Here is the latest version - tell me what you think. There is no time frame mentioned for him getting his stuff out of my house because I still don't have a definite plan as to when I will send him this letter.<P>=============================<P>My Dearest _____,<P>This is one of the most difficult letters I've ever had to write, but I feel very strongly that it is necessary that I do so. I will say again what I said the night you came to see me: I love you just as much today as I ever have. Through all the pain, I still feel the same way about you as I did the day we got married! For better or for worse, in sickness and health, until death parts us. As I said, I meant those words and still mean them - I married for life. It hurts to think that you have been able to walk away from our relationship without a backward glance - without one last attempt to make it work.<P>There were indeed many hard times for us over the course of our marriage. Yes, there were lots of things said in anger - but you know that most things said in anger are not even close to truth. When I felt threatened and frightened, I grabbed onto things that I found and saw - imagined fears, perhaps - because there were so many things that you wouldn't talk to me about. I know that if you had actually TALKED to me - told me what it is that you wanted or needed, we could have found a way to both be happy TOGETHER. I am not a prude, I am not afraid to try new things sexually. In fact, I stopped attempting to suggest things we could do together because you seemed so resistant to changing, and because I was afraid you might think I was crazy for some of the things I wanted to try. However, you didn't share with me your wants and needs - and I reacted in fear because I had no idea what was happening to us.<P>It is very hurtful to be betrayed, and not something a woman can recover from quickly. It was a mistake that first time for us to continue without help - at least for ME to continue without help. My fears of losing you became what drove me, and every little thing that happened that had no explanation from you drove me deeper into depression. I know that you don't particularly believe in depression, but it is a real sickness, and apparently, from what I am discovering, it runs in my family - my grandmother, my mother, my sister ... Mild depression is particularly insidious, because you don't FEEL "depressed" all the time. What happened to me is classic: I simply had no energy to keep up with all that life required ... I lost motivation and withdrew. I expressed anger for no particularly good reason, and the outbursts seemed perfectly valid, no matter how inappropriate they really were.<P>Going on anti-depressants has opened up a new world for me - one where I AM IN CONTROL of me again. It has driven away completely what had become a fear of dying I endured at least once every day (something I was afraid to tell you about, since you are not afraid of much of anything), it has given me back control over my tongue and my temper, given me the self-confidence I needed for a long time to speak up for myself and to no longer endure being stepped on by others at work or in my personal life, given me the ability to see and admit when I am wrong and the strength to hang on to what is right.<P>I wish that you could see what I see: that our lives together could be so incredibly, wonderfully rewarding for us both! That so many of our dreams could come true if we worked toward them together as we had originally planned. Think of all the things we wanted to do - all that we talked about - the interests we share - think of how far you could go toward reaching your dreams if you had someone beside you who was capable of supporting you and HELPING you to reach them. I am once again that someone that you loved enough to send off to Nashville, that someone you always encouraged to reach for the best in her life. And I am ready to be the someone you need to encourage you to reach for your best. I would leave everything I have at this moment behind for the opportunity to be there for you - leave my job and my family and move to Florida, or wherever it is you wanted to go. That is how ready I am - how much better I am - and how strong I am.<P>With that in mind, I guess this is the hardest part of this letter. <P>You indicated that you don't see any reason that we cannot be friends. You say you care about me a great deal - at one time you even said you still love me - you seem to want to see me happy and safe (it is interesting how you don't see that that is more than 75% of what a successful marriage is about…). I would be thrilled to be your friend - as part of being your wife. I love talking to you, I love being with you - helping you at work, playing or watching video games with you, golfing, riding the motorcycle, talking about racing and your ideas about engines and other things - all of those moments I have had with you are moments that I have cherished. But I cannot simply be your friend. I am your wife and will always be your wife in my heart. I will always see you as my husband, and love you as I loved you in the beginning. If we were still together or even working at our marriage, I would welcome more opportunities to talk with you and be with you. I would walk through the gates of hell with you, if we were together as husband and wife.<P>So, now I have to ask you to stop expecting me to be your friend. Don't call me, don't stop by. I will do the same. As harsh as it may seem, it is what I need from you - friendship with you without our marriage is too painful for me to attempt - especially while you are still involved with someone else. You made this choice. I cannot walk beside you on this path that you have chosen - I told you the night you were here: divorce has never entered into my life plans.<P>If you need to contact me, I would ask that you do so only through email or through your sister _______. I will also need you to take the remainder of your possessions that you have left in our home. Anything that you leave here will become mine to dispose of or keep as I see fit. <P>I do wish you success - and wish that you would allow me to be part of that success. I wish you happiness, and wish also that I could be a part of that happiness.<P>I will always love you.<P>Forever your loving Wife,<P>Terri<BR>==============<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

terri,<P>I've got mixed feelings on this part<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(it is interesting how you don't see that that is more than 75% of what a successful marriage is about…)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It's a bit on the educating side, but I wouldn't think that it's a major lovebuster. Other than that, I think it's very well written, and says what you need to say.<P>God bless.

Terri,<P>Oh man...<BR>...I must be getting older... maybe crankier...<BR>...now it seemss I have become more critical in my responses to Plan B letters...<P>OK...<BR>...here goes...<BR>...be patient with me terri...<BR>...and realize it just may be my mood...<P>Soft tones for a love letter... how about...<BR>"However, <B>I feel</B>, you didn't share with me your wants and needs - and I reacted in fear because I had no idea what was happening to us..."<P>Exploring the history of "depression"...<BR>...and giving an explanation of it...<BR>...doesn't show <B>your</B> strength...<BR>...and believe it or not... men like to hear strength too (from their wife).<BR>To put so much emphasis on the "drug"...<BR>...and not enough on what you've accomplished<BR>...gives your H a chance to say... "the drug did it".<P>I agree with K's assessment of "educating".<P>A Plan B letter should make it <B>more than clear</B> the <B>"condition"</B> of a return to the marriage... is the elimination of the relationship the OP has with your spouse. You say it... but maybe it could be said more forcefully.<P>In a Plan B letter... for the sake of <B>honesty</B>... don't state things like...<BR>"I'll <B>always</B> love you"..<BR>"...<B>always</B> be your wife(spouse)"...<BR>"divorce has <B>never</B> entered into my life plans"...<P>...In a true Plan B...<BR>...all of these things are possible...<BR>Your love may die...<BR>You may be denied a chance to be a (spouse)...<BR>divorce may in fact be required (for protection)...<P>...all unfortunate consequences of moving into Plan B...<P>-------------------------------------------<P>I hope I didn't say anything to upset you...<BR>You're still my friend I hope... <P> <P>Jim

Nothing upsetting ... <P>However, I know me, and I know my feelings best. Divorce has never entered into my life plans - this I have already told him face to face. That is the absolute truth. The fact that it might happen without it being in my life plans doesn't change that. I WILL always love him - my love will not go away - it might change, it might lessen, but I will always love him. And, in my HEART I will always remain his wife...<P>As for conditions upon which he can return - well, I think it would look rather silly for me to lay out conditions for his return to our relationship when he has just the other day told me he is going for a divorce. Therefore, I simply asked that he not contact me again until he is not involved with someone else.<P>As for the rest ... I will look at it and see about changing it.<P>Look for another post with a different kind of letter soon...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>