Last night we sat down to read the book our counselor is making us read. Very psychological and very boring. I thought talking would help. I asked him how he felt when we moved here, and I had not wanted to leave my family. He was surprised at this news. It obviously did not register at the time; he was thinking about keeping his job at the time. If he did not move with the company, he would be out of a job.<P>I remained fairly unhappy about our move, still am 8 yrs later, and then his job changed. He traveled a bit. At first I was okay with it because it was very infrequent. BUT...at the counselor's last week he admitted to her that his"prmotion" a few years ago was really a different job than what he had been doing previously. He never discussed it with me or gave me any indication that I had any say with the future of our family. IF he had told me he was taking a job that required that much traveling, I would have said NOOO! My dad is a traveler and I never liked it. this "new" job took him from home more and more, then he met her. Now I really do not like that d**m job. <P>I blew up at him about it. I told him that I felt absolutely valuless in the marriage. He never consulted me on any major decisions, I wonder if he really thought it out himself. They offered him a company car in lew of a raise; his lease was up on his old car... <P>I suddenly realised that he had really not valued me as his partner and spouse for like five years. He made all the decisions and we just had to live with them. i had told him all along that I did not like his extensive travelling, his answer was, "I should be travelling more." He already is gone three weeks out of the month, four days of that week. Suddenly I felt like a roommate and Nanny and maid and boy, was I pi**ed. He left this marriage long before the A and he never gave me an opportunity to help change things. He still does not know what they are. Neither do I. <P>I cannot blow up at him again like that. I saw it in his face. That glazed look. LB all over the place. I still want this marriage, but there is a lot more to be repaired than I thought, and a lot has to be done by him! If he knows that he may just run. He does not handle pressure well. HELP!!!!!!

Hi Burned,<P>Wanted to bring this back to the top, as I saw you hadn't gotten replies of yet.<P>Just wanted you to know that your H sounds a lot like mine. Mine told me soon after seperation that he decided long ago not to deal with me. He put me "on a shelf" and kept me there for years. It made his life easier, and his affair easier if I was just out of his mind. Nice, huh?<P>I haven't had a ton of anger as of yet. Maybe it's just not me. It would almost be better if I could get angry, maybe some of the sadness would go away. I don't know how to tell you to rid yourself of the anger, but my lame suggestions are....prayer...and...exersize. These two things replenish my soul when I'm done for. MB helps too, but I tend to get addicted to this, so I'm trying to actually cut back.<P>It's wrong what your H has done to you. Very wrong, but I had to look at my situation to see that I was getting something out of it too. My H took good care of me. No, not emotionally, but in every other way. I never had to worry (much) about money, paying bills, car maintenance, yard care, squishing bugs, making vacation plans, and so many more other things. I had freinds that thought I was nuts to not have any idea about our financial picture...I would say to them, very smugly..."ignorance is bliss". That was my payback for staying in the dark. I wanted everyone to know just how well I was being taken care of. Boy, have I had to learn a new way of life.<P>Ok, this is too long and rambling, and I never really answered your questions. I guess venting here will get rid of some of your steam, and if you don't already...try walking. Really helps me.<P>allison