How long will it take for my boyfriend (30) of 5 months to emotionally divorce his wife who cheated on him a year ago and be able to be in our relationship 100% They still communicate daily because they have 3 children together. I am 28 have never been married and have no children of my own. The relationship they have is making me insecure in our relationship. Should I get out now?

Welcome <B>regional</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM)... <I>that would be you</I>.<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB). So from this introduction you can tell we are more interested in serving the needs of your boyfriend and his wife... That is <B>not</B> to say we can't offer good constructive comments to you as well!<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! Self building for the OP is equally as important as to the married couple! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley.<BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A>. There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>Even for the OP!!!<P>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness... read on the posts to find why.<P>Post... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... they to will give you their honest perspective too. <P>Again... I emphasis... this site is for <B>marriage building</B>...<P>From the discussions(posts/replies)... you will eventually see that the take here is that your relationship with your boyfriend will probably not last. Don't feel that the advice here is to hurt you... it's here to bring some realism into what you may be feeling in your relationship.<P>Best wishes...<P>Jim

Regional,<P>Is your boyfriend divorced from his wife yet? If not, you may be in a bad situation.<P>You also may want to have your boyfriend review some of the information on this site. He might want to read Dr. Harley's book on Surviving an Affair. It's important that he understand why his wife's affair occurred and what part he may have played in it. If he doesn't he could carry the same problems or habits from his old relationship into your relationship. <P>Good luck.

Regional,<BR>In the various counseling I have gone thru because of a simliar situation your boyfriend went thru, they have both told me to wait anywhere from 1-2 yrs before starting a relationship. <P>In the state of emotion I'm in now, I can't even imagine dating anyone as I can't imagine I'd be much fun as I have a lot of emotional baggage now. I will need time to heal that. I would think your boyfriend would too.<P>The question is are you willing to wait, is he really planning to divorce or is he using you to get even, or just as a diversion and wants to get back with his wife ?<P>Sorry to be so hard but I don't want you to rush into anything.