IT ALL ACTUALLY STARTED SUNDAY WHEN WE WENT TO HIS PARENTS HOUSE FOR A BIRTHDAY DINNER FOR HIS BROTHER IN LAW. I THINK BECAUSE OF THE GATHERING, I THOUGHT OF LAST XMAS, WHEN WE ALL ARRIVED AT HIS GRANDMOTHERS HOUSE, WE ALL WENT IN SEPERATE CARS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE CAPACITY. HE WAS TO TAKE HIS KIDS BUT SOME HOW HIS PARENTS DID INSTEAD OF HIM. EVERYONE WAS AT GRANDMA HOUSE EXCEPT HIM AND EVERYONE WAS ASKING ME WHERE WAS HE, HE ARRIVE HOURS LATER. THIS CAME OVER ME AND I GOT REALLY ANGRY. LATER HE TOLD ME THAT THIS WAS FIRST TIME HE SAY THE OC FOR THE FIRST TIME IT WAS ABOUT 7MONTHS OLD. THE OW WAS CALLING HIM HE BROKE AND DECIDED TO SEE THE OC FOR THE FIRST TIME, COURIOUS TO SEE WHAT THE OC LOOKED LIKE, (HE WAS NOT SURE IT WAS HIS, BECAUSE HE HAD UNPROTECTED SEX WITH OW AND SHE HAD SEX WITH OTHERS). SHE WORKED ON HIS GUILT. SO I TRIED REALLY HARD TO BLOCK THESE THOUGHTS OUT AND EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO BRING IT UP, I BIT MY LIP. I JUST KNEW THIS WOULD THROW UP BACK QUITE A FEW STEPS. BUT SOMEHOW THIS LINGERED INTO LAST NIGHT. SINCE THIS HAPPENED I DID EXPRESS MY UNTRUST IN HIM AND HE WOULD HAVE TO BE VERY OPEN TO COMMUNICATING HIS WHEREABOUTS, THIS WAS AN EMOTIONAL NEED OF MINE. HE AGREED AND HAS BEEN DOING SO WITH NO PROBLEMS. BUT THE EVIL IN ME CAME OUT LAST NIGHT. DURING AND EVEN AFTER WE MADE LOVE, I STARTED WONDERING WHEN THEY HAD SEX, (THAT'S THE WAY HE LIKE TO CALL IT JUST SEX NO INTIMACY) DID HE WHISPER SWEET THINGS IN HER EARS? DID HE TELL HER HE ENJOYED IT WITH HER? DID HE HOLD HER AFTER SEX? DID HE CHECK WITH HER TO MAKE SURE SHE WAS SATISFIED? WAS SHE OK? THIS EATS ME UP ALIVE. I JUST TRIED REALLY HARD TO GET IT OUT OF MY MIND LAST NIGHT, AND FINALLY FELL ASLEEP. WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THE OW AND HIM AND WHAT THEY SHARED? IT'S SO HARD. IT'S SO HARD NOT TO ASK QUESTIONS. IT'S SO PAINFULL. I WANT TO STOP FEELING LIKE THIS BUT CAN'T FIND THE WAY. I TRY TO CONCERNTRATE ON OTHER THINGS BUT HERE I AM AT WORK TRY TO VENT AND LET IT GO. HELP!!<P>I HAVE BEEN READING ALOT TODAY TO GET SOME COMFORT. I READ ALOT ABOUT PLAN A, WHAT IS THAT?<p>[This message has been edited by vazquezek (edited November 14, 2000).]

I think we all have thoughts of our S with the OP. It is hard not to but there comes a point when by thinking about them you aren't concentrating on your own M and what you and S need to do to make things better. In the end you are only hurting yourself. As long as he and you are committed to each other and the M then it is time to move on. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't ask questions but there is a right and wrong way to do it. Well, I hope I helped.

Welcome <B>vazquezek</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>If you're really interested in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...click ===> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>here</A>!<P>Later on check out other "related" posts in my <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/mb_nsr/MB_NPT.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A>!<P>Also check out my post...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>!<P>By-the-way (BTW): don't type in all "CAPS"...<BR>It is hard to read!<BR>and if you could... break your posts into smaller distinct paragraphs...<BR>...you'll get so many more responses!<P> <P>Jim