Hi! In last 5 days she said D about 5 times,she had it and I understand and am sorry,very sorry. I have given her a mountain of pain and wish to God forgiveness and an eraser.Not possible to erase Im afraid! She said get out and I cant find a fix-it for this. It feels right to go and then not, I did plan to go at her request but Im not so sure this is a good thing. God help.please!

David,<P>I hope you get this before you leave.<P>I went to the counselor tonight and the one thing I decided is this:<P>STOP-REST-WAIT-DO NOTHING<P>I'm really sorry you went out and spent money on an apt. although I understand why you did that. You don't have to go. I'm not going to do anything right now because I have to take care of ME right now. I can't promise anything, but I can tell you that I am in no position to make life-altering decisions right now. I am very emotionally messed up and I can't take care of both of us. You need to help me by doing something that will feel foreign to you:<P>You need to leave this alone and rest with me. <P>"Come with me to a peaceful place and rest" - didn't Jesus say that?<P>C'mon, Dave, come home and let's just "be".<P>~Sher

3wishes -- First, I would like to apologize for being so blunt toward you the other day. My behavior was uncalled for.<P>In two different threads from you, I have seen you mention that new_beginning has said she wants a divorce several times in the past few days. . .What has been going on between the two of you? I understand there there is a lot of baggage. I also understand that you have both been fighting against each other instead of together lately. . .but what has changed recently to make things so difficult?<P>God Bless

ES. Thank you for listening. Of many stupid things I am capable of saying I mentioned my feelings for a woman at church I met once and talked briefly once. In my pain and anxiety of w entertaining op I foolishly mentioned her as if "see,someone can find me attractive" all in my mind as I left that alone and not talked to her and set my goal on seeking only God for help.<BR>The damage was done and she became very angry. Anyway,I have to think that maybe things have gone too far! I dont know. I'm here still and will not bother her at her request and see. I hope she heals and finds joy again.

3wishes -- I am afraid that the majority of my knowledge concerning the difficulties you and new_beginning are going through come mainly from what I have read from new_beginning. I also must confess that I have not been reading as closely as I probably should be many of the threads that I have read lately.<P>I would like to try and offer both of you a "third party" viewpoint if you are interested. If you would like to converse more in depth, then please feel free to E-Mail me at MB_Empty_Shell@hotmail.com <P>In general, from what I think I remember about your situation it sounds to me like the two of you may be trying to accomplish the same thing, but from different angles, so to speak. In otherwords, you are trying to solve the same problem, but are not using the same methods. Unfortunately, without more indepth information, I am grasping at straws here. I simply haven't paid that much attention to the posts new_beginning has made lately. In fact if I remember correctly, I think about all I have done is offer support, without offering any real advice.<P>I would like to offer both of you some real advice for a change. Are you game?<P>God Bless

Go for it ES (this is N_B typing)...<P>We're game.

new_beginning and 3wishes -- You have E-Mail. Think about what I said, and I will check in the morning to see if you are still interested.<P>My thoughts and prayers go out to you both.<P>God Bless

3wishes,<P>I posted to you on the other thread. I won't repeat it all her and NB has heard this already. Take it easy and go slow. Things do not have to be fixed right now. Rest and heal and treat NB as a dear friend who needs to rest and heal herself.<P>God Bless You Both<P>JL

Amen. Try to treat each other as friends in pain. I do remember that totally tapped-out feeling when things were really bad... time to re-group and gain some strength and perspective for the next stage. As the wise JL said, it doesn't have to all be fixed today. Good luck!<P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

David,<P>Take her up on it David!!!<P><B>STOP-REST-WAIT-DO NOTHING</B><P><B>You don't have to go.</B><P>Stay home... Take ES's advice...<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

ES,<P>Just in case you don't get my email to you: we never got your mail. You can send it to nbeginning@yahoo.com... that way I can see it at work and don't have to wait it out till I get home!<P>Everyone else, and ES too,<P>When I read that David got an apartment, that's the first I heard of it. Do you have any idea what THAT'S like? I'm trying to be calm, but think about it. We're trying to "rest" and "sit still" and he goes out and spends X-hundreds of dollars, at CHRISTMASTIME, when my car need a new alternator, on an apartment and then doesn't tell me about it. He called me at work, he left me a note, and yet, in both, he NEVER mentioned he'd gotten an apartment! <P>The communication problems here are mammoth.<P>By the way, for anyone who's still reading, I went to my counselor last night - IT WAS WONDERFUL. I will probably write about it myself later. Gotta run now and finish getting ready for work.<P>Love to all...

