Okay, who messed up the General Questions Forum? <P>It was kinda fun to read a post from Steve though...wasn't sure he really existed .<P>Wanted to say hello to all of you and tell you that if you get a chance...get away for a few days all alone like I did. Boy, did that help. I went to a local resort (they're cheap here in the summer) for two nights, got a facial, massage, ate like a pig and watched lots of movies. Missed my family like crazy, but was ready to be a mom again when I got home.<P>I got a job today...yep, full time in a real estate office. No more SAHM status for me. I'm pretty proud that I got it, there is quite a bit of responsiblity with it and I am READY! I'm not sure I could have accomplished even this without all of you pumping me up.<P>Update on H...he stayed here with the kids while I was gone, and other than some skirmishes with them, it went pretty well. My 12yo son told him that he couldn't tell him what to do, because he didn't live here anymore...that really got to H. I still talk to H at least once a day, though I do not initiate the calls...in fact I seldom even answer my phone anymore...love caller ID. H had been bugging me to go with him and the kids to the lake to jet-ski today, so I went and we had a great time. He just left and kissed me goodbye and thanked me for going.<P>This is the same guy that asked me not to give up on him a few days ago, but I refuse to get excited about these things. He still does stuff like turns off his cell phone whenever he is with me and is planning on going to his high school reunion without me. No Way Baby am I putting all my eggs in THAT basket right now.<P>So, I'm fairly blase' around him and work on myself and try to be a good mom.<P>Wow! I sound almost sane today. LOL. <P>thinking and praying for you all...allison<P>

Welcome back...<P>...I know how good short vacations are for the soul...<P>...and I too will be getting a new job soon.<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

Allison,<BR> You sound GREAT,strong,confident,assured.....PlanA is doing it's job!Congratulations on your new job! It's just another thing that will make you feel good about yourself.I just know H is seeing all this confidence in you and wondering just what it was he let slip out of his hands Comments from the kids,like the one your son threw out there.....they have a huge impact on WS,at least they did on my H. It makes them see they are losing more than a spouse.It hurts to lose your children's respect.Keep up the good work!

Good post AZ. So happy to hear you sound strong. Your H seems to want to be a part time H and a part time bachelor. <P>Can I ask, have you ever been to his place? If so, what's it like? Is it setup with dishes and towels and all the trimings? My H's place was semi-functional but he tried to emmulate our home.<P>Using blue as the color scheme in the kitchen and putting all the kitchen items in the same place as ours.<P>He also tried to emmulate our master bathroom, tried copying everything I had done. It kinda freaked me out when I saw it.<P>H sent me another email, but I sent back the system generated msg that my email addy was no longer valid. Looks like he gets his cake but doesn't get to eat it too. For a term at least.<P>I'm taking this week off work. Cleaning the house and reorganizing everything. Needs it really bad. I haven't done a thing since the day H left, April 29th. Just been a slob.<P>I ordered a dumpster from the refuse/trash Co. and I'm gonna get rid of anything that doens't have a use. I feel a need to get really organized and simplify my life.<P>How did you feel when your H told you not to give up on him? Do you think he means it? It tells me there is hope for you two and he knows what he's going thru is temporary, a phase.<P>Allison, are you certain OW is outta the picture, if so, why is he turning off his cell when you're around?<P>Hope to hear back soon, Take care Allison.<P>Jo

Oh and BTW ...<P> C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !!! <P>You got it!! Great news Allison Jo, you should be so proud of yourself. Sounds like a good one too.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 19, 2000).]

Thanks for the replies folks...you all do keep me thinking.<P>NSR...a new job! That is so great. Are you going into a totally new field? I think you should be a counselor...you are so calming. How about an update on YOU...?<P>Mthrrbard...did I spell that right? Thank you. YOur posts are always so amazingly right-on. Yes, I'm afraid my children are losing respect for dad, and I know it hurts him, but I don't bad-mouth H. I just have to continue to be here for the kiddos. <P>Resilient...You sent back his e-mail? Without even opening it? That is huge. I don't think I could have done that, the curiosity would have killed me. About H's apartment...he has nothing there but a bed. His other furniture are an ice chest and a laundry basket. He did get a few plates from a freind, but refuses to take anything out of this house. I've offered dressers, dishes, ect, but he won't do it. Going to his apartment is kinda creepy though, and must really be for you since your H is decorating it just like your home. Now, that says something! Resilient, I just wonder what a shrink would do with that one...LOL. Your H wants all of the comforts of his real home, must miss you like crazy to even decorate in such a similar matter.<P>You know, I want to believe H about no contact with OW. But he is a helluva good liar and I have to protect myself right now. You are exactly right Resilient, he wants to be part-time husband and part-time bachelor. So, what is there for me to do, except go on with my life. I can't obsess over this constantly. The weird thing is, the better I get the more interested H gets. Yesterday at the lake I would wander off and sit alone, he would seek me out each time I did this and ask me a lot of questions about my get-away, about my new job...it's weird because for months...well years, he has had almost nothing to say to me...no interest in my life and I had to drag any conversation out of him. <P>So yeah, he's stuck in two worlds and HE has to choose which way to go. Guess most of the WS we talk about here are in the same boat. I'm glad I"m the betrayed in a way, I know what I want in life...don't have to go through all the questioning and wondering.<P>Cracks me up when you call me Allison Jo, that's what my family calls me. <P>This is getting so long, but just wanted to say that you are a brave soul Resilient (I know you get tired of hearing that). I think Plan B will work, heck it has already. Maybe your H is just so emotionally immature that he has to be slapped in the face with what he is going to lose. I mean, compare yourself to a woman who threatens to have another man come into her bedroom...jeez...what is he thinking. I have always thought in your case that it has more to do with OC than OW. That child is her big gun! Keep up with Plan B, and have fun cleaning out the house. Don't throw away anything that you'll regret though.<P>Ok, again I've had too much coffee this a.m.<P>Love to all...allison

