Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
B
Baloe Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
B
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
Hi there, <BR>Tonight I found a "hidden" word document on my H's computer (have our own comp). It was dated after he promised me to stop all contact with OW from internet EA. (he had PA with one and EA with a friend of mine on internet). They were missing each other and wanted to be in their arms, etc.<BR>My question is, Should I confront him with this or not?<BR>(d-day was 27 nov, had good talks and honesty after that and we are going to counseling, are both reading SAA , I do not have his password for email or his voicemail # where both OW's left messages)<BR>anybody any advice before midnight eastern time? (that's when he gets off work)<BR>K

Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
N
NSR Offline
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
Gee...<P>I'm sorry you're not getting any responses...<P>IMHO... yes... you can tell your H that you've found correspondence that show there is still contact between he and the OW.<P>Don't bring up the details...<P>Don't be judgmental...<P>Don't dwell on it long...<P>Express to him... only your feelings and your hurt.<BR>Nothing else!<P>Let him know you are doing this for the growth you've understood in the principle of "honesty"...<BR>...and that means more to you than dishonesty... because dishonesy destroys the marriage... regardless of who is dishonest.<P>Plan A... is showing your spouse... <B>your</B> growth.<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,408
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,408
Yes you can tell him. It's the whole honesty thing. We want it and should offer it in return. Just remember to try and not be accusitory. If you've been making progress you don't want to set it back.<P>Remember Plan A, If you feel you can't do it tonight with out blowing up then wait til tomorrow after a night of rest when you have had tome to digest it.

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
B
Baloe Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
B
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
Thanks you both for the reply !<BR>I do think I'm gonna wait till later b/c if I tell him now I don't think I can be not judgemental. I'm too upset about it right now.<BR>Thanks again!<BR>K

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
How did it go?<P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
B
Baloe Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
B
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 18
Well.... I took some time to look things over. And after I looked them over and over and over, i realised that I made a VERY stupid mistake. :-(<BR>I realised that the date that I found it under was from BEFORE I knew about all this mess. And since i had decided to let the affair(s) not make me feel angry and upset anymore, I just tore up the printed letter and went to sleep before he came home.<BR>I feel so stupid.<BR>I decided that it was not fair to him and myself to get more upset about it.<BR>I did brought it up in counseling this morning and it was a surprise for him, but I also told them (counselor and H ) why I didn't told him about it and that I had let it go. He accepted that and we have not spoken about it since. I do have his email password now and I feel a lot more at ease. (Eventhough he can very simply take a new email account)(but I refuse to think or look for it)<BR>K

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,408
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,408
Baloe,<BR>Don't feel stupid. Many times my mind has made me see things that were not there. Sometimes when you look at something like this the terror, just takes over. You did the right thing in relooking at he information and waiting until you calmed down.<P>

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 9
M
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
M
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 9
I found numerous, definite proof my wife is still having cybersex and contact with OM (ohter MEN). She lies to my face telling me I am the only one for her and she chats with no men (actually sending and recieving) nude pics. Has one online lover she describes our sex to him as if those two were doing it. I am Plan A ing but do I let her know I know what she is doing?<BR>MrB

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,408
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,408
mrbean,<BR>I think you should tell her what you know and how it makes you feel. If at all possible do so in a non LBing way. You may not want to divuldge how you know.

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4
S
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4
Just watch what you believe and dont believe, i trusted too much and kept on gettting burned.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 33 guests, and 37 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,804
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5