I just came back from lunch and saw XOM on the road passing by me again. This time it's getting to me. I don't know if it's because how I've been feeling lately or what. I've been doing so well not contacting (almost 3 mos.!), but it's taking EVERY SINGLE part of my body and soul not to call him. I want to so badly! I'm not going to, but I'm struggling very, very badly. My hurt is literally hurting right now. I don't know what my problem is! HELP!!! <P><p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 20, 2000).]

Hi Momma,<P>We're with you. You can do it. PRAY. I'm praying for you. I KNOW it is very hard. Take a minute at a time - you can. You are not alone!

Thank you, Sifted. Please keep praying for me, I'm about to hop on that fence that I've been staying off. I'm so serious, my heart literally hurts, right now, literally. What is wrong w/me? I almost feel like I'm having an anxiety attack or something. ????

Momma,<P>Can you talk to your husband right now? Can he be supportive in that way?<P>Dear Lord, <P>Fill all the empty, lonely places in Momma right now. Fill her up with your love, comfort and care. You understand all of her feelings. Supply what she needs at this very moment. Give her encouragement and strength, self-control and a sober mind. Let her feel Your love right now. Thank you, Lord.

Momma,<P>I prayed that too. Can your husband help?

Thank you, Sifted!!!! No, I cannot talk to my H about this. He wouldn't understand. He just doesn't "get it" when it comes to this subject. That awful pain in my chest is easing, though. I think I can surpass this. Thank you for your prayers, you are wonderful. I think sometimes that's the only way I can make it through (is w/prayer). This time was BAD. I don't know why, just piling up I guess. I'm still so close to that fence, but I'm fighting it!! Thank you for being here!! I thank God that I found MB!!!!<p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 20, 2000).]

<BR>Thanks, Schizzo!!!!!!!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 20, 2000).]

momma:<P>My prayers are with you! Keeping posting and keep busy.<P>Bighope

Thanks to all of you! I'm going to keep posting and stay busy like you said Bighope!!!! <BR>

Oh Momma... I feel your anguish....<BR>I'm praying for you too! Come on, Girl, you've been so strong. <P>We're here for you! I'm so glad you wrote to your "girls" before you weakened! See, you are wise! <P>I felt that same weakness last night, and came here to post instead! <BR>

Thank you, Wings!!! I need all the help I can get! I'm glad I came here first, too! I came directly from my vehicle in here and got online immediately! My wisest move, yet. But, I can't guarantee that I'm still not going to call him, though I promise I'm trying my hardest. It's taking everything I've got to not do it. For the time being, I think I can get past it. Please keep up your encouragements, you "girls" are wonderful!!!! <P>How long did it take for your urge to pass last night, Wings?<p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 20, 2000).]

momma:<P>How are you doing?<P>Bighope

I'm doing okay, Bighope. I'm still hanging in here! I think it's passed. Thank goodness! I haven't called, I'm not going to, and I'm not dwelling on it. Sounds like a better idea, huh?! Thanks for checking on me. You guys are such help!!!

wow....<BR>I just found this sight and am only stepping into your situation just now, but from reading the correspondence...I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!<BR>It is so very hard!! I know that God "in" us is stronger than are weaknesses and that he will help you through!!<BR>I am praying too!<BR>

Mathteacher,<P>Thanks for your concern! It feels so good when you can related to someone. You are so right about God being stronger than our weaknesses. We just have to be able to allow God to help us. He does help me through, when I let Him. I think that's how I got past this one, praying, and all of you praying for me, really worked! I just have to put it in His hands, because mine just flub it up!! But, it doesn't mean that it's not hard, because it is VERY hard at times!! Thanks, again! Keep coming here, there's a ton of support and understanding here!

Hi again, Momma...<BR>Remember that song, "Momma said there would be days like this" well, I guess it's true for each one of us at different times. <BR>I think some days we are just going to struggle more. <P>Last night, when I felt the urge to respond to a message OM had left me on Friday, I simply prayed, jumped on this forum and distracted myself with all of the encouraging advice from you, Sifted, and the others.... I had to remember that, like you said in one of your posts, if I go and reply, then I'm back at "square 1" again. I want to move on not keep going back. So I'm proud of you, Momma!<P>Sometimes when I feel really weak, I just write a fictitious email and then don't send it. I delete it and the overwhelming feeling passes...kind of like writing in a journal, that helps too! But at least you know we're here for each other! That's been such a blessing for me! Thanks! This gang is so great! <p>[This message has been edited by wings (edited June 20, 2000).]

momma,<BR>I am going to say something that will seem way out-a-line, so forgive me. I have spent a time reading the posts that you had on the other thread "Hi wings". I have just opened it so I read the whole thing kind of all in one sitting. I believe that you have talked yourself into this feeling you are experiencing, the desire for the xom. In reading your other thread I started to get the feeling that you guys were putting your OM up on pedestals. Saying things like you were connecting with them, you were not sure if your H had it in them to be able to connect, settle for and all that stuff. With all that talk it would be easy to start walking down that path. Not just for you but for anyone..... If I am mad at someone and I have time to "stew" on it, I tend to get even more upset. I think it works the same as when I am missing someone and all i do is point out the good things, I think I would miss them even more....<BR>Please believe me, this is not a flame job, just something to think about maybe....<BR>Michael

mkn,<P>I appreciate your words. In my own case I know what I have been feeling for a long time, "pre-OM". It isn't easy to admit that you are struggling with (an absence of) feelings towards your spouse. As I shared before, I felt it was even somehow "wrong" that I didn't have those feelings. In the past I didn't share that with anyone else, except my husband. It seemed disrespectful to do so. <P>I think there are others in my situation and that is what we are sharing back and forth here. They are really just honest feelings being shared - admitting feelings we do have. It helps to be honest like that.<P>I do agree we shouldn't only be dwelling on all the good things about the OP (and I don't think we are doing that for the most part). I just see it as people opening what is in their hearts in an "anonymous" place like this board - for support, encouragement, understanding and help.<P>With all that in mind I was thinking earlier it might be good to start a thread about "what we like most about our spouses". It is true that what we dwell on really influences how we feel/behave.

By the way, Momma - <P>I admire your self-control today!! I know that was VERY hard. I'm doing pretty good right now, but I know those times will come. I hope I will be as strong as you were.

mkn, I read and re-read your post. I don't think you're out of line, any point of view is something to think about. I wasn't trying to sound melodramatic, if that's what you were thinking. My pain was genuine whether it was necessary or not. Even though it may have sounded pathetic. <P>I do agree with you somewhat. I think it bothered me so much seeing XOM today, because I have been dwelling on it/him. I don't think I was "talking myself into it", but I do think it was worse because we were discussing OM so much. I don't want you (or anyone else) to think we are putting OM on a pedestal, because we're not. It reminds me of when my H would get mad at me, because he thought I was defending OM, when I really wasn't--he just didn't understand (or I didn't communicate properly) what I was saying. <P>But you're right, it is easy to start down that path, especially when everyone else is dealing w/it, too. There's a kind of kindred spirit between us women here sharing our feelings being the betrayer and dealing w/OM. We're really just trying to help each other and express what we're going through, so that we can get through this.<P>I didn't think you were flaming, thanks for your input. It does kinda give another perspective.<p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 20, 2000).]