Hi Allison,<P>Glad to hear your vacation was fun. My wife is taking a weekend off without us next month & I think it will be great for her. We don't seem to be making any progress, but she's at least participating a little in our sessions with Jennifer. She even started reading a little of His needs Her needs & we're going to do the EN questionaire tonight, so I'm a little hopeful that she wants to try. I took her 3 roses thursday & I think she liked them, but I'm still trying to balance between over and under doing it. I can't believe it's only been 2 weeks, seems like forever & I having a hard time remaining optimistic.<P>Anyhow, welcome back. I appreciated your feedback in the other forum and would like to hear from you if you have any suggestions.<P>Take care...<BR>Nick

Hey AZ! Nice to see you had a good time...did you head to the Biltmore, or somewhere out of town? This state has great places to get away. I like to head up to Slide Rock or Red Rock parks in Sedona. Great to just walk around and forget everything!<P>Glad to hear about the new job. It will give you a whole new thing to focus positive energy on. I just got a great book sent to me: "Attitude is Everything" by Keith Harrell. It's terrific motivational stuff.<P>Your H seems to be acting like my W. She only wants to be married when she needs some heavy lifting done! <P>She was told by her therapist to break off all contact with OM, and limit her contact with me. She hasn't done a very good job with the latter, so I suspect she's staying in touch with OM as well. <P>Maybe you could tell your H what I've told my W. Basically, I've told her that I DON'T expect her to come back to me. She's taking a couple of months worth of living on her own/therapy before she decides between me, OM, or neither. <P>So if I spend the next few months hoping she comes back and she doesn't, I'll be crushed all over again. If I assume its already over, and she doesn't come back, I won't be disappointed. So I told her I'm moving on with my life, looking at re-decorating the house the way I want it, etc. That seems to make her think about things a little harder every time she hears it.<P>I don't know if this would apply to your situation, but its something to consider!

Hey Cooker and CJack,<P>Thanks, my little vacation was wonderful. Cooker, it sounds to me like you are doing everyting right, and it sounds like your wife is responding...which is great! So glad you're talking to Jennifer. Wish my H would consent to therapy. So, bid her farewell on her trip. Tell her not to call you or worry about a thing, and hope to God she does some more great thinking.<BR>CJack. Hi fellow Zonie. I stayed at Camelback Inn. I'd never stayed there before and really liked the rustic feel of it, and the Spa there...wow. Love Sedona too, but worry about the water at Slide Rock...it's supposed to be pretty polluted. Sorry, didn't mean to wreck that experience for ya... .<P>I hope your wife will follow the therapists' advice. It is the only way to go. Like I said to Cooker, at least she'll go to therapy. That alone means she's trying to me. A lot of folks here have said they are sick of their WS saying they're "trying", but believe me...that's all I really need to hear to be encouraged.<P>I kind of have the same mindset as you about H not coming back. I have not told him that I don't expect him to, but must prepare myself for this possibility. Yes, it will hurt much less if we are prepared. HOpe that doesn't mess up our Plan A's.<P>Thanks for your input guys...I really do appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my post. <P>Let's all hang in there. We're gonna be ok...that much I know.<P>allison

Hi Allison,<BR>Yes she's working with me and that's very encouraging, but I suspect she may have developed an emotional attachment to someone else. Our son mentioned something to the effect the he didn't want the other person to be "his dad". As you can imagine, that just about ripped my heart out. It seems this person has been showing up with them at the beach when I'm working, or out of town. She says that there's nothing there, but I'm sure there must be some kind of emotion there because they like some similar things that she and I don't, and they are together in situations where I'm not around. This definitely adds a new dimension to the situation...<P>I think you are wise to plan for the worst and hope for the best. I'm beginning to feel that way too. Well, one day at a time. She says she wants to continue working with me so, that's a positive point. I'm sure there's someone out there in exactly the same situation, but it still feels lonely inside. Thanks for your input too, allison, it really helps to talk about it<P>Nick<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited August 21, 2000).]