There was a letter in Ann Landers' column today, in which a betrayed wife said that her H confessed to cheating one time, although she later found hotel bills that indicated that he had been cheating for 4 years. Her H refuses to tell her the name of the OW.<P>What gets my goat is that Ann Landers told her that she should let it drop and get professional help if she couldn't get past it. Ann Landers even indicated that her H's refusal to identify the OW means that he may ahve some "integrity" after all. <P>I'm firing off a letter to Ann right now!!!!<BR>This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen her write!! Heck! From what I understand, she didn't even fight for her OWN marriage!!

I read that column too and it also made me sick. Here's her email address. I responded also..<P>annlanders@creators.com

Hi Friends,<P>Ditto what both of you had to say! I was flabbergasted when I read Ann Landers. Does this mean she doesn't know "everything" after all? LOL<P>I can't wait to see all the crap she will get for this mistake <P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

I just had another thought......................<P>How about we send Ann Landers to appear on the Oprah show with Dr. Phil McGraw?<P>That would be one well watched show <P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Ticked me off, too. And to think that half of America actually relies on Ann's advice. People actually write to her to help make life and death decisions.<P>But then again, I am wondering if one has a secret lover, and the relationship ends uneventfully and with a confession, as in the column, how many WOULD actually give the name of the lover? Would it help to give it, or hinder?

I've already mailed the letter.<P>Nerlycrzy, thanks for the e-mail address. I may also e-mail my letter to her in the morning.<P>Bernzini, when my H finally admitted the fling with STD Tramp, he tried to tell me that he didn't know the woman's name...that he paid a prostitute. I didn't believe him, and two days later, I finally told him that if he was protecting some slut from me, he had his priorities all screwed up. I also told him that I NEVER wanted to be in the position of chatting socially with some whore who was sitting there thinking, "Tee, hee, hee! I screwed your husband!" Sadly, though, I believe I have been in that position at least 3 times! AAARGGGH!!!! <P>Anyway, he finally told me that I would never be in that position because she's dead. I told him that if he knew she was dead, then he knew her name. Turns out that it was the aunt of a couple of kids I was babysitting at the time. GRRRRRR!!! And, I do believe that on one occasion, I saw her, and she grinned at me and said "Hi!" I never knew her, but I did get a friend to look up her picture in a yearbook and send it to me.

Admitted??? HAAA,,I coulda hung my H on a cross in the backyard and on the third day he would have STILL been denying. Everything I discovered was through my OWN efforts and investigating. Nothing voluntarily came from him.

I should be beat for saying this--but I think that Ann is a little old and tired. I read her column every day, and sometimes that's all I read. But I think that all too often anymore she gets called on the advice she gives people.

Incidently, my husband would have told me absolutely, positively nothing had I not found out the entire truth on my own. In fact, he is still trying to lie. It's awful, but I actually ask him questions that I already know the answer to, just to see if he'll lie. He does.<P>Her name was the first thing I found out. The fact that she was married was the second. Her face in a photograph was the third clue. And he initially did the reverse, tried to lie about not knowing whose pictures he had laying around the house and whose name and phone number he had written in his addressbook. Maybe I married a retard.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bernzini:<BR><B>Incidently, my husband would have told me absolutely, positively nothing had I not found out the entire truth on my own. In fact, he is still trying to lie. It's awful, but I actually ask him questions that I already know the answer to, just to see if he'll lie. He does.<P>Her name was the first thing I found out. The fact that she was married was the second. Her face in a photograph was the third clue. And he initially did the reverse, tried to lie about not knowing whose pictures he had laying around the house and whose name and phone number he had written in his addressbook. Maybe I married a retard.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Sweetpea, my dear, I just don't know what to say.<P>Once, okay. Twice, maybe. But again, and again and again, like the energizer bunny... This man must have something on his mind that he's not telling you.<P>And with someone that's got cooties.<P>I don't know. I think that if I had cheated and given my husband an STD, I would have been so overwrought with guilt for that one issue, setting aside the affair business, I couldn't even begin to beg for forgiveness. It's not fun and games anymore when you are infecting people with your own sins.<P>Did he apologize for that?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bernzini:<BR>[/B]Maybe I married a retard.<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It is strange you mentioned the word "retard." I actually began to think maybe my husband was too "slow" to realize I caught on to his MO. <P>I feel I'm in the same predicament with a co-worker of my husband's. On the nights he left home at 10:00p.m. and came back in the wee hours of the morning, I suspected he waited until her kids were in bed. Her live-in boyfriend worked nights. So he was no problem. My suspicion got started when he revealed an interest in socializing with a co-worker as if he'd known her and her friends all their lives. I told him he was interested in one of them and he just wanted to "put on the ritz" to impress them. <P>His rationale was that at least he asked me along. I said, "Yeah, that was to cover up why you really wanted to go in the first place! I don't care to become buddy-buddy with these people!"<P>He said, "You're never gonna trust me, again. So, why bother!" I reminded him it wasn't going to be easy. I told him he had to earn my trust again. He doesn't think he should have to go through the hassle.<P>Let's see...sixteen years of marriage...5 women that I know of...packed up and left...moved in with another woman and her children...and you don't have to earn my trust?<P>By the way, I never took Ann Lander's advice column seriously concerning marital problems.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

Hi ya'll,<BR> I'm pretty sure I've read that Ann Lander's (ex) H was a serial cheater (he died recently). Maybe that colors her views on the subject.......

