<BR> My Wife of eighteen years has filed for divorce at first sighting verbal abuse , but now its the standard " I don't love you and never really did " The following extra cirricular activities have been noted by me , and I need to know if any of these show the signs of a PA ( or worse )<BR> 1.) Has had a male " friend " for the past 20 years who she talks to weekly , he is in a troubled marriage and they have lunch reguarly to discuss " marriage problems " . This gentleman ( ahem ) diagnosed my problems to my wife as " He's having a affair , you should divorce him " My wife knew and still knows that this relationship made me very , very uncomfortable but still continued it and still does.<BR>2.) Over the past three months she has established a relationship with a guy she was weeks away from marrying , over 200 minutes of cell phone bills from one month alone , lunch four or five times some very suggestive E-mails have been exchanged . And when confronted with these facts , she says " he's only a friend " . She tells her Mother that she stopped contact with him shortly after I found out about it , but the truth in the matter is that she continues her daily conversations and goes out of her way to let everyone know that " I am insane " and attempting to paint her in a bad light.<BR> 3.) I left her a copy of " The unexplained legacy of divorce " and bookmarked the pages with some of her love letters to subject 2 . Which sent her into a tailspin , changing locks on doors , getting a protection order etc. going as far as telling the children that their father is a insane person. I understand she is on some poweful antidepressants now ,and I fear that when the guilt catches up the crash is going to be very , very hard.<P> My questions to you are :<BR> Does this meet the guidlines for a affair?<BR> <BR> Is the guilt of breaking up a family over "unrequitted love " working her over ?<P> Will a affair with a married man last ? , both are married ....<P> Am I crazy ?<P> Should I wear the black sweater or my turtleneck to the orchestra tonight ...heehehehheheehh<P> No contact with her for 10 days today , and not planning anymore until the divorce hearing , the guilt will eventually do it's thing . This is tha last time I'm bringing this up just need a little guidance from folks who have been there .

Gary,<P>"Does this meet the guidlines for a affair?"...<BR>...<B>yes</B>.<P>"Is the guilt of breaking up a family over "unrequitted love " working her over ?"...<BR>...<B>yes</B><P>"Will a affair with a married man last ? , both are married ...."...<BR>...<B>it depends... time will tell</B><BR>...do work on you in the mean time!<P>"Am I crazy ?"...<BR>...<B>no</B>... just hurt ... it is OK to hurt... but know you are loved!<P>"Should I wear the black sweater or my turtleneck to the orchestra tonight"...<BR>...<B>black sweater... if tasteful</B>... <P>"...the guilt will eventually do it's thing."...<BR>...<B>true... but your W seems to have a few more MLC-type problems... that could draw out the process</B>.<P>Remember... you're a good guy...<BR>...making himself an even better guy!<P> <P>Jim

Thanx Jim , <BR> I could use more feedback on this as all of her relatives friends , say that none of this constitutes a " affair "

Jim,<BR> One more thing on that MLC hint you made :<P> Recently lost 25 lbs. and looks fantastic<P> Mostly new wardrobe<P> Oldest child leaving for college next fall<P> Stuck in a dead end job she hates , no plans to improve her situation , just wants out of marriage.

You should see the E-mail I was just left , it states that I should just blow the horn in the driveway to have the kids come out and visit me , that way I won't have to come in the house......Man does she hate me !!!

<BR>Gary,<P>Just caught your thread.<P>Yeah. Those are all red flags for an affair. But you knew that already!<P>Bystander