Hey Meg,<P>Haven't seen to much of you since last thread regarding the good things that have come from the affair.<P>Just checking on you to see how you are. <P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

Hi Jo,<BR>Thanks for asking I was very surprised to see this thread And this is going to be long..<BR>I'm feeling down.. My feelings are fighting.. I'm very tired of whole thing. Now I'm in Plan B mode(I think you were there about a month ago or so??).<BR>I wish my H doesn't tell me he loves me blah blah blah, then maybe(just MAYBE) it will be more easy to forget. I want to move on, but at the same time I miss him.. but I don't want to go through this anymore. <BR>I feel very selfish because I want him to leave me alone completely then if I don't hear from him I get mad(please analyze this!! )<BR>I just realized that he always call me to see if he could see me when he has something to do in my area(although he said he tries to do things at the same time around my area when he sees me ), he just e-mails me when "I" e-mail him. I feel like I'm the only one doing this(I don't know what I'm doing).. So I decided not to contact(like Plan B but I didn't write him Plan B letter since I can't even tell him that till he breaks off with OW he shouldn't contact me.. I don't think I want to be with him..BUT I don't want him to be with OW!) Then I got a phonecall for my H(good timing huh?) and that was about his studio session so I had to contact so I e-mailed him last night. But I just told him he got a phonecall so he should check. and wrote take care that was it(I was mad). then he e-mailed me back(see, he only e-mails me when I do first) he said he was very busy(doing what I wonder) and he misses me very much and he wish to see me soon. Well for a second this made me feel good. But right after, I noticed he didn't put any I love you's nor xxx. Ok, he just misses me(to chat I guess). Yesterday I was cleaning my(our) e-mail box and I just found another "fooling around". Before this A he said he was fooling around with women(like kissing and necking). I know 2 of them but he said he did alot.. so I found one more woman(and once I talked to her on the phone!). I actually read his e-mail right after the incident and he was saying he was scared about intimacy.. (ok i have to take a deep breath now) I knew he was doing it(he told me after the d-day) but it was still hard. more harder things, people around him kinda helped him doing this. His booker knew this(she was there when this happened and I think she knows this person) and she was actually suggesting H to contact her. She was the one who gave him lift to OW, she was the one who went to see H when he was at OW's(and later she told me she didn't think OW was good for H because he thought OW was inmature!). I know this person(we met once and talked a couple of times). I was very hurt she knew it and she was doing these things.. I guess every person has different morality so I guess I shouldn't be judging but it's very hard I almost called her but this is a big LB to my H, so I didn't(why I care if I LB or not??? I don't want to be with him right?)<BR>This is what I want. I want him to break off with OW. I want him to realize what we had and what he is losing. I want him to get help. I want him to come to me and ask me if we can be together again..THEN I WANT TO SAY NO.<P>I shouldn't have done this(reading e-mails). I'm sure if he's in town and calls me I will see him and I don't think I will bring up this new find(doesn't matter.. he's just very very sick). Oh, but I will ask him to file for divorce. I want to be able to see anyone I want to without feeling guilty because I'm legally married even if I don't have any marriage life.<P>I feel sad and try to find something funny. I'm pretty ok, but I guess because of PMS right now it's a little hard.<P>I may sound bad but I'm fine. I just have a small weird feeling in my stomach(like butterfly.. but I'm not in love with anyone ).<P>Jo, thanks again for asking.. it's always great to find out someone cares. I read your thread about you session with Jennifer H, it was interesting most women can do plan A for only 3 weeks!! What are you going to do now?? Plan B? Let us know about it. Even if I'm not posting this boad is major part of my life right now so I'm reading.<P>Take care...and let's go through this wisely!<BR>Meg

Meg,<P>You mentioned your H was in a Studio, forgive me if I forgot, but what does he do for a living? And how long have you guys been separated?<P>Man oh man, did you ever strike a cord when you said ... right now you want your H to leave you alone but then when he does you get mad. THAT IS ME TOO! <P>I swear, I believe our H's have radar on us and know exactly when we're ready to give up or move on or call it quits. They also know when we are okay with them and that's when they "do their own thing" and we don't hear from them for a while. I truly believe they know us as good if not better than ourselves, maybe it's because we've been with them for so damn long.<P>I think I just may change the rules and adopt a new personality to adjust my soul. I think I'll try throwing him a curve, not so much to change the rules and our little dance but maybe to help myself out for a change. Afterall, isn't realizing you need to take care of yourself what Plan A is all about?<P>I'm not sure I'm going to Plan B but I am going to write the letter.<P>So sounds like you're getting the same crappola I'm getting, I love you and I miss you, but his actions are sadly short of those words, right? It can drive one over the edge if you let it. I try and filter but I'm still in training. <P>That woman who is a "friend" of your H has no morals, I'd be livid with her if I was you.<P>I'm so sorry for the emails you disovered, Meg. Try not let it drive you crazy. <P>And I have the same fantasy, I want my H to want me back and really ready to work on our relationship because he loves me and frears loosing me but then I dump his A**. But you know what ... I'm all talk, Ms. Big Britches!

