My H keeps telling me how the OW and her clan tell him he belongs w/them and not me. They tell him because he has a son w/OW that it was meant to be and it's not right he stay married or with me. H fuels their fire by telling them how unhappy he is and how the marriage is dead.<P>So everytime I get into this subject with my H he says how "EVERYONE" says the right thing to do is be with OW. That we are a mistake. That they were meant to be, fate.<P>To hear those words cuts like a sharp hot knive. I'm starting to think that they are all right and I'm wrong and don't belong. I'm starting to believe my H needs them as a family as opposed to me who is just one person. I'm starting to believe I'm a mistake, and they may have something very special as a family. I can't give my H a family, I lovingly accepted his OC into our home, but I'm not their bio-mother, a much sronger tie.<P>Are they right?<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR><BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

Oh, Jo, I'm feeling for you. NO, they are NOT right. I have a child by OM, but my H is the only father he has! They're just trying to convince your H to be w/OW. I tried to convince myself, too, that I was meant to be w/XOM because it was "fate" since we had a child together. However, I also have 2 other children w/H. That's a little different than your situation, but it doesn't matter. He's YOUR H right now, not hers. You CAN give your H a family. Your family is YOU and HIM, right? That's a family. <P>It is not "fate" that brought them together, it was an affair, which we all know is based on lies, hurt and deception. It took me awhile to realize that myself in my situation. I really thought, because of the circumstances that it was fate that I be w/OM. But it wasn't. It was a distraction, an obstacle that had to be overcome. <P>I'm so sorry for what you're going through, Jo. You are such a wonderful person, and you've been through so much. You truly are "Resilient", even when you don't feel like it. My heart goes out to you. Please don't ever think that you're the one that doesn't belong, because they are SO wrong! <P>{{{{{Jo}}}}} Keep your chin up!<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by momma (edited June 21, 2000).]

This topic was somewhat brought up a couple of months ago, maybe you should read some of the posts, particularly the one by "stilltrying".<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000323.html" TARGET=_blank>UltimateBB.com</A><p>[This message has been edited by F A (edited June 21, 2000).]

F A,<BR>The reply by StillTrying is the best summation I've ever seen of what is "fantasy". Thanks for the link.<P>Resilient,<P>Even if it was YOUR whole family telling you that, what difference does that make? While I do have kids with my h, I have no close relatives.<P>You have been doing so good, girl!<P>The question is still, do YOU still want the marriage? Then set your face like a flint, be strong. Did you read Lostva's story she posted recently on Missy's thread? She did a great Plan A and they are doing very well.<P>It may be better to try not talking about any of this when you're with him.<P>

When so many people seem to be of the same mind, it is sometimes hard to think that the lone dissenter could be wrong. But where would European Jews be if that were true? Resisting the "group mind" is a hard thing to do. Especially if belonging to that group is somehow rewarding.<P>It takes a tremendously strong person to break away from that. Especially when facing the person they've wronged means facing themselves and the bad they've done. Your H doesn't have to feel bad about having an OC in an environment that nurtures and supports it. <P>No, you are not wrong. Just remember the Holocaust. Which side do you want to be on? I think it's much more rewarding to be right and ridiculed... but we must each make our own choices.