My husband of 20 years told me that he thinks about another woman all the time - he can't get her out of his mind and it has been this way for a year. He says nothing physical has happened yet but he can't be sure it won't. He says it has nothing to do with me, I haven't done anything to cause this - he can't understand why he is so infatuated with her. Even if he doesn't see her for weeks at a time he still thinks about her. What can I do to help us and keep it from becoming physical? He says he wants to preserve our marriage but doesn't know if he can resist.<P> Any suggestions?

Welcome <B>Jaycie</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>A while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums... and a new one added...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=34&SUBMIT=Go" TARGET=_blank>Divorcing/Divorced</A>...when efforts at reconciliation fail or are failing.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>Do read up on the concepts...<BR>Do get the book...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A><BR>Do start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Post/Ask/Read all you can on this forum!<P>Is your H up for counseling...<BR>...if he isn't... then go for it on your own! But be careful who you go to!<P> <P>Jim

JUst a quick note...been there, done that. Do a great Plan A...be supportive of him as he misses her and goes thru withdrawal. <P>My story is very similar (click on the sunglasses above my post if you want the brief synopsis)...several months later, we are doing well, pretty much in love again, and while not 100% yet, better than I would have ever guessed.<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi