I have been married for four years. I love my wife more than anything on the earth but getting her to see that has been very difficult for me.<BR> About a year after we got married we both became physically abusive towards each other. It was me first who just out of now where hit her. I have never been the type of guy to do this to a women. In fact, before we got married we discused physical abusive and I reassured her that I would never hit a women. Especially hit her. But for some reason it happened, and it came from now where. I know some people sterotype the wife beater, and I didn't just sit there and beat here over and over again. It happened a few times and most of the time I would hit her and feel so bad I would leave yelling. It would always be a hit or a push and even somtimes holding her down on the bed by her throat. This has totaly blown my self esteem and trust in myself. After a few physicall fights we split up and both got counseling as well as me getting anger counseling. <BR> After being seperated for 8 months we got back together. That was about two years ago. Ever since, I don't think she has ever looked at me the same or even been in love with me. I have no doubt in my mind that she loves me but I know that she is not in love with me. <BR> After two years of no romence and constent reminders of what I had done to her our marriage was looking better. But all the sudden out of the blue I hit here in her face on night. It came to her and I as a shock. Nothing had happened like this in over two years. <BR> Now I am further back than I started. I am not a bad person. Like I said at the beginning I love her more that anything in the world. I hate myself and what I have done to her. I know I can do better and I think she knows I can too. This last incident was because we were both drunk. I wasn't alcoholic to begin with but I drank more than I should. It has been a month and I haven't drank since that night. We are split up but see each other every day. We have a child that we both love dearly.<BR> I don't know what to do. I hope someone has some advice that will help me. I do not want a divorce. I can't even imagine myself without her and our son. We have been through alot of bad times and in most cases prevailed. I have broken my own heart and more importantly the heart of the women I love.<P>Please Help me!!!!!!<P>Jason Malone<P><P>------------------<BR>

I think that it is good that you recognize that you have a problem. The second thing you need to do is get help or anger management classes. You say that it came from no where. That is WRONG! Physical Violence ALWAYS comes from somewhere. Resentment and anger towards your wife that you have never addressed or maybe it's anger from your past that you have never dealt with. You need to find out where this anger is coming from and why it is that you get so angry that you feel the answer is to hit your wife. Good Luck and keep posting here.

I really agree with trying to forgive. Counseling and anger management will help. <P>I am so sorry that you are going through this. Is your wife still in counseling?? Do you go to marraige counseling???

I am so glad you recognize there is a problem and want to deal with it. Please do look into counseling and anger management. <P>Hang in there...just the fact that you are here says a lot about you. <P>Kathi

<BR>Thanks for replying to my post. I understand what you said about abuse<BR>coming from somewhere. But I don't think you understood what I said about<BR>it not. When I hit her it's not like I think about it or even want to. One<BR>minute we were fighting and the next thing I knew I had hit her. Could you expand or maybe help explain this to me.<P>Jason Malone<P>Reply <P><P>------------------<BR>

Maxx,<P>This may be long so please bear with me. I'm going to give you a little background info on me and my H. <P>My H was VERY abusive to me. He started hitting me 2 months after we got married, when I was 8 months pregnant. One particular incident was really bad. He lost it. He beat me until the whole right side of my face was bruised and swollen. My hair had been pulled out, my mouth was busted, even my ear was bruised. The next morning, he told me he was sorry and didn't remember doing it. He was drunk at the time. He stopped for 10 months and then did almost the same exact thing. He didn't remember doing it. He was drunk again. We are now getting a divorce.<P>It's very possible that this first occured between you and your wife because of the alcohol. If you're not drinking anymore and it still happens, there is something else wrong. You really need to continue counseling if you've stopped. Usually each time it happens, it gets worse. It did in my case and in so many others that I've seen. You also need an anger management counselor. Please don't be afraid to get help!<P>Good luck to you!<P>Mitzi

Hi Maxx,<P>Good for you for addressing a problem. <P>I think people are right when they say that the anger and agressiveness comes from somewhere, and I believe you when you say it seems to come from nowhere.<P>It does come from somewhere Maxx, maybe somewhere long ago, maybe someone you barely remember, but it comes from somewhere. Try to find the source for your wife, your child, for yourself.<P>Take care