking to my H helps me greatly. He can't seem to understand the words I say anyway!!!!!<P>I pray this is some relief for your daughters.<BR>tt

be careful.<P>it would be wonderful if some of the fog were lifting....<P>but be careful....<P>type out the tape and send it to your attorney ASAP....<P>(((((((((((((((nancy))))))))))))<P>please change your screen name....it's really derogatory, especially since it's not true.<P><BR>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

Nancy - you did GREAT!!!!<P>I'm so very proud of you. I'll bet things are gonna start changing very soon.<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori

I'm trying guys. <P>The great thing is....even though I had to bite my tongue a few times, it wasn't that hard. I'm not being nice because I am plan Aing.....I am way over that. It is because I am sick and tired of his crap. Everything he says now just doesn't matter. It is all lies...that is what I am concerned about now....is this just another game? <P>About taping phone conversations......it is not illegal in the state of Indiana....just as long as one party is aware of the taping. (that would be me) If you are asked if it is being taped they have to tell you...but he didn't ask....so I didn't offer.<P>The tapes can be played in the court....but many judges will not listen to them unless there is something threatening or harassing on them. I just tape them to protect myself.<P>Now if he claims he never said that in a court...my attorney can ask him if he would like to listen to the tape. That is allowed.<P>You see, he has done this repeatedly.....threatening to take them away...then saying he has no intentions of taking them away. This has happened no less than a dozen times. If is very emotionally abusive....and leaves me frazzled for weeks when the threats happen.<P>He knows that the girls are the most important thing to me....and he uses them to get his way.<P>This is actually what he is doing right now. You see...I call my attorney...and something about the divorce gets settled. Now we are talking about me paying 1/2 the mortgage until the house sells. I do not have a problem with that....so he is not hurting me.<P>I do honestly believe the fog is lifting...but that won't change a thing. He has no intentions of coming back. And I have no intentions of taking him back without intensive counseling. The counseling is never going to happen, so my marriage can never be saved.<P>I beleive he really loves his children....but doesn't really know what love is. That is where he is confused. His anger is the biggest issue and he still can't control it.<P>I agree with Tootrusting....my stbx can't understand what I am trying to say either.....just kind of goes in one ear and out the other.....sort of like a child. Plus...I hear that voice....oh gosh...that voice that I remember....so nice and caring....but I think of it as all a game and it doesn't affect me as much. When trust isn't there.....you have a hard time thinking love.<P>Nancy

Very Good Job Nancy! I'm proud of you.<P>Doesn't it feel good to not participate in the craziness? To just let it roll off you and not effect you? <P>And the best part of this whole thing is he walked away from the conversation scratching his head. I guarantee you. <P>He's now wondering "what is she up to?"<P>Just a heads-up, your girls don't know you're taping him, do they? If so they may innocently mention it in their stay w/H. Just a thought. I'm always thinking.<P>Keep it up and God Bless you!<P>Jo

Jo,<BR>Yes they do know that he is being taped. After everything he says to them on the phone and them not being believed when they try to convey this stuff to the evaluators and their counselor....this is the only way that they feel confident that they are telling the truth. In fact my stbx, their dad, even tells them that they are liars and this has upset the girls so much...they know they are telling the truth but for some reason he is such a great story teller.<P>Jo, it is so sad that "we" have to do this.....but it is protecting all of us in the long run.<P>I don't tape all conversations between the girls and him....I want them to feel that they can have "private" conversations with their dad.....I only tape it if he calls back repeatedly and makes them cry.<P>But I tape all the conversations between him and I. I am glad too....because he is claiming I don't tell him things...keep things about the girls and their doctor appointments and school...but I have plenty of tapes to prove I call him...even if it is only leaving it on his voice mail.<P>I am covering my butt....maybe that is why he is backing down.....his lies are now coming back to bite him.<P>I am sure that my attorney has told his attorney that I have proof that I did make him aware of these things....so maybe she told him that he better have his proof...and since he doesn't.....<P>Well who knows...he keeps me second guessing....well not always....because I agree with you...he is probably scratching his head wondering what just happened.<P>I don't like games....but I'm learning that maybe a taste of his own medicine is just what the doctor ordered.<P>Nancy

I can't wait until this is all over with. It is sad that I can't wait until I am divorced...never thought I would say that. But this has been so trying...so hard...so hurtful....and I can't wait to just start fresh...be myself again.