Or, am I in love w/my marriage? Or, are they one and the same? <P>When I first found out about my W's affair, all I wanted was to have her back. I couldn't imagine living without her, and I couldn't imagine anyone replacing her. Part of our problem was that I had become complacent and had taken her for granted. As a result I didn't show her the love and appreciation that she needed. After d-day, (sorry that's what it took), I rediscovered the "in love" feelings and desire that I probably had all along, but had gotten misplaced somewhere with getting married, buying a house, and having a baby.<P>A couple of months after d-day, I asked her to move out as I couldn't stand to live with her while she continued her affair. It was the hardest thing, I think, either of us ever did. Looking back, it was probably a mistake as well. I still wanted her back, but only if she wanted to be with me. I didn't want her to come back only for our S, or the dogs, or the security; it had to be for me. After a while, I finally realized that there was nothing I could do about her. I could only control myself (lesson 1
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).<P>As I continued to concentrate more on myself, I also separated emotionally from my W. The good news is that the emotional rollercoaster smoothed out, the bad news is that I am starting to question my motives. <P>I have reached a point where I don't need her to come back. This is good. I am a stronger person, and, I hope, more attractive to my W because of it. I have relearned how to pay all the bills and balance the checkbook. I have learned how to keep the house clean, and how to take care of my S by myself. <P>What I have also learned is that if I maintain some distance in my relationships, I won't get hurt. While this might be acceptable for a specific situation, it is not good as a general rule. <P>Do the betrayed spouses have to go through a rediscovery process similar to the WS falling in love again? Is this all it is, or is this, perhaps, something I need to explore more closely to make sure I don't go back to my marriage for the wrong reasons?<P>A little help please.<P>Steve