Love you too. Can't wait to hear.<P>Lori

new_beginning and 3wishes -- The E-Mail I sent was to the yahoo address. I have not received a failed message, nor have I received anything from you. Let me know if you still haven't received anything and I'll try again.<P>God Bless

ES, I sent mail again... let me know!<P>~Sheryl

new_beginning -- Check your E-Mail again.<P>God Bless

As unhappy as I've been in my marriage, it is tempting to think about finding a prince charming to sweep me away from all this mess. <P>As frustrated as I've been in my marriage, as I wait for things to change and they don't seem to change, I have allowed myself to slip into a depression of hopelessness. I no longer think that there will be a prince charming that can sweep me away from this mess, but begin to devise ways in my head to end the pain. Not healthy, I know. But desperate attempts of medicating yourself from all the pain.<P>What 3 wishes is doing is just looking for a way to insulate himself. NB, you need to give him love and protection - and quit focusing on your needs but his - right now. <P>I think ES is right, you both want the same thing but have been trying different methods. Both of you have been trying to find ways to insulate yourself from the deep pain that you experience.<P>You wouldn't feel that pain if you didn't care. There is still plenty left in your relationship to work with. And plenty of time to tackle it.<P>NB, your counselor gave you good advice. <P>Too bad there are options, it sure seems that the more options we have the more confusion we have as well. I think the only option here is to love and protect each other, because the decision to be married was made years ago. Why does that decision to be married need to be reviewed like an auditor reviews tax returns? <P>You guys are getting a lecture, with love. Now - learn to accept, love and protect each other. And help each other past the past and keep your eyes on the goal.<P>God Bless You Both.<BR>TNT

new_beginning and 3wishes -- I just received an E-Mail from you that was written at about 7:45 this morning. I replied to this message. Let me know if you don't receive anything. . . <P>God Bless

new_beginning and 3wishes -- Another possibility for oyu. Go to aol.com and download the Instant Messenger software. I have an account set up with the same user name as my hotmail address (MB Empty Shell) This way we could talk in real time.<P>Something to consider anyway.<P>God Bless

We aren't together, if at all, until 11:30 or so at night (Pacific time) and the weekends, sometimes.<P>I replied to your message... got your first message this afternoon... don't know what's wrong with Yahoo. <P>We have Yahoo messenger, but again, we aren't together to real time chat together. Better stick with the email for now. My daughter has aol IM... hmmm... I'll look into it for us.

To both of you...<P>It is so obvious that you both still love each other, if you didn't...<P>1. you wouldn't be here<BR>2. you wouldn't be so upset<BR>3. you wouldn't care<P>I think your marriage has a very good chance of surviving this. I am not sure and you can correct me if I am wrong but from what you said above I don't think you have alot of time together.<P>My H & I didn't either. He worked nights, I worked days and in between there was the kids. It is vital that you somehow FIND the time to do something together, on weekends something!!!<P>When you have no time at all together you don't have time to make any deposits, sounds like you are either working or are thinking about the problems and getting very worn down.<P>My H and I found a hobby together (kayaking) and it is loads of fun. Just the two of us on the water, peace, serenity, and the beauty of nature. No way to be miserable there. This is just my example.<P>The point is get a hobby or go out together!!!!!!!!!! At first yes it is a little awkward but so is riding a bike. You will get the hang of it you just have to do it a few times and it gets alot easier.<P>Things are hard enough, don't make them harder.<P>Love to you both<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>Genie