Hi Joooo!<BR>Your post made me smile. Yeah, our Hs must have rader so they know when we are ok then they go out and have fun!! <P>My H plays in a band, they are doing pretty good and tour in the States alot. They usually play at festivals and schools.(at one of the festivals he met OW). But when he has spare time he does studio sessions(doesn't happen much).<P>My therapist said this, that when I don't hear from H I'm doing really good then as soon as I hear from him I get depressed(in the past). Maybe it's true, usually I don't hear from him I more focus on myself but when I hear from him I tend to think about "us".<P>But I'm doing much much better though. I'm happy about myself now and I can live without H(someday). Right now I'm almost doing that... I make a living and doing much better than H. Last year he was making good money and I had a part-time job, and I didn't have control over "his" money and he's really bad at saving and right after he told me about wanting a separation he got mad because he had $2000 short in the bank than he expected(he almost got mad at me!--then later I found out about his A and these money went for the bus tickets, gifts, etc I'm sure---I didn't even get a Christmas gift nor birthday gift from him..My birthday in January was the worst one I ever had. I wish I spent time alone... and he bought OW a phone card for Christmas and asked me how he could send it! What an a$$!)<P>Anyway...<BR>These are the past and I want to put them behind if I can. My H moved out at the end of April(d-day was in Feb... OH, do you know how I found out? This booker of his e-mailed and asked how she could reach him when he was supposed to be with her! Turned out she just sent bunch of e-mails she didn't send for a while and H was with her but when I read that I just started to look all of the e-mails(I was trusting too much and never questioned of him lying to me because I never lied to him). Then I found out about 2 weeks before(during the Valentine's day) he had to attend a convention and on the way back he went to see OW and spend V-Day together and he was asking his booker to give him a lift so they can play music together. I felt so damb! I actually forwarded e-mails from OW to H when he was away!! I felt I was helping their A.<BR>But if this didn't happend I'm sure he continued fooling around and I didn't know anything about it and I was unhappy not knowing why. So the position I'm in(like living on my own..) is pretty good thing which happened to me. No longer my life is depend on him. so maybe he needs to find someone who's needy.<P>I feel I'm too honest, because I can't play head games. I say things I feel, no lies. I even told him it wasn't cool for OW when he started to see me(after a mini plan B) and OW didn't know about it. our position reversed.. <P>Jill posted an article about MLC and it was really good one. I can't change him or force him to do anything. He has to hit a rock bottom and he has to seek for help himself. I'm not sure if I can be there when that happens.<P>Jo, what happened to the B-day gifts for your H? what words did you put for the watch? I remember someone wrote an e-mail to his H and she put "MAGIC" and seems OW saw it and LBed because she didn't know what that meant. So I can't wait to see what's going to happen(or did you post already about it somewhere??)<P>Thanks Jo, I feel much better now and I will be totally ok even if I don't hear from H for another week(so next weekend I will post a depressing thread )!<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited August 12, 2000).]

Meg, did you know my H is a musician too? AND my h also move out the end of April, April 29th at 3:30p. D day was in 1999', October. I Plan A'd him for almost 7 mos.<P>I think you and I must be twins or something!<P>H has been a musician for 29 years. But as of 3 weeks ago he landed a REAL, oh excuse me, DAY job with the City of Tacoma.<P>I'm hoping this will bring about some positive changes in him.<P>As far as the engraving of the watch, I'm having it done today, it will say "All my Love, Joanne (P & C).<P>I'm 2 days late in giing it to him but Oh well.<P>Yeah, my thearpist said the same thing, I do pretty good, not great, when I don't hear from my H and then when I do I get really really depressed. He plays mind games and manipulates me. I'm like you a straight forward kinda gal, black and white. And I believe I'm a realist. I say what I mean. My H is abstract, although I think he uses that term so he doesn't have to give staright answers, just in case he wants to lie.<P>What did the word "MAGIC" stand for, do you remember Meg?<P>Jo

Hi again!<BR>Jo, do you see the change in your H since he got a "real job"(hehehe I don't mind you said this )?? maybe it's too early to see but I'm sure this change of his job will cause something between your H and OW(can't wait to hear about it)..<BR>How are you going to give these gifts to your H?? Have you called him about it? When your H asks you about "P & C" are you going to tell him? "MAGIC" stands for "May all gods intentions cometrue". This is from Missy9's thread. you can search... it was in GQ forum(if you can't find it let me know I will find it!).<P><BR>You know, I never had confidence about myself.. I thought I was ok but nothing more than that.. now these thoughts are changing(in a good way). when I change I guess people around me change, too. a couple of days ago my co-worker told me that our manager and a son of our boss think I'm really really good(the work I do), but I just got this job in Feb, and right now I'm like a trainee so I wondered how they could think that?? So I said so to my co-worker, but I guess they see things when I don't realize. I also got a phonecall from a friend who needs my help and this guy knows tons of people and he knows I have a full time job but he still chose to call me for a work so these things show something... I really think when I need help God shows me something I need to see. I'm very greatful about it.<P>Jo, take care of yourself and let us know about B-day gifts and a session with Dr. H! I hardly wait to see your H(and OW)'s reaction!!!<P>Your twin sister ,<BR>Meg