You know my story. H comes home from mission trip in some other world sort of fused to OP.<P>Goes into the povery antimaterialism thing which is slowly changing back...got a TV.<P>He has told me he left because of"me" not OP, It's "who I am". But has told others he was unhappy and needed to change his life...and proceeds to talk about poverty. etc.<P>He is in counseling and we are not doing well...he is filing for D, talking about OP for life... expecting me to stay here so he can visit the kids when he wants. Seems to forget that this is a town that everyone knows me... like it's the normal thing to just leave your wife and kids in 6 months for someone else and I should just get on with my life here.<P>But what about the other things... The change in cloths... the change in food habits, books, music.... where does that come from??? He either doesn't remember or refuses to remember anything about this life.<P>He cooks things differently...like tomato sauce.. he now adds onions even though he hated them for 13 years!!!<P>Whenever he sees something here that was his idea..like keeping a notebook with clear pockets to save kids school awards and pix...he acts like he never heard of it before, but then goes to his apt and does the same thing (so the kids say)\<P>I would swear, that his soul has been replaced. It is just too weird for words.

Hey, TT!<P>You're up at this early hour too, huh ?<P>Mine did somewhat of the same thing. He's normally an 80's music lover, dresses in jeans or shorts and a t-shirt, hates nightclubs with a passion, etc. In the midst of his EA/PA last year, he bought a bunch of slacks and silk shirts, started listening to some rap, went out to nightclubs and danced (unheard of for him), started showing an interest in herbs and some witchcraft, weird things like that. And they wonder how we gals catch on that they're having an affair!<P>TT, the OP is an escape from reality. That's why our H's aren't themselves in the midst of an A. They make changes that appeal to the OP. It's exciting, because it's different. It's great for a while, because they feel free and unburdened (it's called denial, or the FOG).<P>But when they actually try to have the OP take the place of the spouse, that's when reality sets in. The same problems are there, the same burdens, only this time, it's worse because they have tried changing who they really are to please the OP. That's usually when the calls to the BS start coming in. That's why only 5% of OP are successful in marrying the WS. Pretty sad, huh?<P>I hope that helped somewhat. I've been up all night, so if I rambled, I apologize!

tootrusting<P>I can say when a person gets themselves involved in any kind of affair they go through some kind of change. My W, friends, and co-workers have noticed a change in me. I don't think mine was so much in physical appearance, but in actions and emotions. At one time I was easy going, fun, happy, and very caring. I started liking different things. Taste in music changed and I did start being more aware of what kind of clothes I wore. I think that was the only physical change I can see right now.<P>The OW did have an influence on me and I now can see that. It has taken me almost a year to realize that I was not the person that my W married. I guess now that the fog has lifted I am not totally blind and I am slowely returning to my old self.<P>fs

Thanks Carolina,<P>I was afraid the fog was lifting because he seemed to crash from the obsession...<P>But I guess it is still there. I'm not sure when reality would set in though, because they both live separately right now... work and their "cause" is the primary thing. <P>the situation is still unrealistic because she still has her H running circles around her, taking the kids, listening to her complain about my H.... Apparently he gets mad at her because she is always on the phone.<P>Plus, she has done major LB"s in that way, and telling her H detail. I guess that's still the "romantic" us against the world aspect of the thing..... because he still seems like he is saving 'a damsel in distress' from her H. when he talks about him.<P>As for me and the kids, but me especially, I might as well be some street person!!!! for all he cares about me.<P>Very odd for a person who used to be so concerned if I was not home...or if the weather was bad....<P>Not much concern for the kids either...I guess we are just in the way of his new reality of work and "the cause".<P>I suppose I am still making bad waves though coz he knows I have the house on the market. I told him I loved him, I am not stopping him, but that I need more support while I am raising 3 kids on my own. I have no family here. It's like he can't even imagine how our lives (me and the kids) changed at all. <P>I just don't know what else to do. I am selling the house, planning on moving at the end of the school year. I am going back to school myself...I am trying to get my career jumpstarted. I am truly working on myself.<P>He is just so self absorbed. I can tell from his mom and from her H that all he is doing is worrying about work. He is very negative. I guess OP is building him up at work, but complaining to her H that he isn't concerned aobut her problems.