<BR>my husband work away 7 days <BR>and home 7. he has met a very <BR>needy lady. her husband is in <BR>prison, he used to beat her, <BR>she has 5 kids, youngest is <BR>15, she has medical <BR>problems,no car, only works 4 <BR>hrs. a day, says her husband <BR>who gets out in may wants her <BR>out of thier trailor, her <BR>husband would never take her <BR>any where cause she's fat. <BR>well here come my husband to <BR>the rescue. says he thinks he <BR>loves her.that she loves him <BR>so much and doesn't want to <BR>hurt her. on his last days of <BR>he didn't come home, only <BR>came to pick up his check. <BR>gave me money for the bills <BR>and said he would be back in <BR>a few days. says he wants to <BR>be here with me but has to <BR>break it to her easy.that was <BR>5 days ago. i've heard he has <BR>introduced her to all is <BR>friends. she was with him <BR>when he came to get his <BR>check, thought i was at <BR>work.heard they were <BR>traveling around the area <BR>(texas) and might go to <BR>mexico. what do i do? how do <BR>you fight the rescuer <BR>syndrome? i love him and <BR>don't want to lose him he's <BR>all i've known for 30 yrs.<BR>thank you patty<P>

Welcome <B>patty</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>About your post...<P>It sounds just so awful...<BR>...to have your husband go to the rescue of a stranger... instead of to the rescue of his own marriage!<P>I feel so sorry for you...<P>Do read all you can... starting at the welcome post...<P>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<P>Get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>...<P>Come here and post often... <P>You are not alone!<P>Jim

apache, I think my h is a rescuer also. This woman that he works with became a martyr for him, doing so much work she was indispensible. <P>THen I began hearing too many things about her "horrible" marraige and bad life. <P><BR>The next thing you know, he is defending her and forgeting about me and his 2 children.<P>It is awful... But you have to start plan A.<P>He must have a very high EN wanting to be needed or wanted or having a friend or conversation. You have to try to decifer it to fix it.

Let me take a wild guess, ladies. Your husband doesn't feel like your hero, your knight in shining armor, the best thing that ever happened to you.<P>So, it's all about money, so he works 7 days a week to get away from the demands and the criticism. To meet his DEEP male need for admiration, he will make astounding efforts to be APPRECIATED by someone else, even someone without much to offer but simple sincere praise.<P>Let me make another guess...you are so fed up with the way your needs are not being met that you've been very unpleasant for your husband to be around.<P>Sounds like we have a needy husband and a needy wife. I think you know the solution. It's pretty simple if you give some ground.<BR>You catch flies with honey. Good luck.<BR>

I'm very experienced in the man to the rescue syndrome. Please click on my history and read some of my older posts. My H did what he could to help this "poor unfortunate soul", it turned out she had pretty much conned him all along and my H has now become good friends with her H ( the man who suposedly beat her ect. lies lies lies) There will be no way of changing your H mind about her as right now he will only defend her. Just be paitent and loving and most of all understanding even if you really don't feel that way. After awhile she will just become a burden and you will be the best woman in the world to him. It worked for me!<P>Jill

update..... in just got home after spending 8 days in the psych ward for suicidal thoughts. while in there my x brought the new women here to my house and would have stayed till today if i hadn't found out and called the law. i guess i was in the right place to find this out because they showed me how to use my anger to completely get him out of my life. my kids and grandkids can deal with him in there own way. i want him to see them but he can talk to them about it not me. patty