The only reason my H finally admitted to the STD Tramp was because I had walked out on him after catching him sneaking up to Cafe <BR>Woman's restaurant at lunchtime (he had promised not to ever go there or be anywhere around her unless I was with him). He knew that I was at work alone and didn't think I'd close down to go check on him. I LB'd big time that day!! I called the restaurant, asking to speak to him, and the girl who answered the phone said that H said he'd call me from his truck (he knew darned well what I was calling about!!!) Anyway, he called me back, and I just said, "I hope you enjoyed your f*$#@g lunch!" and slammed down the phone. A few minutes later, he came to our business, and we started a rip-roaring fight. He was like..."Oh, yeah, you think I'm going to f%$# her right there in front of all those people!" I said, "No, but you know how I feel, and you could have made a DATE to f%$# her. You know how I feel about her and you totally disrespect my feelings". Blah, blah, blah! I was LIVID!!<P>Anyway, a customer came in, so I had to wait on the customer. H just said, "Well, I gotta go back to work" and left. Well, that did it!<P>I left him a letter, shut down the store, went home, packed my bags, and left. Actually, I drove 50 miles away, parked my car at the airport, rented a car, put on a disguise, and checked into a motel in our town. Two days later, I called him and he blurted out, "For God's sake! I cheated on you ONE TIME and you can't get over it!" I thanked him for finally telling me the truth and went home after I returned the rental car and retrieved my car.<P>He told me just enough to get me home and the only reason he told me the rest about THAT one was because he thought I'd leave again.<P>Oh, BTW, I was in Cafe Woman's restaurant yesterday (I go up there to get on her nerves ), and guess who waltzes in, heading straight for the "community table" in back where she sits when she's not busy? Yep! I was sitting at a booth (with my back to the door) with a mutual friend; H waltzes past, speaks to our friend, takes a couple more steps and then turns and sees me.<P>Then, this morning, H left, saying that he was going to check on a job across the state line. I left about 10 minutes later at 9:30 and made a quick run to the bank before going to see about some other business. Drove by the restaurant, and there sits his truck. No, I didn't stop and go in, but by the time I came back by, he had already gone. I have not said a word to him about his being there, and will not. I finally told him that I would no longer b**** at him if he went there without me...that I was going to try giving him a gift of trust. If he starts back up with her, so be it. It may be what he needs to do, as I think that the reason he acted like he was in withdrawal for so long was because I literally forced him to break it off. I do think he initially intended to just "cool it" with her for a while and then pick back up.<P>So, I'm back to being watchful.<BR>

No he's not a retard; he has a 160 IQ and he speaks Chinese, Korean, Greek and French fluently; he has a massive vocabulary, and when he discusses politics, I just smile and nod my head and agree with everything he says. Right over my head. He has his masters in linguistics.<P> But you know what they say about smart people, they have no common sense. He always forgets where he parks and if it weren't for me, he'd loose everything he owned. I have to dress him. When I met him, he was the guy wearing the button-up plaid shirt with the pocket-protector and $10 jeans, black socks and worn-out running shoes with holes. All mismatched colors. Messy hair. Messy apartment. He's a nerd with muscles and the face of Richard Gere. This is what all attracted me to him--he was beautiful, but in obvious need of a woman's touch. OW thought the same thing, too, and he was all too willing to be pampered by anyone, even a chick with cooties.<P>Actually, I married a human computer with a disproportionate sex-drive. <P>So, not a retard. But this doesn't excuse him.<P>I am mad at Ann. Maybe she has the "sour grapes" thing going on about marriage. She has always advocated "Ditch the jerk and move on" when it's obvious how many women love their jerks in the face of all the jerks do to us.

"For God's sake I cheated on you one time and you can't get over it?!!!!" Hmmmmmm. Like the chaplain was telling me, an affair is not like a dirty diaper. You can just roll it up and throw it in the trash.<P>Sweetpea, does seem like something's going on in his head that he doesn't tell you about.<P>Sounds like y'all need to pick up and move away from all truckstops, HA! The hamburgers there must be real good or else he wouldn't be down there everyday. Else he needs to start coming home for lunch.

How old is Ann Landers anyway? 90?

Pretty near 90, actually. I think she is in her mid-eighties. I am going to leave her alone, now. At least she is doing something constructive with herself, and I'm not, I have to admit.